Chapter 31
Nick
Istand there, my head spinning as I watch Poppy’s expression shift from confusion to shock.
I’m shocked as hell, too. This whole time, she thought I was joking when I asked her to the prom in high school?
What the hell? How could she think that?
“Are you serious, Nick? You weren’t joking when you asked me to go to the prom with you?”
Her hazel eyes are big, like she still can’t believe it.
Determination surges through me. I hate this. I hate that she thinks I asked her out as a joke. I hate that she doesn’t seem to believe that I like her and have feelings for her.
I need to tell her the truth. I need to tell her exactly how I feel about her.
My nerves go haywire. Years of hiding my feelings for Poppy bubble up inside of me, making my chest go tight.
This is going to change things between us forever. It might even freak her out and make her not want to be around me anymore.
But I can’t stand the thought of her thinking that what I feel for her is anything but real.
“I’m dead serious, Poppy. I’ve always had the biggest crush on you. Ever since I met you when we were in middle school, I’ve liked you.”
She blinks at me, still stunned.
“You were this beautiful, smart girl who knew everything. You didn’t care that I was good at hockey. It made me want you even more.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “Really?”
“Yeah. I tried all sorts of things to get your attention when we were kids. Don’t you remember?”
She fiddles with the hem of my shirt. I still can’t get over how fucking adorable she looks wearing my shirt and nothing else.
“I remember you being kind of obnoxious and loud. And doing reckless things like climbing the roof of your house while your sister and I studied outside on your porch,” she says. “And when we all went to the pool, and you kept doing backflips off the diving board.”
“Those were my attempts to get your attention as a dumbass teenager.”
“I didn’t realize you liked me. You were always teasing me and joking around, even when I’d roll my eyes at you and ignore you.”
“Again. Dumbass teenager.”
She lets a small smile break free.
“I was really nervous to talk to you, Poppy,” I say.
“I’d hear you and Anna talk about your homework and projects.
It was always way over my head. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold my own in a conversation about school, so I stuck to the stuff that I knew.
Joking around and hockey. And for the record, I liked it when you rolled your eyes at me.
That’s how I knew I had your attention.”
Her smile grows, and she rolls her eyes. A quiet moment passes between us.
“You should have seen how nervous I was to ask you to prom,” I say, the heat of embarrassment crawling up my neck and cheeks. “I couldn’t sleep the night before. And I threw up that morning.”
Her smile fades, and her expression turns pained. “I thought it was a joke because you never tried to sit with me during lunch. But that day, you strolled into the lunch room and sat down across from me, all cocky and smiling. And after you asked me, you started laughing.”
“Because you didn’t say anything. You just stared at me and went quiet with this really serious look on your face,” I say. “I thought you were pissed, so I tried to save face by laughing and playing it off like a joke.”
Recognition flashes in her sparkling hazel eyes. “That’s why you laughed and walked off? Because you thought I rejected you?”
“Yeah.”
“Nick, I was quiet at first because I couldn’t believe you were asking me to prom. I didn’t think you liked me like that.”
“Oh…”
It all makes sense now. We misunderstood each other. And instead of talking it out, we handled it like typical teenagers—too nervous to have an honest conversation, so we both just shut down in our own ways.
Her shoulders hunch, and she looks down at her bare feet.
“I couldn’t believe a guy like you would ever be interested in someone like me.
You were the star athlete. You were popular and charming.
Everyone knew you and wanted to hang out with you.
I flew under the radar. I was a huge nerd.
The things I liked—reading and watching documentaries and studying—weren’t very cool. ”
“Hey.” Gently, I touch my fingers to her chin and tilt her face up to look at me. “You had the highest GPA in our whole class. You were the valedictorian. You were a million times more impressive than me.”
Her pretty mouth curves up in a soft smile. There’s a warmth in her eyes when she gazes at me that I haven’t seen before. It makes my heart do funny things in my chest.
Her smile turns sad. “You ended up taking that girl, Samantha, to prom, right?”
“Yeah, but it was a disaster. She ended up making out with her ex-boyfriend halfway through the dance.”
“Wait, really?”
“Yeah. I was pissed at first, but then Travis and I left with our teammates and went to a party at a hotel, and I realized I didn’t care about Samantha all that much, so I was fine.” I swipe a chunk of her hair out of her face. “You went with someone else, didn’t you?”
She nods. “Danny Breslin and I went as friends.”
“Right.” I remember seeing the two of them dancing together and feeling insanely jealous that he got to go with her.
“The way he looked at you on the dance floor was a little more than friendly,” I say.
Her brow lifts. “You remember the way he looked at me?”
“Of course I remember. I had a huge crush on you and some other guy was getting to touch you and hold you the whole night.”
I touch my fingertips to the hinge of her jaw, savoring how her skin feels like satin. “I still have a huge crush on you, Poppy.”
She’s quiet again.
“If you hadn’t walked off, I would have said yes,” she finally says.
“Really?”
She nods. “Yeah. I had a big crush on you, too.”
I just stare at her. “You’re kidding.”
She bites her lip and shakes her head. “I thought it was so obvious. I’d stare at you like a creep constantly.”
“I thought you were glaring at me because you were annoyed with me.”
She lets out a soft chuckle. “My resting annoyed face didn’t give me away then.” She’s quiet for a second. “I was always staring at you because you were hot. And in really good shape.” Her gaze falls to my chest. “You’re still really hot.”
I can’t help the smug grin that pulls at my mouth hearing her say that.
“Do you still like me, wild girl?”
Her eyes are shy as she looks up at me. “Yes. That’s why I made those rules for us to follow when we agreed to fake date.
I knew that if I let myself kiss you and fool around with you, I’d catch feelings for you.
And I didn’t want to fall for you again like I did in high school, and then get my feelings crushed again if you rejected me, like I thought you did when you asked me to prom. ”
Guilt throttles me. I shouldn’t have let my nerves get the best of me that day.
I should have just stayed an extra few seconds, and she would have said yes, and we would have gone to prom together and we wouldn’t have had the past four years of her thinking I was a jerk and me thinking she hated me…
I halt the flurry of thoughts in my mind. I can’t fixate on that. I can’t change the past. What I can do is make it clear to Poppy how I feel about her right now.
“I have feelings for you, Poppy. I like you. I care about you. That’s why it hurt so much when you said you didn’t want to be physical anymore.
It felt like you were rejecting me. And I’m sorry for what a jerk I was earlier today.
I know that wasn’t the right way to handle it, but I felt like I was losing you all over again, like in high school. ”
“It’s okay. I understand now why you reacted the way you did.”
She runs her fingers through my hair. I close my eyes and hum, savoring her touch.
“I like you too, Nick. A lot. I’m just scared.”
I cup her face in my hand. “Of what?”
“Of getting my heart broken. I was a wreck after things ended with Brody. I can’t go through that again.”
My chest aches seeing the pained look in her eyes. “Poppy, I’d never cheat on you. I’d never hurt you like he did.”
“I know, but…” Her voice is soft. “Have you ever had a serious relationship before?”
“No, but what does that matter?”
She rests her hands on my chest, like she’s working up the nerve to speak.
“I like you, Nick. So much. But I won’t lie.
I’m nervous about how things will go for us if we try to take things farther than they are now.
What if it doesn’t work out? What if we break each other’s hearts?
I don’t want hurt you, and I don’t want you to hurt me… ”
“Hey.” I kiss her cheek. “I get it. I’m nervous too. I’ve never been someone’s boyfriend for real before.” I swallow. “If you’re not ready, it’s okay. We’ll take things slow.”
She blinks at me. “You’d be okay with that?”
“Yeah. As long as I get to be with you, Poppy, I’m happy.”
“You be okay if we just keep things the way they are now? We still keep going as a fake couple, but we also kiss and fool around? We see where things go, no pressure or expectations?”
A flicker of hope ignites inside of me. I understand why Poppy’s nervous to be in a relationship after what Brody did to her. And this is my chance to prove to her that I can be the kind of boyfriend she wants. Someone who will take care of her, be patient with her, and never, ever hurt her.
If she wants to take things slow, I’ll do it. If all she wants to do is kiss and nothing more, I’ll do it.
Whatever she wants, I’ll do it.
I cup her face in my hands and kiss her slow and soft.
“I’m good with all of that,” I murmur against her mouth.
She moans softly, and a rough noise rips from my throat. Fuck. I love the sounds she makes when I kiss her, when I touch her.
She wraps her hands around my wrist as the intensity of our kiss kicks up. Soon we’re both breathing hard and she’s clawing at my chest.
“I don’t want you to sleep on the couch,” she says. “I want you sleep in bed with me.”
“You sure?”
Her eyes are big and bright as she nods at me.
Together we crawl into my bed and make out. I slide my hands under my shirt that she’s wearing, groaning at how soft her skin is.
“Fuck, you’re soft all over, aren’t you?” I growl against her mouth.
She giggles. When I graze the underside of her bare boob, she whimpers.
“Is this okay when I touch you here?” I ask.
“Yes,” she rasps. “Keep touching me. I love it when you touch me, Nick.”
My dick hardens hearing her plead and whine for more. I gently circle my thumb over her nipple. She squirms against my touch, getting louder the more I tease her hard bud.
Her head falls back, and she moans, “Oh god.”
I kiss along the delicate slope of her neck. “Where else do you want me to touch you?”
“Between my legs.” I smile against her shoulder, then slowly run my hand down her stomach and graze my knuckle over the thin cotton of her panties. When I feel how wet she is just from kissing and teasing her nipple, I groan.
I circle her clit with my thumb, and she gasps.
“Right there?” I ask.
She whimpers “yes” against my mouth. She tugs a hand through my hair, kissing me harder. My cock twitches. There’s an invisible live wire between my scalp and my dick. I fucking love it when a woman pulls my hair the more turned on she gets.
I press my thumb harder, then move in faster circles.
“Nick?”
“Yeah, honey?”
“I need more.”
I gently nibble her bottom lip. “I’ll give you anything you want. All you have to do is ask.”
When I lean back to look at her, her eyes are hazy with arousal and her skin is the prettiest shade of red.
“I want your mouth on my pussy.”