41. Willow
FORTY-ONE
Willow
I ’m packing my boxes when Ben’s mom knocks on my door. “Hello? Can I come in?”
“Of course!” I pause packing, cutting a piece of tape with the jagged edge and smacking it into place before I turn and greet her with a smile.
“What’s up?”
“I hear you’re leaving.”
My spirits sink into guilt. “I’m sorry. Ben told me that Jaxson had planned on telling you I’m moving in with Ben and Jonny, and here I am already packing before we’ve had a conversation! I’m so sorry!”
“Will you still work with us?”
“Yes!” I tuck a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “I mean…I was hoping to?”
Rachel exhales. “Oh good. Because this hasn’t been a ruse to get you to Georgia. Well, it kind of was.” She laughs. “We really do love the help. And you’ve put so much time into it. But more than that, we’ve discovered it’s so much easier with three of us.”
Sitting on the edge of the bed, boxes surrounding me, I explain, “I’m sorry I didn’t come to you right away. What with you all being family, I assumed too much. That you’d already know. Truly sorry about that. Ben and I talked about a plan last night and this morning. Since there are only two retreats per month, sometimes only one, I’ll help him on his farm when I’m not here, but be here for the work whenever it comes. Is that okay?”
Rachel’s eyes are cast to the future. “For a time.”
I frown, “For a time?”
“I have a feeling…”
I blink to process her sudden silence after she said ‘feeling’. What does that mean? A premonition of my leaving? But why? She’s right. I’ve done so much work to learn what they do here. Why would I go? “Do you not want me to work at Sunflower anymore?”
Rachel takes a step forward, motioning no with her hands. “We love you here! You’ve been a godsend! I’m just…worried about the future.”
Rising up, I step close to her, voice as sincere as my heart. “I won’t leave you guys in a bind. I can work at both businesses.”
“You’re going to have a lot on your plate.”
“I’ll have a life as varied and it is fun.”
She smiles, unconvinced. “You’re going to be exhausted. And you’ll miss him like crazy.”
My eyes drop to my moving-jeans and ratty t-shirt, socked feet waiting for their sneakers. “I don’t know…um…let’s just wait and see."
“Do you think you’ll like farming?”
With a little too much enthusiasm I explode, “I’ll love it! I mean…” I bring down my volume, control my emotions a bit. “…it’ll be fun. He took me around the property this morning before we came back here and I’m just crazy about it.”
Rachel’s smile is sad, but with a glimmer of peacefulness in her eyes. “I thought you would. You’re meant for each other, you and my son. It makes sense you’d love to till the soil of God’s good earth just as much as he does.”
“I swear it’s going to be okay.”
“It would be better if you just taught a class here and didn’t do as much as you do.”
I gently argue, “But then you’d both have the whole load again and you’ve told me you’re feeling less tired now that I’ve been here.”
Sylvia pokes her head into the room. “I’ve made a fresh pitcher of lemonade and sandwiches to get some food in our stomachs before we pack up Ben’s truck when he gets back.”
Jonny runs in the room with Thor on his heels, stops at all the boxes. “You have a lot of stuff!”
“Oh yeah? You should have seen all the stuff I got rid of in California before I shipped these out here!”
“Dad said you can stay in my room. I’m moving in with Mom.”
I blink at Jonny. “Umm… ”
He cracks up. “Kidding! You should see your face!"
I grin, “Oh!” heart slamming in my chest from the awkward confusion of surprise. “You got me!”
Rachel grins at her grandson, admonishing him, “Jonny, this is a big day for her. You shouldn’t scare her like that.”
“But that’s the perfect time to scare her! High stakes!”
I cock an eyebrow. “Smart guy.”
“That’s right, Willow. Get ready!” He runs out, my dog chasing his new favorite human.
Sylvia calls after him, “Don’t you eat those sandwiches before lunch!” and disappears.
With Rachel and I alone again now, I insist to her, “I won’t leave when you need me. I promise.”
She gives me a smile of motherly love. “I know you wouldn’t do that. I just don’t want you waiting longer than you want.” Rachel starts to leave, and my mind feels the weight of her concern right along with her. She stops at the door. “Imagine being a family over there, building your life with my son and grandson, and working the family business. Together.”
Tears come to my eyes. “It sounds like heaven.”
“And while I, as a businesswoman, love having you here…as a mother, and as a wife who knows what it’s like to miss her husband, I want you with Ben , more.” She gives me a hug. “I’m so glad we met you. What a gift you’ve been.” Separating, she tenderly holds my shoulders, her eyes misty. “And Ben needed a gift. He was unhappy for so long. It pains a mother to see that. These last months you’ve been here, to see him smile as he smiles at you, that’s something I’ve always dreamed of for him. You really are a dream come true.”
As she leaves me alone with those sweet words ringing in my heart, I picture leaving Ben’s side for a week or often two every single month. He and Jonny don’t always eat dinner with the guests; that’s a rarity. Maybe one or two nights a trip. No breakfasts. They stayed at their place these past months since I’ve been working at Sunflower. Same with lunches. It’s been all about the guests with a normal retreat routine unlike the one we had during our trip.
Only half the month would I be with them full time for sure. Many nights during the retreat days, I’d come home late, past Jonny’s bedtime.
Now I see why Rachel was concerned.
We hadn’t thought this through.
I won’t want to be gone that much.
Oh my God.
What am I gonna do?
I’ll stick it out for as long as I can.
Six months more, maybe?
Yes, I could do that.
But suddenly I don’t want to.
She got to me.
Ben pokes his head in. “Need some help?”
“I’m just organizing my things. Won’t take me much longer. But…do you have a minute?”
“I’ve got all the time in the world for you.”
Smiling at the sweet response, I motion to him to close the door. He does, and walks up to me with a curious look. “Ben, your mom just had a good point. When I move in with you…”
“…today…”
“Yes,” I frown, “…today. Well, she knows I won’t want to leave you every month for two weeks at a time.”
He offers the solution, “You can come home at night.”
“I’ve thought of that. But it’ll be late most nights and that means Jonny will be in bed. You’ll have had dinner without me. It’s a lot of time apart.”
“I see.”
“Too much time.”
He frowns, “Don’t tell me you’re second-guessing this?”
“No no no. Not that. I was just thinking, what if we could find other help? Maybe put a job posting out into the Universe and see who comes back. Train them the same way I was trained. I can teach classes and be a part of the team, but able to help you more on the farm.”
Ben pulls me to him, kisses me, voice husky. “You want to work on the farm with me?”
“I’d love to.” I kiss him this time, arms sliding around his neck. “But you’ll have to teach me everything.”
He shrugs, “Yep, wouldn’t mind that at all.”
“There’s a new group coming in eleven days, so nothing changes until we find someone good enough, and they’re trained well enough to be left alone. I mean, something changes! I’ll stay nights at our place?—”
“—Our place,” he grins.
“And then come to work, like a regular job with really weird hours.” Pausing, I say almost to myself, “I guess whoever gets hired — if we all go forward with this after talking to them, of course —will never really be alone with Sylvia living here too. But I mean during the first retreat, I can ease them in. That’s part of their training like it was mine. Could it work?”
“That’s a good idea, but…”
“Do you have a better one,” I ask with hope at his expression.
“Didn’t someone say she never wanted to leave. That you had the best job on the planet?”
“Ben!” I cry out, run over, pick up my phone and dial. “Gemma? How’re you liking the coffee shop?”
“Same ol’ same ol, like I told you. Why?”
Meeting Ben’s eyes I grin excitedly and say to my Gem, “How’d you like to move to Georgia and live on a ranch?!”