Chapter 7 Easton #2
Good luck with that, buddy. I’ve known her a whole five hours, and those blues have already vandalized my nervous system a time or two.
“Jesus Christ,” I exhale, unsure how our conversation escalated to this.
Collie turns to high-five Dirty Dan before muttering, “My guy has a hearty appetite for his woman. Good to know about the coyotes, though. Easton gets real growly before he com—”
“That’s enough,” I snap, placing my hand over her mouth. It doesn’t cover the humor in her eyes, though. She thinks this is hilarious, and I have a feeling Dirty Dan has much more ahead for us than we think.
Fucking Sydney and her need to schedule everything.
“Well, alrighty then.” Dirty Dan claps before ushering us toward our home away from home for the next two weeks.
“I was worried all my hard work on your Love on the Range package would go to waste. These forests only host Till Bears Do Us Part Marriage Retreat every so often. Consider yourselves lucky. We’re gonna have us a grand ole time. ”
The fuck?
“Love on the Range? Marriage Retreat?” I probe.
Who in the actual hell holds marriage retreats in the middle of Yellowstone National Park?
Collie glances my way, likely to confirm if I knew about this before offering for her to join me. Hopefully, the shock plastered across my face tells her everything she needs to know. And despite the news of this being much more than we thought, Collie takes it in stride.
I might even call it excitement. “Well, how could we possibly say no to some marital bonding? We are newlyweds, after all. But one important question: does this package you speak of include champagne?” Collie shrieks.
Does she seriously expect me to go along with this charade?
One look from the other couples here and they’ll know right away that Collie and I are not married. Fuck. We aren’t even a couple.
“Play along,” Collie whispers over her shoulder.
I grit my teeth and say, “Not like you’re giving me much of a choice.”
Dirty Dan grins, crooked smile on display.
“Only the bottom shelf’s finest, pretty lady.
I know you didn’t ask for my recommendation, but I’ll tell ya anyway.
Say you decide to join us at any of these married couple events…
make it the campfire sing-along. Our lead singer, Bert, used to be on American Idol.
You’re sleeping in the presence of legends. ”
“Wait, seriously?” Collie gasps. “Did he win?”
“Nah.” Dirty Dan waves her off. “Didn’t make it past the first round before his guitar string broke.”
I lean toward Collie as we follow behind Dirty Dan toward our campsite. “Bet you that fat check in your pocket the wolves come out to play when Bert starts singing.” She shoves me, playing off my joke and urging me to shut it.
Despite how awkward this is and the white lie we now have to play off, we’re in Yellowstone National Park. This may not be how I saw my time here going, but I’m gonna make the most of it.
After all, it’s better than being in Yellowstone married to a woman I never loved. And Collie seems like a cool girl.
And for the next two weeks, she’ll be my fake wife.
“So,” Collie draws out, attempting to change the subject. “Is there a list or something for us to know when the events are going on?”
“We already have plans,” I blurt out, earning myself a humorous side eye from Dirty Dan.
“Oh, screw that,” Collie dismisses my comment. “We’re embracing this, Easton. Get over it.”
Okay. That was kinda sexy, but I’ll ignore it.
“I knew I liked you,” Dan whispers loudly to Collie, making me want to head back to the UTV and ghost everyone here.
Dan adjusts the carabiner on his belt and turns on a wide grin.
“I’ll have Sheila, the park facilitator and my leadin’ lady, bring over the retreat schedule for ya in the morning.
You got any questions about the retreat?
We’re in charge, so ask away. Oh, and one more thing.
Don’t leave the campsite without bear spray. You’ve been warned.”
So, Dirty Dan and Sheila run the marriage retreat? Got it. “Thanks for the heads up.”
“Aw. How long have you been married, Dirty Dan?”
He chuckles, rubbing his curled mustache like he cherishes it. “Oh, we aren’t married. I’m as single as a Pringle.”
But they facilitate a marriage retreat? How does that make them qualified? “Oh, fuck no—”
A soft hand touches my arm, causing my steps to halt for a moment. “Gotcha. Well, we’re looking forward to everything you have planned. And can’t wait to meet Ms. Sheila. Thank you so much, Dirty Dan,” Collie tells him.
Without saying anything more, we let him lead. “There she is. Right up there.” He points to the allotted campsite in front of us with designated acres in between each property.
Attempting to roll Collie’s broken suitcase up a hill is not for the faint of heart. Rocks, ice, and debris meet me step for step. I need to get out of this tuxedo. “The hell you got in here, woman?”
“You don’t wanna know.” Collie smiles before her sudden stop has my eyes shifting in her direction. “Be for real, Easton. Where’s the cabin?”
Dan and I share skeptical looks. He’s likely wondering why my wife, who just ten minutes ago said she planned this, would be asking where we’re sleeping.
This can go one of two ways. Collie will either take it like a champ and be excited for this adventure, or she’ll refuse to stay here and request to leave.
I don’t know her well enough to predict which it’ll be. Hell, I’m not even fully sure what’s in store. Sydney mentioned a few options…a two-room yurt, jokingly, a camper van, and a tent big enough to house a family of five.
I told her I’d be good with whatever and she never actually communicated what she decided on, now that I think about it.
Maybe I should have thought through inviting Collie a bit more?
The possibility of sharing an intimate space was the least of my concerns after witnessing her bad day at the airport.
Dirty Dan points to me, refusing to be the experienced host he claims to be. “Asshole,” I mumble loud enough for only him to hear. It’s then that I turn to Collie, who’s waiting patiently for someone to speak up.
“See that orange beauty up there?” Dan asks, and Collie shifts her focus ahead.
“The one that looks like all the others, but orange? Yes, I see it.” She points to the left side of the park.
“That’s where we’re staying. Remember, honey?” I emphasize the pet name. I appear calm, but inwardly, I’m panicking.
“You booked it and insisted we get lost in nature and each other, remember?” I really hope she doesn’t suspect my own anxiousness.
“Sure. Sure,” she plays it off. “Refresh my memory, please. The camper is our hotel?”
“Yes.” My eyes land on the orange Volkswagen van, backpedaling a bit in hopes of recalling a conversation with Sydney where I missed it. But nothing.
Shit. I invited a stranger to stay with me in an enclosed space, hardly big enough for one person as it is.
“The camper van with faded decals all over it? It has a bed in it, too? A bed where we both will sleep?”
“Again, yes.”
“Can we also drive it?”
“Yes. If we want to.”
Seconds pass without a word until a sharp yelp echoes through the forest. “Oh, hell yes! I’ve always wanted to rough it in the woods.”
I cock my head. “Seriously?” Laughter builds inside of me. I didn’t expect that. Collie clearly doesn’t care about the fact that we don’t know a single thing about each other. “Not sure that’s the reaction I expected, but okay. You keep surprising me, lost girl.”
“You people confuse me,” Dirty Dan mumbles before waving us off. “Holler if you need someone to start a fire for ya. Sheila will be by in the mornin’. I’ll tell her not to knock.” He winks, trotting back toward the UTV.
Jesus Christ.
“Appreciate you, Dirty Dan,” Collie yells at his retreating back and turns to tap my chest. “We’ve got two weeks of getting up close and personal with each other, Easton Voss. Better save some room in this muscular chest for more lost girl revelations.”
Leaving me to it, I’m no longer thinking about the awkwardness to come with this complete stranger. Or the fact that this trip is about to get really fucking weird and personal. No, because I’m too focused on the fact that she called my chest muscular to think straight.
That and the fact that I’m not at all concerned about my safety with Collie Meadows.
But maybe I should be.