Chapter 12
twelve
saúl
Ihadn’t been certain that Cam would obey. Hell, I hadn’t been certain about anything that pertained to this trip, other than a vet coming with me to Saddle Up, which was a good idea, and Cam needed to see that he belonged with us and the animals at the sanctuary.
It was bad enough when he’d started talking about this friend of his, and their playdates, I wouldn’t have asked details of even if he hadn’t specified it, and when he started opening up in a way he hadn’t with anyone in all the time he’d been with us.
I hadn’t wanted to tip the scales, but… Fuck. I didn’t think I’d succeeded.
His taunting about the kind of Daddy I was—and I was not going to think about what it meant that he’d pegged me so well—aside…
Even before we got in the car, I could feel myself behaving differently, treating him differently.
More Daddy-like. It had taken everything in me not to go through his suitcase to make sure he’d packed up properly and everything was folded and weather-appropriate.
And when he got in the car, I wanted to ask what kind of station he listened to, and offer some of the CDs I had under the console that I kept hidden from everyone else because there was no easy way to explain why I kept soundtracks from cartoon movies in the truck.
And then he started talking, and rushing through his explanations with barely enough oxygen, and I couldn’t help it.
I splashed cold water over my face, staring at my reflection. I always felt that my skin looked too rugged, which made me look much older than my years. Cam hadn’t once teased me for it.
No, he just teased about my Daddy ways without knowing half of it.
Asking him to show me a private conversation?
I shook my head before drying my face with a bunch of paper towels. It would already push all boundaries if I’d been asking as his Daddy.
I was not his Daddy, for fuck’s sake.
I didn’t know when all these feelings had gotten into me, but they could fuck right off, pronto.
He had sent me the screenshot, though, so it would only make things ten times worse if I didn’t read through it now.
Knowing him, he had to be chewing the skin around his fingernails raw, waiting for me to come back and say something.
I bet something involved firing him or, at the very least, being the type of mean he’d accused me of.
I leaned against the flimsy sink as I read through the type of rambling I’d come to associate with him.
I still had questions about what else had been going on with his life to make him abandon who he’d described as the purest cinnamon roll, but the texts didn’t answer that question.
I’d already pushed too much for the day, too, and stalling would only make me give in to the urge to stop at another service area and make our trip that much longer.
My back was always a mess by the time we got to Saddle Up. Spending much more on the road wouldn’t help matters.
As predicted, Cam was biting on his thumbnail when I got back inside the truck. “The kind of Daddy I am is also very against what you’re doing.”
Cam yelped. I wasn’t used to joking about kink, but the positive that came from it is that he pulled his hand out of his mouth. He even clamped it beneath his thighs.
“Um. Right. So…”
“So, you didn’t make the smartest decisions when you hired a PI instead of letting her reach out to you if she wanted to.
” I rubbed a hand down my face. Since there hadn’t been any new information on the text, I’d been more focused on the last paragraphs.
And the date when he sent it—the day I’d caught him wearing a pair of diapers and he’d thrown me out after his attempt to leave was cut short.
“And I’m sure you could’ve eased her into it some more before dumping anything on her, but I’m going to take a wild guess and say that’s not unusual for you. ”
“Not fair.”
“You keep saying.” I snorted. Part of me wanted to address that I’d been the one responsible for it. Part of me reasoned it was safer for both of us if I didn’t. “But no, do not text her again if she doesn’t reply, Cam. Write in a journal or something instead.”
“I do have a journaling app.” The delight in his voice made it seem like he’d completely forgotten the fact until I put the idea in front of him. “I always forget about it.”
Figures.
“Did you want to buy something before we head back on the road?”
Points for me for not saying snacks. And for redirecting the conversation before I could think about how that was such a Little thing to do and say.
I already had a soft spot for the guy; that didn’t mean I should make it any softer on purpose.
“Um. I’m good. I baked brownies. They’re in the cooler thingy in the back.”
The fuck?
“I thought that fridge was for drinks.”
I knew I had tasked him with it and told him to fill it with bottles of water. I hadn’t even considered he’d try to sneak anything else.
“There’s water too!” he protested. “But, did you want melted brownies? Or salmonella? I’m pretty sure you can’t get salmonella after they’ve been in the oven, but still. I’m not apologizing because I didn’t want brownies that I put a lot of thought into baking go bad.”
Of course he wasn’t.
“When did you even have time to make them?”
“Last night. I couldn’t sleep.”
I blinked at the matter-of-fact tone. And the fact that he apparently hadn’t slept, but he hadn’t stopped talking for longer than two minutes since I’d found him prepping breakfast in the kitchen.
Back then, I’d only thought that it was a lost cause and he’d just taken over the kitchen fully.
I hadn’t stopped to wonder how come he was not only awake before me, but ready to go and looking as perky as could be.
“Okay.”
The fuck else was I supposed to say?
Maybe I hadn’t gotten as much rest as I should have, either. I was clearly not acting myself.
“Cam?”
Fuck.
It had taken the guy hours before he’d fallen asleep.
We were supposed to take turns, but I braced for the part of the journey that was supposed to have him behind the wheel because that apparent lack of sleep turned me into a damn fool who couldn’t bear the thought of waking him up when he looked so damned relaxed and soft.
I couldn’t not wake him up now, though, when I’d already parked the truck in front of one of the motels we were spending the night in.
I considered heading to the reception desk to grab the key for one of the rooms with twin beds I always got when driving with someone else, but discarded the idea soon after.
I could only imagine Cam’s very clear anxiety if he woke up suddenly, not knowing where he was, in an empty truck.
There was no way out of it. Waking him, that was.
I had to call his name twice more before he twitched a muscle, shuffling for a few seconds before he started to force his eyes open.
“Shit.” He rubbed the sleep off his eyes, cheeks reddening as he took in his surroundings. “Where—”
“Motel for the night,” I answered before he had to figure out how to formulate the question. “Come on, I could use a shower.”
“Um.” Cameron’s eyes looked extra weary under the neon lights of the motel signs. “Sure. Wasn’t I supposed to drive here?”
“You can do it tomorrow.”
My back would probably thank me if I could lean the passenger seat down and get a bit of rest.
Just thinking about it had me itching to crack my neck. The last time I’d done it in front of Cam, though, he’d freaked the fuck out.
“Okay.” Cam yawned as he stretched, his shirt riding up because my life was soon becoming some weird porn video with all the tropes it could manage to fit in it. “You shower first, I call dibs on the bed closest to a window.”
I was an omen of bad luck, wasn’t I? At the very least, I had developed some kind of mental powers I didn’t possess before.
“It’s okay!” Cam shrieked as he did when his anxiety started getting the better of him, but he tried to act all sunshine instead of leaving everyone to see his inside mess.
It didn’t quite work, but it was easy to see the patterns.
“We’re adults. We can share. And the double bed is big, right?
And if there are extra pillows, I can build a—”
“We’ll figure it out, thanks,” I raised my voice over Cam’s because I couldn’t see a scenario where he hadn’t been about to slip up and say he could build a pillow fort, and there was no way he’d survive the shock once the old woman behind the reception desk asked follow-up questions. “Breakfast is included, right?”
“Yes, of course.” The woman—Sheryl—gave us a sweet smile that said she either thought of us as related or she was used to cowboys passing by on the way to Saddle Up.
I knew some of the guys went there a few days early to set up more properly, but I stressed out enough being away for two weeks, and my stand was easy enough to put up.
“Here, have the keys. It’s the last door.
Sometimes the lock is a bit hard to work, but it does work, I assure you. ”
Fantastic.
“That’s fine, Sheryl, thank you.”
My priority was to herd Cam out of there before he attempted to say anything else that would make him implode after he got some actual rest. I was already preparing for the possible aftermath when he realized just how much he’d opened up in his attempt to fill the silence of the truck.
Not that I could do much to avoid it or make it better.
I didn’t understand why he’d be anxious about it, anyway. No, I wasn’t going to condone every action he’d taken—learned that lesson with Roy—but… He had a good heart. The animals knew it, and so did everyone else who spent a day with him.
I knew it.
At least, even though I had to throw my entire weight against the door to jam it open, the bed was big. We might not have a dozen fluffy pillows in either of the two wardrobes rammed against the door, but sharing wouldn’t immediately become the most uncomfortable thing.
“Wanna start unpacking while I shower?”
Another bonus that made me more eager to dismiss the issue with the one-bed scenario was that the bathroom was en-suite. No running off through a creepy hallway, praying that there would be nothing untoward happening in the communal space.
“I can do.”
It was for the best that I let him take control of whatever was making his heart race. Mostly because the only way I could think of right now to get him off the ledge was to lean into that Daddy persona that had already come out more than it had any business doing during the trip.
Boundaries were shaky as fuck already, not in small part because of my lack of restraint during this first wave of the trip.
And I had two more days of keeping it together.
Cam was off limits.