CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
The heavy weight on Noah was welcomed. Cooper breathed deeply, his thumb making lazy circles on Noah’s chest. He couldn’t believe he was lying here with Coop. Couldn’t believe he’d let the man fuck him.
But then , there wasn’t much he wouldn’t give to Cooper Bradshaw. Saying anything different would be a lie. It had probably always been like that when it came to Coop.
“I gotta get rid of the condom.” A shift from Cooper, and the weight on him was gone. Noah watched as he pulled the rubber off and tossed it in the trashcan by his bed. “I’ll get something to clean us up.”
“I don’t need to be cleaned up.” Noah grabbed Coop’s wrist, and pulled him back to the bed. He came easily, but this time, as he went down beside him, he faced the other way. Noah tried to ignore the ache in his gut.
After a minute, Coop spoke. “Is it strange that I don’t feel weird about this? Don’t get me wrong, there’s that voice that tells me, I slept with another man, but…it was you, so somehow it just feels… Hell, there’s a part of me who just thinks, finally . But then, I don’t get it. I know we’ve gone over this, but I’ve never even thought about another man, Noah. I know we were only kids the last time we saw each other, but even then I didn’t...” He shook his head. “Even then, I damn sure noticed girls. I feel like I should have known then.”
Noah rolled onto his side, Cooper’s words swimming around in his brain, before falling to his chest. He touched the back of Coop’s neck, then let his fingers brush down his spine before traveling up again. “I don’t have an answer for you, man.” He leaned forward and kissed Cooper’s shoulder before letting his fingers take the journey up and down his spine again. “I would give you one if I could. But I can tell you, I’m glad you’re here. Not just because you fucked me crazy, either.”
Like Noah knew he would, that made Cooper roll to his back, and look up at him. He had that cocky grin on his face , the grin that turned Noah on so much. “Put all your other boyfriends to shame. David doesn’t have shit on me.”
Noah winked at him. “That’s cuz David never fucked me.”
This time , it was Noah who tried to pull away, but Cooper who grabbed him, holding him in place. “What do you mean he never screwed you?”
Noah shrugged. “I don’t usually bottom. I did a couple times in the beginning but I’ve always preferred being a top. It didn’t always go over well , but David knew I wouldn’t let him have me.”
Coop’s blue -eyed stare pierced him; seemed to dig deep like he was trying to find out Noah’s secrets. Wasn’t like Noah wouldn’t give them to the man, either. All he had to do was ask. Noah had always told him everything.
Again, Noah tried to look away but Coop grabbed his chin the way he’d done to Cooper earlier. “You didn’t say anything. I just thought… Why didn’t you tell me?”
Noah jerked free of his grasp. “Come on, Coop. You know the answer. If I had told you, if I’d said I wanted to fuck you, would we be here right now? Hell, when I said I wanted us to fuck you got nervous because you thought I wanted your ass. And I do, make no mistake about that.” Noah curled a hand under Cooper. “But I get it. You’re still trying to work your way through being with me at all. You weren’t ready.”
This conversation was getting to be too much. He wanted to pass the hell out like he usually did after sex or get started again. The talking, he couldn’t handle right now.
“And being with me was more important than anything else, huh?” There was laughter in Coop’s voice but seriousness in his eyes. Noah could see him trying to work it out. Trying to play things lightly but also really wanting the answer…and probably fearing it, too. Would it make him run? Too much too fast, or put strings around Cooper Bradshaw, when everyone knew he didn’t want them?
The thing was , Noah wasn’t a runner. Cooper asked, so he was going to give him the truth. “Yes. I’ve already broken my own rules to be with you, Coop. That was just another one. Just like when we were kids, I can’t deny you anything.” He didn’t want to.
“What are you doing to me?” Cooper asked , before pushing a hand through Noah’s hair, leaning forward and kissing him. He pushed forward and Noah let him take control until he was on his back with Cooper on top of him. “Everything about you…I feel it on a level I’ve never had with anyone else. It’s not the way we touch or how you taste or the way we look together. It’s you, Noah.”
“That’s good,” Noah smiled. “Because I told you earlier, if we did this, that made you mine.”
“But what if I want you to be mine?” Cooper moved his hips, their cocks touching and hardening again.
“Are you sure that’s what you really want?”
“Fuck yes…” Cooper closed his eyes, thrusting his hips harder. “Which means, that bastard needs to stay away from you.”
Noah cupped his friend’s ass, holding him in place. Coop opened his eyes again. “I wasn’t there to fuck him. I wanted you. His sister is dying and he needs a friend.”
Emotions washed over Cooper’s face, before he gave Noah a simple nod in understanding.
Noah smiled. “Now get me off again or let me go to sleep.”
Coop chose the former.
***
A couple days had passed since Cooper came to terms with the fact that at thirty, he was not only in his first relationship, but it was with another man. He didn’t know if it made him gay or what. All he knew was, he wanted Noah. He needed Noah.
They still had things to work through. Noah seemed to understand that Cooper was in this as much as Noah, but he wasn’t ready to go public yet. It made his gut twist to ask that of Noah, but he didn’t know what else to do. He had so much to figure out—how to deal with the guys at the station when they found out. And, his uncle. Even though things were fucking incredible, they were still a mass of confusion in his head.
And he needed to talk to Vernon and Autumn first, something Cooper had to do the right way, at the right time.
He knew that and though he hated it, Noah agreed with him . They were figuring this whole thing out between the two of them, before they went public.
“But not long, Coop. I won’t do it for very long…”
Coop knew he shouldn’t have to. And he wouldn’t. Cooper would find a way to make this all work out so his family would understand—he didn’t give a shit about anyone else. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t have to be careful about how he went forward , but ultimately, he didn’t give a shit what they thought.
Cooper stood under the spray of the shower at the firehouse. They’d gotten back not long ago from a call, sooty water, trickled down the drain beneath him. His body was hot, overheated little flashes of the red flames dancing behind his eyes.
He shook his head, trying to dislodge the picture. He loved his job. Loved being the one who went in now, rather than the one who ran out, but that didn’t mean each and every fire he’d been in, wasn’t engraved into his mind. That each one didn’t remind him of the one he ran from.
Once he was clean, Coop turned off the water and grabbed a towel. He wrapped the towel around his waist before sitting on one of the benches, by the lockers. He dropped his head back, and closed his eyes. One week. It was a little over one week until the anniversary of their death.
“How ya doing, man?”
He looked over to see Braden fall down beside him. He’d already showered and wore a pair of jeans and nothing else. “Tired. It was a long night.”
“Yeah…yeah , me too.”
This was the first shift they’d worked together since the night at the bar. Jesus, he’d embarrassed himself that night. He could only hope Braden didn’t realize what had been going down. But if he did, Cooper wanted to know , now. “Thanks for taking Wes home the other night. I was a little off my game. Got some shit going down.”
Braden nodded. “You don’t have to thank me . I didn’t have to take him home. He came home with me.” The other man winked at him and everything inside Cooper froze. Was Braden saying what he thought he was? He’d gone out with Braden a hundred times. The man did women. Always.
He must not have realized Coop was losing his shit , because he continued, “I don’t know.” Braden shook his head. “I mean, not that I’m complaining. He was a good fuck, and it’s not like I’m into the whole next day thing, but I was shocked when I woke up and he was gone. The bastard would have had to walk back to the bar for his vehicle. I was thinking, maybe if you or your guy have his number or something?” It was then, that Braden made eye contact with Cooper again. He must have noticed the look of—hell he didn’t even know what on his face, because he added, “Ah fuck. Don’t tell me I just screwed up here. I thought—”
“I’ve always seen you with women.”
“I could say the same to you.”
“How do you know that’s not still the case?” Stupid question , but he had to ask.
“Because I have eyes in my head? Nah, that’s not it. I don’t think anyone else realized it because it’s not something they’d expect. I guess because I’ve always swung both ways, it’s easier for me to spot. Not that I ever would have thought that about you, until I saw you that night with Noah.”
Cooper looked around them, toward the door to make sure no one lingered, and then managed to find his tongue. “That’s because it’s never been that way for me, man. Never. Not until him.”
Braden’s eyebrows went up, looking skeptical. “Never? I mean, no attraction or anything? I always knew I was bi. Even before I really knew what that was, I noticed males and females. Freaked me out a little when I was a teenager but, bodies are beautiful. Both sexes, and I enjoy the hell out of both of them. You’re saying you never felt it before? I call bullshit.”
“Fuck you. Why would I lie?”
Braden shrugged. “Guess you’re right. That probably has your head all fucked-up. No wonder I thought you were going to go postal in the bar the other night. You’ve been missing out, though.” Again, Braden winked. “There’s nothing like being with another man, which is why I want Wes’s fucking number.”
Coop almost told him to back off ; that the other man was dealing with a dying sister, but he didn’t know if it was his place. If Wes had wanted him to know, he would have told him. “I’ll see what Noah thinks. Can we get back to the part that you’re bisexual and I never knew it? Why is that?”
Honestly, a man being bi wasn’t something he had ever thought about before. Maybe it made him sound like a prick, but before Noah, he wouldn’t have said it was possible. If a man wanted women, he only wanted women. Now, he knew that wasn’t true. But hell, did that mean he was bi? Like Braden said, he should have known it.
There were some sounds and laughing in the hallway. Both men clammed up until the voice s faded to a whisper before disappearing all together.
“It’s not something I hide , but it’s not my first line when I introduce myself either. There aren’t a lot of options in Blackcreek, so I guess, it’s always women who I’ve found to hook up with, before Wes, that is.”
He guessed that made sense. And Braden had only lived around here going on eight months , so it wasn’t like they’d known each other for years or anything. Cooper leaned forward, elbows on his knees. It was different talking to Braden than Noah. Easier probably, since Braden wasn’t the one he’d been fucking for three days. “Was it hard for you? I know you said it was when you were a teenager but… How the fuck do I tell people I’m with a man? Hell, I’ve never even had to introduce a real girlfriend to someone, and now I’m supposed throw a man into that place. But…I want him there. More than anything, I want him there.”
Cooper was cracking the hell up, that’s what he was doing. He’d never talked to anyone like this in his life. But he didn’t want to screw this thing up with Noah either.
“You just do it.” Braden spoke slowly, firm with a seriousness Cooper didn’t often hear from him. “For the life of me, I will never understand why people give a shit who someone else loves.”
Love? Cooper had never been in love in his life. But then…this was Noah. Noah had always been different. He’d always been more. The fact that they were together at all proved that. His pulse kicked up and his hands began to sweat. Could he be in love with Noah?
Braden stood. “Or , I guess I should also say, why people care who someone else fucks.” He held out his hand, Cooper took it and they shook. “I’m out of here, man. Let me know what your guy says about the number, and if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”
All Coop could do , was nod.