Chapter 6
KNOX
She goes limp in my arms, and my chest seizes. I wait to feel sorry. I should feel sorry. She was a virgin when she walked into this room, and I fucked her hard enough to make her pass out. I should feel guilty for using her like my own personal sex toy, but the feeling doesn’t come.
There is a bit of a caveman urge to pound my chest. I’ve never claimed a woman in such a definitive way before. When I pull my spent dick from her, I see the evidence of her former virgin status on my cock and her thighs.
I tell myself there’s nothing wrong with me treating her with some tenderness if she’s not awake to know about it.
I know better than to offer her anything resembling romance when she’s aware.
The last thing I need is for her to catch feelings for me.
This thing between us isn’t about her, and I can’t be so cruel that I offer her false hope of hearts and flowers coming from this situation.
Still, she’s going to be sore after how hard I used her. I decide to run her a bath and clean the blood from both of us. I leave her on the bed alone while I go to the bathroom and run the bath. Once the tub is filled, I go back and pick her up.
I gently place her inside then climb in behind her.
She’s starting to worry me when the water isn’t enough to rouse her.
Watching her chest rise and fall, I reassure myself that she’s going to be fine.
This is a lot for her to take in. I don’t know everything about her, but I can tell there is more to her need to give up this much for a job.
I tried digging into her past, but it turns out that it isn’t as easy to turn up the gritty details about private citizens as it is a celebrity.
I am jealous of her for that. I was able to find out that her mother passed away when she was young.
After our meeting I managed to weasel from one of the receptionists at the PR agency that she lives with her dad and younger brother.
I’m going to have to find another way to turn up more information though, because after giving her loose-lipped coworker five minutes of my attention I could tell she wanted more.
I’m too distracted by a pretty brunette to give anyone else any of my time. I won’t love her though. Love fucks you up. I’ll never fall victim to it again. I can admit that I’m growing quite obsessed. For some reason I’m completely okay with that.
I can admit that I wasn’t really in love with Madison. I was content, and that seemed like enough to build a future on. The passion and need for her had waned, but I did like her. Mostly.
I don’t know actually. Looking back there were a lot of things that I didn’t like about her. I certainly didn’t appreciate how she felt entitled to spend my money on stupid shit like the decor around my apartment.
I should sell that place. I don’t really want to be in the center of the city anymore. I might be single now, but I don’t really want to be in the middle of everything.
Going out doesn’t appeal to me.
No, what I want at this moment is to figure out a way to force my little toy to hide out with me in a house surrounded by no one.
I keep telling her what we aren’t going to be, but with her slumped against me I can admit some things to myself.
I meant what I said when I told her that love wasn’t in the cards.
I won’t grant that kind of access to my life so a woman can fuck it up again.
But that doesn’t mean that I don’t still want the same things I wanted before.
Just because I’m more jaded now after finding Madison fucking another man in our bed doesn’t mean I have to give up on having a family.
I’m getting ahead of myself though. Why am I thinking about this now?
Sloane stirs, and looks around confused.
“What happened?” she asks in a husky voice, and my dick stirs hearing it. She sounds exactly like she’s been fucked hard.
I should let her rest. I practically tore her open even knowing she wasn’t ready for it that hard.
The problem is that it isn’t even as rough as I want to take her.
It seemed crueler somehow if I were to make love to her slowly and give her false hope that things could be any different between us than they would be.
“You passed out. I am cleaning you up because we were both covered in your blood.”
Her head drops, and I know she’s embarrassed.
I grab her chin and turn her face around. “What did I tell you earlier?”
I’m being a dick again, but the sooner she realizes who runs this between us, the better she’s going to handle our arrangement.
That reminds me. I told her that when she graduates I’d help her get a job with the firm. I’ve effectively put a clock over what this is, but now that I’ve had her, I think I might be the one to reverse the terms.
How big of an asshole would I be if I just keep her? If I do, it would be condemning her to life with a man that won’t love her. Now that I’ve been inside of her though, I don’t know how I can let another man have her.
The need to have her again is so strong that I can’t deny it. Maybe I really will be able to avoid the painkillers if I can use her body for the endorphins to kill the cravings.
I know she’s sore, but I still lift her up and slide her back down my cock.
Sloane whimpers, but I distract her by playing with her tits again. She’s got such responsive breasts that I wonder if she could come from this alone.
Water sloshes over the side of the tub as I use her body to jack my cock. She feels so good that I know I’m not going to last long. I reach around and strum her clit so that I can feel her channel squeeze me again.
She whimpers a sound of pleasure and pain as her pussy clamps down on my dick again. For the second time tonight I fill her full of my cum.
When we’re done I lift her off of me and finish washing her. Her body is spent and sore, so I help her out of the tub and dry her off.
“I thought you said you weren’t going to be sweet,” she says so softly I barely hear her.
“Don’t get used to it,” I tell her. I’m not sure it’s the truth though.
I sigh. “I don’t plan to be cruel to you, baby girl. I want to own you. If you let me do that, I can care for you. Just don’t expect love from me.”
The fight has gone out of her for tonight. I drop the towels on the floor. Hopefully they will soak up the water I spilled out when I took her in the tub.
Back in the room I pull the blankets back and guide her into the bed.
I was wrong about that fight being gone. Her stormy eyes open wide, and she looks like she’s about to argue. “I can go back to my own room. I don’t even have any of my clothes here.”
“You don’t need clothes, and you won’t be sleeping apart from me. I want access to your body whenever I want it. You’ll sleep here with me, naked.”
She closes her eyes, and I know that there’s a war going on in that head of hers. I’m confusing her, but she’ll learn to live with it. It’s a dick move. I’ve been warning her that she won’t get my heart, but I’m not oblivious enough not to see that I’m acting like a jealous boyfriend.
Perhaps it’s being celibate for the last few weeks, but in truth my sex life with Madison has been mostly on ice for months before I caught her cheating. It’s probably because she’s been seeing that skinny fucker behind my back.
I tell myself that the only way to make sure that Sloane won’t try something similar is to keep her with me.
Maybe that’s true. Fact is, I’m not really bothered enough to worry about it.
I want her with me, and I want to own her.
It doesn’t matter that she wants to retreat right now.
As long as I can hold her to my side, I’m going to do what I want.
In the morning we join the team to fly back to Portland. We will have a couple of off days, before we play few games at home before hitting the road for two weeks.
Gerry in his infinite wisdom decided I needed to keep her on the road with me.
He is determined that I put the shine back on my image.
I might have fucked that up last night though.
That is if the bride-to-be’s ego is worth more to her than keeping the fiancé she was so ready to cheat on.
If she wants to marry that poor sucker, she’ll keep her mouth shut.
I’m not ready to let the guys know that I’m fucking my publicist, so we part ways when we leave my room. She goes to grab her clothes and meet us in the lobby to take the bus the team chartered back to the airport.
I lean down to whisper in her ear as she goes to board. “Behave. If any of these fuckers start to flirt with you, I want you to ignore them.”
She nods a quick jerk of her head.
I move toward the back where the guys have taken up the entire back of the bus. West studies me a little too critically for my liking, so I do my best to make my features blank.
“You didn’t cause any more trouble last night. I thought for sure you were ready to tear up the town,” he says, making it clear he’s suspicious of what I’m up to.
I shrug, and my shoulder twinges. My teeth clench together as I breathe through the sudden burst of pain.
“I got my ass chewed out by my publicist, and I’m just too old for that shit anymore. It wasn’t worth it.”
“What bug crawled up your ass in the first place,” Asher joins the conversation.
My good arm shoves through my hair. “I don’t fucking know, man. I’m just pissed about how everything went down with Madison.”
I might be holding back from Sloane, but these guys are my brothers.
They’ve been my best friends since we were eighteen-year-old college freshmen, shaking in our skates as we started our college hockey careers.
We’ve been inseparable ever since. I will never lie to them.
I might not tell them everything, but I won’t outright lie to them.
“Speaking of your new publicist,” Weston says, and I tense up. “Is she single?”
“Leave her alone,” I bark.
His hands go up immediately. He doesn’t ask if I’ve got something going with her. Of all the guys, he knows me best. He won’t ask, because he doesn’t want the answer. “Be careful there, man. Young, innocent girls like her are the ones with hearts in their eyes if you so much as kiss them.”
Does she already look at me like that? There were moments last night where I could tell she wanted me, but there were others that I was equally as sure she hated me.
I still can’t seem to muster the feelings I think I should feel.
I don’t care if she hates me as long as she continues to be mine.
Love or the chemical reaction that makes us think we love someone is a fleeting thing.
My parents fucking hate each other, and Madison and I couldn’t even make it past four years.
I don’t believe in forever, but maybe if I never fool myself into believing in fairy tales again I can still have the life I want.
If Sloane is really unlucky I might decide to keep her and damn us both.
From where I’m sitting, I can see her talking to Delaney, Dr. Frost’s assistant.
They’re about the same age, so it makes sense.
I get the feeling that Sloane doesn’t have friends.
Seeing her smile and talk to Delaney makes me relax.
Knowing she’s following my orders and staying away from all the guys lets me close my eyes.
One of the younger guys shakes me awake about an hour later. The traffic was really bad by the time we left, not that the traffic in Seattle isn’t always bad, but it took longer than normal for us to make it to SeaTac.
I hiss by the way the idiot is rocking my shoulder. West reaches out and squeezes his wrist.
“Logan, if you want to live long enough to make it first string when Jude finally decides to retire, you might want to stop touching Knox’s shoulder.”
I want to snap at him, because I’ve been trying to hide the fact that I’ve been playing at less than a hundred percent, but I guess I’ve been doing a shit job of that.
“Shit, sorry man. I was just coming to let you know we’ve stopped. Gerry asked me to tell you to sit with him on the plane,” Logan apologizes.
I nod, not trusting myself to talk with the pain still radiating up and down my arm.
Dr. Frost doesn’t miss the tightness in my face, and reaches into his bag. I don’t even hesitate to take the pills he holds out to me. I accept the bottle of water after and quickly swallow them down.
As soon as I do my eyes meet Sloane’s. Hers seem darker and more conflicted. She shakes her head and breaks our connection.
I want to own her, but I’m afraid these little white pills might end up owning me first. I hope that she is able to distract me enough before that happens.
For the first time I’m scared I am running out of time for more than my career.
If I’m not careful I’ll destroy everything by trying too hard to hold on too tightly.
I may have already done that with my career. No one ever said I knew when it was time to quit.