Chapter 6 #2
“Chill,” Rick utters as he places his hand on Xai’s shoulder. He’s clearly taken aback by his friend’s words but I’m cool. I’ve heard far crazier things from patients. It’s all harmless. Plus, Xai’s is kind of endearing.
“He’s fine,” I assure Rick. I turn to Xai. “Any questions?”
“Just one,” he says with a smirk.
“Bruh, no. He doesn’t have any questions,” Rick says quickly. “Just chill so we can dip.”
“Okay. He’s good to leave.” I point to Xai’s belongings in the chair by the window. “That’s his stuff and he can head out without stopping at the desk. Nice to meet you and take care of him.”
“Thanks. I got him,” Rick says.
“Nah. You take care of me, pretty girl,” Xai says.
“This fool,” Rick utters as I walk out of the room, grinning to myself.
When I make it back to my desk, it’s almost three so I spend my last twenty minutes checking and answering emails. After I finish, I grab my lunch kit and say goodbye to my coworkers as I walk out. It’s a little after three-thirty when I pull into the long ass car rider line at Little Einsteins.
“We still getting pizza, Mommie?” Averi asks as soon as I buckle Romi in.
“Of course, I’ve been thinking about my calzone all day,” I tell her.
“Not the mini pizza?” Romi asks.
“I’ll get a piece of yours. Are you gonna share with me?”
“If you’re hungry,” she says and I just smile.
When I’m back in my driver seat, I glance in my rearview at Averi. “Are you ready for tomorrow?”
“Yes, ma’am. We practiced today too.”
“Let me hear it.”
“A long, long time ago, there was a brave lady named Rosa Parks. She was riding on a bus and the rule was that Black people had to sit in the back. A bus driver told Rosa to give up her seat, but Rosa said no,” she begins and I beam with pride.
“Thanks again for keeping them for me,” I whisper as we walk back to Kandi’s kitchen.
“Girl, don’t thank me. They’re my godbabies, plus I support this visit ten thousand percent,” she says.
It’s been a few days and I’m still livid at Rush for cursing and yelling at the start of that video visit.
When I said I was over him, I meant it. He’s so fucking narcissistic and he can’t even consider our daughters for even five minutes.
It’s all about him and what he wants; to hell with them in his mind and his family is no better.
They are still calling and I’m still blocking, even his mother.
Her last voicemail cursing me out was the final straw.
Me nor my babies need their toxicity in our lives.
“It’s overdue,” I tell her as I grab my cup from her espresso machine. I need caffeine for my almost two-hour drive to get this shit over with. That night after his video visit, I scheduled myself for his first available visit, this Saturday morning at eight.
“Loooonngggg overdue,” she says, then shakes her head. “You know I’ve never liked him, and after you told me about that visit, my dislike turned to hatred. Please read his ass for filth and tell him to go to hell.”
“To the pits of hell,” I say and she busts out laughing then quickly, her hand flies to her mouth. “Shit. I’m going to wake up the whole house.”
“And have Chad mad at me for coming over here this damn early,” I add
“Girl, he sleeps through anything. I’m talking about the girls, ’cause once they are up, all three will be awake.”
“For sure. All Averi talked about last night was holding her baby,” I admit.
“Jazzmyn is excited too.”
“Girl, she’s barely five months.”
“She still knows they were coming,” she scoffs playfully.
“Well, don’t let them eat junk food all day,” I tell her.
“After that recording of Averi killing her Rosa Parks monologue, they will get whatever they ask for. You don’t rule shit over here.”
“She did so good,” I say, beaming. My baby was the best one on that stage yesterday. She was perfect, no nerves and no missed words. I shed a tear; I was so proud.
Kandi walks over to her pantry and grabs a lid for my disposable cup. She hands it to me. “You better go. You cannot miss this visit,” she says.
“I know,” I say, then attach the lid.
“And when you get back, we are going to talk about that sexy patient,” she says with a wink.
I was so amused by Xai that I’d called her last night and told her about him. She insists all words and actions said while high or intoxicated hold some truth.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Or there is. When he comes back next week, be ready.”
“Please,” I huff, then hug her. “Thanks again. Now, go back to bed. I can let myself out.”
“Tell Rush I said kiss my ass,” she utters before walking out of the kitchen.
When she leaves, I place my cup on the counter then go to her bathroom in the hall. Once inside, I make myself pee because I loathe using public bathrooms. Back in the kitchen, I place my cup in her microwave and reheat it for thirty seconds, then I leave, letting myself out.
For the entire ride, I rehearse my words to Rush a million times.
Since he’s been locked up, I’ve painted him as a hero to my girls.
For their birthdays, I bought cards and forged his signature.
On Christmas, they always open a gift from him, paid for and picked out by me.
I’ve always made him out to be the good guy, a good dad who just had to be away from his girls.
However, he fucked it up. He has shown them who he really is and I swear that last visit was it.
I’m not lying to them anymore. Any relationship he has with them will have to be one he cultivates when he gets out and they are old enough to decide if they even want him to try.
My bladder is cooperative for most of the trip but I have to stop as soon as I make it to Diamond Falls.
There’s a C-Mart a few blocks from the exit so I drive there.
They are huge, have a good coffee selection, and usually have clean bathrooms. Since it’s already seven-thirty, I rush inside, relieve my bladder, wash up, and double check my appearance.
Naturally, I had to make sure I looked damn good.
While cursing his goofy ass out, I want him to see what he will be missing. The petty in me has to do it.
Pleased with myself, I rush back out, hop in my ride, then drive the last ten miles to the prison. The visitors lot is almost full but I luck up on a spot in the middle, get out, and join the small line to get inside.
It takes me twenty minutes to sign in, pass through security, and walk into the area.
The large room reminds me of a school cafeteria with extra security.
Several correctional officers are placed strategically throughout, patrolling the large and small round tables, vending machine area, and kids room.
I spot Rush at a small table toward the back.
He’s dressed in his DOC brown with his long locs hanging down on both sides of his face.
He spots me too, and when our eyes lock, he has the nerve to smirk.
What did I ever see in this man?
I roll my eyes and walk over to him. When I reach his table, he stands and tries to step toward me for the allowed start of visit contact. I raise my hand to stop him.
“Damn, it’s like that?” he scoffs.
“Would it be any other way?” I snap back, then sit down across from him, bypassing the chair next to his.
“Then, bitch, where the fuck are my kids?” he grits the moment my butt is in the seat.
“See,” I say, then raise my pointer finger. “That is exactly why my daughters are not here. I will never bring them, and as a matter of fact, this is my last time too.”
He scoffs then shakes his head dismissively. His hand lands on my arm resting on the table and he grips my wrist. “This brand new shit is really starting to piss me the fuck off,” he says through clenched teeth, as if he has some authority. He doesn’t.
“Either let my hand go or I’ll scream and have these C.O.s running over here,” I tell him while staring at his unwanted hand on mine.
“You wouldn’t,” he says and I smirk.
“You really don’t know me, do you? I for sure will do just that. And I could give two shits what happens to you when I do. Try me,” I warn.
His eyes bounce to mine and he stares for a brief second. I’m guessing he sees my intent and seriousness because seconds later, he releases my wrist.
“Don’t think that means anything,” he says.
“It means everything. You have no control in my life anymore. I’m not that same nineteen-year-old girl you first met.
You changed me. Your selfishness, abusive words, nasty ass attitude, and sense of entitlement changed me.
So thank yourself for that. You’ve shown me time and time again what a man isn’t, what a father isn’t, and what a partner isn’t and I see it. I see you.”
“You are exactly where you need to be. Here and alone. Stop calling me. Stop having your people call me and stop thinking I owe you shit. I regret everything I ever gave you—my love, my consideration, my mind, my heart, and my body. The only good things out of my years with you are my two beautiful girls and I’m not going to hurt them by continuing to try and build a relationship with you that you not only don’t want but for damn sure don’t deserve.
I wish you the life you so selfishly earned, pure hell.
Go straight there and rot,” I say then raise my hand, signaling to the C.O. that my visit is over.
The entire time I speak, he just stares, muted. I think he’s in shock or surprised but I don’t care either way. My days of caring for or about him ended two years ago. Today is just the most-needed final step. I wanted him to see my face when I told him how I truly felt.
His eyes move to my raised hand then back to my face. With a tight ass scowl, he glares then grabs my wrist again. “I think you forget who the fuck I am,” he barks.
“No. I didn’t,” I assure him then glare at his hand. “I know exactly who you are. A fucking inmate. A goofy-ass in jail ’cause all he knows how to do is take what isn’t his. Yeah. I know you. You’re Rushmore-Piece of Shit-Roberts,” I grit then yell, “Guard!”
His eyes stretch to the size of golf balls when I scream and he immediately loosens his hold and snatches his hand back. The male C.O. a few tables behind Rush steps over and slaps his hands on Rush’s shoulders. The look on Rush’s face is murderous but I don’t give a fuck. He can’t do shit to me.
“Is there a problem, ma’am?” he asks.
“Not anymore. Thanks for coming over, officer. I’m done. This visit is over,” I tell him.
“Roberts, up,” he demands and Rush is furious.
He mouths “This ain’t over, bitch” as he stands. His eyes glare a hole into my skin as he walks past me.
Visitation protocol at this facility requires that the inmate is escorted out first at the end of the visit.
Once he’s through the door, a female C.O.
walks toward me and I’m walked out through the visitor entrance.
Swiftly, I follow the exit signs. As soon as I’m in the parking lot, I exhale loud as hell then smile.
I’m done with Rush for good.
There’s nothing left between us.
He’s out of my life, our life.
He won’t hurt my babies again.
Out of habit, as soon as I’m in my ride, I call my mother’s phone.
I don’t know if that instinct is ever going to leave me.
In a flash, sadness floods my soul. She always wanted more for me, especially when it came to Rush.
She would have been ecstatic to hear what just happened.
I can practically hear the excitement that would have been in her voice as I told her. God, I miss her.
Her voicemail plays and her beautiful voice fills my ear and heart.
When it ends, I’m tempted to hang up. However, I can’t and I don’t.
Instead, I sink into my seat and leave her the message I wish I could have told her while she was still here with me.
As happy as I am to be finally free of Rush, I regret not doing it sooner.