Chapter 29 Liam
Liam
The gloomy clouds and a forecast of rain fit the mood of the day. There’s an unexpectedly chilly breeze that sends goosebumps skittering up my arms, announcing fall’s arrival in Denver. The towering glass walls of the arena entrance are a dull gray without the sun to brighten them.
I give Eddie a lackluster greeting, but remember to check in with him about the family. He eagerly shows off the pictures of his grandkids from their weekend visit. I nod and smile appropriately, but my heart isn’t in it. He just smiles and gives me a clout on the shoulder.
“I hope your day starts looking up, Mr. Ferguson.”
“Thanks Eddie. Me too.” The chances of that are slim to none.
This time I don’t have to wait in the reception area.
Mel shows me right into Damon’s office. Not even the spectacular view of the mountains improves my mood.
He gestures toward the black leather couch instead of his desk, as I expect.
The cushions are buttery soft, and I sink into them.
Wonderful, I can be comfortable while getting fired.
“So how are you feeling this morning?”
He asks with genuine concern. It throws me off, and I don’t have an immediate response. He looks at me for a moment before relaxing back into a matching chair opposite the couch.
“Did you know that we’re still finding things around the office that belonged to the Robertson brothers?” His tone is mild. Matter of fact, even. Why is he telling me this?
“Joslyn finally found someone to open the safe in Tad’s old office last week. We had to get an actual safecracker in here. It was crazy. What we found was even crazier?”
I have no clue. I’m not even sure why he’s telling me all this.
“No, sir.” My confusion is obvious.
His face softens, and he continues.
“The thumb drives we found contained a ton of video files.”
Okay, I’m still lost, and now I’m just feeling kind of dumb. I wish he would get to the point. Am I still the captain? Am I fired? This is killing me.
“Files full of recordings of hazing. Incidents that happened every year the Robertson’s were acting owners, going back at least fifteen years, but it could be more. My guys haven’t gotten through all of them yet.”
My stomach drops, and my eyes widen. Oh, hell no.
“Every year?” I can barely get the words out.
“Unfortunately, yes. Every year. Including your rookie year.” Fighting back the sudden urge to vomit, I try to swallow against the sudden dryness in my throat. This can’t be happening. My pulse pounds in my ears, and Damon’s office suddenly feels overwhelmingly bright.
It was one thing to know that it happened.
It’s an entirely different thing to know that your boss and the owner have seen it.
My composure is gone. After my conversation with Austin, everything is too fresh.
Too close. Too much. It’s all just bubbling up, and despite every attempt, I can’t keep it down.
Jesus, I cannot lose it in front of Damon.
That would just complete my humiliation.
Tears, hot and heavy, press at the back of my eyes.
“It’s okay, Liam. I promise no one else has seen them.
Joslyn hasn’t even seen them. Just me and a couple of security guys that were helping me put names to faces.
I made them sign an ironclad NDA,” he reassures me, and the compassion in his voice is almost my undoing.
Out of self-preservation, I bury my face in my hands.
He’s suddenly right next to me, a comforting hand on my back. It’s exactly the kind of thing my father would do, and it steadies me in a way that nothing else could.
“I promise you. No one else will see them.”
We sit quietly for a minute as I put myself back together, but the tension between us has eased, and in its place is a rapport I never thought I’d feel around my GM.
“I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry that you had to be on a team with such unbelievable assholes.
I’m sorry that this organization had any part in that.
Honestly, I don’t know how you stayed with the team for as long as you have.
To still be the person you are today after everything.
That speaks to your strength of character and integrity, Liam.
You should be proud of that, because I am.
It’s a big part of the reason you’re going to be an exceptional Captain. ”
I sit in silence for a minute, processing what Damon’s said. He seems to understand my need, because he walks away to grab a couple of waters from the office frig before handing one to me. I drink it down and, to my surprise, I feel better afterward. I’m pretty damn grateful I’m not getting fired.
“I was only able to get through it because of my dad. The first year was grueling but it got better. I tried to steer the rookies clear of Bell and “friends.” It didn’t always work, but I gave it my best shot.
Bell was just the heavy though. He’s not smart enough to come up with this shit.
That was all Kiminsky. He was the one you really had to watch.
He was cruel because he liked it, but still too smart to get caught. ”
It’s easier to talk about it all now, after this morning. After Austin. So I do. I tell him all of it. All the locker room dynamics. He listens quietly, letting me get it all out, and it’s more cathartic than I ever thought possible.
“I just wanted to play hockey.” I finish, sitting back with a deep sigh.
“I’m sure that you weren’t the only one.” He grips my arm with wordless reassurance. “Better?”
“Yeah. I think I am.”
“We’re going to change this organization Liam. We’re going fix this fucking mess that those assholes left us and we’re going to turn this team into something remarkable. And we’re going to do it together.”
I give him a half-smile before I ask my last question. Please, God, let it be a no.
“Has coach seen it?” I ask, and I can’t keep the wobble out of my voice.
“No, he has not. Jos and I agreed that there is absolutely no need for anyone else to see them. Not now, not ever. I can promise you that.”
My relief is immediate, and I relax at the finality of his declaration.
It hits me that Damon I someone I can trust. In all my time with the Wolves, that’s never happened, and that terrible sense of shame that’s been haunting me for years isn’t taking up space in the back of my mind.
I’m strangely at ease with myself and my position on this team.
“I’m always here if you need to talk, Liam. It doesn’t even need to be about this. I’m happy to be a sounding board if you need one. I just have to ask that you do me one favor.”
“At this point you don’t even have to ask. What can I do?”
“No more fistfight with teammates, please? While I understand last night was unavoidable, I’d appreciate it we didn’t use that as the standard for conflict resolution going forward?
” he says with a wry grin. I chuckle because I knew there would be a reprimand in there somewhere, but this one is fairly tame.
“Thank you. I’m sorry I lost my head, but in hindsight, I’m not sure I would have been able to avoid a physical fight with Bell. Something about it felt inevitable. But I want to assure you, that’s not my go to when dealing with conflict. I promise.”
“I’m not sure that I wouldn’t have done the same. Which is why I won’t berate you for it. I think you’re already beating yourself up enough.” Damon with a penetrating look. He’s not wrong. “Why don’t we just put it all in the past and move forward?”
“What’s going to happen with Bell?” Please tell me he’s out. Damon’s mouth turns down, and he tenses up.
“I can’t say anything right now, other than to tell you he won’t be at practice today or tomorrow.
I’m working on a permanent solution and I hope to have that worked out in a couple of days.
Sorry but that’s all I can tell you. Trust me, I want him out of here too.
” I do trust him, so I’ll let it go for now.
It’s enough that he won’t be a practice.
“I do. Trust you, I mean.”
“I appreciate that Liam. I promise, I’ll handle it.”
Damon lightens things up with a discussion of our pre-season schedule, giving me some time to wind down from the heaviness of our earlier conversation, and by the time I leave, I feel lighter than I’ve felt in a very long time.
Suddenly, I’m looking forward to practice like I never have before, and it feels pretty damn good.
As I walk out to my car, I text the captains’ group chat so I can give them a heads-up about Austin’s absence. I’m already fielding replies before I get out the front door.
Burnsy: Something happen last night? Rumors abound.
Coop: Can we stick to hockey?
Liam: Need to talk b4 practice
Orly: Why no one gives me gossip? I do not like this.
Burnsy: ?? Are all Russians this dramatic?
Orly:
Coop: I hate it here.
Liam: 30 min b4 conf rm b. Ill explain
Burnsy: You better. Now I have stress.
Liam: ?? UR fine, drama king
Burnsy: ?? Why is everyone so mean to me.
Orly: Who is dramatic now?