Chapter Eleven
FRANCIS
Broadwick Street
His lips are even softer and sweeter than I ever imagined in the countless times they’ve appeared in my dreams. And as I lose myself in those warm amber eyes, I catch every tiny detail that makes Jack so unmistakably… Jack.
The lashes, so long they almost look fake, subtly darkened by a touch of mascara.
The tiny bump at the bridge of his nose, the kind you only get from wearing glasses for years.
The faint scattering of freckles over his pale skin, just brushing his cheekbones.
And the copper glints in his fringe, now so long it’s nearly falling into his eyes.
I’m just about to run my tongue across his upper lip, the one that always curls in the most maddeningly endearing way, the one I’ve been thinking about far too much lately, when reality catches up with me, and I pull away before I do something I can’t take back.
“Sorry… I shouldn’t have. I don’t… I don’t know what came over me…”
“Oh, not this again!” he cuts in, sounding unexpectedly exasperated.
“Haven’t I already told you to stop apologising every time you touch me?”
“Yeah, but this time I wasn’t just touching you. I was… kissing you.”
“And did I, at any point, give you the impression I wanted you to stop?”
“Um… no, but…”
“Exactly. No buts. If I didn’t stop you, it means I was okay with it too, doesn’t it?”
“No! I mean… yes, maybe you were okay with it too, but it was still a bad idea.”
He looks at me like I’ve just slapped him, and I’m quick to explain.
“What I mean is that kissing was a bad idea given the situation we’re in.
You’re an amazing guy, Jack, but I’m your employer, I’m older than you, and I’ve just been granted custody of a baby girl.
Between that and my job at the hospital, my life’s an absolute mess right now. You, of all people, know that.”
He looks at me, wounded, as if he thinks I’m just making excuses, and even though I know every reason I’ve just listed is valid enough to explain why nothing should happen between us, the last thing I ever want is for Jack to feel rejected.
“You’re so young, and you’ve got this whole career ahead of you. You’re just starting to make your way in the professional world. You know as well as I do that there’s no future for us… not to mention what your brother would do if he found out I kissed you…”
I’m not even sure anymore if I’m trying to convince him or myself, but it doesn’t matter, because what I’m saying is true. I can’t let this turn into something personal between us. It would be a disaster of epic proportions.
Jack’s vulnerable expression breaks my heart, but I know putting a stop to this is the right thing, for both of us.
“Let’s just forget this moment of madness, okay? I’m sorry I crossed a line, but I promise it won’t happen again.”
“We crossed it together. There’s nothing to be sorry for. But we’ll do what you want, Francis…”
He holds my gaze, his lips, those same lips I barely got a taste of, pressed into a hard, determined line.
Jack folds his arms around himself and nods, then adds in a dry voice, “We’ll pretend nothing happened, happy now?”
Then he opens the car door, gets out, and walks away without another word.
He doesn’t seem angry, just sad. And as I watch him disappear behind the gate without once turning back, I can’t help but hope I haven’t completely ruined the friendship that was starting to grow between us. Or our working arrangement. And not just for Adele’s sake.
The thought of not seeing him around the house anymore, with his infectious energy, the ridiculous faces he pulls, and that bright, clear laugh that seems to warm me right down to the bone, honestly leaves me close to panicking.
I drive to Maida Vale in a bit of a daze, barely registering the streets or the lights. Luckily, I find a parking spot close to my friends’ house.
I open the door as quietly as I can, careful not to wake anyone. I slip off my shoes and step softly into the spacious lounge, lit only by moonlight and the faint glow from outside.
That’s when an unexpected voice makes me jump out of my skin.
“How did the rest of the evening go, Fran?”
“Remi? What are you still doing up? Don’t tell me you were waiting for me.”
My best friend lets out a quiet laugh, but it’s the tired kind. “God, no! I know you’re more than capable of handling yourself. I just couldn’t sleep…”
“How’s Seb?” I ask, suddenly uneasy. “I hope he wasn’t still upset. Seeing Maddie again was a bit of a shock even for me, I can only imagine what it must’ve been like for him…”
“Seb’s okay, thank you,” Remi replies, and as I let out a sigh of relief, he adds in a softer, more emotional tone, “My husband’s strong. He’s got such a big heart he actually felt sorry for her…”
“I hope he’s not having second thoughts about keeping her away from you two,” I say, genuinely concerned.
“No, no…” he quickly reassures me. “As compassionate as he is, his instinct to protect our family always comes first, and he knows full well he made the right decision. Once we got home and saw the kids sleeping peacefully, he relaxed straight away. Apparently, according to my mum, Leo and Adele were absolute angels... At that point, all I wanted was to finally be alone with him and show him just how much I love him, but I didn’t even get the chance to change or climb into bed before my Seb was already out cold. ”
As I reply, I can’t help but chuckle. “If I were you, I wouldn’t worry too much about that. Your husband knows you’re madly in love with him. You show it every hour of the day and, I’m sure, of the night too…”
“Are you calling me clingy?” Remi asks, raising his eyebrows in an expression that’s funnier than intimidating.
“Well, yeah, actually. From the very first moment you saw him, you were a goner. Admit it, you completely lost the plot. And four years later, you’re still just as smitten.”
“Not just as much…” he laughs now, “even more,” he admits, then goes on.
“I don’t know how it’s possible, but I love Seb more every single day.
I want him more too, not just physically, though the sex is absolutely explosive between us.
I respect him and admire him, as my partner, as a father, as an artist, and as a friend.
Honestly, I don’t know how I got so lucky to find him in this life.
He’s my person, my soulmate… and yeah, I know I can be a bit possessive, but I honestly can’t even imagine living without him anymore. ”
“How did you know?” I ask, blurting it out before I can stop myself.
“Well, you were there…” he says, laughing again. “If I remember correctly, a certain friend of mine helped me figure things out…” he finishes, giving me a cheeky wink.
“Nahh!” I shoot back at once. “You already had it all figured out, let’s not pretend otherwise.
Your friend here just played a minor supporting role in helping you manage that brief moment of panic, when it hit you that your life was about to be turned completely upside down.
But the decision? You’d made that long before.
You knew, without a shred of doubt, that Seb was worth risking everything for.
That what you felt for him mattered more than anything else you’d ever had in your life. ”
“You’re right…” he replies, his voice steady. “But I wouldn’t underestimate how much a friend’s support helps when you’re spiralling. In fact, I’m starting to think it might finally be time to return the favour.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, caught off guard, and even though it’s nearly dark, I can still see the golden flecks in Remi’s eyes flash with mischief.
“Oh, come on, Starkey,” he says with a huff. “I’ve known you my whole life. Don’t even try it.”
“Do… do what, exactly?” I ask, caught off guard.
Remi rolls his eyes like I’m the thickest person alive. “Deny you’ve got a thing for young McAvoy, your babysitter, no less. What else?”
I groan and bury my face in my hands, suddenly mortified that my feelings might be that obvious.
“I haven’t denied it, have I?” I mutter. “Is it really that noticeable?”
“Maybe not to everyone else,” he says, “but I know you like the back of my hand, Fran. I could tell straight away there was a spark between you two.”
“But how?” I protest. “We couldn’t stand each other!”
Remi just chuckles. “That’s one way to light the fuse, isn’t it? I’m guessing you’ve worked that out by now.”
“Oh, I’ve worked it out,” I grit through my teeth. “But it’s such a bloody mess, Remi. He’s my babysitter, he’s Ian’s little brother, and tonight I even kissed him…” I groan again, half in despair.
“Took you long enough!” he replies, clearly delighted by this trainwreck of a situation.
“You’re kidding, right?” I shoot back. “You do realise nothing can ever happen between us?”
“And why’s that? Did he reject you? Was the kiss not good?”
“No!” I snap. “He was completely on board when I kissed him, and the feeling… I don’t even know how to describe it. It was sweet and soft, but it hit me like a high-speed train.”
“Oh, brilliant! That’s amazing!” Remi exclaims, placing a hand on my shoulder. “I knew that if you stopped dwelling on the past, you’d eventually meet the right person!”
“Are you mad? Can’t you see this whole thing makes no sense?”
“Not really, no. Go on then, list your reasons again.”
I let out an exasperated sigh but humour him anyway. “You’re such a pain, Elliott. But fine, if you insist. First, I’m older.”
“Come off it, Fran, you’re only four years older than Jack. He’s an adult, fully capable of making his own decisions. So that point’s irrelevant.”
“Okay… he works for me. As a babysitter.”
“Then fire him. Once he’s no longer working for you, there won’t be any ethical dilemma.”
“But… but I can’t! I’ve got no one else I can count on when it comes to Adele.”
“Well, as it happens, I’ve found someone who could be perfect for the job. And from what I’ve heard, he’s already got a place lined up at a children’s dance school.”
“Alright, alright, I’ll think about it!” I wave a hand dismissively, then add, “Jack is Ian’s younger brother, remember? Do you really think Ian would be thrilled to see him get involved with someone like me?”
“I think Ian would be happy to see his brother with someone who makes him feel safe, cared for, and loved… someone who’s decent and reliable, even with all your many flaws. But at the end of the day, it’s not Ian’s decision to make. It’s Jack’s.”
“You’re impossible,” I snap, stung, mostly because I’m starting to suspect he might actually have a point.
So, I go in with the heavy artillery. “Fine. But what about the fact that Jack’s only twenty-two and has barely even started his life?
He’s incredibly talented and has the chance to build an amazing career.
Do you really think being tied down to a man who’s a doctor in London and a little girl to look after is going to help him soar, or just clip his wings? ”
“I think,” Remi says, calmly, “that the answer is the same as the one I just gave you, which is that it’s not your decision to make. Have you talked to Jack about it? Do you even know what he wants?”
“No… I just assumed it wouldn’t be the right thing for him, so I…”
“So, you decided for him,” Remi cuts me off, his tone sharp.
Then he softens just enough to go on: “If you care about him, and if you respect him, why would you take away his chance to make that choice for himself? I’m married to an artist with an international career, and we have a small child.
It’s not always easy. We need solid organisation.
But we make it work. We support each other, lean on each other… and we make it happen, Francis.”
“Okay…” I sigh at last, dropping my gaze.
” And what about me? It’s not just Adele who needs stability.
..” I admit. “Truth is, my friend, I’m fucking terrified of letting go, of learning to love again, of putting my life in someone else’s hands and losing everything all over again.
Maybe that makes me a coward, but I couldn’t take it. Not again.”
Remi places a hand on my shoulder and, completely unexpectedly, looks at me with a mix of tenderness and pride.
“There it is. That’s what I’ve been waiting to hear.
Not because I’m some prick who wants to see you suffer, but because now you’re finally giving me the chance to return that favour we talked about earlier.
And to tell you that no, you’re not a coward.
You’re just a human being who’s been hurt, and who now has a real chance to love and be loved again.
I know you’re scared, Francis. And that’s okay.
You needed time to protect your heart and to heal.
But the truth is, there are no guarantees in life.
I’d be lying if I told you you’d never get hurt again.
Only you can decide whether this time, it’s worth the risk.
All I’ll say is trust your heart. Don’t throw it all away before it’s even begun, just because you’re afraid. Because one day, you might regret it.”
There’s a lump in my throat and it’s hard to speak, but as I look at my best friend in the dim light, I don’t doubt for a second that what he’s telling me is the raw, painful truth.
“Okay,” I finally reply, “I promise I’ll think about it.”
“That’s all I’m asking, Fran,” he says, his voice hoarse, and I know it’s time for both of us to retreat to our rooms.
I poke my head into the nursery for a moment to check on the kids, who are thankfully still fast asleep in their cots. Then I take a quick shower and finally head to bed in the guest room.
I don’t think I’ll sleep at all tonight. And as I close the door behind me, still shaken and vulnerable, Jack’s words from earlier echo in my mind along with Remi’s: “We’ll pretend nothing happened, happy now?”
And honestly… I don’t know whether I should hope I can pull it off or not.