Chapter 34
CHARLIE
It’s starting to sink in. Myles wants me. He’s dreamed about me, and ohmigod, did he really just tell me I have a ridiculously amazing ass?
And he doesn’t just want me. Myles has feelings for me. He told me no one else makes him feel what he feels for me.
Ohmigod—
Is there still a huge part of me that’s just waiting to wake up and realize this is all just the best, cruelest dream I’ve ever had? Oh so very much. But even if it is, I am going to enjoy the heck out of it while I can.
“I was thinking so many things on that drive.” He’s pulled his hand away from mine, and for a moment, that has me panicking, even though he’s still got his other arm wrapped around my waist, holding me to him.
Next thing I know though, he’s cupping my jaw with that hand, stroking his thumb over my lower lip as he leans in so close, I can feel his breath whisper over my skin.
Sweet Jesus, fantasy-worthy hot and handsome and gorgeous as Myles is, somehow seductive is something I’d never expected from him.
“Yeah?” is my eloquent response.
“Yeah.” He drags his thumb over my lip with a bit more pressure this time. His eyes are so dark as they track the movement that I can’t even tell where the deep brown ends and the black of his pupils begins. “Like how I’d never known that your lips taste like strawberries.”
Before I can worry whether he thinks that’s weird or hope that he’s saying this is a good thing, he’s leaning in, thumb replaced by his mouth as he sucks my lower lip between his.
There’s no way to stop myself from arching against him when his tongue sweeps over my skin, a long slow lick I can feel burning through every inch of my body.
I know what he’s doing is an answer to something I’d wanted to know literally just a second ago, but for the life of me, now I can’t remember what it was.
“And,” he lets go of my lip, and I only just hold in a whine of disappointment.
“How I love that now I know what you look and sound like when you’re turned on.
You’re so—” a flicker of hesitation flashes across his face, and for a moment, my stomach sinks.
Next moment though, he’s tipping me backwards, lowering me down onto the couch, shifting our bodies so he can follow after me.
“—So sexy Charlie. Now that I know, literally everything about you makes me want you.”
It's hard to breathe. Not because he’s crushing me (which he isn’t—in fact, he’s being almost too careful with me) but because I’m so caught up in the craziness of the fact that this is actually happening.
Ohmigod, how many times have I told myself (only to give in seconds later, because, let’s face it, I really couldn’t help myself) that it’s totally not appropriate to fantasize over scenarios of precisely this sort of thing happening with my best friend?
Some of my fantasies still very well may have to just keep living in my head forever though.
A lot of them, if I’m honest. If—ohmigod, it feels too good to be true that this could even be a possibility—Myles and I do have sex, I have a feeling it’s going to be him topping me.
He’s only just realized he’s even into men at all.
How likely is it that he’s suddenly going to want anything else?
The thought of Myles lying over me like he is right now, both of us naked, with that thick, hard dick of his I can feel pressed so deliciously against my thigh sinking deep into me though? Ohhh, I will so not be disappointed if I ever get to have that.
But now all the what-ifs are popping into my mind, even as Myles props himself up on one elbow so he can run his fingers through my hair. Down my neck…
It’s clear he’s totally into kissing me, and there’s no denying he’s aroused by our fully-clothed bodies against each other, but what if the moment he’s faced with the naked reality of getting physical with another man, he realizes this isn’t something he wants?
What if the thought of touching me and me touching him turns him on, but when it comes to the real thing, he changes his mind?
I’d never hold it against him. The reality is that, even if that does happen but he miraculously still wants just what we’ve been doing up until now, I will still be ecstatic. One truth never has and never will change when it comes to Myles. I want him. However he wants me. Always.
I’m just not sure I’m quite ready to give up the hope that maybe he really does want everything.
Like his mind is following his own track of my exact thoughts, Myles lowers himself to nuzzle against my neck, brushing his nose up along the shell of my ear as he whispers, “I kept thinking about the things I want us to do together, Charlie. All the ways I want to get to learn more of these parts of you I never got to know before.”
My thoughts white out for a second. Worries, fears, uncertainties…all just gone.
Like my body has a mind of its own, my legs wrap around him at the same moment as my hands tangle in his hair. He’s been cautious with me, but just like back in the hotel room, nothing about the way I grab at him is cautious now. I can’t help myself.
A decade and a half of wanting boils up in me, and there’s just no holding back from angling myself so that our erections align to press together as I tug his mouth down against mine.
He comes willingly, groaning loud and long as he meets my hunger with his own.
My world is reduced to him. His heavy, solid body pressing me into the sofa.
The tense and ripple of his muscles under the hands I’m now running down his shoulders and back as he rocks against me.
The moan he lets out when he opens to me as I lick into his mouth.
How his tongue moves with mine, so desperate and greedy that our teeth bump, and all I can hear is the panting of our breath and the wet suction of our mouths.
It all shatters when he pulls away.
His lips are swollen from our frantic kisses, and his curls are a mess from my fingers working through them.
I want to drag him back down for more. I want the two of us to keep rocking and grinding together until we both can’t help it and come, just like this, mess in our pants be damned.
But there’s hesitation in his eyes along with the desire I hope I’m not just imagining is still there.
“What’s wrong?” Because I can tell it’s something.
He swallows, pushing up a bit more so that he’s propped on his elbow again.
Miserably, I disentangle my legs from around his waist, letting them settle instead on the couch on either side of his.
It’s not much less intimate or intense of a position, especially since it leaves our dicks pressed tantalizingly together, but if he’s having second thoughts, hopefully he’ll appreciate the gesture.
Besides, without pushing him off of me, I can’t do anything more.
“Nothing’s wrong,” he brushes the backs of his knuckles down along my cheek like he can tell how my brain has just switched over to the stream of insecurities now pouring through it. Because he’s Myles, so of course he can tell. “It’s just, I’ve never…”
His voice trails off into silence that stretches on so long that I can’t help asking, “Never what?”
“I’ve never done any of this. Not with a guy. I know you know that, but,” he hesitates, and I know he’s fighting against letting go of me to give into that old nervous habit of rubbing at the back of his neck.
My stomach is sinking so fast, it’s making me nauseous as every one of my worries comes crashing back to me.
“I just want to make things good for you, but—”
Oh. Oh.
A fresh flare of arousal replaces that sick, worried sensation at the same moment as a touch of confidence warms me.
This doesn’t mean he won’t still change his mind at some point, but ohmigod, Myles Marlow looking at me like that, whispering that he just wants to make things good for me.
And, like always, Myles’s uncertainty only makes me want to be certain for him.
“I don’t know what you like or how to…” He trails off again, red spots flaring on his cheeks above his stubble. Ohmigod, I will, never, never be able to get enough of this man.
“How to suck a dick? Fuck a man’s ass?”
His jaw drops with this punched out, adorable little huff of sound, and I preen a little, thrilled by the exact reaction I’d just hoped to provoke out of him.
“What?” I ask innocently, loving how he’s staring.
“I just don’t think I’ve ever heard you say anything like that before.”
“Am I ruining your image of me?”
He shakes his head, and my eyes catch on the bob of his throat as he swallows slowly.
“You—you’re just making me even more curious.
I already told you, I want to know all the things I’ve never gotten to know about you before.
” He drops a soft kiss to my lips that still manages to leave us both breathless by the time he pulls away.
“That wasn’t even what I was talking about though. Not specifically.” His eyebrows draw together and the color of his cheeks intensifies. “I’m just afraid I’ll disappoint you,” he whispers.
The joking lightness of the moment before is gone, wiped out by the vulnerability shining out from his endlessly deep brown eyes.
“You could never disappoint me.” My voice is thick with emotion, but I can’t leave him feeling like anything from him could ever be anything less than perfect.
“Myles, every moment of us together tonight has been hotter and better and more meaningful than any other sexual experience in my life, and we’ve pretty much just made out, okay?
You are all I’ve ever wanted. You could just put your hands on me and sit there, and I’d probably come for you. ”
It’s more than I’d meant to say. There’s no time for me to feel embarrassed though.
Myles lets out a groan, dropping his head so that his forehead comes to rest against my shoulder.
The way his breaths saw in and out of him, heavy and ragged, has my cock twitching, leaking against the growing damp patch in my underwear.
“Fuck, Charlie.” Or at least I think that’s what he says, but his voice is muffled against my chest. His hands are at my waist now, his fingers flexing and stroking over my sides as they sneak up under my shirt.
“We don’t have to jump into anything though.” My dick gives a twitch of protest at the same moment as Myles lifts his head to meet my eyes.
“I—” I can feel my cheeks heat at what I’m about to say, but really, it’s not like it’s going to be any kind of news after everything I’ve already told him, right?
“I’ve kind of thought about all this with you like, forever.
” There’s a nervous edge to my laugh, and Myles tightens his grip on me.
A reassuring pressure that tells me he doesn’t mind what I’m telling him.
“I want to take our time. Not just rush through things. If that’s alright? ”
“Does that mean you don’t want to do anything tonight?”
He looks so crestfallen that I almost laugh. Almost, because I’m also so close to the point of just snapping and telling him to forget what I just said and begging him to bury his cock in me now, that anything meant to be a laugh would just come out as a moan.
“So not what I mean.” I shake my head as I trail my fingers down his neck. “I don’t think I can take it if we don’t. I just mean, we don’t have to do everything tonight.”
Myles’s weight shifts, and the next moment, it’s gone from where he’d been pressing me into the sofa cushions. For one horrible second, I’m actually afraid I’m going to cry. Just straight up lose it out of frustration and disappointment because he’s changed his mind and—
“C’mon.”
I look up to see him standing over me, this devastating, breathlessly lopsided grin pulling at his gorgeous lips. His hand is outstretched, and when I reach for it, he grabs hold and hauls me up. Then, without a pause, he’s practically dragging me out of the room, leading me upstairs.