Francis Kennington Park Road
FRANCIS
Kennington Park Road
As I walk the last few metres to my front door, tired, cold, but in surprisingly good spirits, I realise just how much the air has cooled these past few days. And more than that, how drastically my life has changed in just a few short weeks.
Christmas is approaching, and if I think back to how little enthusiasm I had when this year began, it feels almost surreal that it’s now coming to a close with such a rare sense of calm.
Of course, my life, and especially Adele’s, is still far from settled, let alone part of any long-term plan.
We still know nothing about Kelly Adkins’ whereabouts, and aside from my job and the Blackbird Boys, who are undeniably a constant source of support, I genuinely have no idea what the future holds.
Anne’s new relationship seems to be going strong, from what I hear, but strangely, the thought no longer stings the way it once did.
In fact, I’m starting to believe she really could be happier with someone else. And maybe, just maybe, I’m finally making peace with the idea that we were never meant to last forever, only to walk a portion of the road, side by side.
Caring for Adele after a long shift at the hospital should be exhausting. And it is, without question.
Just as it’s tiring to coax her into eating her vegetables, to get her to fall asleep when she’s determined not to, or to change her nappy when she’s in one of her moods.
And yet, for the first time in my life, I’m experiencing something that goes beyond all that. Beyond the fatigue, beyond my own needs, beyond what I want.
What I feel for this little girl is so strong, so instinctive, that it drives me, without even having to think about it, to do whatever’s right for her… knowing that, at the same time, it’s also what’s right for me.
It’s not easy, I won’t pretend otherwise.
At times, it’s frustrating.
Sometimes it all feels like one massive mess, and I find myself completely overwhelmed by the realisation that her entire life now depends on mine.
At the same time, though, I feel the exact opposite, as if it’s my life that now depends on hers, as if my happiness has become inextricably tied to Adele’s, whether I like it or not.
And that’s exactly why I have to make sure both of us are doing well.
The search for another babysitter hasn’t gone the way I’d hoped, and even though I genuinely want to find someone steady and trustworthy to support me in raising her, I can’t ignore the bond that’s already formed between Jack and Adele. It’s strong, far stronger than I expected.
Bringing someone new into the picture now would only unsettle her.
She’s already lost so much. I know she misses her mother, she hardly ever cries, but I recognise the sadness in her eyes when it creeps in.
And, truth be told, Jack handles those moments far better than I do.
That sly little fox has somehow claimed a very special place in my daughter’s heart, and from the looks of it, he doesn’t seem in any rush to leave it.
Even though his over-the-top manner, and let’s not even mention his wardrobe, couldn’t be further from my own, I can’t deny he’s been a reliable, attentive, and genuinely caring babysitter. And what’s more, he’s never once lost his authority with Adele.
I’ve learned that speaking to her calmly and with confidence, the way Jack does, is far more effective than flustering about, something I was guilty of in the beginning.
I’ve also learned that toddlers despise those stiff plastic bibs. After that first dinner at my place, Jack brought Adele a new one as a gift, more like a little jacket she wears over her clothes. It covers her properly but doesn’t restrict her or make her uncomfortable.
It’s yellow, too. Exactly the colour Her Highness had requested.
And since then, the bib wars have ended.
Jack’s suggested a number of small, practical changes, nothing revolutionary, but the kind of tiny, thoughtful adjustments that make everyday routines much easier.
Things that might seem insignificant, but after a full day at the hospital, when you’re facing a grumpy, overtired toddler, can make all the difference.
When I come home in the evening, like I’m doing now, I no longer feel that dull ache, that suffocating sense of moving through a quiet but colourless life, one that lacked real meaning. A feeling that clung to me until just a few weeks ago.
Now, I know that beyond the door, Adele and Jack are waiting. She’s probably already had her bath and dinner, and they’re now rolling around on the living room rug, playing together like a pair of cheeky little kids.
My daughter is almost ready to walk, but most of her attempts still end with her clinging to her babysitter like a tiny monkey while he tickles her chubby little feet.
Honestly, sometimes I feel like I’ve got two toddlers in the house, not one...
I turn the key in the lock, and the moment the door opens, I’m hit by the inviting scent of stew.
Jack really undersold himself when he said he could manage in the kitchen. His dishes may be simple, but they’re undeniably delicious.
“Evening,” I call out, slipping off my shoes and coat as I head toward the lounge.
Jack, for once, is still tidying up in the open-plan kitchen, while Adele sits in her highchair, happily scribbling away.
As soon as I step into the room, two pairs of brown eyes look up at me at the exact same time.
“Fan!” my little girl squeaks, and as I lean down to kiss her sweet-smelling head, Jack greets me in a tone that’s noticeably more subdued than usual.
“Welcome back, Francis. Sorry I’m running a bit late… I’ll finish tidying up and get going.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I reassure him at once.
“It’s really not a problem. You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you need.
I don’t want you to feel pressured, Jack.
I know our first days weren’t exactly smooth sailing, but I genuinely appreciate what you’re doing for Adele…
and for me. If you’re exhausted, let me take over.
Go home, get some rest. We can deal with the rest tomorrow.
But if you’d rather stay and finish up tonight, take all the time you need, and I’ll happily pay you for the extra hours. ”
“It’s not that,” he replies, visibly uncomfortable. “I’m not any more tired than usual,” he quickly adds.
“I just got a phone call from Anne, and it... slowed me down a bit.”
“Anne?” I echo, thinking I must’ve misheard, but Jack nods immediately, confirming what he’s just said.
“And what did she want?” I ask, genuinely surprised. I didn’t know they were that close… then again, Jack and I have never really talked about my ex.
“Nothing major…” he replies, still oddly uncomfortable.
That usual spark in his eyes, the sharp, fox-like wit I’m used to, is nowhere to be seen, and I find myself frowning, sensing something’s off. But he quickly moves to reassure me.
“She just wanted to know how things were going…” Jack murmurs. “I mean, it’s been a while since she’s shown up. She wasn’t at the last dinner at the Blackbird, or at the welcome party for Adele.”
He shrugs it off casually, clearly considering the matter closed. I can tell he’s getting ready to head out, but before he does, there’s something important I need to ask him.
“All right, that’s fine. Whatever the reason, just take the time you need to finish up.”
I hesitate for a second, then add, “By the way… I don’t know if Ian or one of the boys has already mentioned it, but we’re finally all meeting up this Saturday at the Blackbird…”
Jack, who’s been clearing away what’s left of dinner, pauses for a moment and looks at me, thoughtful and silent.
And right then, everything clicks into place. I realise what might’ve been the real reason behind Anne’s call, especially with her expected to be at that same dinner.
“I’ve been added to the group chat too,” he says eventually. “Though it wasn’t my brother’s idea. So yeah, I knew.”
His voice is flat. Impossible to read.
Then he adds, “Do you need help with Adele?”
“No, no!” I cut in quickly, raising my hands instinctively. “I’ve already sorted it with Seb and Remi. Emma’s going to be staying with them this weekend, with Maude, and she’s excited to finally meet Adele. She offered to look after both of them that night.”
I clear my throat, suddenly feeling vaguely self-conscious, as Jack turns back to tidying the kitchen.
“I hope you’ll manage to come… and that the evening goes better than the last one,” I add cautiously.
“I don’t think that’ll be too hard,” Jack replies, finally flashing one of his sly little fox smiles. “You just have to not be an arse, ahem, an idiot,” he corrects himself just in time, mindful of Adele’s little ears, as she starts showing very clear signs of sleepiness.
“I’ll do my best,” I answer with a tight-lipped smile of my own. “Though I can’t make any promises.”
“Didn’t think you would,” he says, shrugging and lifting a brow.
And before I lose my nerve to say what I actually meant to ask, I go on, “Saturday’s sorted. I was wondering if you might be free to stay a bit later on Friday night.”
“Why?” he replies immediately, looking genuinely surprised.
“Well… because I’ve been asked out on a date,” I admit, feeling a rush of heat creep up my neck.
The truth is, I know perfectly well I don’t owe him any kind of explanation.
What we have is strictly professional, and it’s best if it stays that way, given our rather… limited fondness for each other.
But suddenly, the sharp crash of shattering plates jolts me, and snaps Adele out of the sleepy haze she was just slipping into.
“Oh God, I’m so sorry!” Jack gasps, his voice cracking like he might be on the verge of tears.
“It’s fine,” I reassure him immediately, keeping my tone calm.
“These things happen… You’re exhausted, Jack. Go home and get some rest, I’ll take care of it.”
“No, no…” he insists, flustered, already crouching under the sink to pull out the dustpan and brush.
“I can’t risk you or Adele getting hurt because of me. Just take her to bed, I’ll clean this up in a second.”
I try to argue, but it’s pointless, he’s not budging. And Adele’s little head is already drooping again.
So, I unclip her from the high chair, check her nappy, and carry her off to bed.
As promised, when I come back into the room, everything’s spotless. Jack’s already at the door, ready to leave.
Seeing him so deflated stirs something in me, something I can’t quite name.
“Let me call you a cab at least…” I offer. “It’s later than usual tonight.”
“No,” he replies curtly. “Don’t worry about it. I’m a big boy, remember?”
I don’t really know what to say to that, because, truth be told, he’s right. So, I decide to let it go before he takes offence, which is more than likely, knowing him.
But just as he’s about to open the door, he turns back one last time and looks up at me with that typical expression of his, tilted chin, lashes up, sly and unreadable.
Even though, technically, he’s not that much shorter than me.
“Francis?”
“Yes?”
“About your date on Friday… If you want, I can stay.”
“Oh… right, thank you, that’s…”
But before I can finish the sentence, my clever little fox is already gone.
I lock the door behind him, unsettled by a vague sense of discomfort.
Because tonight, for the first time since I met him, I realise I may have let my gaze linger a moment too long on Jack’s figure, wrapped in those clingy black leggings he wears practically every day.
As my mind replays the scene from earlier, when he bent down right in front of me to pick up the shattered plate, I become startlingly aware, and deeply annoyed, by the unmistakable stir of an erection.
I shake my head, appalled.
How the hell is my body betraying me like this?
But maybe the answer isn’t as mysterious as I’d like it to be.
It’s been months since I’ve had sex with anyone, and at twenty-six, that can’t be normal. Maybe the abstinence is getting to me more than I thought. After all, ever since I took Adele in, I haven’t exactly had a thriving social life.
Still, that doesn’t excuse the frankly embarrassing physical reaction Jack just triggered in me.
I’ve known the little fox for a while, and he’s never provoked anything remotely close to this, unless you count how infuriating I usually find him.
It’s not like this is the first time he’s been swanning around my house in leggings, either.
And unless I’ve suddenly developed a very specific kink for boys in skintight lycra, I honestly can’t explain why I find him attractive all of a sudden.
Because, and the thought hits me like a freight train, I do find him attractive. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be having such an unmistakable, visceral reaction right now.
Even so, I can’t allow myself to go down that road. Not now. Not ever. Absolutely not.
Thank God I agreed to go out with Eddie.
The young nurse has always had a fairly obvious soft spot for me, but while we were working together, he never made a move.
Now that he’s been transferred to a different department, though, he’s decided to take his chance.
I won’t pretend I haven’t had a few thoughts about him myself, back in the day.
But just like Eddie, I never would’ve crossed that professional boundary while we were working side by side.
He’s undeniably a very attractive guy, and a genuinely decent one at that. Maybe it really is time to turn the page and see what the future holds.
I really hope our date ends on a satisfying note, for both of us. I need to release at least some of this sexual tension, and to be perfectly honest, I suspect Eddie can’t wait to lend a hand.
There’s no way I can let anything inappropriate happen with my babysitter, who, let’s not forget, is also the younger brother of one of my closest friends.
Still, something tells me keeping control might not be as easy as I’d like it to be.