Chapter Three #3
“It’s nothing, Viktor. I know my place and what’s expected of me.”
I felt his fingers brush my hand, then he grasped mine.
“Cerys, I can’t promise you love because I don’t remember ever feeling such an emotion.
Just as I’ve asked you not to lie to me, I won’t lie to you either.
I may be incapable of ever loving someone.
However, I plan to be faithful to you, and I will protect you, care for you. You’re my wife now, myshka .”
“You’ve never known love?” I asked softly, feeling horrified that even as a child he didn’t know someone cared that much about him.
“I’m sure my parents loved me, in their way, but I don’t remember much. No hugs or kisses from either of them. Neither of them showed their emotions well, unless it was anger. The bit of dancing I did with my mother was about the only time she focused on me.”
I tightened my hand around his, knowing in that moment that I would find a way to show him the affection he’d missed out on all his life.
It was sad that he’d never felt loved. Even though my father had been a monster, at least my mother had showered me with love.
It didn’t seem that Viktor had that same experience with his family, and my heart ached for him.
“You look sad, myshka .”
“Every child should know they’re loved. I know it doesn’t happen that way, but it should.
I hate that there are parents in the world who abuse their kids, or just withhold affection, when there are so many couples or even single men and women who can’t have children and would love them with all their hearts. Doesn’t seem fair.”
There were footsteps drawing near, and I didn’t even know what was on the menu.
But Viktor seemed like the type to order for me without even asking my likes or dislikes.
When the footsteps stopped by the table, there was a sickeningly sweet voice of the waitress.
She was too close for comfort. I extracted my hand from Viktor’s, trying to ignore the woman’s blatant flirting.
Part of me wanted to tell her to back off, that he was mine, but I didn’t know if I had that right.
Yes, we were married, but it wasn’t like we had a conventional marriage.
Viktor might claim to be faithful, but it didn’t mean he wanted me to snarl at every woman who spoke to him.
I somehow doubted he’d like his wife to be territorial.
“She likes you,” I said as I heard the woman walk away again.
“And you’d be all right if I took you back to the hotel, then met up with her? Maybe stayed the night and fucked her until morning?” he asked.
I hesitated. He gave a humorless laugh.
“That’s what I thought, myshka .”
“It’s not my place to make demands of you, Viktor. I’m yours. Just another possession like your watch or your favorite suit. I don’t have a say in anything you do. If you want to be with her, I don’t have the right to stand in your way.”
I heard his chair scrape across the floor, then felt him kneeling next to me. His touch was light as he grasped my chin and turned my face toward him.
“Cerys, you’re my wife. You have every right to ask me to be faithful, which I’ve already promised.
If you’re ignoring her inappropriate behavior because you feel it’s not your place to say anything, then you’re wrong.
I don’t want you to call me out in front of my men, my family, but if there’s a woman encroaching on your territory, then you have every right to say something. ”
I licked my lips and thought about what I wanted to say.
“Viktor, I know you didn’t really want to marry me. I was just a better alternative to the woman you were promised to. I understand that, and I’m honestly not expecting this to be anything like a real marriage.”
My heart felt heavy as I said the words, but they were true. He’d made it clear that this wouldn’t be my fairytale ending. We were married, and I’d share his bed, but I had no say in anything. We weren’t equals. He didn’t care for me. By his own admission, he possibly never would.
“Is that what you think?” he asked. “That you were just a better option?”
“Isn’t that what you said before we left to fly here?”
He was quiet a moment. “That wasn’t the way I intended you to take it.
The reason Maksim suggested I marry you is that I refused to give you up.
He asked if I would move you elsewhere if I married Tania, and I said no.
I told him your place was in my home and in my bed. He said that sounded more like a wife.”
While what he was saying did sound less mercenary than what I’d believed, it still wasn’t all that promising for a happy life. For either of us. Although, I wondered if Viktor had ever known joy of any kind. True happiness, not just whatever he felt when he made money or took a woman to bed.
“You could have anyone.”
“Yes, myshka , and I’ve been far from celibate over the years.
But the only woman I want is you. I didn’t marry you because I didn’t see another option, or because you were convenient.
I married you because I wanted a way to keep you with me, to tie you tighter to my side.
” He kissed my hand. “I’m a possessive man, myshka .
You’re mine and I wanted to ensure that would always be so. ”
My heart warmed at his words. No, they weren’t a declaration of his undying love, but if what he said was true, then he really did want me with him. It was more than just him owning me. He leaned in closer and pressed his lips to mine in a brief kiss.
“We’ll eat and return to our room, myshka . Then I’ll prove to you that our marriage was anything but one of convenience.”
His words sent a thrill through me, and I suddenly couldn’t wait to finish our meal.
Maybe being married to Viktor wouldn’t be so bad.
Now that I understood better, I didn’t feel quite so lonely or worried.
If he truly wanted me, then my future was secure and I didn’t need to fear being passed off to someone else, or left to rot while he amused himself elsewhere.
Now if I could just show him what it was like to be loved, and hopefully earn his love in return.