30
I called Matt again from the car-hire centre later that morning while I was waiting to be served. Once again, there was no answer.
“Hi, Matt. It’s me again.” I paused, not wanting to tell him in public that Vi had been sent to HMP Peterborough to await trial, or that I was about to set off on a trip to meet my long-lost mother. “I’ve got lots to tell you. Give me a call when you can. If I don’t answer straightaway, it’ll be because I’m driving. Hope you’re okay. Bye for now.”
Then, after I’d signed the paperwork for the car and was seated behind the steering wheel, I phoned Inga.
When she answered, I could hear Noah in the background sounding fretful. “Hi,” Inga said. “I’ve been thinking about you. Wait a minute, let me just get the boy latched on, then we can talk.”
I waited for a moment until she told me she was ready, then filled her in.
“God, Lily. That’s a lot. What you must be feeling! So Violet actually gave you your mum’s address?”
“Yes. I’m going up to Scotland to see her. I’m actually sitting in a hire car right now.”
I’m not sure what response I’d expected, but it wasn’t what I got. I’d imagined her saying, “ Go for it! Tell the bitch exactly what you think of her! ” But what she actually said was, “Are you sure that’s a good idea? After all, she’s rejected you once, hasn’t she?”
An image of Kevin in the Nottingham café returned to me suddenly, him sitting opposite me there, calmly rejecting any further contact with Vi. Hateful, indifferent. A total bastard.
“I’m not going with the expectation of a happy ever after, Ing.” I wasn’t sure whether I was trying to convince her or myself. “I’m going because I need to hear the truth about what happened. Why she did what she did.”
Inga sighed on the other end of the line. “I suppose I can understand that. I just don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all. Look, keep in touch, okay? And take care of yourself.”
“I will,” I said, feeling emotional and pathetically grateful that she wanted me to keep in touch. That she was worried about me. “I’m not planning to be away for long. Only a few days. Can I come over when I get back? So we can talk?”
“Lil, of course you can bloody well come over. Noah and I need to give you a big hug. We do need to talk, you’re right. But we’ll sort things out. I love you, okay? Even if you are an interfering idiot.”
The sound I made was part laugh, part sob. “I love you too. I’m so sorry, Ing.”
“Save it,” she said as Noah made a squawk. “We’re good. Really. Though I ought to tell you, Matt gave me a lift home from the gallery, and ... well, I told him about the abortion.”
My body was suddenly chilled right through in the icebox of the stationary car. Shit. I’d wanted Inga to tell Matt the truth for so long, but now she had ... He’d know I’d kept the abortion secret from him all this time.
Was that why I couldn’t reach him? Did he hate me for it?
“It was high time he knew,” Inga was saying now.
I swallowed. “How ... how did he take it?”
She sighed. “He didn’t say much, to be honest. But it was obvious he was really upset. It was pretty awful, actually. I guess it might mean we don’t see much of each other in the future, which is sad.” Another sigh. “I don’t know, Lil, in some ways I wish I’d just kept it to myself, you know? But I thought—” She broke off. “But look, we can talk more about it when you get back from Scotland, can’t we?”
“Yes, okay,” I said, feeling suddenly weary, the nine-hour journey ahead of me a daunting prospect.
Noah’s squawks had become cries by now.
“Look, I’d better go,” Inga said. “Drive carefully, won’t you? Bye, Lil.”
“Bye, Ing. See you soon.”
I ended the call and put my phone away. Punched the address of the inn I’d booked to stay at in Catterline, Aberdeenshire, into the satnav. Drove out of town and stopped at the first service station to call Matt again.
Once again, he didn’t answer. I left another message. “Matt, hi. I’ve just spoken to Inga. She told me ... Look, are you all right? Call me, won’t you? I’ll most likely be driving—I’m actually on my way to Scotland—but I’ll call you back as soon as I can. Okay, speak soon. Bye, Matt.”
I kept the volume up loud on my phone the whole way to Catterline. But Matt didn’t call.