CHAPTER 27 #2
The calendar had flipped fifteen times since Roxy went MIA. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days, and days into weeks. Following the same pattern, Ellen's patience turned into impatience.
She couldn't decide if she was angrier at Roxy or at herself. One thing was certain, though: she was angry.
Ellen felt that Roxy was being disrespectful toward her. The least Roxy could do would be to call her and apologize, don't it? But Ellen felt terrible about how she'd pressured Roxy, especially since Roxy was already with someone. She truly believed it shouldn't have happened.
She always resorted to the same coping mechanism—immersing herself in her work. She attempted to hide her struggles with inconsistent results. She kept staring at their conversation on her phone. Her name, still displayed in pale blue after Ellen's last message, marked "Delivered." Nothing else.
At 8:30 a.m., the doorbell rang on this Saturday morning. No hard feelings against delivery workers, but they weren't the ones who could make her smile again.
She was alone at home. Taylor, Jess, and Blake left early this morning to go to the Indeed! Music Sydney studio to continue pre-production on SNARL's next album. Reluctantly, she walked over to the front door and opened it. "Yeah?" Ellen said and froze on the spot.
She stood before her with aviator sunglasses, a black leather jacket, a white top that offered a glimpse of her flat stomach, and skinny jeans that clung to her curves. Ellen had never seen her dressed like this before.
"Jamie? What are you doing here? Is everything okay? "
"Hi," she said casually, walking in as if Ellen had invited her in. "I brought brunch. Sit down, I'll take care of it. Where do you keep your measuring cups?"
"Um, that one," she said, indicating a cabinet door with her finger. With no choice but to obey, Ellen sat at the island. "Could you now explain what you are doing at my place, on a Saturday morning?"
"It'd be more like you telling me why I'm here on a Saturday morning," Jamie shot back.
"I've been watching you for two weeks and frankly, something's wrong.
And before you say anything, don't worry, you're hiding it well.
But I have a sixth sense of this kind of thing. So... what's going on, Ellen?"
Ellen stared at her, completely taken aback. "I don't even know where to start."
"Start at the beginning," she said simply.
Ellen did not try to resist and told her everything, from the moment at Baxter's to the message that morning.
Ellen didn't dwell too much on the gestures or words exchanged, but Jamie understood exactly what had happened.
She listened to Ellen without interrupting or trying to grasp everything.
She sought out only enough information to make sense of it all.
Ellen realized something important: Jamie was now her friend and she cared for her. She gave her the time she needed, and it was enough for Ellen.
"Alright, nothing in there freaks me out," Jamie finally said, chuckling. "Falling in love with complicated women is kind of our national sport, isn't it?"
She laughed—light, but with something underneath. Ellen blinked, caught off guard. In that moment, Ellen realized she didn't really know Jamie. Not the way she thought she did.
"Oh. I didn't know you were…" Ellen said, quietly.
She didn't flinch. Instead, she met her eyes—not with pride or defensiveness, but with calm, steady understanding.
Then, gently, she placed her hand over Ellen's.
"Maybe we understand each other more than you think," she said.
Her voice didn't waver. It settled deep down, a simple but accurate fact.
"Why don't you go visit her? If you think she's the one, go fight for her. "
Why didn't she think of going straight to her house?
Maybe she was trying to avoid seeing Charles and lying to him. On the other hand, maybe Roxy had already told him something.
"You're probably right."
There was a silence, but it wasn't awkward. It held something new. Something she hadn't expected. She gave her hand a light squeeze. "Go on," she added. "Get changed. I'll clean this up."
***
Ellen didn't want to wait for a car, so she drove herself. She soon arrived at Roxy and Charles's, facing three different ways to go.
Option 1: No one was home, and the conversation is delayed.
Option 2: Roxy would open the door, and she would have to face Ellen.
Option 3: Charles would open the door, and Ellen would have to face him.
She really didn't want option three to go down. She had no clue how she'd respond. Especially if she showed up behind him. Especially if he knew everything.
She still didn't know what she was going to say to Roxy, but she thought the conversation they had started the other night needed to be concluded whether it was positive or negative. She climbed the stairs, knocked once, then twice.
The moment Charles opened the door, Ellen noticed the chilling absence of feeling in his eyes. "Ellen, I didn't expect to see you here, what can I do for you?" he exclaimed.
Without a hello, Ellen suspected he knew everything, a stark contrast to the vibrant energy she had observed at the game night. Was it anger, sadness, or apathy? She couldn't find any answers in his expressionless, wide-eyed look.
Ellen was stunned. Her suspicion was that he wouldn't be pleased if he knew, but she was taken aback by his complete lack of reaction. She sensed that things weren't as they should be. "Charles, hello," she said, "I'm here to see Roxy. Is she home?"
His eyes, fixed on Ellen, displayed a sudden and deep bewilderment. "Um… Roxy's been gone for more than two weeks, Ellen."
Her stomach twisted. "Gone...? What do you mean she's gone?"
Both Ellen and Charles found it tough not to freak out, each for a different reason. "Roxy broke up with me two weeks ago. You didn't know?"
Ellen froze, which Charles noticed. "You knew, right? She came out to me and said she had feelings for you."
"When?"
He looked at Ellen, and she knew she was asking a lot of him. Was he replaying a bad memory, perhaps? "Hard to forget the date where my world collapsed. February 11th."
She felt the air leaving her lungs. February 11th? What the fuck? So, she was single, and then she ended it with Ellen? That didn't make any sense.
Perhaps the worst emotion that appeared on her face: compassion for Ellen. Compassion that she didn't deserve, in her opinion. "Wait, you didn't know?" Ellen remained silent and felt that everything had changed at that moment.
"What did she tell you?"
"She said she loved you and you helped her figure out she's gay and couldn't hide it anymore. But she also said she ruined everything with you, and you two would be impossible."
"She loves me?" Roxy loved Ellen. Why the silence? Why disappear? It made little sense.
He paused to look at her. "You mean... you haven't seen her? Not once?"
"I saw her on Valentine's night." He winced when he heard they spent Valentine's Day together, just three days after breaking up. Then Ellen chimed in, "But it was to tell me we could no longer see each other. She disappeared completely then."
She omitted the specifics, not from fear, but perhaps from a sense of deference. He didn't need to know how deeply she touched her or how empty she left Ellen feeling. He was already in pain, and she didn't want to make it worse, but he wouldn't stop looking at Ellen.
"It was reassuring to think you were together, to be honest. But now, I am worried. Where else could she be if not with you?"
"I don't understand," Ellen, fighting back tears, finally said. "She could've at least said something, anything!" Her jaw clenched, even though she didn't want it to.
He put his hand on Ellen's shoulder and tried to make her feel better. "I know, and I'm sorry. She really should have told you."
How could this man find the strength to console the woman who caused the end of his relationship? He was a saint.
"She could have done that for you, too," Ellen said.
Charles nodded and then stated, "I think it's just too difficult for her. Roxy isn't a bad girl, but she has a lot of baggage."
Ellen nodded slowly, even though deep down, part of her was screaming. Roxy should have been afraid of losing Ellen. Not the other way around. "Thank you, Charles."
She turned to leave, but Charles's voice rang out again. "Can I give you some completely unsolicited advice?" Ellen turned toward him. "She's worth it, Ellen. Please, don't close the door to her. You seem like a good person." Ellen didn't answer and watched him close the door gently.
Ellen took each step carefully, got to the sidewalk, and stopped, her face blank but fuming inside. Burning, but the heat came from fury, not desire.
Ignoring a nagging urge, she snatched her phone and dialled Roxy.
Once again, the line was silent, and her call was immediately diverted to voicemail: "This is Roxanne Powell.
I am unable to take your call now, but please leave a detailed message and your contact details, and I will call you as soon as possible. Have a lovely day."
But instead of the signal tone, an automated voice spoke: "The voicemail box for this number is at full capacity. Please try calling again later."
With a sigh of frustration, Ellen ended the call and immediately opened her text app, her thumbs a blur as she typed with intense speed.
Ellen Caldwell - 1:35 PM Crystal clear, Roxy.
Ellen Caldwell - 1:35 PM Thanks for making it so easy to feel like a fucking idiot.
Ellen Caldwell - 1:36 PM Next time, just say you regret everything. It would've saved me two weeks of wondering.
Ellen Caldwell - 1:37 PM Don't worry. I won't make that mistake twice. Hope the silence is worth it.
Her hand clenched tightly around her phone. She hoped and waited, but this time, it was over. She had already gotten her second chance after the game night.
"You don't get to play with me like that," she whispered.
The next time they crossed paths—if they ever do—it would be on Ellen's terms. Roxanne would need to be more than ready.