Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
“ I thought I would be alone here,” Leah said, looking around at the five women who stood in front of her in the hall, all beaming at her as if she was the most wonderful person any of them knew. “I’d quite reconciled myself to being as lonely here as I have ever been.”
“And why ever would you assume that?” Vivian asked, tilting her head to one side and giving her friend a half-amused, half-exasperated look. “Did you really think that your closest friend and sisters would abandon you in your most desperate hour of need?”
“No, of course not,” Leah said, laughing at her ridiculousness. “I just thought…”
“You just thought that because your husband is a fool, that everyone else would be?” Eve asked, putting her hands on her hips.
“I think she was just afraid,” Celeste said gently, her eyes glittering with a knowing look that told Leah her sister saw things clearly. “Perhaps when you are rejected by someone you love, it makes you feel as if you aren’t worthy of any love?”
Leah smiled at Celeste. “I think that was probably it. Does that make me very foolish?”
“Not at all,” Emery said, stepping forward and taking Leah’s hand. “It just makes you human. Fortunately, the five of us are here to show you the error of your ways and to prove to you once and for all that you are lovable.”
Leah laughed again. “You all are too good to me.”
“Well, just wait and see everything we’ve brought,” Emery said with a wink. “We intend to be even better.”
And sure enough, moments later, footmen began to enter the hall, carrying packages in from the carriages. Leah’s eyes went wide as she stared at them.
“Why did you bring so many things?” she asked, turning to Vivian. “Well, I know you probably needed to bring all your finery, even to the country…”
“They’re not our things, silly,” Vivian said. “They’re presents for you!”
“We wanted to show you just how much we love you,” Emery said.
“And make your time here a little bit less dull,” Eve said. “I cannot even imagine how dull it must get without all the diversions of the city…”
“You’re not even out yet,” Celeste said, frowning at her sister. “What diversions does town have for you?”
“More than the country!”
“Alright, we should go in for tea,” Leah said, quick to keep her sisters from bickering. She was so happy to see all of them, though, that even her sisters’ familiar gripes at one another didn’t seem to bother her as much as they should have.
It had been two days since she’d arrived in the countryside, having left Dorian and London in such a rush that she hadn’t even been able to stop by her brother’s house and say goodbye to everyone. She had, at least, had time to dash off a note explaining everything. Perhaps she shouldn't have--perhaps she should have kept her husband’s secrets instead of relaying what he had told her to her family. But Leah was sick of living in secrecy and silence. Her husband had lied to her and kept vital information from her, and if she had learned anything from their short and disappointing marriage, it was how much lies could destroy relationships.
She wasn’t going to lie to her family about why she was leaving London or about how broken her heart was.
Still, she hadn’t expected for them all to show up, just two days later, and with all these presents in tow. It filled her with emotions she barely knew how to express as she listened to all of them laughing and fighting with one another while she ushered them into the parlor for tea. It was like being back home, before she’d come out, before the trouble with Lord Dubois, and before Dorian. Back when things were simpler.
“So, how are you doing?” Vivian asked her as they paused in the doorway, watching all the sisters settle into the parlor. Vivian spoke in a low voice, and her gaze was soft and sympathetic.
Leah swallowed, a lump suddenly rising in her throat. “I don’t know,” she said, so that only her friend could hear her. “Did my sisters tell you everything that happened?”
Vivian nodded. “And I’m very sorry to hear about it. I always felt that there was something about Nottington that he didn’t want people to know. It was as if the outside version of him--that is so conversational and charming, so rakish--was just a front for something else, for some deeper sadness that he was hiding away.”
“Why did you never say anything?” Leah asked, a little stunned.
Vivian sighed and shook her head. “It was just a feeling. I had no proof.”
“I think the worst part is that I feel that I could have avoided all of this if I had just been better at finding myself a husband.” The lump was back in Leah’s throat, and she felt her eyes sting with tears as well. “This is all my fault, really. I am the sister of a duke! And I had an entire Season to find a husband. But no, I couldn’t, so by the time Lord Dubois came along, there were no options left to me. If I could have just learned how to have a conversation with a gentleman sooner, if I could have just had some confidence, then I might have avoided all of this.”
Vivian frowned at her. “You don’t really think that, do you?” she asked. “You cannot blame yourself for this. All of this is the doing of the men--first Lord Dubois, then your husband. None of this is your fault.”
“Yes but if I could have just been a normal young lady, capable of making conversation, it might have all been avoided.”
“Oh, Leah…” Vivian touched her arm, squeezing it gently and reassuringly. “You have to learn to accept yourself for who you are. You might not be the most talkative young lady. You might not know how to flirt. That might never be your strength. But you are so loved for who you are. Look at all these women who have come here today to cheer you up, to support you. We don’t love you because you have mastered the art of seduction or flirtation. We don’t care for you because you know how to charm the most eligible bachelors. We love you because you are a strong, caring person who will do anything for the people she loves. And that is the Leah I want to see. Not the Leah you tried to become to find a husband.”
“Was there something wrong with that side of me?” Leah asked nervously.
“No, of course,” Vivian said, and she smiled kindly. “I just mean… I loved you even before all that. And so did your sisters. So did Emery. And that person is worthy of love, even if the rest of the ton couldn’t see it.”
“Dorian didn’t love that side of me,” Leah said softly.
Vivian raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? Because it sounds to me as if that’s the real you he fell for.”
“Then why isn’t he here?” Leah murmured.
“Because he wasn’t strong enough for you.” She said it very simply, her hand tightening on Leah’s arm. “Now come on, let’s go in and talk to your sisters.”
She led Leah into the parlour, and they all sat down across from each other and began to hand Leah their gifts.
It was an assortment of things: books and little trinkets; an ivory lace fan; chocolates and little cakes; even a new bonnet from Emery. Beautiful little things that Leah didn’t need, but which made her feel loved. As she finished unwrapping the last present, from Eve--a lacquered pill box that was painted on the outside with a picture of nymphs frolicking by a river--she looked up at everyone, tears in her eyes. Her sisters and Vivian were all smiling at her, clearly delighted to see her so happy, and Leah felt a rush of love and contentment. It was immediately followed by a realization.
“Thank you so much,” she murmured, setting the lacquered box down on the table. “To all of you. It means the world to me that you would all come here when things have become so untenable with the Duke.” She glanced at Vivian, then took a deep breath. “And having you all here has made me realize that what I’ve been striving for--to fit in with the ton , to be the perfect Society lady--is so much less important than tending to the friendships and relationships I already have. I can see now that having a small group of people who care about the real me, rather than trying to make myself into someone else in order to win over the entire ton , is so much more precious. So thank you for teaching me.”
“Oh darling, you’re so welcome,” Emery said, reaching across the table and taking Leah’s hand. “We have never needed you to change anything about yourself or become the perfect Society lady. We have only ever wanted you to be yourself.”
“And we are much more interesting and fun than the rest of the ton ,” Eve said.
“And most importantly,” Celeste put in, “you will never lose us.”
All the ladies decided to stay the night, and it was a raucous dinner that evening. Afterward, Celeste played the piano while they danced with one another. Vivian paired with Leah, Emery with Eve, and they danced around the parlor.
Who needs men when I have these women? Leah thought to herself as she and Vivian twirled around the room. She’d never had so much fun dancing in her life.
Well. That wasn’t entirely true. With a jolt, she remembered dancing with Dorian in the kitchen of her brother’s house. That had been the most fun she’d ever had dancing. But as Vivian’s hand tightened on hers, she forced her thoughts away from Dorian and back to the moment at hand. Dorian was gone. But she had her friend and her sisters.
After a nightcap, they all went to bed. Celeste offered to sleep with Leah so that she wouldn’t be alone, and so, for the first time in years, she shared a bed with one of her sisters. It was much better than sharing a bed with a husband, she decided, after she and Celeste couldn’t stop giggling for a good half hour.
But of course, life called them back home, and a few days later, they all had to head back to London.
“Why don’t you come with us?” Celeste asked as she stood outside of the carriage that was set to bear her, Eve, and Emery back to London. “You could stay with us--you wouldn’t need to go back to your husband’s house.”
Leah had thought about it, but she shook her head. “I want a little longer here to get used to this new life,” she said. “And I don’t want to feel the pressures of Society again. I’d like to figure out what I want out of my life, now that I have to live it solely for myself.”
“I understand,” Celeste murmured. “And I think that sounds very brave.” She kissed Leah on the cheek, then hopped up into the carriage. All the sisters waved as the carriage began to trundle away, Vivian’s carriage right behind it. Leah waved as well, her heart surprisingly light. Even though it was sad to see everyone go, she felt more hopeful than she had in a long time.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to live a life for herself, without Dorian. For the first time, she was beginning to see how it might have an appeal. She could host parties here, in the countryside, with her friends and family. She could find a female companion and maybe even travel. It would be difficult to move on from her feelings for Dorian, but with time, and the support of her sisters, perhaps she would.
I can still have a life I love, even if I can’t live it with the man I love.
It was a warm day, so she decided not to return to the house, but instead, to take a walk. The lake would be beautiful in the temperate weather, so she headed away from the house and down the hill, humming to herself as she did so.
There’s so much I can still do, she thought, as the lake came into view, I am better off this way than unmarried and without children. At least now I have a position and wealth. There is so much I have to be grateful for.
She crested the top of the hill and the lake came into view, blue and glinting in the autumn sunshine. She felt her heart leap. Maybe she would go for a swim, now that she was free to do so. Dorian wasn’t here to stop her and tell her that she might drown or catch a cold. She could make her own decisions now. This surely had to be another upside to living a life without him.
She began to walk down the hill, passing a cluster of trees, the house now invisible from where she stood. It was just as she was passing the trees that she saw something odd. At the opposite side of the lake, half-hidden behind more trees, appeared to be a carriage.
She stopped, then squinted down at the lake. Am I seeing that right? Why would there be a carriage down by the lake?
Then her heart leapt. Could it be Dorian? Had he come to surprise her? But this thought had just begun to take shape when she felt something hard press against the back of her head. Something hard, cold, and metallic, was pressing exactly where her head met her neck.
Leah froze. Even without turning, she knew exactly what it was that was pressed against her head. And she had a terrible feeling she knew who was holding the gun.
“Stay quiet,” a ragged voice said. She knew to whom that voice belonged. It was Lord Benedict Dubois.