42. Collins
My beautiful girl,
You were mine anyway…
What happened, Johnnie?
I’m dying here. Nan won’t tell me anything, aside from the fact that you’re okay and you aren’t coming back.
How can that be true?
It can’t.
I know you felt it too. We were real. I know you know that.
I’m so confused. You just left, and I’m not okay, not even a little.
I close my eyes and you’re all I see.
Your blue eyes.
Your golden hair that looks blonde in the sun and brunette in the shadows.
The freckles on your face that scatter down to your toes.
I see the stray hairs sticking out from your messy bun, dancing in the breeze.
The perfect dip of your top lip.
Fate brought us together, remember?
My soul is lost without yours. Do you feel the loss of mine?
Does it leave an emptiness you’ll never be able to come back from?
It does for me.
I saw a girl wearing a Weezer shirt yesterday. That almost did me in.
Gutted me.
I need you back here with me. Hell, I’ll come to you. Whatever you want, whatever you need. Just don’t shut me out.
Please.
I know you didn’t want a life alongside your parents anymore. You didn’t. Is that where you are? With them?
They’re not your safe place, John. I am.
With me, you’re home.
Come home.
Be with me.
I can tell it bothers Nan so I won’t press too hard. But I’m not going to give up on asking her where you are. She agreed to mail this letter for me.
Please respond.
Please, Johnnie.
Give me a phone number, call Nan and talk to me. Anything.
I’ll take whatever you’ll give me. I just can’t survive without you.
This is breaking my heart.
I love you always,
Collins