1. Keeley #3
Simon had pretended to be a dedicated husband.
He’d apologized every time he needed to go away, telling me it was for work.
But it was a lie. He’d been playing house with his piece on the side.
They’d been living a secret life together right under my nose.
Now, when it came time to admit it, he was playing obtuse and acting as if I’d encouraged him to date her.
My knees gave out, and I slid to the floor of the tub. I curled into myself, wanting to disappear—needing it. Hot tears welled up in my eyes and overflowed, cascading down my cheeks in rivers. I bit my knuckles, trying to stop the sobs from breaking free.
I wouldn’t let them hear me cry.
I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they’d hurt me.
I gulped in air as tears streamed down my face and hot water pelted my back. I shivered, feeling cold despite the heat of the shower. I was freezing. Every part of me was like a barren wasteland again. Empty. Every time I exhaled, the shell holding me together became more brittle.
The water ran cold before long, and I reached up for the faucet and shut it off.
Steam lingered, but a bitter chill seeped into me far too quickly.
Shivering, I reached for my towel and dragged it over my shoulders.
The material was soft and fluffy, but the way it abraded my skin was like sandpaper. Every part of me hurt.
But I wouldn’t let them beat me down.
I was strong enough to get through this.
I had to be.
There was a little girl relying on me to do exactly that.
My cheating-ass husband had let me down. But there was no way I was going to do the same to a toddler. She deserved to have someone who would love and care for her no matter what.
I got out of the tub, straightened my shoulders, and pulled myself together. My eyes were red and puffy and my knuckles bruised from my bite marks. But I was here, and I was going to be okay.
I could do this.
I would do this.
The house was eerily quiet when I opened the bathroom door. I padded into the bedroom, and the first thing I noticed was his pillow missing from the bed. I swallowed and turned away, only to come face-to-face with open closet doors and a half-empty space.
Oh, God, this was really happening.
I sank down on the bed and stared at the vacant space while I dialed my cell phone. Mom picked up on the second ring.
“Mom,” I cried, my tears filling my eyes again, my heart shattering all over.
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
“Simon just walked out. He’s been cheating on me for half our marriage.” My voice wobbled, and I struggled to keep speaking.
Mom growled and ground out, “That piece of shit. Do you have a shovel? I don’t have one, but I can swing by Home Depot. That and maybe a saw. A sharp one—it’s easier to cut through bone that way. We’ll need them to bury the body.”
I snorted out a laugh. “We can’t do that.”
“Why the hell not?” she demanded indignantly.
“Because I can’t go to jail.” Why was I being the calm, rational one here when I was the one who’d been cheated on?
Mom huffed, and I could just imagine her waving away my concerns with a flick of her wrist. “I’ve watched enough of those CSI programs to know the ins and outs of a crime scene. They’ll never pin it on us.”
I laughed again. “That may be so, but I’m about to get a foster daughter, a baby—”
“You are? Oh my God, why didn’t you say so? You can’t go to jail if you have a little one.”
“Yeah.” I paused, gathering my thoughts. “Mom, he’s having a baby with her.”
“Oh, honey. I’m sorry.” She sighed and said, “Look at it this way: Any baby he donates DNA to is going to have him as a father and may even look like him.”
I giggled, my laugh sounding watery to my own ears. “Mom, he’s not that bad.”
“Yes, he is. He hurt my baby girl. He’s the ugliest person on the planet.
I don’t care if he looks like Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise—that man is fucking divine—he’s ugly.
He doesn’t deserve you. I know it hurts now.
I know your heart is broken. Believe me, I know, but one day you’ll look back on this, and you’ll be thankful it happened. ”
“Is that how you feel now? About Dad, I mean.”
“Absolutely. I thought that man was the love of my life. Then, poof, he was gone. Zero contact. When your abuelita called to tell me he’d moved home, I couldn’t believe it.
” I remembered that conversation. Abuelita was speaking in Spanish, and Mom couldn’t understand her.
Dad had been teaching me, connecting me with my Columbian heritage, and I managed to translate about one in ten words, but it was enough that my very white mom understood.
“I had no idea we had problems in our marriage until I walked in and saw an empty closet.”
“That’s what I’m looking at.” I glanced up at the half-empty closet and sighed.
“Move your clothes across. Right now. Get up and do it as we’re speaking.”
I groaned and did what she said. There was no use in arguing with my mother. But truth be told, seeing that gap close did make me feel better.
“Now, get online and order yourself a brand-new vibrator—”
“Mom!”
“No, Keeley, you listen to me. He may have been good in bed—” she said, then muttered, “hopefully he had at least one redeeming feature,” under her breath.
He was… meh, okay I supposed.
“—but now you’re doing this for you, and being satisfied is a surefire way to stop yourself from jumping back in bed with that loser dickhead.
Trust me, get a gorgeous big one. Just make sure it’s one of the good ones.
Ideally it should have a cord. That way you’ll never run out of batteries at the wrong time. ”
“Oh, heck, Mom. I really don’t want to be talking with you about this.”
“Oh hush, I’m imparting my wisdom. You’ll thank me one day.”
“Or die of embarrassment.”
“Eh, you’re strong enough to handle a little embarrassment, Keeley, especially when you get good orgasms out of it. You get it from me.”
I huffed out a mortified laugh, and she continued. “One day, you’ll wake up and you’ll be thankful Simon fucked up so badly. You’ll be happy and having great orgasms.”
I needed to get off this topic and pronto. “Have you dated since Dad? I mean, I know you wouldn’t have introduced them to me unless it was serious.”
“Who needs a date to have orgasms?” Mom laughed, and I groaned. She took pity on me when she finally dropped it and answered my question with another of her own. “Do you remember Dakota?”
“Yeah, the lady with the waist-length braids.”
“We were friends with benefits for two years.”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. She’d shocked me silent. I had no idea.
“Huh,” I said after longer than was proper. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“She wanted to get more serious than I did.” I could imagine her shrugging as she said that.
“Since then, I’ve just been happy to hook up.
I have a few friends with benefits and a couple of situationships, but nothing serious.
I like my freedom too much. Your dad didn’t ruin me for relationships, but he did teach me that I didn’t want to be in one. You’ve now got that chance too.”
“Yeah, I won’t be trusting anyone else in a hurry.”
“That’s what the vibrator is for,” she deadpanned.
“Oh my God, Mom.” I laughed.
“In all seriousness, Keeley, it’s okay to grieve the future you thought you’d have together.”
I swallowed and nodded even though she couldn’t see me.
“It’s also okay to grieve the relationship you thought you had. But remember, he wasn’t the person he claimed to be—that isn’t your fault. He’s the liar. But don’t pine for him. You deserve so much better than that piece of shit. Are you sure you don’t have a shovel?”
I laughed again. “No need, Mom. Thank you.”
“I’ll come over tomorrow and help you with the baby.”
“I’d like that.”
I hung up and blew out a breath. Mom was a handful.
She was a gossip queen, blunt beyond belief, fiercely loyal, always joking—the complete opposite to the serious, repressed man I remember my father being—and could always make me feel better.
She was right. I wouldn’t cry for him again.
But my tears would flow for what had been stolen from me—a happy family and a home filled with laughter and love.
I inhaled slowly and wiped my wet cheeks.
No.
I still had the chance to have those things. Simon wasn’t my happiness. He wasn’t the only good thing I had in my life. I had Mom. I had my friends and my work. I had a little girl who needed me, too, no matter how long she was here for. Who needed a man for all that? Especially a cheater.
Heck, he’d been away so much over the past eighteen months that I’d spent half my time alone anyway. I didn’t need him to be happy, and I certainly didn’t need his cheating ass hanging around. I was better off without him.
Time was counting down. My heart beat harder.
LaShelle would only be minutes away. I got moving, first dressing, then tidying the living room and removing anything that a crawling baby could get into.
Then I went into the spare room, folded up the Murphy bed, and unpacked the portable crib so it would be ready for her arrival.
That little girl needed me, and I'd be damned if I wasn't there for her.