Chapter 35 – Beau
BEAU
S weat streams down my back as I pull on the rowing machine, my arms, back, and legs moving in harmony.
Fuck, I missed the gym. I’ve been avoiding it—avoiding the whole apartment building, except when I sneak through the back entrances to Velvet & Vice or Terrace.
Staying at Brinley’s is safer if I want to avoid the guys.
It’s not an argument I’m afraid of. Hell, I’d love a chance to explain myself, or even get punched in the face again if that’s what Luke needs.
But if I ran into my friends and they looked past me, ignored me like I didn’t exist, I’m not sure I could handle it.
I feel ready to crack under the pressure of their silent treatment as it is.
It was more than worth it. Every bead of sweat leaves me feeling lighter, every stroke of the rowing machine takes a little of the weight off my shoulders. I get to disappear into the movement of my body.
Forget Peppermint.
Forget the guys.
Forget the way Brinley has been building a wall between us, even as I hold her against me in bed every night. The way she snapped at me when I told her I bought the building. The way I can feel the coldness seeping through every text she sends me.
Forget the fact that I gave up everything, and it still might not be enough for her.
For a few minutes, I’m just a body moving through space, one without a heart to break. Blood pumps through my muscles as I savor the early workout rush of energy. In half an hour, my body will be begging for a break. But for now, I’m free.
Then the gym door clicks open, and I freeze. Fuck, did Gary forget to text me when one of the guys came home? I’m not ready to face them, not ready to see their eyes go hard and?—
I’m saved from a spiral when my mother sweeps into the room in a red designer dress that manages to make her look several inches taller than she really is.
Frankly, it’s bizarre to see her, all elegant and fancy, standing between a rack of dumbbells and a squat rack.
She’s always believed exercise should be done outdoors, swimming or walking or swinging a tennis racket.
She’s even holding a paper bag with a fresh loaf of bread, straight out of a picture of a stereotypical European lady.
“Mama!” I yank out my headphones and let go of the machine handle. “How did you get down here?”
She waves a dismissive hand. “I simply told that silly boy at your front desk that I needed to see my son and I saw no reason why he should prevent that. He told me you were in the gym and let me down.”
Of course Gary caved when faced with the full force of Mama Bishop, never mind the fact that the “silly boy” is a six-five man who easily weighs 300 pounds. I can’t even blame him. She can be terrifyingly persistent when she wants something.
“It’s good to see you, Mama. I would hug you hello, but I don’t want to ruin your dress.” I gesture down to my sweat-soaked shirt. “Is the bread for me?”
“Sí, tesoro. A reminder that, even though this conversation will be difficult, I still love you.” She hands me the bag, which I take despite the sinking feeling in my stomach. “We need to discuss the disaster of your personal life.”
I wince. “Things got more public than I wanted them to, but I’ve got it handled.”
“You clearly don’t! Everyone in the city knows about the insulting articles, your secret affair with a blogger, your fight with your best friend. This is what happens when you make poor choices.”
I bow my head, not wanting to look her in the eye. “I know I didn’t handle the whole thing well.”
She snorts. “You’re lucky it didn’t affect your restaurant! Your reputation is everything in business. You don’t buy food from people you don’t trust. That’s why it’s time for you to make some changes, and I know where you need to start.”
For a second, my chest fills with naive, childish hope. I have no idea how to solve the garbage fire of my life right now, and I want so badly for Mama to tell me what to do. For someone to lay out how to undo all my stupid secrets and deceptions and failures.
The first words out of her mouth destroy that hope.
“You need to be with Giulia. She’s a proper Italian woman, and she understands the importance of stability and tradition.
She loves food, just like you, and she comes from a good family.
You can have a real relationship with her.
One that leads to marriage and grandchildren and the future I’ve wanted for you since the day you were born, Beau. ”
“I’m not interested in Giulia?—”
“Because you never gave her a real chance!” she scoffs.
“I didn’t understand why until Sofia sent me the articles.
I thought you were being stubborn, not listening to your mother.
Now, I understand that you were hung up on some girl you were sleeping with.
It’s time to put that aside, tesoro , and find a real relationship. ”
“I’m already in a real relationship,” I snap, and Mama rolls her eyes.
“What you had with her is not a real relationship. It was a secret fling, and I’m sure it was exciting, but in the end, we both know that’s not the kind of girl that you end up with. That girl will never be enough for you, tesoro .”
The words “that girl” driving to my chest like twin knives stabbing me. The way she belittles Brinley—and I know Mama knows her name—makes me finally snap.
I stand up and cross my arms, mirroring Mama’s body language as I glare down at her.
“What Brinley and I have is real, Mama. It has been for years. I’m the one responsible for the secrecy, and the lying, and the way it all fell apart. I didn’t tell Luke because I was afraid of losing him, and it might cost me the woman I love.”
Mama shakes her head. “You don’t know what love is.
I know your father and I didn’t set the best example for you, the way we fought.
But that’s because we were too different.
We didn’t share a culture or a language, and we didn’t understand each other.
I don’t want to see you get divorced, too, because you pick a girl who’s not your equal. ”
“I’m not you, Mama!” I snap. “I didn’t spend years running all over the country, abandoning my business the second things got hard.
I built a life where I could put down roots and stay.
I know what I want, and it’s Brinley. She’s the only woman I want to marry.
The only one I want to have children with.
And I hope one day you can accept her, because if you make me choose between Brinley and anyone else, it will be Brinley. Every time.”
Mama’s mouth hangs slack. “You would cut off your family for her?”
“I hope I don’t have to. I hope you accept my decision. But I made the mistake of not choosing Brinley once, when we were teenagers, and I’ve spent every day since trying to make up for it. I won’t make it twice.”
She stares up at me, examining my face. It feels like she shrinks slightly when she sees the truth in my face. “Giulia will be disappointed.”
I almost roll my eyes. Giulia’s a smart woman—I doubt she expected much from me.
“If you told her I was looking to get married, then I’m sorry you wasted her time.
I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner. She’s a talented woman.
When she’s finished with culinary school, I’d be happy to offer her a position at Terrace, training under our lead chef.
But romantically, it was never going to happen. ”
Hurt flashes in Mama’s eyes. I know she feels like I rejected her wisdom, but I have to stand firm. Hiding the truth hurt everyone involved.
Finally, she sniffs and puts her shoulders back. “I hope you don’t expect me to give you my blessing.”
“I don’t,” I say quietly. “I’d like it one day, but I don’t expect it.”
Mama’s lips part, then press firmly together. Spinning on her heel, she stalks out of the gym.
Once she’s gone, I sink back on the rowing machine seat. Now I can add my mother to the ever-growing list of people who aren’t speaking to me. But at least I said the truth, out loud, to the one person whose approval I’ve spent my life chasing.
And the sky didn’t fall.