Chapter 6 Madison
Madison
“Lila! The foam blocks weren’t returned after the last class. Can you do that please?” I say my voice harsh with far more irritation than the situation warrants.
“Already done, Ms. Cranky Pants.” I grimace. Lila is one of the part-time instructors I hired at the beginning of the summer. She’s sweet, kind, and undeserving of my ire. She’s been nothing but helpful since I hired her.
“Sorry, girl. Not sure what’s wrong with me this week.” Except I am. I’m just not willing to talk about it or even acknowledge it, even though I’m clearly taking it out on my staff. Which is hardly fair to them.
“It’s fine. We’ve all been there.” Lila’s giving me far more grace than I deserve.
I take myself off to my office where I can wallow in peace and give Lila a break from my dismal mood.
It’s been a week since my fight with my brother.
My chest hurts every time I think about the ugly things I said.
Because really? I’m supposed to be the mature one in our family.
I was mean when I didn’t have to be, and I’m not proud of it.
We haven’t talked or texted since then. Walker is the only family I have left, and I hate that we’re at odds right now.
Epic fail, Madison.
“So... you wanna talk about why you’re so grumpy?
” Lila asks from the doorway of my office, casually pulling her long black hair back into a ponytail and securing with the bright pink hair tie from her wrist. I shake my head no, but then I open my mouth and word vomit the whole situation.
Clearly needing someone to talk to about this.
“So my brother and I had a fight, and now I feel like shit. Even though the issues were legit, I was pretty mean.” I shake my head, looking anywhere but at her bright blue eyes.
“Siblings are a thing. I’ve got three of them. They’re a pain in my ass, but I’d shank a bitch for all of ’em.” I can’t help but laugh. She gives me a wink.
“Exactly! I love him, but then he says something stupid and suddenly I’m over the top pissed. Like zero to sixty. So of course I went off on him.”
“Should I ask what he said?” She asks, “Or is it too personal.”
“He asked me how my “little” yoga thing was going? Before congratulating himself on getting me that contract job with the Wolves.” I grimace at the sudden pain in my chest. Yup, still stings.
“Ouch. He’s the hockey player, right?”
“Oh yeah. The golden boy of our family.” I don’t even hide my eye roll.
“Oh God. I’ve been there. Been carrying that around for a bit? The resentment.” The shrewd look she gives me says she’s far too familiar with this story.
“Pretty much since Walker started playing.” I shake my head at the memories. “Yeah, I’ve got a whole love/hate thing going on with the hockey. And probably with Walker as well.”
“That’s normal, you know. There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“It doesn’t feel normal.” It actually feels decidedly abnormal.
“Look, I’ve been there and that kind of dynamic is hard to navigate. I rarely tell people this but my brother’s in the NFL. Plays for the Eagles. So, when I say I can relate, girl, I mean it.”
“Wow. I can’t believe I didn’t know that about you,” I say. She shrugs her shoulders.
“It gets old being known as a famous football player’s sister. Never as just Lila.”
“Oh my God, yes! That’s exactly it. Sometimes I feel like nothing I can do will ever be as spectacular as what he does. Which is ridiculous, right?”
“Not even a little.” She assures me. “Have you ever talked to him about it? Just the two of you?”
“Not really. Since my parents passed, we pretty much avoid all conversation about growing up. Or my parents. Or anything with emotions. Except anger. We seem to do anger just fine.” My face scrunches up as I think back to all the conversations Walker and I have had since our parent’s death.
“Meh, anger’s probably the safest for you both.
Maybe think about it. It might help more than you think.
I know that shit’s hard though.” Hearing her say all this, knowing that she understands where I’m at, validates my view of the situation.
I can’t believe how nice it is to talk to someone who gets it.
“Gotta go, class in five, but think about it, Maddie. Might do you guys some good to talk it out.”
“Thanks, Lila.” I stand up so I can give her a hug. I appreciate this talk more than she knows. She hugs me back before heading off to her class.
She’s right. I do need to talk to Walker. I’m not ready for a full-on emotional conversation right now, but I do need to apologize. For both of us.
I should do it soon, too, because pre-season training is about to start, which means there won’t be much time for anything except hockey. I pop in my headphones and dial up my brother before I can think twice.
“Maddie bear!” He answers after one ring.
“Little bro. How’s it going?” Unsure of where we stand right now, I take a neutral tone.
“We’re here. At your studio.” His voice has an echo, and I look over my shoulder. Sure enough, he and Liam are filling up my doorway. Walker’s holding an iced coffee in one hand and a bouquet of daisies in the other. Two of my favorite things. How did he know?
“Did you bring me flowers?”
“To say I’m sorry for being a butt head.
” He looks sincere. For once, not making a joke out of everything.
Liam nudges him, and he continues. “I’m sorry I said you were emotional and whatever else I said that made you upset.
” It’s not fantastic, but it’s an apology, nonetheless.
Not one to apologize easily, this is huge for my brother. I’m usually the one to approach him.
Behind him, Liam rolls his eyes. I have a hard time not laughing. It looks like I owe Liam a huge “thank you.” That’s new. I take the flowers and the drink. Sighing because this is such an improvement over the last time we fought.
“So, do you know why I was upset?” Sometimes with Walker, his apologies feel like lip service.
“Yeah. I know. It’s because I wasn’t supportive about your studio stuff and I said you were emotional. Liam says I can’t say that to women, even though you’re my sister, so you’re not like a real woman.”
I’m gratified to hear that he does understand, even if Liam had to point it out. I can settle for that. Walker gives me one of his lopsided grins, and I can’t help but smile back because at the end of the day, I do love him.
Liam’s eyes roll again, and he says, “Um, I didn’t say that last part.”
Of that, I am completely sure. That is 100 percent a Walker statement.
“Oh, I know, Liam.” I shoot him a quick smile.
“But Walker, seriously, when you say things like ‘my little studio’ it feels like you’re diminishing something I’ve worked so hard to accomplish.
I’m the one who put in the work? Me! I know it’s not some big NHL career, but it’s a big deal for me.
I love you and I’ll always support you, but I need you to do the same for me.
And that means that you don’t belittle what I’ve accomplished. ”
He winces at that last bit, and it feels like maybe he’s finally heard me this time.
“Sorry, sis. I didn’t mean it like that at all.”
“I know and I need to apologize to you, too.” I admit, “Some things were said in anger that I shouldn’t have said. You’re not a man-child. Sure, you could be more responsible, which is what I should have said, instead of insulting you. I’m sorry.”
Walker’s eyes widen and his mouth falls open before it morphs into a brilliant smile. Okay, maybe we both need to be better at apologizing.
“Thanks for saying that, Maddie Bear.”
My heart warms, and my eyes sting. I change the subject before I start to cry.
“So, who do I really have to thank for the drink and the flowers?”
Liam and Walker exchange a glance.
“Liam made me get the flowers, but the drink was all me!” my brother insists. I raise my eyebrows at him.
“Well, mostly,” he mumbles.
I laugh.
“You know I love you two idiots, right?” I say as I give Walker a big hug, holding tight so he feels it.
“We are pretty awesome.” And all serious conversation is out the door. I resist rolling my eyes again, but damn, it’s hard.
“I love you too, sis.” He squeezes me too tightly, and I know everything will be okay between us.
I reach over to hug Liam, but he’s reluctant, which is new.
I pull him in tighter, until finally, his arms come around me, but I note his caution and I’m not sure how to respond.
Instead, I linger a bit too long, trying to puzzle it out.
Then, at the last minute before I pull away, he pulls me even closer.
It feels different. He’s always felt like an extension of my brother, but today, I’m aware of the strength of his arms and the hardness of his chest. Too aware, I realize as my body heats up in a way it hasn’t in a very long time.
“Love you, too, Mads,” he whispers into my hair.
His voice is deeper, a little husky, and the words feel different from usual, but also really good.
Now I linger before letting him go. He turns away, but not before I see the flush on his face.
Something’s changed, and I’m not entirely sure what.
I’m about to say something when Walker grabs me from behind and swings me around.
I shriek, as usual, because that’s what I do, which, of course, is why he does it.
“We’re outta here, big sis. Going for a run. Later.” He waves, and they’re out the door before I can even say goodbye, but the warmth of that hug lingers long after they’ve left.
I sip my chai tea and look at the daisies, which are now in a vase on my desk, and enjoy a few moments of peace before my next class, but instead the phone rings, because of course it does. I sigh and answer anyway.
“Ms. Walker. Hello. Its Damon Hawk from the Wolves.”
“Hello Mr. Hawk. How can I help you today?”
“Well, I had an idea of how we can make your yoga class a bit more appealing to the players. Do you have a minute to talk about it?”
“Sounds interesting. I’d love to hear it.”