39. Niall
CHAPTER 39
NIALL
Heat coiled in my stomach, pulsing low and insistent. My forehead still rested against Eli’s, my breath mixing with his, but I couldn’t move back—not yet. His hands were on me, steady and warm, his touch grounding even as my entire world tilted on its axis.
I wanted him.
The thought slammed into me with the force of a freight train, sudden and undeniable. I had spent years—my whole life, really—feeling nothing, not like this. Attraction had been an abstract concept, something I understood in theory but never in practice. Until Eli. Until now.
My fingers tightened at his waist, and I swallowed hard, my throat dry. “Eli.”
He hummed softly, his lips ghosting over mine, teasing, waiting.
I drew in a shaky breath. “I—” The words caught in my throat. I forced them out. “I want you.”
Eli stilled. Then, after a beat, his hands slid up my sides, slow and deliberate. “Yeah?” His voice was soft, careful, but his eyes burned with something deeper. “Are you sure?”
I nodded, but it wasn’t enough. I needed to say it. Needed him to know. “I’m sure.” My voice was rough, barely above a whisper. “I’ve never—” I exhaled sharply, frustrated by my hesitation. “You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted like this.”
Eli’s eyes softened, and he brushed his nose against mine, a quiet reassurance. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”
“I am.” The certainty in my voice surprised even me. “I just…” My gaze flicked down between us, heat prickling my skin. “I don’t know what I like yet.”
Eli’s lips curved, a slow, knowing smile. “That’s ok. We can try whatever feels right.”
A shiver ran down my spine. I wanted that. Wanted him.
His fingers traced over my hip, dipping beneath the hem of my shirt, and I sucked in a breath. “Should we—” I swallowed. “We should talk first.”
Eli nodded. “Yeah.” He stepped back slightly, his hands still on me, like he couldn’t bear to let go completely. “I’m on PrEP. And I’ve been tested recently. I’m negative.”
I licked my lips, my mind whirring through the weight of this moment. “I’ve never been with anyone before, so I haven’t been tested, but?—”
Eli’s fingers tightened at my waist, stopping my rambling. He didn’t speak right away. Just looked at me, really looked, like he was committing this moment to memory. Then he nodded, voice quiet but sure. “You’re good.” His grip firmed, reassuring, no judgment in his tone, only understanding. “Still, we’ll use condoms.”
A breath shuddered out of me. This was new, all of it: trusting someone this much, letting them see the parts of me I’d always kept hidden.
“Yeah.” My pulse thundered, but I didn’t pull away. I leaned in. “Yeah, okay.”
The tension between us didn’t break; it only thickened.
Eli’s fingers slipped beneath my shirt again, brushing over my ribs. “Come to my room?”
I nodded, letting him lead me. The moment we stepped inside, the weight of everything we hadn’t said filled the space between us. My eyes darted to his bed, his dresser, the small lamp casting a soft glow over the room. I hadn’t been in here since?—
Since before everything fell apart.
Eli turned to face me, his expression unreadable for a moment, and then he reached for me again, fingers sliding over my shoulders, down my arms, threading through mine. He kissed me then, deep and unhurried, like he had all the time in the world to take me apart.
His hands drifted lower, lifting the hem of my shirt. “Can I take this off?”
I nodded, barely breathing as he tugged it over my head, his fingers mapping my skin like he wanted to memorize every inch of me. My hands found his waist, but my gaze locked onto the silver bars piercing through his nipples, the slight swell of his chest rising and falling with each breath.
I’d been obsessed with them from the moment I first saw them. When I’d touched them before, kissed and flicked my tongue over them, I hadn’t known what it meant for me—why I wanted to taste, to feel, to hear the way his breath hitched.
Now, I knew.
My fingers traced the cool metal, and Eli sucked in a sharp breath. “Fuck, Niall.”
Heat flared through me. “I like these.” My voice was rough, barely recognizable. I brushed my thumb over the piercings again, then dipped my head, taking one between my lips. Eli’s fingers tightened in my hair, his chest rising sharply against my mouth.
“Jesus,” he breathed. “You’re trying to kill me.”
I hummed against his skin, dragging my tongue over the sensitive flesh, reveling in the way he shuddered beneath me. My heart pounded, every nerve in my body alive with need.
Eli tugged me back up, crashing our mouths together, his hands sliding lower, gripping my hips. “How do you want this?”
A fresh wave of heat rolled through me. I swallowed, my thoughts a tangled mess of want and uncertainty. “I… I’m not sure,” I admitted.
Eli’s lips curved into a soft smile, patient and understanding. “That’s okay. We’ll figure it out together.”
His hands stayed steady on me, warm and grounding, giving me the space to think, to feel. And maybe that’s what made the words come easier.
“I think…” My pulse pounded as I met his gaze. “I think I want you inside me.
Eli exhaled slowly, his grip on me tightening, his eyes dark with something I couldn’t quite name. “Yeah?”
I swallowed hard, my pulse thrumming. “I want this.”
His fingers traced soothing circles against my skin. “Okay.”
There was no rush; only slow hands, whispered words, and the steady unraveling of everything I thought I knew about myself. We undressed one another slowly, reverently, before lowering ourselves to the bed. Eli reached for the lube, his movements careful, deliberate.
“This okay?” he murmured. He slicked his fingers before lowering his hand to trace over my entrance.
A shiver ran through me. My breath caught, but I nodded. “I want to feel you.”
His touch was gentle, easing me open with slow circles before pressing a finger inside. My body tensed at first, unused to the sensation, but Eli kissed me through it, his free hand stroking down my side, grounding me. He murmured soft reassurances as he added another finger, stretching me, preparing me, making sure I was ready.
Eli’s patience and distracting mouth meant I didn’t know how much time had passed while he prepped me, but when he worked in a third finger, I was already panting and shifting against him, needing more. “Eli?—”
“I got you,” he whispered, pressing one last kiss to my lips before reaching for the condom and rolling it on. He slicked himself up, then settled between my legs, his eyes searching mine. “Tell me if you need me to stop.”
I nodded, heart hammering. I didn’t want him to stop. I wanted this—I wanted him.
Eli guided himself to my entrance, his breath warm against my jaw. He pushed forward slowly, carefully, letting me adjust inch by inch. I clung to him, my breath coming in short bursts, my fingers digging into his back as he filled me completely.
“Fuck,” he rasped, pressing his forehead to mine. “You feel so good.”
I couldn’t speak. The stretch was intense, but the closeness, the way Eli was holding me, touching me, whispering my name… it was everything.
He gave me time, his fingers threading through mine, grounding me. When the discomfort eased, and all I felt was need, I shifted against him, letting him know I was ready.
Eli pulled out slowly, then pressed back in, setting a rhythm that had pleasure sparking down my spine. His hands roamed my body, mapping every inch, and I met each thrust with my own, chasing that heat, that overwhelming sensation of being completely and utterly his.
The pleasure built, deep and consuming, until I was gasping, moaning his name. Eli’s movements turned desperate, his control unraveling as he thrust harder, deeper, his own release nearing.
“Niall,” he choked out, voice wrecked, and that was all it took. I came undone beneath him, pleasure crashing over me in waves. Eli followed seconds later, shuddering against me, his grip tightening as he found his own release.
For a moment, neither of us moved, our breaths tangled, bodies still connected. Then Eli eased out carefully, discarding the condom before pulling me into his arms. He pressed soft kisses to my temple, my shoulder, wherever he could reach, his hands stroking over my skin like he couldn’t stop touching me.
“You okay?” he murmured, voice tender, full of something that made my chest ache.
I nodded, completely wrecked, completely sated. “Yeah.”
Eli smiled, brushing damp hair from my forehead. “You were perfect.”
Warmth spread through me at his words, at the way he looked at me—like I was everything.
I curled into him, letting my body melt into his. And as Eli held me close, his fingers tracing lazy patterns over my skin, I knew?—
There was no one else. There never had been. There never would be.