Chapter Thirteen #3
“I hope I have. But there has not been a day at Pemberley when I did not think of some occasion when your eyes shone with clever mischief, or repeat to Georgiana some jest you once made. I had thought my two months at Netherfield brief enough that I would forget about what I had felt there. When the countless recollections never relented, I grieved for what I thought lost to me. I could not leave Georgiana to return to you, and I certainly could not ask you to bind yourself to a family imperiled by the threat of scandal.”
Elizabeth was overcome by the thought of Mr. Darcy pining for love of her over the last year, while she had been unaware all the while. She was utterly speechless, and desperate to hear more, to make sense of it all.
“When I turned around and saw you here, I thought my chest would explode, Elizabeth. And then in an instant I recalled what brought me here, and wondered why you could be here. I felt a sense of danger so overpowering I nearly took you in my arms before I had said good evening. From wretched misery at being amongst such an awkward party, to perfect joy at discovering the person I should most want to see again in all the world, here to preserve me from the agony of my own awkwardness.”
Mr. Darcy shook his head with a rueful chuckle.
“And then from delight to confusion and concern that you should be connected at all to the general and his schemes.
I hardly know what I said to you the first night we were here, I could only think of remaining close to you, to protect you as much as to bask in your miraculous presence. "
Tears spilled freely down Elizabeth’s cheeks, and she made no effort to brush them away. She could not take her eyes off of Mr. Darcy, could scarcely believe what he was telling her… and how pleased she was to hear it.
“I thought of you at once when Bingley wrote to me, and the greatest inducement in accepting his invitation, as I planned to do, would have been to see you. It was a loss to me, that I was obliged to postpone the visit after being summoned here, and then… there you were.”
“I have been entirely unaware of your feelings, sir,” Elizabeth said. “I thought you disliked me and looked at me only to find fault.”
“I gave you cause,” he admitted with a heavy sigh. “I never meant what I said, nor imagined you would hear me. When I actually looked at you properly, I was chagrined to discover you the handsomest woman of my acquaintance.”
Elizabeth gave him a wicked smile. “That must have seemed a terrible inconvenience.”
He chuckled softly. “I believe it was always in my nature to be so dismayed at discovering myself to be in love, when the day finally came that my heart was captured. I had no notion that I would ever be so thoroughly beguiled, and then so suddenly prevented from attaining my desire.”
She drew in a deep breath. “Attaining your desire?”
“You are too generous to trifle with me, Elizabeth. It may surprise you to learn the duration of my regard, but surely you have understood my feelings since last we walked the battlements together. Please, tell me I have not imagined that you feel what I do.”
“I have not been able to admit it to myself,” Elizabeth said. “I believe I was afraid of being mistaken, of facing the disappointment that your kindness was only borne of these horrid circumstances. I could not bear to be a fool, to mistake comfort for something more.”
“I have been too subtle,” he said, nodding sadly. “Too restrained. I was also afraid. I thought you may have forgotten me, or formed some other attachment. I cannot tell you how I have wished to comfort you at every crisis since we have come here.”
Elizabeth smiled; she could well imagine. “I believe you must.”
There was always a sudden spark in his eye when he comprehended her teasing.
He grinned back at her, his brows raised in challenge for a moment.
And then he drew her into his embrace and kissed her.
His first kiss had been tentative and gentle, but this was something entirely new.
He was confident and passionate, and Elizabeth returned his ardor as tears of joy still streamed down her face.
In the billiard room she had been all saucy bravado, so astonished at herself that she had been beyond all thought as she kissed him.
But now, she was lit from within from so many new thoughts and feelings.
She had never known herself until this moment of epiphany, when at last she was at liberty to allow herself every delight these new sentiments aroused in her.
Mr. Darcy was the finest man she had ever known, and he loved her so beautifully.
And she was irrepressibly in love with him, her confidant, her protector, her friend.
When they finally broke apart, Mr. Darcy beamed at her as the pink clouds of sunset set his face aglow, and then he dropped to one knee.
“Elizabeth Bennet, I do not ask it of you for any other reason, but that I have dreamt of it for months, and longed for it with all my heart. Marry me, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth.”
She took his hands in hers and tugged at him until he rose to his feet, and then she stood on her toes and gently kissed his cheek. “I love you so dearly, of course I will.”
They walked together until they had made a complete circuit of the castle, meandering in the falling dusk as they compared their impressions of every moment of their acquaintance, at times amused or amazed at the disparity of their feelings when first they met.
“I wanted to throttle Willoughby, in the music room,” Mr. Darcy admitted with a rueful laugh. “After kissing you in the billiard room, I was ready to throw myself at your feet if the fireplace had not opened up. And then, to hear that they were engaged, of all people!”
“Oh! That is what you meant with the alphabet letters, when you spelled envy. I suppose that is not the best means of communication for us.”
“Not the best way of selecting baby names,” he drawled, giving a wink that made her blush. “But I suppose I ought to be glad you never knew of my feelings before, that you did not pine for me as I did for you.”
“I am sorry to say it was quite the reverse! Only those named Bingley pined for your return.”
He gave a teasing, lopsided grin. “Well, now you must woo me a little in return, Elizabeth, and tell me when you finally began to return my regard.”
“I believe it was when you offered me that tragically crumpled handkerchief. I realized that you had kept it, after I first used it, and that you must have deliberately put it into your coat pocket, rather than a fresh one. And when you kissed it… well, I rather envied the pathetic, rumpled thing.”
He grinned, withdrawing it from his pocket once more. “Do not speak disparagingly of my favorite talisman; I have the highest regard for it.”
Elizabeth laughed. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small piece of chalk. Her face utterly serious, she said, “I took this from the billiard room today; I have the highest regard for lovers’ tokens.”
They walked hand in hand back through the castle, sharing their whimsical expressions of love, until they reached their suite. They heard shouts before they opened the door and discovered their parlor in a state of discord.