Chapter Seventeen
Cody
Why did he let TJ talk him into this? Because TJ had been right when he said he had to face Cass at some point.
Once it was done, he could move on and forget the man even existed.
TJ had gone into work even though he had the day off.
Some problem that needed his attention, and Cody had plied him with coffee before he’d left.
They’d had a late night, talking and discovering what they liked and disliked sexually, and it had been the single best night of Cody’s life, and he wanted more of them.
If he wanted a life with TJ, then he had to face his past with Cass, so here he stood, deciding if he should knock on the front door or walk in the back like he used to.
Funny how this house he’d grown up in had never felt like a home to him.
Never felt like a place of love and trust and safety.
A place where he could run to when he needed a place to rest his head and avoid the world.
TJ’s had been that. TJ was home, and now that Cody lived there, he would make sure it remained that way.
He never wanted Arthur and Lincoln, and now Macy, to ever feel that they had to watch what they said about who they were or who they loved.
Scuffing his sneaker on the ground, Cody set off around the back of the house.
Back door it was, and that made him laugh, because Cass hated when Cody had used the back door.
Seeing the door ahead, his heart skipped a beat, but he never slowed down.
Hand on the handle, he took a deep breath, then walked inside.
Cass and Emily sat at the table and Cass looked over at the door when Cody stepped inside. He stood and opened his mouth, then closed it and stared at him. “Cody?”
“Cass.”
“Cody!” He turned and managed to catch Cassie when she threw herself into his arms. “You’re alive!
I’m so glad you're safe. I’ve missed you so much!
” Bursting into tears, she buried her face in Cody’s coat, and he struggled for a few seconds.
Did he hug her back? Her grip tightened and Cody wrapped his arms around her, holding her, letting her cry.
“Cassie,” he murmured. “I’m fine. I’m safe.”
“I thought something bad had happened to you. I was so scared. I thought you’d died, and I would never see you again.” Cassie lifted her tear-streaked face, her black hair stuck to her wet cheeks, and demanded, “You can never leave me again. It’s been hell without you here.”
“It was hell when I lived here, Cassie,” he told her softly.
“Please take me with you. Don’t leave me behind again.” Cody looked over at Cass and narrowed his eyes. What the hell had happened while he’d been gone?
“Cassandra. Go with your mother while I speak with him.”
Cassie stared up at Cody and shook her head.
“I’m not leaving again.” Cody told her. “I came back for a reason. Go with Emily. I’ll make sure we meet again.
” Had he hated everything and everyone so much when he lived here that he failed to see how much Cassie cared for him?
He wouldn’t make that mistake again. Now that he was back, he would make sure to keep in contact with his sister.
Cassie slowly let go, her blue eyes wide as her bottom lip wobbled, and let Emily lead her out of the kitchen.
It didn’t escape his notice that Emily, his mother, hadn’t spoken a single word to him.
Cass stood and came around the table, looking Cody up and down.
Walking past Cody, Cass went to a decanter and poured himself a drink.
Whiskey, no doubt. It was one he preferred when Cody lived there.
Watching him now, Cody tried to visualize Carter and Cass together. They couldn’t have been more different. Worlds apart in their mannerisms and the way they treated their families. Cody waited, intentionally remaining silent, a trick he’d picked up from the man standing in front of him.
Eventually, Cass muttered, “You’re back.”
“I am.”
“What do you want?”
“Nothing. I wanted you to know I’m alive and well and living in Robinson again. I’m sure we’ll meet at some point, and I didn’t want it to be a surprise.”
“Hmm.” Cass sipped his drink, then looked at Cody over the rim. “I thought you’d be dead by now.”
“Would have made your life easier if I was. I’m still gay, by the way, and in a relationship.”
“You moved here with another man?” Cass finished his drink and placed the tumbler on the side. “Do you know how that will look?”
“Carter is married to a woman whose ex is gay. They have a great relationship.”
“TJ doesn’t look gay. No one would know unless he informed them.”
“No one would know about me either. I’m not that scrawny, pathetic boy anymore. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve grown since then.”
Cass sneered. “Only on the outside. You’ll always be that boy on your hands and knees, begging for attention.”
“Quite the imagination you have, Cass. I never had to beg. Not once, but that doesn’t matter now. I’m not that child anymore. Once I left here, I found a purpose in life, and I found a family who are more than happy to call me their son. Something you were always ashamed to do.”
“You talked someone into taking you? What did you offer them?” Cass looked him up and down and tilted his nose in the air. “Can’t have been much, looking at you now.”
“I didn’t have to give them anything. That’s the difference between them and you.
They love me for me. To gain your attention, I had to perform as you wanted.
Do exactly as I was told. All the little put-downs when I messed up, the sneering looks, the utter disdain you treated me with.
I can only imagine how badly it damaged the brand when I came out as gay.
Unless you said nothing and carried on as normal.
You can be gay and do well in life. Have a home, a family, friends.
I have them all, no thanks to you.” Cody walked over to the door and stopped when he heard Cass’ voice behind him.
“How much?”
Turning slowly, Cody tilted his head and stared at Cass. “What for?”
“You can’t be that stupid. You look like you don’t have much money. How much for you to leave and never come back?”
“I’m not leaving, and no amount of money will change that. I’ve come back. I’m here to stay.”
“Fifty thousand dollars.”
Cody laughed even though there was no humor in the situation. “That’s pathetic, Cass. Offering me money to leave. My answer is no.”
“Seventy-five thousand and you leave today.”
Cody looked at the floor, then back at Cass. “Is your deal with Angelo worth that much?”
“Take it and go.”
“I don’t think so. I’m here to stay. Get used to it.”
“Cass? What the fuck is going on here?”
“Carter.” Cody inhaled, then slowly released it, watching the brothers stare at each other. “How is Toni?”
Carter raised his eyebrows. “How is Toni? That’s all you have to say? You’ve been gone for four years. Where the fuck have you been?”
“Well, according to dear old dad here, I should never have returned.”
“What the fuck is your problem? Cody is back! Your son! The one you thought was dead.”
“Cody is exaggerating like he always did.”
“You’d like that to be true, wouldn’t you? I’m back, Carter. For good. I’m staying with TJ if you need to speak to me.” Cody left and walked around the side of the building, then toward the drive. He didn’t make it far before he heard his name.
“Cody, wait!” Cassie flung herself into his arms and held on tight. “If you leave again, take me with you.”
Cody looked at her, really looked, seeing the woman she was growing into. No longer that kid who annoyed him for being so perfect and loved and wanted. “I’m here to stay. I’m living with TJ, so if you ever want to come over, that’s where I’ll be.”
“You’re really staying? You’re not going to run away again?”
“No. I’m back for good.” Cody tucked a strand of Cassie’s black hair behind her ear, seeing how they had the same color. “You’ve grown.”
“So have you. When did you get so big?” Cassie squeezed his arms and grinned. “Any nice men at the gym? When did you get back?”
“I’m not at a gym. I work out at home, and I’ve been back about a week. I needed to figure things out before I came here.”
Cassie sniffed and stepped out of Cody’s arms. “I missed you. I had to put up with him on my own. He’s such a bastard.
” She sniffed again and tilted her nose up.
“Cassandra. Hold your head up when you walk. No slouching. Mr. So-and-so is coming over and you will behave. You carry the Paarman name.” She stopped imitating Cass and glanced at Cody.
“I hated you when you left, but I was scared, too.”
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t in a good place when I ran away, but I’m better now and I’m not going away anytime soon. Well, unless TJ wants to.”
“Ah TJ. I knew you had a crush on him. You have good taste in men.”
“Cassandra! Get in here, now!”
“Fucker,” Cassie muttered. “When I can escape, I’ll come over and see you.” She hugged Cody again and ran back to the house, right past Cass, who stared at him from the front door, then slammed it shut.
Cody sighed and walked away. At least he’d done it, and he didn’t have to come back again. “Cody! Wait up!”
Carter ran up to him and grabbed him by the arms, grinned and hugged him. “Fuck. Cody. I’m so glad you're safe and alive, and Jesus, kid, what have you been eating while you’ve been gone?”
Cody grinned and hugged Carter back. “I figured shit out.”
“Is that what you’re calling it? Where are you staying? Is this a visit, or are you here for good?”
“I’m here to stay, and I’m with TJ.” Cody stepped back and watched Carter.
“You’re staying with TJ for now? He should have said something to us.”
Cody paused, deciding what to say. He didn’t want to say anything about him and TJ when things were still new between them and he knew TJ still had issues, but he also didn’t want to lie about them.
“I’m not staying with TJ. I’m living with him.
” He watched Carter digest the information, a frown developing.
“Living with him. You and TJ? You ran away. You’ve been gone for over four years. We thought you were dead, and you come back and move in with TJ? Are you two involved? He’s far too old for you and he’s family. What the fuck is going on?”
“You need to back off with that shit. I’m not a kid anymore.
I get to make decisions about my life and who I want in it.
I only came here to let Cass know I’m back, and that’s it.
I want nothing to do with him and I have no problem including you in that.
You want to be part of my life, then respect my decisions, and that includes who I have a relationship with. ”
Carter’s eyes narrowed. “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?”
“The man who never protected me from his brother. That’s who. You had to know what he had planned for me, and you did nothing. Fuck you, Carter.” Cody turned away, but Carter grabbed his arm, pulling him back.
“What are you talking about? What plans?”
Cody stared at Carter, seeing the confusion on his face. Maybe he didn’t know. “You really don’t know?”
“Know what? I know things weren’t great between you.
I know you were doing shit you shouldn’t have been doing.
We tried to convince Cass to send you to therapy, but he wouldn’t and neither would you.
Then you ran away, and that was it. We thought you were dead.
We had TJ running all sorts of searches trying to find you, even if it was to bring you home to bury you.
” Carter pointed his finger at Cody. “Four long fucking years, Cody. Four fucking years thinking the worst. You think you can come here and say shit like that to me?”
“He’d booked me into a conversion camp, Carter. That wonderful caring brother of yours. Yeah, him. The only thing he cared about was the fact I was gay.”
“Cass is capable of doing many things, but he wouldn’t do that.”
“He did. That night I ran away, and TJ chased after me? It was then I found out I had two weeks before I had to go. I thought staying at TJ’s would help, but it didn’t, so I left.
For a year I fucked up my life doing everything I could to end the fucking misery I was in, and all it did was blow up in my face.
” Cody stopped to breathe. “I only came back for one reason, and it wasn’t you or him.
” Cody pointed at Cass’ house, then turned and walked away. “I’ll see you around.”
“Cody!” Carter snapped, grabbing his arm and spinning him around again.
“I didn’t know. I didn’t. There is no way in hell I’d have let him send you off to some camp if I’d have known what the camp was really for.
He told me it was to help you overcome the issues you had.
That there would be therapists who you could talk to. ”
“I’m sure there were therapists. Just not the ones who help gay kids.” Cody pushed Carter’s hand off his arm. “I’m back. I’m alive. I’m sorry for what I put you and Toni and the kids through, but I couldn’t stay. I had to go.”
Cody walked away and ignored Carter when he shouted his name. He wasn’t ready to have that conversation with him yet. Maybe one day he would, but that day wasn’t today.