Chapter Nineteen #2
I paused dramatically before proclaiming, “That is how you and I are going to save this city and probably get promoted all the way to the executive board.” To be honest, I expected that to get a pretty big reaction, so I was disappointed when Lex just rolled their eyes at me.
Refusing to be derailed by their poor attitude, I added, “Trust me—this is a great idea.”
“This is a terrible idea,” Lex said for the twenty-sixth time.
“Shut up,” I responded irritably. “It’s going to work.”
“Yeah, it probably is going to work, and then we’re going to die when someone finds out we ripped a celestial being out of another plane of existence and asked it for a favor.”
We were standing in Storeroom E1-17, designated as Blessed, Holy, and/or Celestial Items. It looked pretty much like the last storeroom I’d visited in Supplies and Procurement, except that many of the objects glowed with a soft radiance or gave off a faint sound at the very threshold of human hearing.
The vibes were peaceful and, frankly, had I known about this room sooner, I probably would have spent all my breaks in here.
“Don’t be so pessimistic.” I crouched and adjusted the long iron chain that had been pulled into a circle on the floor, then straightened and eyed the complicated symbols drawn around it.
In front of me sat a long white feather freely shed from an angel’s wing, a golden bowl filled with clear water, and the shriveled, mummified hand of a Buddhist bodhisattva.
It was all pretty standard stuff if you wanted to summon a celestial being—angels in particular were drawn to sainted relics like cats to catnip.
The only nonstandard material was the iron chain, which had been quenched in the blood of a holy martyr during the forging process and was now anathema to celestials.
“I’m not being pessimistic, Colin. I’m being rational.”
“You know something? I thought you were cool.” I pointed at their baggy T-shirt, which had a skull and a bunch of jagged letters on it. “Would Suicidal Tenderloin care about following the rules?”
“It’s Suicidal Tendencies, you idiot—”
“The letters are hard to read,” I mumbled.
“—and don’t try appealing to my punk sensibility. This is a bad idea and you know it.”
For all their grumping, it hadn’t escaped my notice that Lex was still standing there. “Fine. Go, then, if you want. And when I summon this angel and it defeats the Abomination running around out there, you won’t have to worry about all the accolades and praise that Management showers on me.”
Lex snorted and folded their arms, but—revealingly!—stayed put.
Rather smugly, I took one last look at the pamphlet that was going to solve all my problems. Across the top, it read,
Summoning Angels:
Stick It to the Competition!
Below the title was a drawing of an angelic being lying on the ground, its beautiful face twisted into an expression of misery as it clutched the heavy chains pinning it to the floor, while two black-robed individuals high-fived each other.
Inside were the step-by-step directions we’d followed after first gathering the necessary materials, and now all that was left was a simple incantation.
I cleared my throat and intoned, “O spirits of light, harken unto me! I beseech you for aid.” Hastily stuffing the pamphlet into my pocket, I bent down to grab the bowl of holy water and used the long white feather to flick sanctified droplets into the circle in front of me.
I held my breath and waited for something to happen.
Nothing. I looked around—maybe an angel had snuck up behind me?
—but the only other person in the room was Lex, their expression souring further still.
Long seconds ticked by, and with each one that passed I became more and more convinced that we’d done something wrong.
I had just bent down to study the symbols we’d drawn on the floor, looking for any smudges or obvious mistakes, when I became aware of a single note rising on the air, high and sweet and shimmering.
Other notes joined it, one by one, and together they swelled dramatically into a chorus of unearthly voices singing a wordless hymn so beautiful that tears sprang to my eyes.
As I blinked them away, a bobbing mote of golden light took shape above the iron circle and then expanded into a momentary blaze of radiance before fading away, leaving a tall, androgynous being standing before us.
“Behold, mortal!” it proclaimed, its voice layered with different tones like the chorus that had now fallen silent.
“I am Sukariel, an angel of the Celestial Sphere, and I have come to thee at thine request.” Its skin was a luminous golden color and the long hair that rippled down its back shone like quicksilver.
Draped across its graceful form was a simple garment of classical appearance, the material a white so dazzling that I couldn’t look at it for more than a few seconds.
Compassion and love washed over me as I basked in the light that radiated from its flesh.
Beside me I heard Lex draw in a single shuddering breath.
“Um, hi,” I said, my voice sounding unbearably harsh after the melodious music of the angel’s speech. “Thanks for coming.”
The heavenly creature inclined its head, eyes glowing the luminous blue of a perfect summer sky. “How may I aid thee?”
Wetting my dry lips, I took a moment to gather my thoughts.
I needed to be careful what I said in front of Lex.
“I’d like you to destroy the horrific and terrifying being that—” Abruptly, my throat closed around the prevarication I’d been planning to use.
I coughed, then tried again. “The being that’s making people dis—” I stopped with a strangled grunt and lifted a hand to massage my throat.
I didn’t want to reveal my role in freeing the Abomination, but the longer I stood in the angel’s presence, the more imperative it became that I speak the truth.
I struggled with myself until I had no choice but to say in a breathless rush, “I need you to destroy the being that I loosed onto this reality.”
Lex turned to look at me. “Wait a minute. The being that you loosed—?”
“Today, preferably,” I interrupted, still looking into the angel’s perfect features. “We’re kind of on a clock here.”
Slowly, the angel lifted its glorious head and closed its eyes.
“Be at ease, mortal. I shall divine the nature of this being you have loosed.” Once again I heard that chorus of voices swell to life, and for a long moment the angel listened to its ineffable music.
Then its glowing cerulean eyes snapped open. “Are you fucking crazy?” it demanded.
I hesitated. “Sorry?”
“I asked if you’re fucking crazy.” The angel’s beautiful mouth twisted with incredulity. “You freed The-One-Who-Hungers?”
“Is that its name? Yay, we learned its name!” I gave Lex an excited look.
“Fuck this,” the angel declared. It flexed its shoulders and a shimmering hint of feathered wings unfolded from its back.
“Oh, I don’t think you can leave yet,” I told it apologetically.
“I knew this was a terrible idea,” Lex growled a heartbeat behind me.
The angel ignored us both. “I’m outta here,” it muttered, legs flexing as it leaped from the earth. Or, rather, as it tried to leap. All it managed was a little bunny hop. Its perfect face looked puzzled.
Wordlessly, I pointed at the iron chain that encircled it.
“You have bound me,” the angel breathed in realization. “You DARE?” Its outraged cry rang against the walls like a hundred train whistles screaming together.
Lex and I both clapped our hands to our ears. “I’m sorry!” I called out. “I really am! But I don’t have a choice. This thing I freed—I think it’s bad! Like, super bad!”
“No shit!” the angel shouted in a furious chorus.
“But you can do this!” I insisted, hands lowering from my ringing ears. “You’re an angel!”
“I’m an intern! I answer the fucking phones!”
I digested this unwelcome news in silence. “An intern,” I repeated with just a hint of a question.
“Yes,” the glowing being muttered. The fight drained out of its slender form as, shoulders slumped, it stared at the floor. “I’ve been an intern for countless millennia. I can’t go up against an Abomination.”
“Hey,” I said soothingly, “sure you can. I don’t care that you’re an intern. You’ve got this!”
One luminous eye looked up at me. “How do you figure?”
I gestured vaguely in its direction. “I mean…even if you answer the phones, you’re still a celestial being filled with the power of the Almighty or whatever.” Next to me, Lex snorted softly. “You’re not afraid of some lame little Abomination, are you?”
Slowly, the angel lifted its head.
“And hey, a couple of weeks ago I was a lowly data analyst, stuck in a cubicle. But look at me now! Chatting with angels! If I can climb the ol’ corporate ladder, so can you.
” Of course, my climbing that ladder had now imperiled the world, but I thought it best not to spell that out.
“I believe in you, Sukariel,” I added earnestly.
“Are you shitting me with this?” Lex asked out of the corner of their mouth.
“Just go with it,” I muttered back.
Before us, the angel’s shoulders came back and its chin lifted.
An unearthly breeze stirred its long hair as it gazed over our heads with a beautifully determined expression.
“Thank you, mortal,” it said, its voice now a hushed and reverent hymn of innumerable tones.
“You have reminded me of my true purpose: not to answer the phones, but to bring the light of Heaven to even the darkest of places.”
“That’s right,” I agreed. “That’s right.”
“I can do this,” Sukariel declared.
I punched the air. “Yes you can!”
“I can do this!”
“Yes!” I shouted, clapping. When Lex didn’t join in, I nudged them with an elbow and gave them a meaningful glare until, with obvious reluctance, they offered a brief slow clap.
The gaze the angel turned on us was serene once more.
“You’re a fucking moron, Colin,” it told me, “and if this chain weren’t here, I’d turn you into a pillar of salt.
” That stung a little. “But your stupidity has granted me an opportunity to show my boss that I deserve a promotion,” it went on, “so I suppose I should thank you.”
I nodded and smiled. “You’re welcome.”
Sukariel lifted its head and stared dramatically into the distance. “Release me,” it trumpeted, “so I may vanquish mine foe!”
Leaning down, I touched the iron chain with a finger.
“Sukariel, emissary of the Celestial Realm,” I said in a clear voice, “I bind and command you with this unbreakable covenant: fight The-One-Who-Hungers until it is destroyed or bound once more.” The chain glowed a sooty, menacing red as the binding took hold.
Then there was a final whisper of a hundred voices and the fluttering of wings, and when I looked up, the angel was gone.
I’d done it. I’d saved the world. Intern or not, Sukariel was an angel—there was no way an Abomination could stand up to that. I wanted to dance. I’d be in middle management by the end of the week.
“You are a fucking moron,” Lex growled as they rounded on me. “What the fuck did you do, Colin?”
I let out a long, aggrieved sigh. “I made a mistake, okay? But I took care of it!” I made a sweeping gesture to the empty circle as if it proved my point. “I gave a pep talk to an angel and sent it off to make righteous war on an ancient enemy of humanity! How ridiculously cool is that?”
“From where I was standing, I heard an angel insult and threaten you before heading off to fix your mistake for you. Not as cool as you think, dude.”
Even Lex’s grumpy cynicism couldn’t dent my intense feelings of relief.
I’d gladly trade a few angelic insults for the salvation of the entire world.
Sukariel had just been a little taken aback, that’s all.
It would probably pop back in to thank me again after its glorious defeat of the Abomination and its promotion to, like, manager of the celestial call center or whatever.
“Why do I keep helping you?” Lex shook their head slowly.
“Every time I do, things get worse and worse.” Lifting their hands in surrender, they said, “I’m done.
For real this time. Good luck with the end of the world.
” I expected them to stomp off in their usual way, but instead they gave me a disappointed look and walked out.
They didn’t even slam the door behind them. It was almost like they meant it.
Rolling my eyes, I gathered up the summoning materials. I’d give Lex a couple of days to cool off. When people stopped disappearing and Heaven itself resounded with my name, they’d be back.