27. Ben
TWENTY-SEVEN
Ben
I invite Willow, in a low voice, “Take a walk with me?” while the others discuss what they want to do with their evening. Decisions come quick. Laura, Dax, and Sienna choose the freedom of creating in the arts and crafts room. “We get to paint alongside a master!” Sienna cries out, excited. Maggie and Pete take over one of the tables in the main room to challenge Steven for a card game three people can play. Marco and Michelle take dibs on the hot tub which, just by suggesting it, I get the vibe from the rest of the group’s reaction that they’re an item now — sideways looks, smirks, and desired absence my clues.
Wordlessly, with a quick blush of anticipation, looking beautiful, Willow accepts my invitation, and we head for the door. But before we go, she turns and includes the room as she addresses, “Sylvia! We decided we’d like to help you change rooms! Maybe tomorrow? ”
Sylvia brightens with surprise, pausing her cleaning of the kitchen. “Really? That would make things go faster. Are you sure?”
Everyone within earshot voices agreement. Laura pokes her head in from the arts and crafts room. “Yes, we’re sure!” then disappears, muttering, “I think I need to use more colors this time. Be bold!”
Willow and I step outside, alone, Marco and Michelle heading upstairs to change. I say with a sense of mock danger. “I’ll protect you from the wild animals.”
She glances to me from the corner of her eyes. “Wild animals? What kind?”
“Sharks.”
“The only shark out tonight might be you.”
I laugh and take her hand, singing the Jaws tune. Dun nuh duh nuh duh nuh.
Hand in hand I walk with woman I long to be alone with, the moon casting a soft glow on the ranch and on us. The night is still, air filled with the scent of wildflowers. As we stroll down a dirt path, the song of cicadas fills the air, their melodic chirping a soothing symphony that helps to calm the anger I felt at dinner, when Jonny didn’t know if it was okay to have a sleepover. My relaxation deepens as Willow leans her head on my shoulder, her warmth radiating against my arm. We walk in comfortable silence, our footsteps blending with the gentle rustling of leaves, long grass falling under her sandals, my boots, as the path fades. I can't help but feel a sense of pride that she’s walking with me. The way she handled herself at dinner, the ease she had among the whole group, and most of all, how she spoke with my son — like a friend. All of this was incredibly impressive. But that being in her presence on this peaceful night could calm that volcano I felt brewing, that’s the biggest surprise. I’m used to the country, the anger I’m not. It’s been my companion too often as of late. I realize suddenly that her being with me is the main reason I feel better now. I’m used to the setting, after all.
“What’s that sound?” Willow smiles. “I’ve never heard that before.”
“Cicadas. They’re common in Georgia.”
“It sounds like they’re talking to each other.”
“They’re saying they never saw someone as beautiful as you.”
Willow beams at me and I go to follow my impulse to kiss her, but she pulls back. “Can we just be together for a little while?”
“Sure,” I smile. Does she think it’s all too much? How could she not? The man with a son, who’s physically carried away an Ex and more than once, an Ex who now Willow knows doesn’t like her? That’d be a lot for me, were the tables turned.
Sensing my racing thoughts, Willow says, “Don’t think too much.” Quieter she adds, “I’m trying not to, too. Let’s just enjoy all of this.”
“I can do that.”
She stops walking and stares at me, expression open and curious. “I like you, Ben. ”
“I like you, too.”
Her gaze shifts upward. “I’ve never seen so many stars!”
The night sky is a canvas of twinkling lights. I point out constellations as we stroll, tracing lines above us with the index finger of my free hand. Willow watches my paths, following each one with grey eyes of awe. “You’re so beautiful,” I tell her. “You make the stars seem ordinary.”
She gasps, and grins at me. “That’s the sweetest things anyone’s ever said to me.”
“It’s true. I feel very lucky to be with you tonight.”
“Me too.”
We approach the horses, Aragorn’s and Arwen’s graceful forms illuminated by cool moonlight. I give them a “Heyahh!” command to run and they gallop freely west, hooves hitting the ground in perfect harmony. Willow's eyes light up with joy as she watches, her newfound love for horses evident in her expression. But a frown appears and she looks around. “Where are the cows?”
“In the stable at night. Protects them from bobcats and coyotes.”
“Oh no! Wait. Aren’t they too big for coyotes?”
“Not if there are enough of them.”
Willow shivers, “Ew.”
I laugh. “Don’t worry. We haven’t lost one yet.”
“Really? Okay, that makes me feel better. We have coyotes in Los Angeles.”
“What?! ”
“It’s the desert. That’s their home.”
“Ah.” I nod once. “They like the country too. But in a city as big as that, I wouldn’t think...”
“They were in the hills, but after the fires they came down into the city neighborhoods. We don't see as many in Venice, but my friends who live in Hollywood see them all the time."
"When I think of Hollywood I don't think of hills.”
“Remember what the Hollywood sign is on?"
I laugh at my ignorance, “Oh right! I guess I just think of hills when I think of here. I need to travel more. Never been to California. Obviously. My cousin Sophia Sol has. She's in a motorcycle club and they travel all over the country fighting the battles of the innocent."
Willow stops walking and faces me. “She what?”
I describe to her all about The Ciphers — at least what I know, since they keep most of their actions secret. I tell Willow how they get whispers of people who are wronged, of help that’s needed, and how they answer the call, finishing with, “They do what the cops can't. They're pretty tired of the judicial system — bad guys back out on the streets too fast, over and over — so when things are really rough, people victimized, they go in there and take care of things. She's pretty quiet about the details of their ‘missions’ — that’s what she calls them — but I've heard about a few. She shared some details the rest of us don't get to see in our lifetimes. Pretty dark stuff. ”
“They fight the battles of the innocent,” Willow repeats.
“Yep.”
“So they’re heroes.”
“Yes.”
“That’s amazing.” Willow tilts her head. “You're proud of her.”
“I’m very proud of her. We’re really close, at least I like to think we are. Haven’t seen as much of her as I’d like.” Which goes for all of my cousins, but I don’t add that part. “Soph and I spent a lot of time together when we were growing up.” I snatch up a purple wildflower and hand it to Willow. “Matches your dress. Most of our family is in Atlanta, but she lives in Louisiana. Dad and Uncle Jett, her dad, are best friends, the two oldest. So she was here more often than in Atlanta when we were kids.”
“Are you closest to her then?”
“I’m closest to her and Ethan. Although for some years, I didn't see him much, either. I’m fixing that."
"Tell me about Ethan.”
“Well that's easy because there's a lot to tell,” I laugh. “Oh man, my cousin Ethan is incredibly smart. He's a software engineer who patented and sold most of his work to the government. Security stuff. But it's hilarious that his work is that serious because he's so laid-back, so funny. Biggest goof of us all.” Thoughtfully I add, “Although Nicholas is pretty funny too. I haven't had a chance to spend as much time with him, either, unfortunately. "
“Tell me about your cousins.” She squeezes my hand.
I go through the line of Cocker Cousins, sharing their names and a little bit about them, but after nine or ten of them, Willow gets overwhelmed and I can tell she's not following me, though she's trying. “There are sixteen so I can understand this is hard to follow. And let me tell you about their kids… " She laughs at my joke. “That would take us all night,” I smile. “But it would give me a chance to spend all night with you.”
She lifts the wildflower to her nose and looks at me from the corner of her eyes.
At the ranch’s end we reach the small pond, water shimmering with reflected stars. I lead her to the water's edge. “We made this when I was fourteen.”
“You made this?!”
"Mom, dad, and I shoveled it in the fall months when it wasn't so hot. Took a long time, but with the rains that came after, and the snow, it was easily filled. We made sure it was deep enough and wide enough, even brought some fish. Then they multiplied. The frogs came on their own.”
“It’s lovely.”
“It's a nice watering hole for the animals. Jonny's been in it a few times. When he was really little. We taught him how to swim here.”
Willow and I sit down, take off our shoes, and dangle our feet below the surface of cool water. I lean over and press my lips against Willow's, the taste of her intoxicating .
But she pulls back. “Ben, I…”
“Too fast?”
"I just can't get over the fact that you're married."
I frown, “Of course.”
"Can you?" She asks "I wanna kiss you so bad. But I feel like I can't. I just can't do that knowing how much…”
“How much what?”
"How much it would hurt her."
We sit in silence for a moment. "I don't think Shelby loves me. I think she just wants to hold on to what she had.”
“Family.”
“A free ride.”
“Ouch. Really?”
"Mom told me Shelby told you what a good mother she is. But the truth is, she hasn't really done much for a very long time. It's one of the reasons I called it quits. I couldn't carry her anymore when I didn't respect her. There's so much work to be done on the farm and she wasn't helping out at all. I was driving Jonny to school, picking him up. Making dinner.” I don’t know how much to share, but I need Willow to know I’m not interested in staying married, and why. “She was making him clean the house. I found that out."
"Oh my God," Willow whispers.
“Yeah. I’m not trying to badmouth her. I'm just telling you what happened so that maybe…so you’ll understand. This is private stuff, and I’m a private guy. Got that from my Dad. But I like you. I want to get to know you more. So you have to know the truth.” I meet her eyes. “There’s nothing in me that wants to stay married to her. I’m not just saying that to get you into bed. Though I do want to get you into bed. And other places.”
“Oh my.”
“Also new for me.”
“You mean?”
“We haven’t had sex in…let’s just say it’s been a long time. Neither of us were interested. I haven’t been interested in sex in weirdly, a very long time. Until I met you. Now I’m feeling things I can barely control. But it’s complicated, so I’m working on that.”
She offers a small laugh, whispering afterward, “Me too.”
We sit by the pond, sharing stories and dreams. The world, and my past, fades away, leaving only us and the serenity of the ranch. I hear more in depth about how Willow wants to leave advertising, why she wants to do something creative — her photography. “I just want to add something to the world. Maybe leave something behind when I’m gone. Photographs will do that.”
I share with her, "That's one of the things I love about my work. I provide people with good food, organic, healthy. I'd love you to come and see my farm before you go.”
“Can you see it at night? Are there lights? ”
"You wanna see it at night? I have solar lanterns, so yeah.“
"I was thinking tonight. Now."
There’s a bed at my place with no one around. “I brought the Jeep tonight. We can walk back and take it over.”
“We’re pretty close to the street. How about we just walk over? Aren’t you on the next property?”
Every time Shelby and I came over here we drove. I'm the only one who ever walks over.
I stand up and offer my hand. “Come on. Let’s go.”