Chapter 18 #3
“I was confident.” He shrugged, giving me absolutely no confidence.
“Calm down. We’re allies. It’s my job to keep you safe.
” He leaned down, grabbing my wrists one at a time to pry my hands from my face.
A subtle gesture that stole the only barrier between us.
“I promise you won’t die on my watch,” he dropped his volume as his face inched entirely too close to mine, then he added, whispering directly into my ear, “but I’ll let you get real fucking close, sweetheart.
” He patted my cheek with the palm of his hand in two quick and condescending taps, then he stood up straight and reprogrammed my bar.
“You should be doing one-hundred pounds at least by now. For all our sakes, try a little harder. I don’t want someone who needs his whole body to lift eighty pounds watching my back on the battlefield. ”
He stepped back, he staggered one hand beneath the bar and the other on top, and he waited like I was supposed to do a fucking trick for him.
My eyes were now burning with the first hint of tears, that terror and anger and tangle of overwhelming emotion all needing some outlet to fully leave my body, and it was fruitless that I swallowed to try to clear the lump in my throat.
I wasn’t going to cry. I wasn’t going to let this asshole break me in front of everyone on my day off.
That first tear escaped the corner of my eye against my will, and a pathetic stream of failure slipped down my temples and into my hair. It was only by the grace of my heavy perspiration that he may not have noticed.
With shaking hands, I gripped the bar above me, and I un-racked the hundred pounds on locked arms. By the stars, it was abhorrent how big a difference just twenty pounds could make.
“Go on. You’re leveling up today. Give me one,” he insisted, like he was my encouraging coach who wanted me to succeed. The sarcasm was noted. “I won’t let it kill you.”
I gritted my teeth and lowered that bar as slow and controlled as I could muster, using every ounce of strength and energy in my soul, needing this to be my one rep max right now.
The weight of it was damn near crushing, and my arms were quivering under the strain.
But I refused to let it drop. His hands were perfectly positioned like an experienced spotter, ready to catch the bar at a moment’s notice, but I didn’t need his help.
I would never need his help.
I brought the bar all the way down, then I took three heavy breaths through my mouth, since my nose was partially obstructed by unhelpful snot from my equally unhelpful crying reflex.
I’d survived a lot after my parents died, and yet somehow my emotions weren’t prepared for being bullied by someone who could snap me in half with a waggle of his eyebrows.
I drove hard, giving it all of my power, and I screamed through the move as I managed to lift that hundred pounds all the way up and replace it on the rack safely, securely, and successfully. Then before my audience could have any other opinions, I sat up and got off the bench to shake myself out.
I looked him in his arrogant face with a death glare as he was giving me his best slow clap, and I mock curtsied in response.
It was about 0.003 seconds after I finished and .
00001 seconds after seeing the confused scrunch to his nose that I realized that curtsying was a version of ‘fuck you’ that I needed to immediately remove from my habits if I wanted any chance of not giving myself away, so I quickly played it off with a dismissive wave of my hand.
“Happy now? How much longer are you going to be obsessed with me? This is getting a bit ridiculous.”
He tapped a finger against his lips as if he was legitimately pondering the question. “Well, I’m on my final year here before I transfer to active forces, and you’re unlikely to survive long enough to make it to graduation, so I’d say it’ll be a short yet impactful affair.”
Insufferable. “If I’m so insignificant and weak and useless, why are you so fixated on intimidating me?
There are thousands of other new recruits who suck more than I do who would benefit from whatever this tough love act is.
” Not much of a brag, but hopefully it was enough of a redirect.
It wasn’t like anyone was actually going to clap because I lifted a hundred pounds, anyway.
They should, because that was honestly really good for me and a new personal best, but regardless…
Elio raised a brow. “Honestly, I’m not sure there is anyone who sucks more than you do.
” His gaze dropped back to my hundred pound weight as damning evidence.
Rude. “But even if there was, somehow,” Seriously, rude, “the fates themselves put you into my orbit no matter how unhappy I am about it, so I suggest you toughen up.”
“Is this some ‘no man left behind’ bullshit? Because I think I’d rather you leave me behind if it is.” I wasn’t in the mood for this obtuse nonsense.
He shook his head.
“No.” He paced over to me, his imposing size forcing me to look up to maintain eye contact.
There was no point in someone being that tall, and I low key hated him for that too.
He bent down until we were nose to nose, and I refused to recoil no matter how much I wanted to.
“This is called ‘sink or swim,’ Mishka. It’s more like I want to hold you under until you either drown, or you figure out how to get free.
” He was always way too comfortable being so damn close to me.
“It’s for your own benefit, really.” He took a step back and gave me a pat on the shoulder.
“Now if you’re done camping on the bench press, I’d like to use it. ”
“I… what?” Was this all about getting the machine he wanted for his routine? Was he being fucking serious right now?
“The bench press. You’ve already done three sets, so are you done?
” He’d been counting my sets? How long has he been watching me?
Also, was he going to let me keep using it if I said I wanted to do one more?
He was suddenly so casual and considerate, as if he hadn’t threatened me with imminent death just seconds ago.
“Sure. Go ahead.” I heard myself utter in my dumbfounded haze, as cordial as I was confused.
Without further ado, Elio reprogrammed the bar to a number I didn’t want to hear him brag about, then he settled onto the bench and started his set.
I just continued to stare, continued to blink.
The veins in his arms bulged as he masterfully flexed every taut muscle in his chest and arms to lift that bar back and forth.
If I ever wondered exactly what muscles were worked by that exercise, there was no question now.
He was a bronze sculpture come to life, built like a superhero around the heart of a villain.
The gym lighting was just super flattering. That must have been why he looked so good no matter how hard he was pushing.
It wasn’t until a half smirk danced across his lips that I realized I was just standing there, watching him like a fucking creep.
“You’re staring again,” he noted for my mortification. “Hoping to learn something, or is this just your first time seeing actual muscles? Since I know your mirror must be pretty disappointing by comparison.”
This motherfucker.
I shook my head and told myself I was going to pretend this whole day never happened before I stormed off.
If I didn’t survive until graduation, it was definitely going to be his fault.