Chapter 27
twenty-seven
cam
Imight have been out of the scene for longer than I cared to admit, but some things were hard to forget. They never changed, either.
One, a quiet Dom was a bad omen. It meant he was plotting. Thinking about things I’d pay for.
Two, Doms were very pleased when one did self-care stuff. They were extra pleased when one did the difficult stuff that they could feel proud of later on.
Three, the life of a sub was one of suffering. And complaining.
A lot of complaining.
It was justified, though.
First, even though it had taken me the entire road trip to finish the list Daddy had asked, when I sent it to him, I’d only gotten a forehead kiss and a good boy.
Both those things felt amazing, don’t get me wrong, and I’d forgotten all about why I wasn’t supposed to accept that kind of thing for a few blessed minutes.
But.
But then, we had arrived back at the sanctuary, and I’d gotten sidetracked with the pups and Golden because she looked so healthy already, even though it had only been two weeks, and the pups took a bit to remember me, but they’d grown so fast, too.
And then I was spilling my guts to Sofía about everything that had gone on in the trip, from my fumbling my way with the donors to a safe-for-work version of the developments with her brother.
I only felt marginally better because I’d warned him I was bad at keeping my mouth shut about important shit.
Sofía had been supportive, but she had also been excited to the point of bordering on inappropriate.
It was a bit uncomfortable, if I was honest. It didn’t help that she said Saúl’s parents would be worse.
I had barely survived her, and I didn’t know his parents half as well.
They had visited often enough since I’d started, but I didn’t know that I excelled at small talk.
And now I was heading toward Dwight, who was on surveillance duty because he’d fucked up his back fixing something while we were away.
I didn’t get the details, but I’d heard more than one of the volunteers talk about him.
One said he was a grumpy bastard. The other two who had mentioned him said he was stupidly flirty and got all flustered.
I didn’t know which version of him I preferred.
“Um.” Was I ever going to stop hesitating before I opened my mouth? “Hi. Do you have a minute?”
Dwight spun on his chair to face me. Not even the screens behind him made him look like anything other than what he was.
Whenever I’d read someone described as sun-kissed, I thought it was an exaggeration.
A hyperbole of some sort. There was no looking at Dwight and doubting he spent twenty-four-seven outside, though.
It was in his tanned skin and his naturally streaked hair, but also the light in his eyes and the freckles spread around his nose.
“Sure, little man. What’s up?”
My brain whirred to a stop. “W-why are you calling me that?”
I wasn’t—Well, I was Little, but I wasn’t twink-sized per se, and it was…
It was a weird thing to call someone. Had Daddy told him anything about us?
He had said he would leave it up to me, and he had a reputation for not talking about anything that didn’t have to do with the animals.
Surely, being with me wasn’t making him do a one-eighty.
It was me who had the right to do it.
“Sorry, man. I just assumed… Because of Roy, y’know. It wasn’t a secret that he was into kink that way.”
“Oh.” I scratched at my eyebrow. Daddy had said Roy was Little. He hadn’t said he was open about it. I never would’ve guessed. Then again, that was probably my bad. “I’m not comfortable with that.”
No idea how I blurted out the words like I did. No idea how Dwight would react, for that matter.
“My bad.” In his defense, he looked contrite enough.
Although I didn’t think he could ever look fully contrite.
If someone had shown me a picture of him before coming here and told me he was some surfer from California or something like that, I would’ve believed them, no further question.
“What did you come here for? Sorry, I’m too used to you running in the opposite direction. ”
“I don’t…” I clenched my hands. Nope, I was not getting into it. This was already going so badly—even worse than I’d possibly imagined. Wasn’t that a feat? “Saúl said you all wanted to do a barbecue or something?”
“Yeah?” Dwight grinned. “To be fair, we’re always down for that.”
“Okay.” I nodded. I knew I was starting to talk faster than I should because of how fast my heart was beating.
When I walked into the surveillance room, I was motivated to get this right and make Daddy proud when I told him.
Now I just wanted to get it out of the way and run, which did not feel great, but it had to be progress.
I wasn’t grabbing the first excuse I could come up with and running like he’d accused me of doing. “You should set it up.”
“Sure.” I didn’t know if he was oblivious to my fidgeting or believed that if he acted completely unfazed, it would soothe my nerves. It might be working, and I hated him for it. “This Sunday okay?”
“Yeah. Invite Saúl, too.” Inviting Daddy and getting him into the ranch hands’ quarters was the main reason for this. “He needs to get it in his head that you all don’t hate him. I mean, you don’t, right?”
The unfazed smile Dwight had been giving me morphed into something softer. If I was the kind to look for meaning in every little thing, I’d say I might’ve earned a smidge of respect.
For now, I just ignored it and waited for his response. I could, sort of, in a very awkward way, act unfazed, too. If I really put my mind into it.
“You’re goin’ to end up a good influence on him, huh?”
I didn’t grant him an answer.
The difference between a compliment and mockery was a small one at times. I didn’t have the energy to decipher it.
Obviously, it was one of the days when everything went wrong.
I scrunched my nose. Wrong wasn’t the exact word. I’d played with the dramatic foxes, spent more time than was probably professional checking in on the pups I was officially keeping once I set up an appointment with the local vet to get them chipped, and I’d conquered—some—fears.
Disclosing I’d hooked up with Daddy and that we were a thing hadn’t made anyone implode, and I had approached Dwight of my own volition without seeking refuge, even when he turned his teasing to the max.
The worst part about this job was being forced to keep my phone on me the entire time because who knew if there was an emergency one of the hands or volunteers had to alert me of.
If I hadn’t had my phone on me, I wouldn’t have grabbed it on my way back to the house. I wouldn’t have unlocked the screen on reflex, and I wouldn’t have noticed I had a new message.
Fuck.
It had only been like three days since we came back from Houston.
Why couldn’t she have taken longer? I’d even specified it would be okay if she did. It had been more for my benefit than hers, but clearly she hadn’t gotten the memo.
I shook my head. My inner voice sounded like I resented her.
I didn’t.
I was glad she had answered. I just… Fear wrapped around my every nerve quickly, blocking everything that wasn’t the screen and the myriad of scenarios I’d come up with ever since I sent the thread of texts.
I couldn’t blame her if she hated me. I wouldn’t.
I wouldn’t text her again, no matter what.
It didn’t mean I wanted to see the evidence for myself.
I unlocked the phone regardless, though, tapping on the app with the red circle in the upper corner that would take me to what my old best friend would have to say.
A shiver ran down my spine as the message loaded. I’d only read the first line in the preview, and I couldn’t say the words had registered.
soft_and_sweet
You’re a fucking asshole
…
Okay, I needed to get that out of the way
This is not fair. My Domme says I don’t have to text you and like, fuck up all the progress I made
And I *should’ve* kept you waiting even longer, but I was getting a tummy ache, so
Thanks for the nightmares and the confirmation that my ex can and probably did find me, by the way
And like, I mean, I’m sorry you were struggling. Are struggling? I’m not sure
But, yeah, I’m sorry
I’m just confused. Like if something was going on, you could’ve told me. Or if it was too much for you, you could’ve said too
Didn’t you think you could? Was I that much of an asshole? Like I’m not going to apologize for trying to heal from an abusive relationship, but I never wanted to hurt you either
I just didn’t know how to stop doing it myself
And… yeah
I don’t know where I’m going with this, if it wasn’t clear
PS If you take even longer than 24 hours to send proof of life, I will definitely hate you forever and block you everywhere and report all your accounts. There will be no redemption for you or whatever you’re trying to do here
PPS if what you were trying to do was check in on me, I’m okay
Well, I was before your text, but I mean, I’m happy?
I have a community that’s just the best and a Domme who loves me and she has two cats and I also have two roommates.
They’re ER doctors so I don’t see them much but they like my baking and they’re the ones who got me in touch with a new therapist so I forgive them for not being around as much
I have new stuffies too