Chapter 11
COLLIE
“You cool if I take this?”
I smile softly. “Go for it.”
Easton nods, stepping away for a moment to take what seems to be an important phone call. Although I appear to be hanging back, pretending to give him some space, you can bet your bottom dollar I’m staying in earshot enough to snoop.
The way his face instantly dropped at the sharp ringing of his phone makes me think it has something to do with the distress and pain I’ve sensed seeping from him since we met.
Maybe it’s my way of justifying my nosiness, but I think I deserve to know a little more about the stranger I’m crashing with for the next two weeks, right?
“Palmer.” His voice is deep and firm, while his body language portrays the opposite. The name comes out as a statement, not a question. It’s as if his tall frame folds into itself, something I’ve noticed to be very much opposite of the confident and brick wall exterior Easton has shown me thus far.
I lower my sunglasses to fight off the bright sun, but also so I can glance his way when necessary without him noticing. Playing with my phone will keep my hands busy, but my mind is right there with him.
I’m goin’ to hell for this.
“Yeah, I’m okay. I promise. Just needed to get away for a while.”
So, who is Palmer? That’s definitely a female name, and not the same as the one on the boarding pass. My boarding pass.
“Fuck. I know. I feel horrible, sis. I know I fucked up a lot of things for a lot of people I care about, but I couldn’t do it. I had to leave.”
His sister. And the plot thickens.
He continues, “We talked. Hell, it was her idea for me to come here. But it feels wrong. Like I’m betraying him when I promised to do the opposite. I’m a fucking coward.”
I can’t hear what comes from the receiving end, but my heart sinks a little knowing the voice is likely showing the same emotion I feel exuding from Easton right now.
He’s breaking inside and doing a good job of hiding it.
Sadly, I understand that. The weight of life that feels so fucking heavy at times, I wonder how I haven’t been suffocated by my own issues by now. But I bury it because it’s easier than facing it.
It’s twisted, but it feels like the better way to care for myself, while also making sure my sister holds onto her peace.
“No, I am, Palmer. I never wanted any of this to happen. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.
” The strain in his voice is tangible, like he’s holding on by a thread.
“I’ve never been so conflicted by my own actions.
Like I can finally breathe and not be gasping for air, but I also want to cut off my own leg. ”
Suddenly, that big fat question mark I characterized Easton under doesn’t seem so neon. The luminosity is dimming, and the true color beneath his surface reveals itself.
I’m reminded that despite how lousy I may feel about my own life, there’s always someone in the world who has it worse. Someone fighting a battle so severe, they’d give anything to trade places with me.
Battles we know nothing about.
I’m fortunate, and I realize that now more than ever.
Easton is fighting something much bigger than me.
I have a strong inkling that this trip is far more than a vacation for him. It’s a revival. A start of something bigger than even he can predict, with the power to change him.
“I know you love me, sis. I do. And I promise to have fun. Well, as much as I can. I still need to figure out what that looks like without her and my next steps. There’s still so many questions I don’t have the answers for.”
The way I’m dying to know who her is, and how she got to be so deserving of this man…but also enough to have him this torn up.
Easton glances over his shoulder at me and I send him a small smile. I’ve never physically felt someone else’s pain before other than with Capri. I guess it surprises me because he was so willing to offer for me to come along on this trip with him.
Entertaining a hot mess stranger was the last thing he needed.
Yet, despite Easton’s personal struggles, he saw mine and offered a hand. Which I’m learning is far greater than he leads on. But it’s not my job to fix him, and also not my job to ask those questions.
This new evolving friendship between us has a timeline, and although we’re pretending to be husband and wife at the campsite, Easton owes me nothing.
“I’ll try. Yeah, there’s other people here too…” The drag in his voice causes me to pause. So does the quick glance at me over his shoulder. “Yes, there’s women, Palmer. I’m not in fucking outer space.”
Hmm…
That’s when his voice lowers a decibel. But lucky for me, I have great hearing. “There will be no fucking and forgetting,” he whispers on a groan. “Not sure I’d even know what to do. But shit, Palmer. Why am I talking to you about this? Get your head out of the gutter and remember our boundaries.”
Fucking and forgetting, you say?
I’m not sure what exactly Easton’s dear sister is suggesting with that, but it sounds a lot like she wants her big brother to have some fun and forget about the dark cloud looming over him for a while.
At least while he’s here.
“Would you just drop it? I can barely tolerate myself right now. How do you expect me to entertain a woman? Especially after what I just did.”
The questions just keep accumulating. He’s a closed-off mystery.
But…maybe I can offer some assistance?
If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s having a good time. Just by reading Easton, I’m not sure fucking and forgetting would be a smart choice for either of us, but I’ve gotta say, I’m really good at being a distraction.
I’m always down for a good time if the moment calls for it. Sometimes, having someone there to get off and move forward works more than therapy ever could.
I know from experience. Hell, even my close friends, Freddie and Berkley, back home know that when we go out, it’s prime time.
And Easton Voss looks like a delight to tempt. Would it really be so bad to use our fake marriage and closeness on this trip as a way to break down his walls a little? Help him release some of that tension he holds onto like a vice.
I could be his vice. The thing he clings to when he wants to explode.
He can rip me apart. Mold me. Bend me, preferably.
I’m not breakable. I can handle it. And I think he can, too.
“Listen, we’re about to head back to the campsite. I’ll call you next time I head into town. Tell Mom and Pops I’m thinking about them.” A pause stretches between him and Palmer. “Fucking hell. Yes, I’m with a woman. She’s just a friend. Are you happy?”
It’s almost as if he’s embarrassed to admit he’s with me, and now I’m more intrigued.
“I love you too. Later.”
Without another word, Easton hangs up the phone and walks to stand in front of me. “Sorry about that. My sister.” He holds up his phone for physical proof.
“All good. Just enjoying the views around me.” I pretend to take in the mountain beyond the strip.
I’m so full of shit. I never should have spoken my idea into existence because it’s as if now I’m looking at Easton in an entirely different way. I noticed him this morning—hard not to when he’s giant in size.
But right now, I’m drinking him in. Imagining what he looks like naked and vulnerable.
He’s in light brown ostrich cowboy boots, formfitting jeans that literally hug leg muscles I never knew were possible to have—again, I’ve only ever dated the studious pricks in suits who likely do Pilates in the park with Mom.
A solid black tee hugs his upper frame, while a thick denim jacket with tan fur lining wraps him in warmth.
He’s delectable.
And a motherfucking lineman. That explains his tree trunk legs. I may never get this kind of opportunity again, and I intend to take the moose by its horns and ride with it.
Literally.
One thing is for sure: Easton Voss has no idea what he’s gotten himself into. I just need to convince him I’m worth having some harmless fun with.
“Let’s head back. Maybe Sheila dropped off the schedule by now.”
I smile. “Lead the way, Ranger.”
For now, at least.