Chapter 29 Poppy
Poppy
Istare at my phone screen, at the text Nick sent me yesterday.
Hey. Are you okay? I’m really sorry if what we did yesterday made you uncomfortable.
Guilt throttles me. I feel like the biggest jerk on the planet for making Nick think that he did anything wrong yesterday. He didn’t, and I need to tell him that. And I need to apologize for how I practically kicked him out of my apartment.
That was the hottest hookup of my life. I’ve never been able to come from just a guy’s hand before. But Nick played me like a fiddle with his fingers, delivering an orgasm that made me forget my own name.
I think about how he said I gave him the hottest blowjob of his life. How much I turned him on. How my confidence was through the roof. Hearing him say that made me feel like a sex kitten.
I think about how he kissed me and held me and showered me with praise.
And then I think about the words he spoke that triggered me, that made me finally come to my senses.
So much for your rules, wild girl. We’re just a couple of rule breakers now.
I broke my rules for Nick. But now I have to get back on track.
Because I know without a doubt that if I keep breaking my rules for Nick, I’ll fall hard for him. And I’ll definitely end up with my heart broken.
Because I’d bet anything that Nick isn’t developing feelings for me. I bet he’s just along for the ride, having fun. Because he’s a player. He’s not a relationship kind of guy, so he’s used to this—to fooling around and having a good time without getting attached.
That means we need to talk about putting those rules I made for our fake relationship back in place, which is probably going to be awkward as hell. I’m going to come off like a total weirdo, especially since he’s definitely not developing feelings or overthinking things like I am.
I let out a heavy sigh and work up the nerve to text him back.
I wish I could be one of those cool, confident, unbothered girls who can hook up with guys without reading too much into things.
But I’m not like that. Kissing means something to me.
Fooling around means something to me. Sex means something to me.
“Which is why you came up with those rules in the first place,” I say to myself.
I text Nick before I lose my nerve.
Hey, sorry to leave you on read like that. School’s been busy.
I hate lying to him, but a small lie seems better than confessing that I’m catching feelings for him and overthinking things between us like some freak.
Thank you for checking on me. I’m good with what happened between us the other day. You don’t need to apologize.
I’m working out how to word the rest of my message when he texts back. Oh wow. I didn’t think he’d be that quick.
Nick: I’m relieved to hear that :)
Me: I just don’t think we should let things get to that point again.
Nick: What do you mean?
Me: I mean that we should go back to the rules we initially came up with. No kissing on the mouth or anything intimate. Let’s just go back to hand-holding, hugs, kisses on the cheek. Nothing more. Is that okay with you?
I watch as three gray dots appear on my phone screen, then disappear, then appear, then disappear again.
A knot forms in my stomach, wondering what he’s feeling right now. Is he mad? Annoyed? Upset?
Nick: What made you change your mind about this? Did I do something to make you uncomfortable?
Me: You didn’t. I just don’t want to complicate things between us.
Nick: Okay.
I don’t know why I feel so disappointed as I stare at his reply on the screen.
Nick: You’re still coming over to tutor me tomorrow, right?
Me: Yeah, I’ll be there.
Nick: Cool. See you tomorrow.
I fall back against my couch, still feeling anxious about all of this. Nick agreed to what I want. I should be relieved. But I’m just left feeling a weird longing in my chest.
I zip my coat up as I walk up the porch of Nick’s house. The temperature dropped to single digits today. A light snow falls around me. It’s still autumn, but since this is Denver, an early snowfall is never a surprise.
My nerves kick up as I knock on the door and wait for him to answer.
We haven’t texted each other since our exchange yesterday, when I told him that I wanted to stop fooling around and go back to our fake dating rules. I’m sure things between us are going to be awkward today because of it.
Part of me wonders if we should talk about it person just to get closure…but the anxious part of me hopes that we both ignore it and move on.
The door opens, and he offers a shy smile. “Hey, hot tutor.”
A small wave of relief hits when he calls me that familiar nickname.
“Hey,” I say softly.
He steps aside to let me in.
“Is it snowing already out there?” he asks.
“Yeah, just a little.” I take off my coat and kick off my boots.
He takes my coat from me and hangs it up in the closet. “I heard we’re supposed to get some snow off and on today,” he says.
“Oh. Cool.”
For a second, we just stand there. We’re making small talk about the weather. Not awkward at all.
“You hungry or thirsty or anything?” Nick asks.
“No, I’m good.”
“Okay, we can head to my room then.”
I follow him to his bedroom, and he shuts the door. I pull out my laptop from my backpack.
“Should we start with studying for your College Algebra midterm?”
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
For the next thirty minutes, I run through the study guide with him. We work through some problems. He does well overall, solving most of the practice equations on his own. He hits a snag on a couple of them, but I work through them with him and he manages to get the correct answer.
After that, I read over his term paper for his Media Research class.
“Thank fuck I don’t have to study for a test for this class,” he says. “This paper is kicking my ass. Ten pages is a lot of space to fill.”
I finish reading through it, making notes on the portions where he should go back and rework.
“This is good,” I say. “I noticed your citations are a little messy, though. It’s really important that you’re correct and consistent with those.”
“I don’t get why my professor is such a stickler about citations. We have to format quotations and excerpts in such a random way. It’s a pain in the ass to do, and it makes the text look so weird.”
“That’s the rule of citing research. You have to follow the format correctly and consistently.”
Nick drops his pen on his desk and runs a hand through his hair. “Everyone and their damn rules,” he mutters while looking off to the side.
It takes a second for me to register the irritation in his tone.
“Hang on, is that a dig at me?” I ask.
“No.” He doesn’t even look at me when he answers. He just frowns at his laptop screen and starts typing.
“It feels like it is, though,” I say.
“It’s not.”
He’s still not looking at me. He still sounds irritated.
I sit there quietly, wondering if I should just drop it.
But I can’t just let this go. If he has a problem with what I want out of our fake dating setup, then I want us to talk through it.
I really didn’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation about what happened between us the other night, but I don’t want him to be upset and making passive aggressive comments about it either.
“Nick, something is clearly bothering you. Talk to me about it.”
He stops typing and leans back in his chair, then huffs out a heavy breath. “I really don’t feel like talking to you, Poppy.”
I lean back at the curtness in his tone. “I don’t understand why you’re so pissed.”
“I’m not pissed.”
“You sound pissed.”
He scrubs a hand over his face, then turns to me. “I don’t want to talk about it. Can we just drop it?”
I let out a breath, annoyed and frustrated. “Do you want me to leave?”
He exhales sharply. “Do whatever you want,” he mutters.
His tone is so dismissive. I shake my head, tired of trying to get him to talk to me.
“Fine. I’ll go,” I say.
I pack up my backpack and walk out of his bedroom. I pass Travis standing at the big window in their living room next to the front door.
“You’re not going, are you?” he asks.
“Yeah, why?” I say as I pull on my boots and coat.
“It’s a mess outside.”
I step over to where Travis is standing and look.
“Crap,” I mutter as I take in the wintry mess. Everything is covered in snow—the sidewalk, the streets, the cars and houses. And now it’s freezing rain out.
“Blake just got home from walking back from the library, and he said it’s an ice rink out there. Everything is frozen. He said he fell like a dozen times. And he saw two car accidents, too.” Travis turns to me. “You didn’t drive, did you?”
I shake my head. “No, I walked.”
“Walking home probably isn’t a good idea either. It’s gonna be dark soon. You should stay here and wait it out.” He starts walking off toward the kitchen. “Right, Nick?”
I look up and see Nick standing in the open doorway of his bedroom, gazing at the window. He lets out a heavy sigh and crosses his arms before frowning. “Yeah. You should stay.”
I hold in a groan. The last thing I want to do is hang around Nick when he’s being a broody jerk, refusing to talk to me.
“Who’s staying?” Blake asks as he walks down the stairs.
“Poppy,” Nick says. “It’s not safe for her to walk home when it’s so icy out.”
Blake grins and looks between Nick and me. “Surprise sleepover, huh?”
Nick exhales sharply. “Yeah, I guess.”
He walks over and tries to help me take off my jacket, but I step away. “I can do it.”
I slide off my coat. He takes it and hangs it up for me.
“Perfect timing because it’s Travis’s turn to make dinner tonight,” Blake says. “He’s whipping up his famous chili.”
“Oh, you guys don’t need to feed me,” I say.
Blake waves a hand. “We’re gonna feed you. Besides, Travis always makes a crap ton. We’ll have plenty of food.”
Just then, the front door swings open, and Leo walks in. His parka is wet and covered in snow.
“Jesus, it sucks out there,” he says, his face red and his nose running. He takes off his coat and boots. “I need to run this thing through the dryer. It’s soaked.”
He looks over at me. “Oh, hey, Poppy. You’re not going outside, are you?”
“No, I’m hanging out here with you guys until the weather clears. Hope that’s okay.”
“Yeah, definitely.” He smiles at me and walks off with his coat toward the hallway.
“How many times did you fall out there?” Blake asks when he walks past him.
“Like, seven,” Leo says.
“I got you beat. I fell ten times.”
I shake my head. Hockey players are so damn competitive about everything.
“Travis is making chili tonight,” Blake hollers at Leo.
“Oh, hell yeah!” Leo’s voice echoes from down the hall right as the dryer kicks on.
I turn to Nick, who’s still standing next to me.
“I’m gonna go help Travis cook dinner,” he says. “I’ll let you know when it’s time to eat.”
He walks off, and I stand there, annoyed that Nick still refuses to talk to me about whatever is bothering him.
I huff out a breath and tug a hand through my hair. I’m stuck in his house until the bad weather lets up, and he’s refusing to talk to me. This is going to suck.