Chapter 25 Collie
COLLIE
“What does this one stand for?”
Easton runs his pointer finger along the jellyfish surrounded by underwater sea life across his left arm.
“I got this sleeve after I graduated from trade school. It took me a long time, but I realized I hated what I originally planned to study in college and knew I was better off helping people. Working with my hands.”
“What were you planning to study?” I ask.
“Graphic design.” I bark out a laugh, and he follows suit.
“Ridiculous, I know. My way of feeling like I had a purpose, when all along I knew deep down what it was. I was just too chickenshit to admit it to myself. I lasted a whole week before quitting and signing up for Line School through the tradesman program.”
“You didn’t want to let anyone down.” It’s a statement, not a question. He knows it. I know it.
Easton nods, and my heart aches for him. I hate that he’s always felt like a shadow of his true self.
“So, after I graduated and completed my commercial driver’s license, I got a permanent job in linework and started deep-sea diving for fun.
We fish and hunt a lot back home, but diving felt dangerous.
Risky, even for me. I needed the challenge.
Something to make me question my purpose.
I got this piece for myself and the first step I ever made toward something for me.
” Easton admires the tattoo like a father would a son.
It represents something incredibly important in his life, and I respect that.
“What about the others?” I point to the crest on his chest and the full sleeve on his opposite arm. It’s a wilderness scene with gloomy vibes. Predators, dark woods, and eerie paths. It’s fascinating the way every detail seems deliberate.
Beautiful.
“I feel at peace in the woods. Alaska is otherworldly. If you ever get the chance to, you should visit. There’s so much to see.
But being in the woods, alone and without anyone asking anything of you…
there’s nothing like it. The distractions are nonexistent, and sometimes I need that. To be alone with my thoughts.”
I get that more than he knows. “I can understand that. It’s why I travel so much. No one understands me. My need to move. To not stay in one place for too long.”
“It’s not about them. It’s about your inner peace.”
I had the deepest feeling he would understand. And I was right.
“Exactly.” How is it possible to feel so understood by someone after such a short amount of time?
Easton continues, “The chest piece is my family crest. It’s a shield and a fox. The last name Voss symbolizes strength and agility. The mindset of a Viking.”
“That’s really beautiful, Easton. If I ever decide to get a tattoo, I want it to mean something.”
“Do you know what you would get?” he asks sincerely.
I shake my head, cozying myself into his hold. “Nope. But you’ll be the first to know when I do.” I pause, contemplating a question in my head. He might not answer me, but it’s worth a shot.
“Can I ask you something?”
Easton doesn’t hesitate. “I can’t promise I’ll have an answer for you, but go for it.”
The sun is just starting to rise, the stillness of the forest cocooning us in the small camper van. I’m not sure what time we finally went to sleep, taking each other again and again until exhaustion finally won.
It was a night to remember. A bond I hope to never forget.
Now, we’re naked under the thickness of the blankets keeping us warm as I run a lazy finger in circles across Easton’s chest. For some reason, I woke up wondering about all the things. Feeling incredibly blissful, but curious.
“What do you think you’ll do when you get back to Alaska? I mean, after everything that happened. Will things just go back to normal?”
I wonder if he feels the same way I do about the end of this? Sad. Anxious. Dreading the end of our time here because it’s passed far too quickly for my liking.
There’s a calm between us, and I can tell Easton isn’t triggered by my question. I’ve noticed him become much more relaxed lately at the mention of his future.
Maybe that’s peace from his decision finally settling in?
He tucks me further into his arm before kissing the top of my head.
“To be honest, I’m not really sure what to expect.
I know things won’t be the same. But I hope they’ll be better.
I still need to have a conversation with my parents.
Although I know they saw this coming. They practically encouraged me not to marry Sydney.
Not because they don’t love her—they do.
I think they just always saw what I didn’t. That we weren’t each other’s person.”
“That must have been such a difficult moment for you. Calling off your wedding like that. I can’t imagine ever being put in that kind of position.”
He’s much stronger than he gives himself credit for.
“I’m not sure I even processed what I was doing before I actually did it.
Sydney knew right away. Talking to her made it better.
But to answer your question, I’ll probably do what I can to make the change feel normal.
Get back to work. Snowstorms usually start rolling in around this time of year, so I’m sure work will be slammed with travel.
I’ve thought about buying myself a place near the riverbank, selling our condo since Sydney doesn’t want to live there, and finding something I know I’ll love more. I’ve got options.”
“I’m happy for you, Easton. I know how hard putting yourself first can be when all you know how to do is take care of other people.”
He brushes the hair from my forehead before peppering kisses down my face. I’m not sure how someone could ever pass up this kind man. Is he broody? Yes. Hard to read at times? Yes. But so damn easygoing and thoughtful.
“You mean your sister? Capri?”
I nod. “She’s six years younger than me.
Ended a shitty marriage a while back. She’s just been through so much.
Her relationship with our mom has been mending since her divorce.
Not that it was ever bad, but my mom can be very…
difficult, as you know. She has this picture in her head of what our lives should look like and isn’t afraid to persuade you to make that happen.
From the way Capri sees it, I’m the favorite.
At least, that’s the show my mother puts on for people to see.
God forbid she show her humanity. Knowing Capri would defend me in a second, she saves face around her, leading her to believe I am the favorite.
But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Capri always has a plan. She knows step-by-step what she wants her life to look like.
But not me. I appreciate change and challenging myself with the unknown.
To my mom, I’m nothing more than a disappointment.
She gave up on me a long time ago. I’ve never been what she wanted me to be, so she fought hard to make it happen with Capri. ”
“I know I haven’t known you long, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth, from what I’ve learned about you.”
“Exactly. Just because I prefer to be alone—not dating, all the things—it doesn’t mean I don’t need love and affection from my mother. I don’t know. It’s shitty, but I’m used to it.”
“I’m sorry,” Easton tells me, and I appreciate that he doesn’t try to make me feel better. He knows what it’s like, and this is him relating. “You and your dad are close, right? I’m just relieved you have him.”
I nod. “My dad is the most loving, Southern soul. Still to this day, we have movie dates once a month. When I was a kid, we would make plans to watch all the old Western films on a big screen and spend the day in a sugar coma together. Root beer for me, cream soda for him. It’s our thing.”
I can’t help the smile that comes across my face just thinking about my dad and the way he loves me so big. He always has. Amidst my lack of a love life, he’s been the greatest love of them all.
“He sounds like a great man.”
“He’s the best.”
I know there’s still so much we want to say. So many open-ended questions, like what’s next? Will we be okay just saying goodbye to each other tomorrow and never speaking again?
I don’t know if I have an answer for that. Not after this incredible trip together. The most unexpected and memorable time.
“Oh!” Easton blurts. “Almost forgot.” He turns to his travel bag behind us, urging me to hold on while he searches for something.
“What is it?”
“Got you something. If I could just find it…”
He got me something?
“Here it is. It’s nothing much, but it made me think of you.” Stealing my breath away, Easton hands me something that I would never expect to receive from not only a man, but one who was recently a stranger.
“A message in a bottle.” Tears fill my eyes as I sort through the overwhelming waves of emotions I feel. “How…? When?”
“I ran into the little souvenir shop by the hat place we went to. You were on the phone with Capri, and I wanted to give you some space. I couldn’t believe they actually had one.”
“Easton,” I sigh. “This is…thank you,” I cry out, wrapping my arms around his neck. “This means so much to me.”
I have yet to really look at it, never wanting to let go of him.
“You’re welcome, Collie.” The calmness in his voice meets my ear. “You deserve to have all the greatest treasures of the world. Big or small. At least this one I knew I could give to you.”
The gravity of knowing Easton remembered our conversation on the plane touches my heart more than he knows. The five-inch bottles are not easy to find. The last time I traveled to Indonesia, I had to search the airport shop up and down for just one. They’re rare, and none are the same as the rest.
Pulling back, I glance down at the burnt orange translucent bottle with a rolled up message, and a cowhide boot inside of it.
“The boot,” I gasp. “Just like—”
“Just like yours. Down to the stringy details on the sides.”
I smile, choking back a laugh and a sob. “The fringe. It’s fringe.”
“Fringe,” he repeats, teaching himself the word. “Whatever it is, it’s very you. Cute.”
I’m not sure what passes between us, but the intimacy in Easton’s stare makes me feel weak. More vulnerable than standing in front of him naked ever felt.
Tomorrow we say goodbye to each other and carry on with our separate lives. So, why does that feel like the farthest thing from what either of us wants?
It feels like a life sentence. Wrong and unjust.
“You gonna open it?” he asks, nodding to the message inside.
“Oh. Yes.” I unroll the paper, unsure of what kind of message I’ll find. Usually it’s something silly or touristy. Thanks for visiting XYZ, or don’t forget to feed the pigs on your way out.
But this one is different.
“Find me where the mountains of Salt Hollow meet the ocean of Timber Heights. Just a flight away.”
“Easton.” There’s no sense in holding the tears back. They’re here to stay.
“I’m sorry if it’s too much. I just…fuck, Collie.
This trip. Being here with you. It means a lot to me.
I didn’t know what would come from traveling somewhere new alone, but then you showed up full of chaos and muddy sweatpants, making me want to save you.
The one thing I told myself I’d never do again. Not at the risk of myself, I mean.”
I reach for his hand, intertwining our fingers together, and place a kiss on his lips. “And then what?”
A wave of emotions crashes over him, the swallow at his throat showing the reaction he battles to hide.
“And then you made saving you worth it. Helping you—offering you my extra ticket got me here. To a place of peace and acceptance. Fuck, I feel everything but regret. I feel grateful for something I always saw as a flaw.”
“And you deserve nothing more than to be proud of the man you are.” I point to his chest. “This Easton right here is the one I know for a fact your family knows and loves. Maybe even misses. They’ve already forgiven you, Ranger.
Honestly, that’s if there was even anything to forgive.
I can promise you that. And I’m sure they’d tell you the same; that your brother would want your happiness more than anything.
So, when you get back to Salt Hollow, do that. Go make him proud.”
“Collie. Thank you. Thank you for being the most unexpected surprise. I’ve been nothing but impulsive, daring, and adventurous with you for the first time in my adult life. It’s like the shackles are finally fucking free.”
“That’s the life goal, you big, gorgeous man. Freedom.” My eyes dial in on our linked hands, his thumb soothing me without realizing it. “Life is too short not to be our best selves. Whatever that looks like for you and for me.”
“What do you say we check in on Dirty Dan and Sheila one last time? See what those two lovers are up to?”
I grin. “Never saw that one comin’. Did you?”
“Not even for a second.”