28. Vesper #2
“Wait,” I say, stopping. “You have an inventory?”
“Of course, I do,” she says, sniffing. “You think me useless?”
“No, I just . . . didn’t know you had an inventory like players.” I meet her eyes. “How many items can you hold?”
“A few,” she replies. “It is not important. We should go fight this Minor Boss and get it over with, dah?”
Locke and I exchange looks. “Cipher, is it common for familiars to have an inventory?”
“Common?” Cipher repeats. “No. Out of the question? Also, no.”
“Interesting,” I murmur, studying the praying mantis a little closer.
“Are we going to go fight or keep standing around like idiots?” Svetlana says. “Put the coat on, Umnitsa, so that I can sequester myself inside. I do not wish to be cold on this journey.”
Locke ends up giving me the thermal underwear and snow boots, but he dons the winter coat, scarf, and gloves. We figure we’ll share the hand warmer back and forth as needed. Apparently, it can stay warm for two hours and be recharged with a single XP each time.
I glance at him as he buttons up his coat. “So why couldn’t you use the sword anymore?” I ask.
His fingers pause for a few seconds and then resume buttoning the coat, but he doesn’t look up at me. “Bone Breakers can’t use weapons that require skill. Only bludgeoning ones or fists.”
“I don’t understand. You held the sword just fine,” I point out.
He shrugs. “If I use it like a sword, it does practically no damage. I tried. Before. I had to use the sword like a club to do any damage and even then, it wasn’t nearly as much as my hammer.” Finally, he looks at me. “It doesn’t matter. I’m stronger now anyway. I don’t need swords or daggers.”
“Did you know when you picked the Glitch?”
Cipher laughs. “Of course, he did not know,” he says for both of us to hear.
Locke scowls. “Doesn’t matter. I have what I need and I’ll level up until I’m strong enough that a sword isn’t necessary anyways.” He rolls his shoulders and faces the door. “Let’s go kill the next Minor Boss and get out of this fucking place.”
The frigid cold is worse this time around as we step outside but we’re sheltered from the wind within the broken caldera enough that it’s easier to withstand.
It almost bearable this time now that we have proper gear.
My feet are warm and toasty in my new boots and I have the hand warmer charged up in my pocket that I keep my fingers around.
Locke opens the map and directs us north. The Minor Boss shows that it’s close, but we won’t know what it is until Cipher’s notification pops up.
The first creature we come across nearly makes me shit myself as it bursts from a pile of snow and squawks at me.
I jump back when it appears and press my hand to my chest to calm my suddenly racing heart, wondering if I need to kick the thing or ignore it.
It’s small, maybe half a meter tall, and is tube-shaped.
It’s black and white with a beak and wings like a bird, but the wings lack any sort of large feathers.
They look more sleek. It squawks at me again and waddles off slowly.
“What the fuck was that thing?” I ask, staring after it.
“That is a penguin,” Cipher answers. “A flightless bird that used to live on the glaciers of Antarctica before they all melted. They are now extinct on Earth as are most creatures.”
“Flightless bird,” I repeat. “What’s the point of a bird that can’t fly?”
“All creatures had their purpose,” Cipher responds. “Penguins were not capable of flight in the air. Instead, they carve paths through water with ease. Many would describe the way they move beneath the ocean as, ‘flying through water.’ Other flightless birds were excellent runners.”
Another one of the birds appears, sliding across the snow on its belly in front of me. It squawks at me as it passes, but doesn’t slow down. It hardly spares us a glance actually.
“I’m not sure I like where this is going,” Locke mumbles. “The Minor Boss should be around here—”
BOSS BATTLE INITIATED: ALL HAIL THE EMPEROR
Please the Emperor with your offering and celebrate diplomacy. I hope you like pebbling.
“Diplomacy,” I repeat. “So, this is like the Leafcutter Queen. We can avoid a fight.”
“Are penguins reasonable creatures?” Locke asks presumably Cipher.
“No,” Svetlana replies instead. “They’re evil and disgusting creatures. No better than swimming rats.”
“Great,” I say just as a much larger penguin appears in front of us. This one stands at least a meter tall, his slick black and white coloring marked by bright spots of yellowish-orange along his neck. On his head sits a tiny, golden crown.
“Who dares to disrupt my coitus hour?” he screeches. Another penguin follows along slower behind him, her eyes fluttering at me. “Ah, players. It’s always players.” He screeches loudly. “Well then, let us begin this diplomatic meeting so that I can return to spreading my legacy all over this hen.”
I wrinkle my nose at the creature and glance at Locke in confusion. “Uh, yes. We’re here to offer diplomacy?” I say.
The Emperor penguin waddles closer. “Are you stupid, player? I’ve already said as such. Do you know what’s going on? Did losing your soul take your brain with it?”
My mouth pops open. “Uh . . .”
“Oh, for god’s sake,” Svetlana says, stepping out of my fur-lined hood. “You there! Flightless bird! We wish to complete the battle promptly. Give us your demands so that we may be done with this bullshit.”
The Emperor penguin focuses on Svetlana and flaps his little wings. “What a delicious morsel you have on your shoulder,” he groans. “Give it to me and you may pass.”
“How dare you!” Svetlana shouts, making me wince when it echoes in my ear. “I am not on the menu, beetle head!”
“She’s not an offering,” I add in case it wasn’t clear. “Is there anything else you’d like?”
The Emperor shimmies and throws his head back to squawk shrilly into the air. “If you will not feed me that morsel, then you shall have to work twofold,” he declares. “First, everyone must dance.”
The sound of something high and metallic blasts across the clearing.
I duck, thinking we’re suddenly under attack, but I realize only a few seconds later it’s some sort of music.
I don’t know what sort of machine makes the music, but it comes from everywhere all at once and sounds distinctly metallic.
“Dance!” the Emperor penguin commands.
Around us, all the penguins start to move, tapping their feet and spinning on the ice. Their squawking interrupts the sound of the music, making it feel like some sort of grotesque choir I never wanted to be a part of.
The Emperor stops when he realizes neither of us are dancing and waddles closer. “Dance,” he snarls. “Or die.”
I grimace and start to move my body. We don’t have music like this in Dross, not this metallic, lively sound.
Instead, all of our music is moody songs played on crude instruments made from scrap.
My moves don’t match, but I do my best, moving my hips and swaying with the music.
Svetlana puts her hands in the air and starts to move in jerky movements on my shoulder in her own style.
Locke doesn’t move, his arms crossing over his chest. The Emperor doesn’t like that. He waddles up to Locke and bites him with his sharp beak right on the hip.
“I said dance,” the Emperor snarls. “Now.”
Locke scowls at the creature, but he doesn’t start moving.
“Locke!” I hiss. “Just do it.”
Begrudgingly, he starts to move, swaying from side to side until the Emperor penguin harumphs and returns to his own penguin lady and undulating on her.
“This is ridiculous,” Locke grumbles as he moves. “What does this have to do with the boss battle?”
“It said this requires diplomacy. It isn’t very diplomatic to not do as he says,” I point out, moving around Locke with the strange metallic sounds.
Svetlana sways back and forth, clearly enjoying herself. “I love jazz music.”