Chapter 2 #3
I wanted to say that ladies were soulless robots without opinions, while women were uncouth human beings with thoughts and nerve endings?
The transition seemed to involve the slow removal and reinsertion of a stick in your ass.
Unfortunately for my future husband, I’d spent most of my life with my rear end free of obstructions.
Still I did my best to not get reprimanded, considering most of the tasks were pretty basic, and I just had to do them in some really obscure way.
Granted ‘my best’ in this case was fighting through half-assed boredom and constantly glancing out the window at the preparations for the coming Shinka demos, but that was still quite a bit more effort than I would be putting in to such mundane things on an average day.
Madam Elladena was done with my shit somewhere around the time I failed to fold a fitted sheet, and the veins were bulging in her otherwise unmoving forehead when I put the salad fork in the position of the dessert fork.
Considering most of my meals were nutritionally complete mash, I wasn’t sure who was getting full blown food on their plates these days anyway. Was I expected to marry into a rich family or something? This was very unrelatable.
By the stars, what a waste of time.
By the end of FOUR fucking hours, the Madam was going over my marks for the day, giving me notes on what to improve and work on before our next session. She looked at me with absolute pity as she moved around my match schedule.
“Your first introduction will be in two days.” she looked genuinely worried for me.
As she should be. “I’ve picked some low level matches for practice, so when you mess it up, you can use them as a lesson.
I would hate for you to lose out on your most high profile options because you met them too early in your journey. ”
“That’s very gracious of you, Madam.” I bowed my head, and she nodded in acknowledgment.
The fact that she wasn’t telling me who she picked, nor was she asking me who I preferred thus far, might have been concerning, but these were the disposable, throwaway men we were talking about, so who had the time.
“Additionally, with the Shinka Demonstrations tomorrow, in case you happen to catch the eye of one of our visiting guests, I’ve gained approval to begin your fertility treatments today, so any chance of intimate progression won’t be wasted.
” Her tone was deadpan, but the words were laced with something that could only be described as a threat.
“I’ll head to the clinic as soon as I’m dismissed,” I lied with an obedient bow.
“That won’t be necessary.” The Madam shook her head, then turned to the door.
That was when a nurse stepped into the room with a small carrying case.
“What?” I looked back and forth between Madam Elladena and the box in the nurse’s hand, while a cold wave washed over my whole person. Goose bumps prickled my skin. My mouth was so dry I could barely swallow.
“I would hate to have to report you for failure to comply with necessary medical procedures.” The Madam nodded toward the nurse.
They’re clearly dealt with small rebellions like mine plenty of times before and were well prepared to squash them.
“This way, I can record that you’re being treated as needed for your official file.
Your disorders don’t have to define your womanhood, Miss Callan. ”
The nurse neared and I took an unsteady step back. “This really isn’t necessary. I already have an appointment set up.”
“Odd, there were no new appointments recorded for you in the registry.” She didn’t wait to call my bluff.
“It has been seven weeks and four days since your last cycle, for your information, since I know you were confused last we spoke. Certainly a sign of hormonal disorder. I’m sure you’ll be relieved to have that fixed. ”
I wasn’t broken. My hormones were just different. I didn’t need to be fixed.
“Would you prefer I use the abdomen or the thigh, Miss Callan?” The nurse asked sweetly, as she removed a syringe and a bottle from her case.
I was too speechless to answer.
“Her abdomen,” Madam Elladena spoke for me, and the nurse returned a nod, before filling the syringe.
I wanted to protest, but what was I supposed to say? ‘I’d rather do it at home, so I can dump the solution down the sink?’
“Won’t this be uncomfortable so close to my first dates?” I was pleading, because it felt like the only thing I could do.
“Holding your head high through discomfort is part of being a woman. We’ve just discussed this.
” The Madam looked down on me with disappointment.
“The sooner we can get your body ready and eager for fertilization, the better. You may have your reservations now, but one day, when you’re holding your very own miracle in your arms, you’ll thank me for being so strict. ”
The nurse lifted my shirt without bothering to receive any further permission or consent. I forced the material back down, knocking away her hand with reactive fear that I couldn’t control.
“I’m scared of needles.” I tried next, hoping to justify my actions with something innocuous. “Aren’t there pills or something you could give me—”
The nurse shook her head and glared at me, cutting off my every attempt at a lifeline.
“If you would prefer, Miss Callan, we can have someone brought in to help you through your nerves by holding you in place. We can also offer blindfolds and straps.” Callous.
I hoped I never reached a point that I could treat a patient’s feelings with such flagrant disregard.
I swallowed, any ability to mask my emotions completely lost. My eyes burned with the threat of tears, and I was doing everything in my power to will them not to leak out.
“N-no, that won’t be necessary. I’ll cooperate.” I heard myself say.
I released my shirt and gripped my hands behind my back, holding myself for comfort.
I held steady, I closed my eyes, and I bit into my lip as the nurse administered the injection.
I tried to pretend this was no big deal, while internally, I wanted nothing more than to scream, to fight, and to run.
But that would only accomplish accelerating my forced matching timeline.
I could accept this here and vet matches for a year, or I’d be held down in a cell or on the auction floor and accept something far worse, and I needed to play my cards best I could.
This was how the program worked. I knew this was inevitable. It’s not like I would have gotten away with failing to conceive for long, and my period was so unpredictable, I couldn’t have used timing to intentionally avoid conception if I tried.
I just hadn’t expected this part of the process to start so soon. Even if my life had long been a ticking time bomb, nothing prepared me for the moment that bomb truly began to detonate.
“See, that wasn’t so bad, now was it?” The nurse smiled at me, despite the fact that I was still shaking. That all pretense and false composure had long left my face.
“Don’t worry. I’ll get you into worthy shape, whatever it takes.
” The Madam chimed in. “I’ve seen it all, and I’ve fixed it all.
” Her tone was stern, yet full of pride, as the nurse repacked her things.
“I know from your bio that you weren’t originally born in Mictlan, so I have sympathy for how long you’ve been conditioned to live in ignorance, but once you’ve gotten past these early growing pains, I know you’ll be grateful for the life you’ll be allotted going forward.
” Her preaching almost sounded genuinely compassionate.
You would think I was a child rebelling against vegetables and bathing, and not an adult woman who didn’t want her body to be a tool for other people to probe.
Had my culture really been so wrong?
This is fine. It’s fine. I’m fine, I chanted to myself internally, hoping I’d eventually believe it. They could force me to take their drugs, but they wouldn’t force me into “Intimate Progression,”
The silent ‘not yet’ was too terrifying to acknowledge.
I watched as the nurse exited the room, and the thought that that might be my job one day flashed through my mind. Would I spend these four years training to be a medic, only to become a nightmare to other women like me?
I clenched my hand into a fist to stop it from shaking, before I returned to the dressing room. I was about to break, and she didn’t deserve the satisfaction of watching it happen.
So I held the mask of a lady, with the gumption of a woman, before I made it into a private room, where I could collapse onto the floor and cry my eyes out like the scared girl I really was.