Chapter Fourteen #4
Everything he’d said scattered like puzzle pieces. The longer we stood there, the more the edges filled in and the colours of his confessions began to paint a picture...a blurry picture slowly coming into focus, word by word.
“Fucking what up?” I murmured.
“This!” he whisper-hissed. “You. Me. If Victor guesses who I truly am—”
“Who you truly are?” My heart pitter-pattered. “Who is that exactly?”
“Christ, not that question again.” Pressing his forehead to mine, he breathed, “I’m merely trying to do the right thing, alright? That’s all.”
“The right thing being...”
“To help.” He closed his eyes. “I’m merely trying to help.”
And there it was.
The elusive clue, the final piece.
Every moment since we’d met in the Rockin’ Rabbit nightclub flashed before my eyes.
His obvious discomfort tangled with his true nature.
The need in him tempered by morals. The commitment to doing something that only seemed to cause him grief, all while a deeper force drove him.
A force that looked so familiar because I felt it too.
Obligation.
A burden to someone you valued. A bond to what they needed.
I adored my brother above all things, but being his sister was a duty I would never be free of. I would always carry a debt of affection to keep him safe, well, and happy.
He’s here for someone else.
God, how had I been so stupid?
How had I not seen!
The nightclub.
It all makes sense now.
His unwillingness, the stiffness, the avoidance of me the moment he got me into that room with the table from hell. He hadn’t wanted to rape me. He’d thrown back drink after drink, almost as if he’d rather hurt himself than hurt me.
Ever since our eyes had met—in bad fortune or guided fate—his had been masked with lies so no one ever saw his true intentions.
But I saw them now.
Before I lost my nerve or second-guessed my wild epiphany, I grabbed his shirt and yanked him into me.
His eyes flared as I stood on tiptoe and pressed my lips to his ear.
“You’re undercover. Aren’t you? That’s why I keep getting mixed signals.
Why you said you’re meant to come? Why it’s your task?
You were sent here to save the jewels. Y-You’re a cop? ”
“What?” He reared back, shooting a look at one of the cameras. As quickly as he backed away, he crowded me again, mirroring what I’d done. His lips grazed the shell of my ear, sending pinwheels over my skin.
“Saying such things will end badly,” he hissed. “For both of us. So don’t.”
For the first time, I felt a glimmer of salvation.
He didn’t deny it.
He didn’t laugh or hit me.
Could he truly be the fantasy that Peter nursed? The dream that one day an unwilling Master would infiltrate this castle. A man pretending to want such bad, bad things, all while biding his time, doing his best to fit in, passing back information so law enforcement could save us?
God, it was instant.
The whooshing, warming hope.
I clung to it.
Basked in it.
I didn’t care how ludicrous it sounded. I needed to believe in something, and if that something was him...then I would get on my knees and pray to him.
“Are you? Am I right?” I lowered my lashes, jolting as I noticed all over again that I was bare, and his fully-clothed body crowded me against the bookshelves.
The bulge in his shorts pressed against my lower belly.
His own stomach rising and falling with all the things he couldn’t confess and all the mistakes that’d happened.
I’d thought he was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen back at the club.
I’d been drawn to him in ways I couldn’t explain.
He’d tarnished both those things with his actions ever since, but now...
that beauty returned. That unfathomable connection simmered.
If he truly was good masquerading as evil, then...
he wasn’t just a man I’d been drawn to but the very salvation I needed.
How soon was someone coming?
How many officers would swarm this place?
Would they shoot every last one of Victor’s disgusting guests? Would they arrest them and interrogate them and line them up before a jury of their peers?
Suddenly, I was strong again. Ready to fight, endure, and survive.
I looked up, frowning when Henri didn’t reply.
His eyes had shut down, his face utterly unreadable.
My hope stuttered as quickly as it’d formed.
My fear returned.
Ily...you dolt.
My imagination had run away with me, like always.
I’d let hope bandage over panic, and the crash into truth hurt ever so much.
“Wow, I’m an idiot.” Horrified goosebumps scattered. “T-There’s no one coming to save us...is there.”
God...I’m so, so stupid.
Henri cursed hotly. “Bon dieu, tu vas me tuer.” (My God, you’re going to kill me.)
His slur sank like poison into my blood.
I trembled and fought another wash of unwanted tears.
His eyes snapped to mine; his entire face twisted. “If you cry again, I won’t be able to stop myself.”
I sniffed. Rubbed at my lashes.
A single droplet fell.
He snarled and fisted both hands into my hair, holding me completely still.
I flinched, waiting for abuse, for pain.
His tongue captured the slowly rolling droplet, drinking it down before a harsh gasp escaped him. “Goddammit, just listen to me. Do what I ask instead of making this so much harder.”
I struggled in his grasp, but he pressed his hips against my stomach, forcing me to feel the thick ridge of his arousal.
“Feel that? That’s because of your tears.
That’s because I can’t stop thinking about how delicious you’d be if I made you sob.
Truly sob. Ugly fucking wracking sobs. If you sobbed because I hurt you?
Shit, I’d lose myself. I don’t want to snap.
And I don’t want to hurt you, despite the fact I really fucking do. ”
My breath caught, my mind racing at his contradictions. “If you want to, then...what’s stopping you?”
“You know what.”
I moaned as he jerked my head back, his fingers tight in my hair.
My voice was far too feeble, desperately trying to understand without getting carried away with wishful thinking.
“I don’t. I don’t know a damn thing.” I fought the stinging urge to cry again.
“Please...just tell me. Tell me how this ends. Please—”
“Quiet.” His fingers opened and closed in my hair as if fighting his true nature.
If he was going to hurt me like he said in the foyer...he would’ve done so by now.
Wouldn’t he?
Perhaps I wasn’t so stupid to grasp at fairytales.
Maybe my mind wasn’t playing tricks after all.
It took every shred of strength to press a hand over his drumming heart. “Tell me. Tell me what you aren’t saying. Tell me why I sense that you’re different.”
“I’m different?” He chuckled. “And here I was thinking the same about you.” His brows came down. “You’re the one who’s different, Ily, and it’s a right pain in my ass.”
I stilled.
What did he mean by that?
Swallowing hard, I whispered for the third time, “Who are you?”
“Qui suis je?” (Who am I?) Grabbing my jaw, he shoved my head to the side, then breathed hotly. “I’m the man doing his best, all while knowing it will never be good enough.”
I didn’t fight his hold. To the cameras, it would look as if I was catatonic with panic. To be honest, that wasn’t far from reality.
Henri successfully deleted any foundation I had. He made me doubt. Made me question. Made me hope.
And that was by far the cruellest thing he could ever do.
“Please...” I murmured. “Just tell me.”
He let loose a slurry of slurs. “I knew this would be hard, but I wasn’t prepared for it to be impossible.”
“What’s impossible?”
“You.” He closed his eyes and groaned. “Fuck.”
I trembled in his hold.
He didn’t speak for the longest moment, all while his hips remained plastered against my stomach. The longer he held me, the faster my heart raced. An awful recipe of awareness and wishing turned me inside out.
I should hate him.
I did hate him.
And yet...there’d always been something.
Something that only grew stronger the longer we whispered.
“Tell me,” I demanded. “Before I go mad.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“There is. You’re choking on it. Are you lying to me, them, or yourself?”
“Fucking hell.” His head bowed, his eyelashes like dark cobwebs on his cheeks. “Shit, this is a bad, bad idea. I’ve lost my ever-loving mind.” Grabbing my hip, he hissed, “You can’t tell anyone, do you hear me? Not a damn soul.”
I nodded.
“I....Christ, I’m trusting you with my life, Ily.”
I nodded again or the best I could with him forcing my head to the side.
“Merde.” He stiffened, sighed, then sagged over me as if he’d lost his battle.
“This will probably blow up in my face, but he didn’t tell me I couldn’t tell anyone, and I really need you to work with me instead of against me.
It’s only been a few hours, and I’m already at my wit’s end.
” He groaned low and dark. “If this is the easiest way, the safest way, then...so be it.”