Chapter Seven
Cody
In some ways, the town had stayed the same, but in others it had changed, or was it because Cody had changed?
Hoodie on with the hood pulled over his face, Cody walked along the sidewalk towards the therapist's office he’d seen online.
That had surprised him. When he’d left, all conversations regarding therapy had been shut down.
Cass hadn’t wanted to travel to the large town where one was located, didn’t want anyone to know about his mess of a son, but now Robinson had their own.
He knew who owned it as well. He’d gone to high school with Siobhan Mohan and her older sister Darcy had been at college studying.
Her name had been attached to the office.
Cody only vaguely remembered her, even though he’d spent time at Siobhan’s house every summer until his life drastically changed.
Then he’d sunk deep into the pit of self-loathing and tried to destroy his life. Had almost succeeded as well. He’d been saved, though, by people who he considered more his family than his own flesh and blood.
When Cody reached the building, he paused on the sidewalk, hands deep in his pockets, staring at the entrance.
All simple lines and soft colors. Cody had seen the inside of a few therapy offices, so when he stepped inside, the warm colors didn’t surprise him.
He did like the shelves with their plants.
The flowers brought a smile to his face.
A small table had magazines on it and a few chairs were dotted around. Soft music in the background. Some instrumental piece Cody had heard before but didn’t know who had created it. Some classic, no doubt.
The woman behind the desk glanced up when he entered, moved away from the computer in front of her, and smiled. “Can I help you?” Her dark hair tied back in a bun, she watched him, her pale blue eyes focused.
Not ‘do you have an appointment?’ She obviously didn’t recognize him, so assumed he hadn’t booked an appointment, and she was right. Cody hadn’t, but he did want to speak to Darcy if she was free. “I’d like to speak to Darcy, please.”
A small frown then, “Do you have an appointment?”
“No, but tell her Cody Paarman is here to see her.” The frown deepened along with a head tilt. “Just tell her. She’ll want to see me.” Cody took a seat and picked up one of the magazines on the table, hearing the faint murmur of voices.
Putting the magazine down, he turned to stare down the corridor and saw a door open and Darcy step through.
She walked toward him, shaking her head, her long auburn hair swinging behind her.
Her soft pale cream dress floated around her legs, her slip-on shoes barely making a sound on the floor. “Cody Paarman.”
“Darcy. How have you been?”
Darcy stepped closer, her eyes traveling up and down Cody’s body. He stood and saw them widen as she stepped back, a hand on her chest. “Jesus, Cody. What happened? You were so tiny when I last saw you.”
Grinning, he answered, “I grew up.”
“I’d say you did. Wow! When did you get back? Where have you been?”
“Can we do this somewhere more private? I don’t want anyone to know I’ve returned.” He glanced at the receptionist; a move Darcy noticed.
“Carma won’t say anything. Patient-doctor confidentiality.” Placing her hand on Cody’s arm, she gave him a wide smile. “It’s so good to see you. Let’s go to my office to talk.”
Cody followed her down the corridor and closed the door behind him after they’d entered. “I need to book an appointment.”
Darcy sat, stared at him, then nodded. “You’ve been gone, what, four years? Things weren’t great before you ran away.”
“No. They couldn’t handle having a gay son. I’m still gay.”
Darcy snorted. “Of course you are. Anyone can see you’re gay by how manly and, you know, manly you are.”
“You said manly twice.” Cody snorted. “Not very professional.”
Darcy straightened and tilted her head up, her gray eyes twinkling. “You’re not here in a professional capacity yet.” Grinning, she leaned on the desk. “Have you seen Siobhan yet? She’d be so happy to know you’re back. Where have you been? What have you been up to?”
Cody sat back in the chair and glanced out of the window.
“What have I been up to? At first, I was trying to kill myself in any way I could where I didn’t put a gun to my head.
” The barn. His near death, his awakening, passed through his mind, but he put them to one side.
Looking back at Darcy, he gave a small smile.
“I found myself and therapy was a huge help. If I come here, I’ll need to have my notes sent over. ”
“Everything will be treated with full confidentiality. I will never betray you.”
“Still not professional sounding.” Cody waggled his eyebrows and Darcy rolled her eyes. “You always made me laugh.” Cody saw the flash of pain cross her face.
“I don’t remember a lot of that time or you. I don’t like to think about it. I was different then.”
“I used to think you were the cutest little boy,” Darcy sighed. “Can you tell me what I’ll be hearing?”
“Will it determine if I can see you or not?”
“You? Never. You are and will always be my friend.”
Cody did the Spock fingers Vulcan salute, making Darcy chuckle. “You still love that show?”
“My love for that show will never end, though some of the latest incarnations have left a lot to be desired,” Darcy told him primly, then giggled. “I still have a thing for Picard.”
“Who doesn’t?”
Darcy straightened and said, “Tell me what I need to know.”
Cody nodded, then spent five minutes giving a synopsis of what he’d be there for. By the end, he noticed Darcy stare at the desk. “If it’s too much…”
“No,” she whispered. Lifting her head, she looked him straight in the eye. “In this room, I’m your therapist. That doesn’t mean that when I’m outside of this room going over our session that some of the things you’ll tell me won’t hurt. But, here in this place, I’m Doctor Mahon.”
Cody felt some of the tension drain away and sighed. “Thank you.”
“I wish I’d been there for you. I wish I’d known…” Darcy shook her head. “We can’t change any of that now, can we? It’s in the past. All we can do is learn from those experiences and move forward.”
“Some lessons are harder than others.” Cody stood. “I should go. I need to do some shopping. TJ doesn’t have much in the way of groceries, other than food I’m sure someone left for him.”
“Probably Toni. They’re all still close to each other. I look at them and wish more families worked together the way they do.”
“They love each other, and TJ set Toni up on that blind date with Carter. I remember how Cass found it strange that Toni remained close to TJ after they’d divorced, and he’d come out.
He couldn’t understand that their love for each other had changed.
They were friends before their relationship changed and they got married. ”
“That must have been hard for you. Seeing your father react—”
“It didn’t help.” Darcy stepped past him and opened the door. Cody walked down the corridor and when Darcy hugged him, he returned it.
“Carma will book you in and I’ll give you my numbers.” Darcy passed him a business card. “Call me whenever you need to talk. I’m glad you came home, Cody.”
“Me too.”
Cody made an appointment for the following week, and with another hug from Darcy, left.
It felt good to have that ticked off. He didn’t need the appointments as much as he used to, but they helped, so he kept going.
Now it was grocery shopping. He knew where the grocery store was, and walked there.
With his hood up, he garnered a few looks, but most stopped almost as soon as they started.
No one recognized him, and why would they? The Cody they knew was long gone.
The shop was where it had always been, located in the middle of Main Street.
Cody went in, grabbed a basket, and walked up and down the aisles, grabbing what they’d need for the next few days.
While he’d been recovering, he’d been taught to cook, one of the skills he’d acquired from the people he would eventually call family.
Which reminded him to call them later to let them know he’d arrived and had a place to stay.
Not that he’d given TJ an opportunity to say no.
Cody had returned for him and nothing was going to deter him—even TJ himself.
Once he had what he needed, Cody paid and carried the items back to TJ’s house.
After putting them all away, he grabbed his laptop and checked out what courses were available at the local college.
He didn’t have a car, but had enough saved up to buy one so he would be able to commute.
He’d come back to Robinson to live, not to have a base while he lived elsewhere. TJ was home.
Once that was done, he made a call to Mama and smiled when she answered. “Broke Farm.”
“Mama.” Eleanor, but Mama to Cody.
“Oh Cody. How are you? Did you get there alright?”
“I’m at TJ’s. He made sheriff.”
“He did? You must be proud. I know how much you admired him.” Cody smiled at the warmth in her words.
He had spoken about TJ a lot during his time there.
“What about your parents? Have you spoken to them?” This time, the questions were more guarded.
Mama knew how turbulent Cody’s relationship with Cass was.
“Not yet. I came straight to TJ’s when I arrived. I’m… not ready.”
“You take all the time you need, honey, and if you decide being there isn’t for you, you have a place here. I know my boys miss you.”
Mama had three boys, all teenagers, and Cody had grown close to them. Closer than he had been to his own sister. “I miss them too, but I’ll come and visit. I’ll bring TJ too. When he knows everything, I know he’ll want to come and meet you all.”
“You haven’t told him?”
“It was late when I got here, and he had to work this morning. I plan to speak to him in the next day or so. I’m kinda working up the courage, I guess.” It wouldn’t be an easy conversation. For him to say the words and for TJ to hear them.
“Take all the time you need. You went through so much, my boy, and you made it through to the other side. If you need a few more days, you take them. He won’t think less of you when he knows.
Just this morning, I was out that way where we found you.
Made me realize just how far you’d come from the poor child we found dying in my field. I am so proud of you, my boy.”
Cody sniffed, his throat raw. “Mama. I wish I really was your son.”
“Blood doesn’t always make a family. You’re mine, even if I didn’t birth you.”
“Love you, Mama.”
“I love you more, my boy. Ah, here’s Jedson now. Jed! Cody’s on the phone.”
“Cody! How are you, son? I take it you got there okay?”
Cody gave a tear-filled laugh then talked to Jed for a few minutes, then each of the boys before hanging up. Placing his phone on the table, Cody laughed again, then wiped the tears from his cheeks.
Poor child we found dying… Yeah, that had been him.
He couldn’t even remember crawling to the field.
Couldn’t remember the path he’d taken. Vaguely remembered Jed carrying him back to the ranch house, the whispers coming and going as he passed in and out of consciousness.
He’d survived. Physically, at least. The mental and emotional damage took far longer to heal, but he had been blessed because Mama and Jed had saved him and given him a home. Given him a family.
They’d been better parents to Cody during those three years than his parents had ever been.
He wished he had been born into their family, but then he’d never have met TJ, and he had always been TJ’s.
Now he was old enough to finally do something about it.
Poor TJ. He didn’t know what was coming his way, but Cody would make sure TJ enjoyed every minute of it.
With that in mind, Cody decided what to prepare that night. Nothing like coming home from a long day at work to a nice home-cooked meal.