Chapter 15 #2
Maybe we didn’t go at the right time, but within seconds we both looked at each other and said, “Well, that was fun,” and left without another thought.
I knew after what I did this morning, I had to get out of here. Venture somewhere else for the day, where I couldn’t relive my weak moment and pray like hell Collie wasn’t even slightly awake to witness it.
But fuck did it feel good.
Sheila, on the other hand, probably showed up at the right time, or I would have taken Collie up on her offer right then and there.
Her offer.
The thing I’ve felt lingering in the back of my head like a festering disease. Everywhere I turn, I’m reminded of her offering herself to me. Not like a charity—and for once, it feels good to not be wanted out of pity, but desire.
I’m not accustomed to women being so open about their sexual needs. Shit, it took Sydney and me months to actually kiss.
Should I dive headfirst and put our undeniable chemistry to the test? There’s no one here to judge us or speculate. No harm, no foul, right?
“How about you drink your hot chocolate and worry less about what I’m not wearing?” She’s so fucking sassy. Makes me want to wipe that smirk right off her pretty face and give her something else to bitch about.
Like how my cock feels hitting the back of her throat.
Choosing to ignore her comment, I change the subject. “I’m surprised Sheila and Dirty Dan haven’t questioned where we’ve been.”
They’ve been scarce all day, which I’ve learned is rare even in the midst of a forest as widespread as Yellowstone.
“The schedule said they went elk spotting with a group,” Collie answers, her eyes looking upward as she takes in the setting of the sun.
I don’t blame her. There’s something magical about this side of the country at night. The colors of the sky blend together in a way that looks intentional, with the stars peeping through. The colors are bold and glimmer with animation.
We’re enveloped in nothing but the silence of the outdoors.
Just Collie and me.
I nod in response, my eyes falling closed to appreciate the stillness. Wyoming reminds me of Salt Hollow. Maybe it’s the immeasurable amount of peace I feel just reaching the country outskirts?
The remote of the remote.
“Tell me something important I don’t know about you.”
My brows rise, Collie’s question catching me off guard. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, so you’ll have to give me some context with that, lost girl.” I kick my ankle over the opposite knee and situate myself for the direction of this conversation.
And for once, I’m not dreading talking.
Collie’s bright blue eyes train in on me. “It can be anything. Just tell me something important. Something you wouldn’t usually tell a stranger.”
I turn my head on a swivel to make sure no one else can hear.
But again, I’m reminded just how alone we are out here.
“There’s a lot I could tell you, and just as much you’d probably rather not know.
” I chuckle, surprising myself with how comfortable I feel around her. “I’m not very good at talking.”
Collie waves me off. “You’re doing just fine. Now, tell me that. The thing you think I wouldn’t want to know, because now I won’t take any answer but that.”
Do I tell her about Sydney? I’ve never fully admitted the situation out loud to anyone. However, my gut, which has never steered me wrong, tells me I can trust Collie to handle my unresolved grief and struggle with care.
I guess it’s worth a shot.
“I’m engaged.” Fuck. Her sharp intake of breath points out my mistake in wording. “Was engaged. Fuck. Sorry. See, I’m horrible at this.”
Collie’s eyes soften as she shakes her head, urging me to continue. “You’re doing great, Easton. Keep going.”
“Right,” I exhale, building up the much-needed courage. “Like I was saying…I was engaged. And now I’m not. It’s all really messed up and a long story.”
“I figured something along those lines. But we have time,” she tells me kindly. “You can trust me. I promise I’m like a vault. My mother made sure of it.”
I make note to ask her about that another time.
“Is that why you were in a suit at the airport? Not that being in a suit is off-putting, but it wasn’t exactly neatly tailored,” Collie asks, genuinely curious.
My lips quirk, remembering how fucking deranged I looked that day. My appearance was light compared to the conflict I was battling in my chest.
I nod. “The day before was my wedding day. It obviously didn’t happen.” I hold up my empty ring finger and continue, “But I almost went through with it. It just didn’t feel right. None of it did.”
I think most women would take this as a sign to pry and ask deeply personal questions about everything, but Collie makes it simple. Her question, although deep, doesn’t feel as personal as it probably should.
“Do you love her?”
A month ago, I would have answered yes as if it were scripted out for me. But today, the answer feels as easy as breathing. “No. I never did.”
“Then why marry her?”
And there it is. The question I’ve fought myself over for years. Since Ben died and every day after.
“Because I promised Ben I would.”
I see the surprise on her face, and I can imagine what she’s thinking.
Collie sets her mug on the ground and lifts her folding chair to place it directly next to mine.
She keeps a comfortable distance, but my guess is this is her way of showing me she’s here.
She’s not invading or being forceful, but setting respectable boundaries with an openness for me to cross over if I choose to.
For someone who was deprived of so much love by her own mother, she’s incredibly empathetic.
It’s really fucking cool of her.
“What did you promise Ben?” her soft voice asks just above a whisper.
My head lifts, finding the most sincere woman looking at me, not like I’m broken glass, but like she’s the exact replica of my kind of shattered.
Collie’s putting herself in my shoes and allowing me to rest in her.
I’m not alone in this.
“I promised Ben I’d look after his fiancé.”
“Sydney?”
I nod. “Sydney and Ben were engaged before he died. She was going to be his wife.”
I know my situation is fucked and confusing, but watching tears fill Collie’s eyes makes me grateful I asked her to come on this trip. Her small hand reaches to grasp mine. “Can I ask how everything happened after Ben’s passing? I can’t imagine navigating that was easy for you. Or Sydney.”
Again, I nod, praying like hell talking about it helps me somehow.
“Coming to terms with Ben’s death was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
He was my twin and best friend. It felt like losing a chunk of myself.
But even though he loved me the same way, Sydney was his entire world.
The three of us grew up together in Salt Hollow.
We were best friends until things with them became more.
Imagine loving someone your entire life and then suddenly that person is gone.
Sydney and I both went through that together.
At first, it was easy with her. I didn’t have to fake it because she was already someone I deeply cared about.
But I was never in love with her. It makes sense when I really think about it.
Loving her like a sister who was in love with my brother. Sadly, we got it twisted.”
“God. I can’t even imagine losing Capri. I’m so sorry you lost him, Easton. And for everything else in between.”
“The whole thing was unfortunate, and I struggled for a long time. So did Sydney. But before Ben died, he asked me to promise him I’d take care of her.
I took that promise as bible and took care of my friend.
I’d mow her lawn, fix things around the house, take her to appointments when she couldn’t get out of bed some days.
I helped her however I could. Eventually, everything started to blur.
I realize now that I never processed my own grief until these past six months.
I would be driving and randomly get these epiphanies out of nowhere.
They threw me for a fucking loop and started to get more frequent, but again, I was too worried about breaking the promise I made to him.
I was in too deep. Until our wedding day, when everything came to a head. ”
“Did you promise Ben you’d marry her, Easton?”
I shake my head. “No. I didn’t.”
“Then why did you almost do that? Taking care of someone is much different than marrying them.” There’s no judgement in her voice, just curiosity as to how we shifted to the direction of marriage.
“A small part of it was pressure from our families. I don’t think they meant to.
They were so happy to see us spending time together that it began to feel necessary.
Almost like co-dependency. Sydney, Ben, and I…
we were a trio. And when we lost him, I didn’t want to live anymore, Collie.
I couldn’t fathom a life without my brother.
But Sydney was the only other person in this world who understood how I felt, and she felt the same.
The first time we ever slept together felt like a chore.
A mark on a checklist we needed to complete.
It never felt how I knew sex should—like we needed each other’s touch to exist. But at that point, we had both accepted that this was our life, and better to be together than to struggle apart.
Even if the romantic love was never there. ”
“I…God, Easton. I don’t know what to say other than I can’t possibly imagine.
I haven’t been through something as heartbreaking myself, but I can be empathetic.
You should never have to explain or justify to anyone how you chose to grieve.
My heart just breaks for you. Your family. And Sydney, too.”
She’s so kind. And it feels good to finally be honest about it. To share with someone who doesn’t know my family, Ben, or the past two years of my life.
“I’m finally at a place where I know marrying her would have been a mistake. When I called off the wedding, she knew it, too.”
“Were you both able to talk?” Collie asks.
I nod. “We talked right after I stopped the ceremony. Sydney would have gone through with it, but I think she’s thankful for it now.
We both admitted to never fully accepting Ben’s death on our own and the whole process of how we got to marriage was unhealthy.
She’s actually the one who insisted I go on this trip. ”
“It was supposed to be your honeymoon, wasn’t it?” A smile ghosts her face and despite feeling vulnerable, I love that Collie can make any uncomfortable moment fun and exciting. It’s something I’ve discovered she’s really fucking good at.
My lips curl. “It was. Sydney failed to mention the marriage retreat part in the planning, though.”
“I love the girl already.” Collie squeezes my hand, and it dawns on me that she hasn’t let go.
“Sydney’s cool,” I tell her. “You’re cool, too, Collie. And I really appreciate you listening to me. It feels…good to talk about it. To talk about everything like it’s not a secret. Actually, kinda therapeutic.”
“It’s not a secret. It’s your life and a part of your story. That’s never something to be ashamed of, Easton. You should be proud of where you are now. I mean, did you ever think you’d invite a stranger to Yellowstone with you?”
I chuckle. “Fuck no. I wouldn’t even invite myself if that were possible.”
“And look at us now. We’re the best of friends.” Her grin makes my chest thunder with something unfamiliar and alarmingly warm.
“We’re friends, but you also want to fuck me?” I tip my head back and laugh, side-eyeing her like she’s caught in a tangle.
Collie holds up her hands in surrender. “I’m starting to trust you as a friend, Ranger. But you can bet your thick ass in those Wranglers I want to fuck you. Don’t get shy on me now. I know you want to fuck me, too.”
I’m no longer laughing but also refusing to cower or retreat like I know she expects me to. “What I want is for you to wear some decent clothes. Preferably ones that keep you covered and warm.”
“Ah ha!” Collie shouts. “I knew you wanted to fuck me!”
I roll my eyes, fighting back a smile. “I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to. I know sexy bedroom eyes when I see them.
” Collie leans forward into my space, and my entire body goes still, anticipating her next move.
“You watch me, Easton. I can feel your eyes on me every second of the day,” she whispers at the cusp of my ear, her tone filled with the sexiest rasp.
“Don’t think I didn’t catch you watching me touch myself this morning.
I can’t help it when you’re around. I’ve woken up with soaked panties every morning since meeting you, and I won’t be quiet about that. ”
“Fuck.” I knew she saw me. I had a strong feeling, but I wrote it off as being paranoid.
She’s dangerously forward.
A giggle with multiple meanings escapes her bow-shaped lips. “Thought so,” she boasts. “The offer still stands. I’m yours when you’re ready. Whenever you need to talk and whenever you’re finally ready to fuck. Just say the word. Or don’t.”
I’m not sure how much longer I can pretend not to be affected by her.
Collie Meadows is getting under my skin. I’m seconds away from taking charge and showing my lost girl just how forward I can be.