Chapter Five #2
His eyes darkened slightly, the dark pupils nearly eclipsing the mahogany. “Speaking of that…”
She stepped back and put some much-needed distance between them. “My lord—”
“Benjamin.”
She blinked. “What?”
He lifted his hand and rubbed his knuckles along her cheek. “It’s my name. You should use it.”
She swallowed. “Benjamin.” It came out as a whisper, a silent benediction.
But for what, she wasn’t sure. Part of her wanted him to take her in his arms and kiss her and the other, more reserved part wanted him to leave her alone.
She couldn’t decide which she wanted—or needed—more at this moment in time.
It was surely too early to be intimate with him.
It still seemed odd to call him by his given name.
Benjamin must have clearly read her indecision because he stepped back and let his hand fall away. He glanced back at the discarded book. “I’ll let you continue reading. You should know how the story ends.”
As he left, Catherine didn’t have the heart to tell him that she already knew the heroine’s fate. She just hoped that it could someday become her own.
As the dinner hour drew near, Benjamin considered taking a tray in his study, but that would have been the coward’s way out.
He’d finally put his head down and concentrated on getting the ledgers in order.
He’d even summoned his steward that afternoon to go over anything he might have missed.
The meeting had taken the better part of the day while he wondered what Catherine might be doing in his absence.
He didn’t think she would have spent all of her time reading, but perhaps she enjoyed a leisurely activity, especially in her current condition.
The sad part was that he didn’t really know that much about her.
Yet. But he vowed that would change. And with patience, they would grow to respect each other, if nothing else.
He certainly wasn’t planning on love. That was a tricky emotion and one he had never fully understood.
He had certainly never been shown affection by his father and most generally not by his mother, either. She had always been set about making a better life for herself and prominence had always been her main objective.
Benjamin supposed that was where he had adopted his own habits from.
Naturally, the ne’er-do-well personality traits had come from his father, but he had never allowed affection for anyone to stand in the way of something he wanted.
It was why he’d betrayed his stepsister, Beatrice, in such a terrible manner.
She’d stood between him and her father’s wealth, so he’d dismissed the problem.
Then, when he had been denied her favors, he’d taken his revenge on her best friend, Daria.
That was when fate had stepped in and reminded him that tragedy could befall him as well.
He scrubbed a hand over his face as he left the study intent on joining his wife for the evening meal.
There was no need for her to suffer the brunt of his past morality issues.
There was nothing he could do but move forward and today, when she’d set her hand on her abdomen and he could feel the slightest flutter, he had found it difficult to recall it wasn’t his child.
He was already forming an attachment to the new life she carried, regardless if he was the natural father.
When the child was born, he vowed to love it as much as if the babe carried his blood through their veins.
He heard movement on the stairs and glanced up to see Catherine’s lady’s maid descending. “My lord, you should know that the baroness isn’t feeling well and asked for a tray in her room. I was just coming to ask if you should like the same.”
The dismay in Benjamin’s shrunken chest was evident, although he attempted to hide it by acting as though the news did not affect him. “Yes, that would be preferable. Thank you.”
The servant walked off as if she hadn’t just delivered a large blow.
He wondered if Catherine was hiding out as he’d initially intended to do but decided that was unfair to her.
She was carrying a child and if she was anything like Daria, there would be many times she took to her bed because of illness.
However, as Benjamin passed by her room, he found himself pausing. The desire to see her overrode all else and his hand began to rise to knock.
“Come in.”
His wife probably believed that the maid had returned, and it was confirmed a moment later when she turned her head at his entrance and some of the blood left her face. “My lord.”
She got to her feet and for a moment, Benjamin found it difficult to speak. Or move. Or breathe.
Under the impression that she wouldn’t have to entertain that evening, she had discarded her gown and underclothes, leaving her clad in nothing but a white cotton nightdress that accentuated her slightly rounded figure.
But more than that, it also enhanced the rest of her body, including the gentle swell of her tempting breasts.
His pulse started to pound incessantly. “I-I… wanted to see if you were… well.” He blinked and tried to rid himself of the sudden stammer. “The maid said you were not… well.”
Dear God. Had he completely lost the ability to speak?
She must have realized the state of her undress, for she grabbed a robe from the end of the bed and held it in front of her, clutching it around her chest. “I shall be fine soon enough.”
“I am glad to hear it.” Benjamin told himself it was time to leave, that he had done his gentlemanly duty by inquiring into her health and there was nothing else for him to say.
However, he couldn’t seem to force his feet to obey the command his brain had given him.
“If there is anything I can do…” He let his voice trail off, hoping that she might pick up the meaning and invite him to linger a while at her bedside.
Instead, he was doomed for disappointment.
“I appreciate that, but I am rather tired. I just want to get some rest.”
He swallowed down the bitter taste of regret. “Of course. I shall see you in the morning.” He turned and this time, he didn’t hesitate, walking out the door before he found he didn’t have the strength to leave her.