29. Ben
TWENTY-NINE
Ben
T hunderstruck, I watch Shelby leave until the taillights disappear around the bend. Walking inside, I find Willow on the couch. “How much did you hear?”
She pauses. “Everything.”
“Good. Because I need a witness.”
A smile is my reward. “It was a miracle, Ben.”
“I thought so, too.” Dragging a hand through my hair I pace twice, stopping to let it sink in that, “I’m getting custody of Jonny.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“Stunned.” I admit, adding a quick and earnest, “Thrilled!” I start laughing, a release needed for months. “No more fighting! No battles in court! I can’t believe it!”
Willow rises. “You got through.”
“Past all the layers of bullshit to what was really going on. I knew it! But that she’d admit it… I never thought that would happen.”
“There was something about the way you said it,” Willow nods. “It was without judgement. Matter of fact. She heard you from a real place.”
“Right,” I whisper. “I guess that’s what it was. Before I was just accusing but this time…”
“You said it plainly? I’m not sure. But whatever it was, you got through.”
“I got through!”
Willow walks to me and hugs me with the best hug I’ve ever known. It’s soft, loving, sweet. A friend. A lover? Love? “What do you need right now?” she asks.
“I need to talk to my mom and dad.”
“Call them.”
A phone call and a few moments later and we’re walking over to their place — Jonny in bed, them waking up to hear what I’ve got to say in person. We walk swiftly, and I take Willow’s hand about a quarter of the way there, my mind and body fidgety with everything that happened. Fights can really fuck with your equilibrium, but resolving them in such a profound way, I can barely get a hold of my feelings. Too many of them. It’s been like that for months. I’m tired, if I’m honest. But the electricity of what just happened, and that I have Willow at my side through it, is keeping me on a good path.
When Mom opens the door, her voice is quiet. “Come in, we’re making coffee. It’s almost done. ”
“We’ll stay on the porch then. Let’s have it out here.”
“Good idea. Be out in a moment. Your father is in the bathroom.”
She closes the door and I guide Willow to the coffee-cup stained, wood table and chairs. “These have been out here since before I was born. They were going to get a new set but Mom said she loved the marks left by a lifetime of memories. She didn’t want to let those go.”
Willow breathes, “Aw!” taking a seat. I stand until she’s seated and then get comfortable next to her. Comfortable as I can.
“This is where I told Dad I wanted out of the marriage, too. So it’s fitting that…”
I trail off and Willow says with understanding, “Yes. It’s perfect.” After a moment of silence my racing thoughts fill, she asks, “Should I go back to Sunflower so you all can?—”
“No! I want you here.”
She takes my offered hand. “Okay Ben.”
Mom and Dad walk outside, Dad getting the door with two cups in one hand, their handles wrapped tight in his big right hand. Mom carries the other two in each of her hands, wedding ring glinting in the porch light as she passes directly underneath it. “Beautiful night,” she smiles, handing us our cups. “Especially if there’s good news?”
I wait until they sit down. “Shelby is giving me custody of Jonny. ”
They freeze, Dad half standing, half sitting. He lands on the chair slowly, shocked. “What?!”
Mom says, “When? How? How did this happen?”
I tell them the story, coffee ignored during every edge-of-their-seats minute of my crazy tale. They ask questions I answer until it’s all out on the proverbial, and real, table. The air is charged with happiness and shock and several silences as we all take it in.
Mom finally says, “This is not what we thought you were going to say.”
“What did you think I was going to say?”
“That Willow was moving here.”
Willow gasps, hand rising. “Oh! Why would you think… I mean…why would you…”
Mom explains, “Because when we were little, Jaxson and I, we fell in love and sunflowers had a lot to do with it.”
“It was the flower I pulled from the ground for our first kiss.”
“Oh!” Willow whispers, putting two-and-two together.
Mom continues as my cheeks go hot, “When we found out that you both had pulled one for each other, without meaning to.”
I grunt, “I didn’t know.”
“Exactly. That she pulled one for you at the same time, when we know you love that story. But it’s something more than that. There’s something very wild about a sunflower. They’re so tall, so bight, and not easy to pull! Plus you’ve got those roots hanging out and anyone else would think it’s not romantic to have the roots, but the two of you…” She smiles, “I went to the shed after I heard, and saw them on the shelf.”
“This is a lot to put on her, Mom.”
“Ben, shhh.”
Willow laughs, “I don’t know what to say. Only I hope you like the news we actually brought even more.”
“Generous, too,” Mom smiles.
Dad coughs and gives her a look. “Let’s just back off, yeah?”
“Oh alright.” She lifts her coffee, breathes to cool it. “I’m just thinking good thoughts, that’s all.”
Willow reaches over to take my hand, saying quietly, “I think I should go back.”
“Yeah? Okay.” Dammit Mom. We say our goodbyes and she doesn’t even have the insight to act detached. Instead she hugs Willow and says, “We like you!”
I give Dad a look and he nods once. “Rachel…”
“What? We do!”
Willow is red as her coffee mug. “Goodnight Mr. and Mrs. Cocker.”
“G’night,” I nod to them. But Mom embraces me with a huge hug. “We get to raise Jonny!”
My heart pounds at the thought, and emotions rise quick. For too long they haven’t been able to see him, and that was a lot of my fault — because I didn’t stand my ground enough. Didn’t follow my instincts. Played up to Shelby’s wishes so I didn’t rock the boat at home. Didn’t deal with the yelling. The crying. The silences. I should have fought harder. A mistake I’ll never make again.
I will forever regret my part in that.
But that it’s over, and Mom and Dad will help me raise Jonny, is a miracle of this divorce I never dared think of. My chest feels tight with emotions as I hug Mom tight. “I’m so sorry.”
Dad comes over and joins in on the hug, tightening his arms around me and Mom. He says with emotion in his voice, “We get to raise him together.”
I breathe them in. “Yes. We do. As a family.”
I walk Willow back to Sunflower and let her be quiet. I’ve got a lot on my mind, too, and what Mom just did wasn’t what I’d have wanted but I know one thing — I have a lot on my plate for her to think about. By asking Willow to get to know me more, it’s not just me. I’ve got a son. I live in the country about two-thousand miles from her. I haven’t looked at the exact numbers but it’s around that. Why would she think of moving? I know I can’t move to Venice, California, no matter how cool it might be to most of the world. I’ve seen the photos. Pretty much every movie set in L.A. has footage of that part of the city. Or is its own? I don’t even know. I am certain of one thing.
There is a lot against us.
We get to the door and face each other. “Ben, I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you,” I grunt. Best I can do.
“I’m going upstairs. Get some sleep. ”
“Yeah.”
I’m about to leave when she grabs me and kisses me. I respond intensely, deepening the kiss. Taking possession of her tongue. Digging my fingers into her ass, pulling her close. She moans into my lips, pushes me away, gasping for air. Flushed.
“Wow,” she whispers. “I have to go.”
“I want you to stay.”
Grey eyes look at me. “Um…it’s been a long night.”
“I mean here in Georgia.”
“That’s what I thought you meant.” A nervous laugh. “We just met!”
“I don’t give a shit. I wish I’d met you sooner. You’re supposed to be leaving soon and I can’t stand the thought of that. I want you to stay.” I pull her against my body, not caring that I’m hard as a rock and I’m sure she can feel it. “Stay here in Georgia, Willow. Be with me. See if you like it.”
She glances down. “I know I’d like it, but…”