Chapter 31 Collie #2
The bridal consultant works to remove Capri’s veil and get everything bagged for the big day. Mom excuses herself to take a phone call while I follow Capri into the dressing room.
Taking a seat at the oversized chair in the corner, I relax for a moment while she changes. “I can’t believe you’re getting married.”
“Again,” Capri chuckles.
“Yes, again. But seriously, we don’t even need to count the first guy.” I wave her off, causing us both to giggle.
Capri’s ex-husband’s name will never leave my lips again. That scumbag of a man.
“I feel like I’m living an entirely different life now.”
“That’s because you are,” I tell her. “You’re actually with someone who appreciates you, babe. I bet love feels incredible from your point of view now.”
Capri nods her head, a smile lighting up her perfect face.
“It really does.” She pauses for a moment before throwing on her jacket and taking a seat in the chair beside me.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you, how are you doing since being back?
I mean, I know about all the work stuff and the new business, but have you heard from him? ”
Easton.
Capri is not only my sister, but my best friend. I couldn’t not tell her all about Easton. He’s a part of me somehow, someway. Even if I don’t understand it myself.
“We talk all the time, actually.”
“Wait, seriously?” She’s surprised, and it makes sense.
I nod and laugh under my breath. “Seriously. He’s a really good guy, Capri. A really good one.”
Something between shock and giddiness crosses her face. “I’m having déjà vu.”
“What?” I laugh. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Déjà vu. Like I’m reliving this moment for the second time. Except, the last time it was you telling me.”
“Telling you what, Capri?”
“You love him.”
“I’m sorry, what?” My face freezes, and I’m not sure if it’s my body betraying me or my mind trying to catch up.
“Cols, I know you. And as much as you’d never admit it yourself first because well…you’re too damn stubborn for that. You’re in love. I can see it all over your face. The second I said ‘him’ your whole body relaxed.”
“So? Like I said, he’s a good guy. I miss him, yes. And we had—”
“You had the best two weeks of your life, and they changed you. I can tell. It’s our sister thing, remember?”
Why do I feel like I could cry right now?
“There were the best two weeks, yes. But like I said, we talk almost every day. I’m not sure that means I love him, though. All of these feelings are unfamiliar and things I’m still trying to figure out.”
Capri nods her head repeatedly, and I know my sister well enough to see what’s coming. I’m about to get one of her classic lectures, and she’s going to shake my soul.
Like she said, it’s our sister thing.
“Okay, so let me ask you this. If I booked you a ticket to Alaska right now, and offered to take care of your apartment indefinitely for you to fly out and see Easton, would you?”
Absolutely.
“Maybe,” I lie.
“You always have been so damn susceptible to denial.”
“Okay, yes. I would. Are you happy?”
Capri exclaims with her whole heart, “Yeah, actually, I am. I’m happy because maybe this means my big sister is finally ready to stop fucking running.”
“Oh, you’re on a roll today, huh?”
Another nod. Someone somehow discovered her louder voice today. “Sure am. And I’m not finished yet. Grab a snack.” She ushers to the mint bowl beside me, and I roll my eyes.
“Cute.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “You know what’s cute?
Seeing you actually care about someone past friendship, Cols.
God. I was just telling Jones how much I have prayed for a man worthy of your attention to fucking shake you.
To shake the stubborn right out of you and admit for once you’re tired of doing life alone. ”
“Capri, I’ve never been content doing life alone.”
“Oh, really? Then explain every trip, event, dinner, breakfast, and everything in between that you do by yourself, Cols. That’s not normal for someone who wants a life partner.”
“I have no excuse.” I exhale. “But it’s easier to do things alone than wait on someone else.
And I very rarely travel alone. I may disengage when I get there, but who cares?
I’m in control that way. I get to decide what’s next.
I get to keep myself from getting hurt. I know I’m not an easy person to love, Capri. I know that.”
She rears her head back like I hurt her. “Who in the god-awful hell told you that?”
Maybe this is where I finally tell her.
“Our mother.”
“Mom tells you that?” Capri stammers. “Where is this coming from? I always thought you were her favorite.”
“That’s because I let you believe that. God, Capri.
I’m your big sister. It’s my job to protect you.
But you really are living under a rock if you don’t see it.
And fucking hell, you never deserved to see any hate past what you were already going through.
I knew you’d defend me and take my issues on yourself. ”
“You’re right, I would have. Because you’re my sister, Collie, and it’s my fucking job. We have each other’s backs.”
My voice steadies. “And this was me doing mine.”
Capri shakes her head like she can’t believe what she’s hearing. “So, Mom really said that to you? That you’re not an easy person to love?” I can hear the emotion lingering in her voice. She’s trying to be strong for me right now.
I reach for her hand, needing her to hear me when I say this.
“My entire adult life, she has commented on how disorderly I am. I don’t know if that’s even the best word.
“How do you expect to ever settle, Collie, if you can’t even hold a job?
Your sister is about to be married for the second time, and look at you.
Not even a potential prospect in sight. Did you really think teaching workouts would end up as a lifelong career?
” I could keep going, Capri. Her words have been nothing but the roots to my own self-confidence.
Yes, on the outside, I’m confident. That’s how I protect myself.
But on the inside, I’m in fucking shambles. Or I should say…was.”
Tears fill her blue eyes, and she pulls me in for a hug. “You are my sister, Collie Meadows. We don’t keep things from each other. I understand you trying to protect me…but no more of that shit. You got it?”
I nod in her hold, my own tears fighting back.
“Playing things off with humor will only get you so far, Cols. I hate that you’ve felt this way for so long while I’ve been in my bubble of love in Italy. I hate it.”
I shake my head. “Never. Don’t say that. You deserve it all, Capri. I’m thirty-three years old. I can handle our mother. But make no mistake, I will never be close to her the way you two are. Never. And I’ve accepted that.”
She nods, and I know she understands. I’ll keep the peace.
Always. But the damage has already been done.
Fortunately for me, I know my worth. Easton taught me that.
And sometimes, eliminating people from your life who do nothing but bring hurt and pain, family or not, is the best thing you can do to show you love yourself.
This is me doing that.
I’ll tolerate her how I can. I decided to cut that tie once Capri moved to Italy with Jones full-time. I attended every family dinner with a smile on my face for years…for my sister.
And now that she has a man who will do anything to keep her happy and safe, my job is done. It’s time I prioritize myself.
It’s time I protect my own peace.
We pull back from our embrace and look each other in the eyes. “So, what now? What does life look like for you now? Now that you’re not in shambles. I know it’s been since that man. Easton,” Capri says.
“I’m taking it a day at a time. I just know I care about him a lot.
I actually wanted to talk to you about my plus one.
Would you mind if I invited him? I know you’re keeping it small, but it would mean everything to me if I had an excuse to see him again.
I’m trying to initiate some next steps with him.
I think your wedding would be a good place to start. See where we stand.”
“Absolutely. I can’t wait to meet him. The man who snagged my fiercely independent sister. Never thought I’d see the day.”
A smile crests my face. “No snagging has been done yet. Gotta let him come to me… remember?” I smirk.
“Some things never change.”