32. Willow
THIRTY-TWO
Willow
T he day before I have to go home, Ben disappears.
Neither he, nor Jonny, are there for breakfast, lunch, or the afternoon activities. I don’t have his number and I would never call anyway. He probably needs a minute? Or is he distancing himself from me since I’m leaving? He said I was invited to come for a visit…but.
And that’s a huge BUT because I know one thing… I’m in love with him. Where is he, I keep wondering as I spend my day taking photographs on the property, getting closer-up pictures of the horses, especially Arwen, my first horseback riding teammate, now friend. She poses for me with ease and it makes the time fly faster than the snail’s pace it was traveling at. The hens though, make me laugh, a welcome feeling that staves off my underlying anxiety. My long lens helps me get the closeup I so love, and they are hilarious.
Where is he?
Our group paints wood in the afternoon of affirmations — a pastime they normally do for their retreats. So much has been a departure from the norm, we all approach the task with humor. I write I Love Sunflower on mine with the intention of leaving it here as some have in the past. It’ll be my own in-person review, in a way. Though I have every intention of leaving a five-star for them on the Internet too. I hope many people for many years enjoy this beautiful place. I hope to be one of them again soon.
Where is he?
At dinner, seats aren’t saved for them so I gather, without asking, that Rachel knows they’re not coming. My heart sinks, and it’s difficult to find my appetite. I eat a small amount of ham steaks, mashed potatoes and sautéed veggies, baked cauliflower. It’s all delicious but I can’t even focus on the conversations, much less eat with a fervor.
I can’t believe I leave tomorrow.
Where is he?
Dessert is a huge double-later chocolate cake Sylvia and Rachel made while we were all out and about this afternoon. On the top is written, “Thank you to our new friends.” We all react in our own ways. Maggie and Pete kiss each other. Marco takes Michelle’s hand and holds it on the table while his free hand serves them both a slice each. Steve bows with his hands in prayer position. Laura hugs Sylvia who is seated beside her. Sienna wipes away tears. “I’ve had the best time!” Dax sits in silence with closed eyes and when I look closer, I see they’re brimming, too.
I raise my wine glass. “To the best hosts we could have ever hoped for.”
“Here here!”
Dax adds, “To a good life.”
And we drink to it all.
As I’m halfway through my slice of chocolate deliciousness, the door opens, and my heart jumps as Ben walks in, with Jonny close behind him shouting as soon as he sees us, “Grandma! Is that cake?!”
“It sure is!"
He dashes over as Ben says, “Willow, can I talk to you for a second outside?”
I rise, and Sienna slaps my ass as I walk past. Giving her a grin, I float over to Ben Cocker, happy he singled me out in front of everyone. I know the adults are aware we like each other, though it wasn’t spoken about aloud in the group setting, but it feels really good to not have to hide it. For him to ask to see me, just me, makes me feel incredibly special.
Unless he wants to say something bad?
Uh oh.
I step outside, a frown replacing my smile. “Everything okay?”
“Stay with me tonight. Jonny’s staying at my parents’ — it’s all set up.”
“Ben… ”
“I got a new bedroom set today.”
I blink. “You did what?”
“I hauled out the old one and donated it to the local thrift shop, then went shopping in Atlanta.” He points to his empty truck. “Hauled in a new bed, dresser and a couple matching nightstands. Reclaimed wood. They look great.”
Stunned, I feel a huge grin spreading all over my body. I throw my arms around him. “You did that for me?”
“I didn’t want to sleep this last night away from you.”
Jonny opens the door just before we kiss. We shift our weight as he says with a huge smile, “Dad, can I stay at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s again?”
“You sure can,” Ben smirks.
He whoops and runs inside, door slammed shut with his excitement.
I turn to Ben and am enveloped in a kiss that makes me wet. When he pulls away I smile up at him, my love . “I love kissing you.”
“It’s amazing.” He gaze grazes down my body. “Beautiful dress.”
I’m wearing a floral sundress with spaghetti straps, the predominant color, yellow. It made me think of sunflowers, even though it’s mostly roses. “Thank you. I like your jeans.”
“Oh you do, do you?”
“I want to take them off.”
“I was thinking the same thing about this dress. How it’ll look great on my floor.”
I laugh, then grow quiet. “I don’t want to leave you, Ben.”
“Then don’t.”
Snuggling into him I sigh, “I have to. I’ve got work the day after I get back. And friends. And family. And…everything.”
“Your dog.”
“My dog would love it here.”
“Then it’s settled.”
“No!” I laugh, “But I love where your mind is.”
He pulls me closer, his voice deep. “It’s not where my mind is. It’s where my heart is. I want to see you every day. I don’t want to spend a moment without you.”
My kiss tells him with all that I am, that I feel the exact same way.