Chapter 17 Dinner @ Benny’s. #2
I shrug, unbothered. “You could always stop talking to me.”
Za arrives just in time to hear that.
“We are out in public, Abeg!” she says, looking between us. “Can’t you two manage to get along for twenty minutes?”
“We weren’t even fighting this time,” I say.
“Exactly,” Jabari adds. “We’re actually playing nice.”
“It doesn’t sound like it.”
I let out a sharp breath, rubbing my forehead. “Yeah. I need a fucking drink. Should we try the pub?”
Za shakes her head immediately. “No. I want a Caesar salad with chips. Think Benny’s is packed?”
My body stiffens before I can stop it. “No Benny’s.”
She turns to me, frowning. “What? Why?”
“It’s just gonna be awkward,” I mutter. “We haven’t talked much.”
The silence that follows is brief but loud. I don’t have to look at Jabari to feel his attention lock onto me.
“Who’s Benny?” he asks, too casually.
“A guy.”
“Hm. I’m guessing he was a part of that infamous roster.”
I swallow. I know every individual time I’ve blown him off or couldn’t meet him for sex is running through his head right now.
Questioning me.
“So you’re still seeing him?”
He’s mad.
“No.” I answer honestly. “I haven’t been seeing anyone in a long time.”
The ‘except you’ was quiet.
“But I thought it was him who you were spending nights with. It’s not?” Za asks.
Jabari sucks his teeth.
“No. It’s not him. And I don’t want to have this conversation right now.”
“Why not?” Jabari presses.
Is he baiting me right now?
“What do you care?” Za asks, probably thinking he’s just being nosey.
“I don’t,” he says flatly. “If she wants to sleep with middle-aged cunts named Benny, that’s on her.”
“Wow,” I snort. “So poetic, Jabari. Really. I almost sensed a bit of jealousy.”
I was trying to lighten the mood and get us to a playful place but Jabari’s not going for it.
“The day I’m jealous of a fucker in a quarter-zip is the day I kill myself,” he fires back giving quarter zips an unnecessary stray.
How does he even know Benny wears quarter zips?
“Besides,” he continues. “You’re probably embarrassed of him anyway.”
I turn fully toward him now. “And what makes you say that?”
He leans closer.
“The fact that you’re finding an excuse not to see him. Are you too pussy to end things officially?”
Me?!?!
“I ain’t too bloodclaat pussy about ending anything,” I say evenly. “If something doesn’t work for me or I’m no longer interested, Mi a let it go and move the fuck on.”
I hold his gaze, letting my eyes say what’s unspoken.
You should know.
He sees it.
I see him see it. And yet.
“Prove it,” he challenges.
He must not know me.
“Zaza. Remember when we were at Spoons and you said I got to choose the next spot we go to? I’m picking this one to go watch Frankie end it with this clown.”
“Fine. Let’s go to his stupid pub. Za, that better be the best fucking chips in all of fucking England, because it’s the last time you’ll ever have ‘em.”
Za shrugs, unfazed. “I really don’t care. Just don’t break up with him before I get my free drink.”
I don’t miss the grin that spreads across Jabari’s face.
Tuh! Don’t smile now, cause maybe you’ll get a glimpse into the future when I leave your arse.
Jankrow.
“Well then,” he says, already turning, “I’m getting fucked up tonight to celebrate. Come on, I’ll drive.”
“Then you shouldn’t drive,” I reply instantly. “Let’s take the tube.”
He laughs loud and disbelieving. “Me? On public transport? Get real, love.”
“Mind,” I point. “You kill me and a haunt mi a haunt yuh.”
“You two are idiots,” Za steps between us. She’s so used to our fighting she can’t even detect the flirtatious undertones. “I’ll call the Uber if needed.”
“Fine,” I concede, already moving toward the door with Za close by.
“Hey—hey—hey! Wait!” Jabari calls after us. “I gotta pay for the man-jah!”
We stop and turn slowly.
“The what?” I ask.
He gestures vaguely back toward the counter, still clutching the manga.
“The man-jah. The backwards book ting.”
“It’s manga,” I correct. “And please don’t ever say it like that again.”
Za laughs under her breath, holding her hand out. “Hurry up then Bari. I’ll go warm your car.”
Jabari groans but throws the keys her way and she catches it easily.
“Nice,” I clap.
“You coming?” She asks.
I look at Jabari. “In a bit, I gotta grab one more thing.”
She shrugs and walks out, not before yelling:
“Don’t kill each other,” over her shoulder.
Then I turn to Jabari, whose hand goes to my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. I allow it for a moment—because I genuinely like it—before I pull away.
“Absolutely not! Not after the stunt you just pulled.”
“Come on… you know I had too.”
“No! You really didn’t. You’re just messy, and controlling and jealous, and—”
He pulls me in again. And the kiss is slower this time. Mummy says things like this ‘thief ya sense’ and I think she’s right. Because when he pulls away, I’m lost on why I was even annoyed or what I was even talking about.
“You coming round tonight?” He asks.
“I might. After,” I look at his lips knowing damn well I will be present in his bed.
“Good,” he pops a kiss on my nose, then we head toward the till.
He pats his pockets, making a show of looking for his wallet. “This is extortion, by the way.”
“How when you volunteered?” I remind him.
“I was seduced by the way you said big man,” he argues.
I snort and watch him fumble with his card like he’s never paid for anything himself before.
“Then swipe the card,” I say sweetly. “Big man.”
He shoots me a look over his shoulder. “You’re enjoying this way too much.”
I smile. “You have no idea.”
His tone got serious then. “Was this ‘Benny’ ting serious?”
I look at the cashier.
“No. Never was. At least on my end. I honestly don’t even think it’s worth revisiting but if me ending it with him makes you feel better then end it I shall.”
“Since when do you care how I feel?”
I shrug. “Since you're the first man I’ve been with that can eat pussy worth a damn.”
The cashier pauses and looks at us.
Jabari chuckles.
“Just put the books in the bag, darling.”
“If they play another Burna boy song I’m gonna kill myself,” Jabari mumble into his cup before sipping.
“You’re always on about killing yourself,” I quip. “Do you have thoughts of suicide, Jabari? Depression? Should we arrange for you to speak with someone?”
“Oi, you worry about speaking to that cunt, yeah?” Jabari says, leaning back like he owns the booth. “Leave me and my suicidal ideation alone.”
I don’t even think about it. My middle finger just comes up on its own.
“Shove it,” he adds, settling in comfortably. Then, he whispers low enough for only me to hear. “And let me watch.”
Za lets out a long groan, rubbing her temples. “Stop it. Both of you. I’m starting to feel like your mum.”
We answer at the exact same time.
“She started it.”
“He started it.”
Za drops her head into her hands. “My God. This server is taking forever with my drink.”
I glance at Jabari, he’s been impatient since we got here. That plus he’s been drinking heavily.
“When are you gonna talk to the man, Francine?”
I roll my eyes so hard it almost hurts. “When I’m good and ready, Jabari. That alright with you?”
“Maybe,” he says. “Only if you let me watch.”
I smile at him sweetly.
“I know watching intimate moments between other people while not participating makes sense to you as a cuck,” I say calmly, “but that is not the norm of civility. Calm yourself.”
Za lets out a sharp laugh.
Jabari just stares at me, lips pressed together, clearly deciding whether to be offended or impressed.
I sip my water and look away.
Score one.
“I’m sure a man showing interest in your wellbeing outside the bedroom seems foreign to you,” Jabari says, leaning in, voice low but pointed, “but some of us are tired of watching the circus you’ve put on for yourself.”
Score redacted.
“I’m making a circus for myself?!” I snap, heat flashing up my chest.
Za lets out a long, tired sigh. “Where is that server?”
I don’t look at her.
“Tell me, Jabari,” I say, sitting forward now, chin lifting on instinct. “How does what I do in my private time a circus?”
He exhales, shaking his head. “Forget it.”
“No. No.” My voice is steady, but my hands aren’t. I curl my fingers together under the table. “You don’t get to throw that out there and backtrack. You know everything about me, so go ahead, big man. Tell me what’s wrong with what I’m doing.”
“Guys stop it,” Za tries. “Calm it—”
“You’re lowering yourself,” he cuts her off with certainty. “You’re entertaining yourself with these jokers ‘cause you think these losers are the best you’re gonna get. But they’re not. You’re too fucking good for them—but you’re also too fucking stupid to see it.”
I go still. I’m almost tempted to remind him he’s one of the ‘losers’ I’m entertaining myself with.
The noise of the pub fades into the background. Even Za doesn’t speak. And in that silence, I realise something worse than his words. Za agrees with him.
I don’t need to look at her to know. I feel it in the way she doesn’t jump in to defend me. She’s been thinking it for a while. Longer than him even.
“Right,” I say finally.
“I’m gonna go find our drinks,” Za mutters, sliding out of the booth. She doesn’t meet my eyes as she leaves. That hurts more than anything Jabari said.
He drags a hand down his face.
“We talked about this already and I said I’d end it,” I look at the table as I talk. “There’s no need to get vicious.”
“I’m sorry. It was harsh.”
I don’t respond. I can’t yet. If I open my mouth, something ugly might come out.
“Frankie,” he says more quietly.
“If you had something to say to me about my private life, you could’ve said it when we were together. Not in front of my friend.”
“I’m sorry. I really am. I don’t know what came over me.”
I inhale slowly, forcing my chest to rise and fall like I’m not suddenly very aware of myself.
“But you meant what you said.”
He goes silent. I sigh.