Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Clover
An hour and a half later, I had a physical, a series of tests, and a quickie ultrasound. Van stayed with me the whole time, quiet but attentive. We got to see Lyric again when she drew my blood. Now I was in the pickup staring at the bean in my belly.
Van started the engine, but he didn’t drive anywhere. “That’s bigger than a lentil.”
“I think it’s enlarged, but it seems to be fully in lima bean territory.” The weight and responsibility of being a parent—and a single parent—piled onto my shoulders.
“Are you going to find out if you’re having a boy or girl?”
I stared at the black-and-white images in my hand.
It really did have a baked bean shape. “I don’t know.
In a way, I’d like to be prepared. But then it’d be nice to have a good surprise at the end of all this.
And I really don’t care if Bean’s clothing or bedding is pink, blue, purple, brown, or chartreuse. ”
“I hear the chartreuse baby bedding is a hot commodity.” He exchanged a smile with me. “What about names?”
“I haven’t even thought about that.” I ran names through my head. Names of girls I’d grown up with—Hailey, Kaitlyn, Beth. The boys—Jackson, Dillon, Cash. None that called to me. “I’ve always liked some rock and mineral names, and that’d really piss Elijah off.”
“Are you going to contact him again?”
“That ball is in his court.” I worked to keep my grip on the slippery paper to stop me from crinkling it. “I have to imagine he saw the text.”
Van tapped his finger on the wheel. “Probably.”
“What if he wants a role in the baby’s life?” Would he be a one-man wrecking ball? Fight me for custody? Neither of us had money for a custody fight, and my ex wasn’t that ambitious when it wasn’t about him.
Van shook his head. “I don’t know, Clover. I don’t feel like any of my family will be good for Bean.”
I smiled at him, grateful he was on the same page and I hadn’t needed to broach the subject first. “I like Opal or Pearl for a girl, and for a boy, I don’t know. I’m not a fan of Clay or Brick. I mean, they’re fine names.”
“Erosion is out?”
I laughed. It wouldn’t have been this easy to talk to Elijah about names. He would’ve canned everything I brought up, and I wouldn’t have realized he was manipulating me. “I think the same goes for feldspar and limestone.”
“Sandstone or strata?”
“Strong names, but no. Got any super cool family names that aren’t Elijah and Dan?” I would not name this kid after Elijah or his dad.
Van went quiet and gazed out the window again. “The grandpa I was close with was named Nolan.”
“I like that name.” Would it be weird to name my kid after Van’s grandpa? Wait…Nolan would’ve also been Elijah’s grandparent.
I carefully folded the images and tucked them into my purse. “Do you mind if we stop at the store? I have to get the ingredients for what I’m bringing this weekend. If you’ve gotta work, I can run to town later.”
“I don’t work for myself to be tied to the office.” He put the pickup in drive and pulled out of the lot. “I’m happy to take you if the ingredients you need happen to make cookie salad.”
I bit back a grin. “That’s so weird. They do.”
At the store, Van walked next to me and picked what he wanted. He kept his items secluded to one corner of the cart, but when we paid, he threw everything on the belt and waved me off.
“No, I got it.” I handed him my card. The grocery shopping experience had been pleasant enough. I would’ve handed over cash for that alone. Van made normal chores enjoyable.
He didn’t take my card. “You’re making our contribution to the party. Please let me help in some way.”
The older cashier grinned at us. “It’s always so cute when married couples try to buy for each other. My husband and I shared the same account, and I got an allowance.” She hit the button to run Van’s card. “Now I’m single, and I get to spend all my own money. Can’t take it with me.”
I almost told her that we weren’t a couple, but we were married, and we did have separate accounts.
Van stuffed his debit card back in his pocket. “Enjoy every penny.”
He lifted our groceries and didn’t bother with the cart. When his arms flared out with the load, it made his profile even more rugged, with his muscles more apparent.
The cashier looked from me to him. “I also like when they can’t seem to get enough of each other.”
My gaze shot to Van. He waited for me by the door. I’d never find out if I couldn’t get enough of him.
“Thanks,” I mumbled and scurried after him.
The rest of the day went by like normal. I worked at the table, but Van left his office a lot more than he had the last few days. When he ventured out to stretch his legs and gaze out the living room window, I popped up from my workstation at the dining room table.
“It’s my turn for dinner.” I stopped a few feet behind him. The sun rested above the horizon. It wouldn’t set for a couple more hours, but that’d change as the days went on. “What do you feel like eating?”
He glanced at me. “Whatever you’re up to making.”
“You’d better be careful, or you might end up with a pan of brownies and popcorn for a meal.”
“Are you trying to sell me on the options?”
My stomach picked that time to growl. “I’d do it if I didn’t think I’d feel sick in the morning. The popcorn sounds good. I could make that for after. I might watch a movie.”
“What movie?” He spun around, stuffing his hands in his shorts pockets.
He’d changed after we returned to the house, but casual Van was still potent.
If he wore a suit, I might forget all about how I promised I wouldn’t make more out of sharing a bed than just us two occupying the same mattress during the night.
“I’d like a good action show, and it’s getting to be Die Hard season.”
He grinned. “You’re ‘Team Die Hard is a Christmas movie’?”
“Either that, or it’s an adult version of Home Alone.” When his brow furrowed, I nodded. “A kid uses nothing but his savvy to protect a building from the bad guys. But then it’d still be a Christmas movie.”
He laughed, and I glowed inside from getting this serious guy to crack more than a smile. “The parallels are impossible to ignore. Whatever you want for dinner. I’ll make the popcorn for the movie.”
“Deal.”
He faced the window again, arms loosely folded in front of him.
Was something bothering him? Was someone out there? “Something weighing on you?”
He shook his head. “I answered emails all day, and I have to decompress. I really like this view. It’s relaxing.”
I scooted over to see around his shoulder.
The shop and barn were both visible, surrounded by trees with leaves that were already turning color.
More brown painted the grass than green, and soon it’d take over completely.
A hawk hunted over the pasture, its wings spread wide.
Farther out, cattle grazed. Wisps of white clouds floated high in the sky.
“It’s lovely,” I murmured.
“It is.”
I couldn’t see his gaze in the glass, but from the way heat streaked over my skin, it was on me.
Van
I waited for the popcorn in the skillet to start popping. I had a pan of brownies in the oven. Clover made delicious BBQ chicken for dinner, and she likely wasn’t hungry, but she’d mentioned these. After my deplorable words when we kissed, I’d do anything for her.
I just might do anything for her, regardless.
She didn’t hold what I said against me. She’d been nothing but kind and funny and so damn relatable, I wasn’t sure if I should pretend to be sick and sleep on the couch.
I woke up this morning hugging the body pillow between us.
If it hadn’t been there, I might’ve rolled right into her and dragged her into my arms.
The first pop sounded from the pan. I took off the lid and dumped in the rest of the kernels. Now it was a waiting game.
I wandered the kitchen, and as soon as I closed in on the fridge, I came to a stop. She’d hung the images from the ultrasound up with a magnet. Bean faced me, and I stared at it.
That little bean was related to me. I would be an uncle.
Warm affection spread through my chest, but there was something else with it, something I was afraid to identify. A growing desire to be more.
I put my back to the fridge and sucked in a breath. I was more. I was helping Bean’s mom get her footing. For a couple of months, I was Bean’s stepdad. Once this marriage ended, I’d still be an uncle. I’d still be in Clover’s life. Right?
A burn ignited behind my ribs, and I went back to the popcorn. I was the guy taking care of Bean’s mom right now, and I didn’t take that job lightly. This was my time to prove I was better than my family. I was better than my brother.
Was I really a better kisser?
Nope. Not my business.
The oven timer went off. I took the brownies out. Once all the snacks were done, I entered the living room with a bowl of extra-buttery popcorn and a plate of gooey brownies.
Clover straightened on the couch, the blanket falling from her chest. She wore a thin shirt and leggings, hence the throw. My hold tightened on the food. Her nipples poked through the fabric like two determined pebbles, trying to drive me out of my mind.
I could control myself. As long as I didn’t wake up humping the pillow in the morning.
“No way!” Her eyes grew wide, and delight lit them up. “You made brownies? I thought you were in there for a while, and it smelled good, but I was afraid to get my hopes up.” She did a little shoulder wiggle.
Fuck me. I couldn’t take that image with me to bed.
“I found a box of brownie mix.” I dropped to the other side of the couch and set the food on the coffee table. “I made sure to put the edges all on one side if you’re an edges person.”
“Hell yes, I am.”
She grabbed one and bit into it. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she moaned.
I yanked a throw pillow over my crotch in case my dick couldn’t handle that sound, and I took a handful of popcorn.
She swallowed and licked crumbs off her fingers.