Chapter 23
Jack
Alondra’s already on the ice by the time I arrive at the rink, and I’m not sure I want to know what time she got up. It’s four thirty in the morning, and I’m early after a night of tossing and turning before I finally gave up.
It was Nate’s night to sleep on their couch, and I’ve learned over the last few nights I don’t sleep very well when I’m not able to put myself between Alondra and her front door.
I shake out my hands, trying not to let my nerves get the better of me, but I’m scared shitless to talk to her.
Al walking in on me yesterday was awful timing, but I won’t know how bad it really is until I find out how long she stood there. I swear the door was shut, so it was quite the surprise to see her standing there watching me.
In my defense, how was I supposed to know she’d come over for tutoring when Al hasn’t spoken to me once since Thursday night? I also haven’t been able to forget the comment she made about how she’s not my girlfriend or my problem to fix either.
I’m not a mind reader, and those are the most mixed messages I’ve ever heard.
I lace up my skates, making sure they’re tight, waiting to step onto the ice until Alondra comes around.
Matching the pace she sets, we skate a few laps together as I figure out where to start: Bradley, yesterday, or me and Al?
Is there even a me and Al still? Was there ever a me and Al to begin with?
Do I tell her it makes me sick to think about how Bradley treated her? How there’s a part of me that wants to hurt him the same way he hurt her, especially after how he tried to intimidate her in my house—the one place I should have been able to ensure her safety?
He’s a coward—a fucking coward for needing to hit someone half his size to feel good about himself.
I shouldn’t have left her side, but the logical part of my brain keeps reminding me that I can’t be with her every single minute.
Dylan told me about her headbutt to Bradley’s jaw getting him to loosen his grip on her, and once I stopped losing my mind over the fact he put his hands on her, I was proud of her for getting away from him.
“I’m sorry for bailing. It wasn’t cool of me,” Alondra starts, pulling me from my thoughts.
“You don’t need to apologize,” I say, trying not to lose my balance after turning my head too fast to look at her.
Alondra looks different with her hair pulled back into a tight bun. “No, I do owe you one. I ignored you for four and a half days, and you didn’t deserve it,” she says, her resolve firm. “I was embarrassed, and I’m sorry.”
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed. I wish you would’ve just talked to me, but I never meant to make you feel like you’re a problem I’m trying to fix. I spend time with you because I like being around you. I’m sorry I didn’t make that clear.”
The only time I didn’t think about Alondra the past few days was during our games because I didn’t let myself. The rest of the time, though? I couldn’t get her out of my head. Somehow she’s become the first person I want to tell everything to, and I want to help keep her safe.
Alondra’s skates scrape against the ice as she drags one behind her, and I follow her lead, coming to a short stop in front of her.
“You can’t be there for me every second of every day.
I need a friend, not a bodyguard,” she says, and I take the opportunity to look at Alondra, memorizing everything about her in case she disappears again.
“I want to be your friend, but I’m also going to worry.
You mean . . .” I falter because I don’t know what Al means to me.
The immediate answer is she means everything, and trying to say anything less feels like a lie.
I couldn’t protect Momma because I was a child, but I can help keep Al safe.
“I’m not sorry for wanting to protect you, but I’ll make more of an effort to make you feel like I’m your friend and not a bodyguard. ”
I had just walked away from Seth at the party to find Alondra when I noticed there was something going on across the room. My heart stopped when I realized it was Bradley, but my vision went red after seeing the look of pure panic on Al’s face after hearing what he said to her.
“I’m sorry,” she says again, but the last thing I want to hear right now is Alondra apologize.
“God, please stop apologizing, Al. It’s not your fault he can’t take no for an answer. It’s really not, and you shouldn’t apologize for it.”
Her beautiful eyes blink rapidly, but my chest hurts when tears pool in them. I hate seeing Al cry. I’d rather she yell and scream at me than cry.
Moving closer to her feels like the easiest decision in the world, and I lift my hand just in time to catch the first one that falls, brushing it away with the pad of my thumb.
Al’s hand catches mine after I let it fall, and I’m surprised by how cold it is. “It’s not your fault either,” she says, squeezing my hand.
How does she know exactly what I need to hear right now?
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t wondered over the last few days whether Alondra would’ve been better off had I left her alone after learning who she was? But then I think about Ellie telling me just last week how much happier Al seems, and how I’ve changed since getting to know her.
I have never met someone like Alondra in my life, and I love being one of the people she trusts with the pieces of herself that Bradley tried to destroy.
She matters to me. It’s the most honest and accurate way I can describe her.
“I’m sorry for what he did to you—I shouldn’t have pushed you to tell me about it,” I say after a moment.
Alondra was right. If she had told me right away that Bradley had hurt her, I probably would have ruined everything good I have going for myself. I want to believe I’m a bigger person who wouldn’t beat the shit out of her ex if given the chance, but I know I wouldn’t regret it if it happened.
She musters a smile. “I think he had too much to drink, and it’s why he didn’t care there were other people watching and listening. I doubt it’ll happen again—there’s too much on the line now.”
“Alcohol is not an excuse,” I insist, and Alondra takes in a shallow breath, slipping away from me once more by skating backward from me.
Message received. I guess she’s done talking about this, but at least she didn’t tell me it doesn’t matter again.
“I promise I’ll wait to hear from you before coming over next time,” she says, a scarlet hue crawling up her neck to tint her cheeks.
“That’s bullshit. You’re welcome any time,” I insist, but I also feel my face heat. “Maybe just, like, knock on my door first?”
“In my defense, I did call out to ask if you were there,” Alondra says, and I force an awkward chuckle, rubbing the back of my neck.
“Sorry, I was a little preoccupied.” More like I got caught with my dick in my hand, fantasizing about Alondra riding my thigh, but I don’t think adding the details will make it sound any better.
“You know, you might be a little less preoccupied if you went out with one of the girls I picked out for you,” she says, and I scoff because going out with another girl is the furthest thing from my mind.
“Pass.”
To my relief, Alondra laughs. “What? Are you afraid they’ll find out you kiss like a two?”
“Good thing I fuck like a ten to make up for it,” I say, winking at her, desperate to make her laugh again. I miss her laughter, her smiles, and I just miss Al.
Fuck, maybe I am whipped like Seth accused me of at the party before everything with Bradley.
Alondra shakes her head at me, and I feel some of the weight on my chest lift. “You talk a pretty big game, Jack,” she jokes, and I skate closer to her, flashing a slanted smile.
“Do you need me to prove it to you?” I ask, loving how her cheeks somehow flush a brighter shade of red.
This feels easy and normal. Al makes it all too easy to push her buttons, and right now, I want to know how far she’ll let me take this before pushing back.
“I told you I don’t always mind an audience, but if you ever want to do more than watch, you know where to find me. ”
What the hell am I doing?
“I wasn’t trying to watch,” Alondra says, tipping her head up in defiance.
“Doesn’t matter. You still were, and then you ran before I could finish,” I tease.
She sputters, her pink lips parting, and she tugs at the sleeves of her sweatshirt.
“I didn’t tell you to chase after me! But no, you ran out of your house half-naked to stop me from getting in my car,” Alondra says, sarcasm and sass bleeding into her tone while she tugs at the sleeves of her sweatshirt before skating away from me, leaving me no choice but to follow after her.
“I’m not saying you told me to go after you, but if it were anyone else who walked in, I probably wouldn’t have gone after them,” I say, catching up to Al in no time.
“I didn’t walk in. You didn’t make sure your door was shut and locked,” Al’s quick to retort.
“Okay, fine. All I’m saying is that if it were someone else, I would have probably, you know . . . finished.”
Oh hell. Did that really come out of my mouth?
Alondra raises a dark eyebrow, looking over her shoulder, telling me it did.
“Glad to hear I’m so important you put off finishing to catch me.”
Her blades scrape against the ice when she takes off, and I snort, picking up my pace. “That’s not what I meant,” I call after her.
“Just stop before you dig yourself a deeper hole,” Al suggests, laughing, and she’s not wrong. At this point I should just hit myself over the head with the shovel to finish the job.
I recognize the concentration on her face as Alondra turns, holding my breath to see her jump.
She pivots, picking up speed with a backward crossover only to propel herself upward into the air, rotating before landing on one skate, and I’m in fucking awe of her.
I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing her skate.
I’m great at hockey, having spent more than half of my life on skates, but I don’t have the grace it takes to figure skate like Al does.
The smile on her face glows, and my chest feels warm and fuzzy at the sight of Alondra’s quiet joy. She’s getting stronger, and it’s helping her confidence grow.
“Al?” I call out, running a hand through the shorter strands of my hair.
“How’d your games go last weekend?” she asks, changing the conversation, and it’s tempting to take the distraction. Maybe it’s a sign to follow, considering I don’t even know what’s left to be said. I’m doing an awesome job of saying the wrong thing, so Alondra’s probably doing me a favor.
“Shitty—didn’t have my new good luck charm there,” I say, but logically, I know Al won’t be attending any away series. I can only hope she continues coming to the home games.
For the first time in my life, I was more focused on a girl than the game I was playing Friday night, and I didn’t get a single shot past their goalie.
I played better Saturday afternoon, but I was off my game.
Thankfully, my team had my back, and helped pick up my slack.
I’m normally an expert at checking my personal shit at the door, always able to give hockey a thousand percent of my focus, but nothing could have prepared me for how much my shit was rocked by Alondra asking me to leave her alone.
I tried sitting in my old seat on Monday, and I spent the entire class trying not to turn around to stare at Al. It was fucking awful, and I couldn’t have escaped the room fast enough, trying to give her the space she asked for.
“You’re lucky I’m free for the next one,” she says, and superstitious or not, it’s a relief to hear.
“You better be.”
Al’s lips curve into a full-blown smile, and I don’t hesitate to return it. “Catch me if you can,” she says, surprising me.
I have no intention of pretending to let her get away, going after Alondra without a second’s hesitation. I’m doing enough pretending these days, and for the moment, I’m sick of it. I want to hold her and feel the weight of her head against my chest.
Alondra slows just before I reach her, and I come to a sharp stop, folding the curves of her body into mine. We’re a perfect fit, and I try not to focus on how right it feels to rest my head on top of hers.
“I missed you,” I whisper, my voice wobbling, but I don’t even care because her arms hold me tightly in return. There’s a lot I don’t seem to care about anymore when it comes to Al.
“I missed you too.”
“Don’t shut me out like that again, okay?”
Her head nods against my chest, but I don’t let go, losing track of how long we stand on the ice holding each other.
The only thing I know is that it wasn’t long enough.