Chapter 23 #2
My nerves were ramping up. Would she like her gift?
Would she think it was kiddish? She’d been cool about Pokémon, but dammit, I didn’t know anymore.
The anticipation about my investor meetings was killing me.
Realizing how empty my life was now that I was out of Omaha and didn’t have to weather my family bugged the crap out of me.
And being friends with Clover? Well, that was stressful.
I ate pizza, and we chatted about our week. I didn’t have more to add. Anything I wanted to say would make it all worse.
Do you know how much I miss you?
Do you think you could make room in your life for me?
What if I ran my company from an office that isn’t far from yours and we raised Bean together and maybe had more?
It was the holidays, warping my conviction. Tomorrow, I’d be on the couch, watching movies, only I wouldn’t have Clover with me. I wouldn’t be carrying her to bed. The thought was messing me up, threatening to make me cave. I had to hold strong. She needed Uncle Van, not needy Van.
She wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Poppy called a couple of days ago. They’re having trouble with their septic system, so my parents are hosting instead. So I’m going to Billings for a night. I’m riding with Poppy.”
The heaviness inside me crowded my lungs. “Good. That’ll be fun.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us? I could drive.”
I wanted very much to hop in and drive to Billings. But then I’d have to reveal that I had lied, and I was over looking pathetic, especially around Clover. “Thanks, but I’ve got a full day planned.”
I had nothing to do. Good thing she hadn’t asked what the hell I was doing.
What would I say? Trying to make sure you don’t have to entertain me.
I could’ve said a Christmas Day Pokémon tournament, if those existed.
A tournament for those of us who were trying not to gauge whether or not a day was good or bad by how much he saw his girl smile.
She searched my face like she sensed I was lying. How could I have barely known this woman until four months ago, but she could read me better than anyone?
“Are you taking a trailer to haul all the gifts?” I asked lightly.
She laughed and rested her hand on the top of her baby belly. There was enough of a ledge now. She was getting bigger, and I was missing it.
I’d seen her once a week since we’d moved out.
“No, everyone said they’d exchange at home and pitch in to do something fun for the kids in Billings, like rent a room for a few days so we can play at a pool. With a big family, it gets to be too much stuff if we exchange gifts.”
“Fair.”
Sitting at the table and eating with her felt off.
This wasn’t the right table, the right room, or the right house.
It was the same sense I got each time I walked into my rental.
It was off. The silence was off. Not having any clacking away at a keyboard that wasn’t me was off.
My mood would turn dour if I continued on this line of thinking.
“I thawed some Christmas cookies.” She retrieved a plate from the counter and took the plastic wrap off.
“I forgot how much you all made.” But I remembered how nice that day had been. The best Thanksgiving I’d ever had.
Good thing I wasn’t going with her tomorrow. I’d probably beg to become a Duke, and that wasn’t fair to her.
“Which is your favorite?” She picked through the selection, settling on a sugar cookie.
“You know I’m a sucker for the kisses.”
“Hershey’s are the best.”
“Sure.” One kiss ranked higher, and that was everyone with her.
I plucked a cookie off the plate and popped it into my mouth.
Then I dusted my fingers off. I might be unsure about my gift, but I needed to see her open it.
Maybe she’d sneer or roll her eyes, and that would be definitive proof that she wasn’t damn near perfect.
Something to dull my misery. “Ready to open gifts?”
She popped up. “Yes! The whole no-gift-giving thing is great when you have a big nuclear family, but I don’t think Bean is going to be getting me presents for a few years.”
“Not until at least kindergarten, when Bean makes you a paper something in class.”
“I can’t wait, but that’s a long time with no presents.” She went to the living room, then spun around and ran into my chest.
I caught her by her shoulders, and her heat seeped right into my skin. A groan nearly slipped out. I rubbed my thumbs along her fluffy sweater. “Can’t open presents if you knock yourself out.”
She blinked up at me with those big eyes. “Right.” She sounded almost breathless. “I was going to grab the cookies.”
“I’ll get them.” I hadn’t taken my hands off her, but she hadn’t moved either.
“I also bought sparkling juice.”
“You didn’t tell me this was a party.”
“You should know by now I’m a wild child.”
I chuckled and continued running my thumbs along that soft, damn sweater. “I do know you.”
She looked down, and the faintest pink dusted her cheeks. Was I making her uncomfortable?
Peeling my hands off her, I stepped back. “I’ll get the cookies. Only because I don’t know where you keep your glasses.”
The cupboard to the left of the fridge.
A few minutes later, we were sitting by each other on the love seat. I held her present to me, and mine was on her lap. Two glasses of sparkling red grape juice were on the end table, and only two cookies were left on the plate.
“I’m nervous,” she admitted, tipping my box. A telltale, but muffled, clattering sound filled the air between us. “That’s familiar.”
“Open it.”
I held my breath like I was five and giving my mom a handmade gift, which was probably why I was so nervous. I didn’t have a litany of good experiences with this type of thing.
She didn’t hold back, tearing at the wreath-covered paper, her smile growing as more of the box was revealed. “Legos?” She gasped. “Lego rocks?”
“You can’t rockhound in the winter. Thought this was the next best thing.” Plus, I couldn’t forget the day we cleaned old Legos together and created fun little scenes.
She laughed and lifted the box. “It’s perfect.
” Giving it a light shake, she giggled harder.
“I knew this sound was familiar. I can’t believe I didn’t guess it.
Ohmigoodness, I’m going to have this all together before I go to bed if I don’t pace myself.
” She squealed. “An amethyst geode. I love it.”
Everything inside me melted at her excitement. I’d never had a response to a gift like that. “Good,” I said gruffly. “I’m glad you do.”
“Ugh, now I feel like I went off track with mine.”
“Doubt it.” I ripped off the paper with more enthusiasm than intended. That disappointed five-year-old in me made a resurgence. The plain cardboard box inside didn’t tell me anything.
When I opened the top, I started to chuckle. What other reaction was there for the best gift?
“Pokémon cards?” I took out several packs. The perfect gift.
“Are they the wrong ones?” She wrung her hands together, the box of Legos on her lap forgotten. “There are so many types.”
It wouldn’t matter. “They’re just right.” My throat grew thick. “A lot of places let you only buy one pack at a time.”
“Yeah, but I have my ways. And there are a lot of different retailers that sell them. As long as I could catch them stocking their shelves.”
Now my chest was tight. She’d had to plan this gift. She would’ve had to stalk stores, ask questions, and then do it all over again at another place. She had, and the proof was on my lap. “Thank you. This means a lot.”
“You like it?”
“It’s the best present I’ve ever gotten.”
She did a double-take at my expression. “Seriously?”
I nodded and sifted through the plastic packs. “Yes, sweet Clover. I’m not exaggerating.”
Her lips parted, and shock filled her gaze.
It was Christmas. I had to lighten the mood. “My grandparents got me socks and underwear, but you knocked their gifts off the top of the podium. Right to first place.”
The sympathy didn’t disappear from her expression, but she laughed. “It was a toss-up between the cards and the Santa boxers I saw.”
“No Pikachu underwear?”
“Sold out.”
I grinned, and we held each other’s gaze.
“Merry Christmas, Van,” she said softly.
“Merry Christmas, Clover.” And thank you for making it the best one yet.