Chapter 41 #2
Goddammit, if I’d just seen how I’d felt and told him from the beginning, so he’d have just always known that he’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted and the only one I’ve ever loved. And fuck me because I can’t even find the courage to tell him I love him now.
But there’s not a chance in hell I’m going to let him think I don’t want this.
“I know I don’t have to.” I’m back up off my knees, pressing my body against his as I catch hold of his hand and drag it down between us until it’s trapped against the bulge in my jeans.
He lets out this sexy little gasp, fingers flexing as his eyes go wide.
“Feel how hard I am?” I rock my hips, grinding against his touch. “That’s from wanting to suck you, Charlie. It’s from imagining how you’ll taste and how you’ll feel on my tongue.”
We’re so close, I can feel the shudder of his breath as he moans out a needy sigh. The worry’s not gone from his eyes though, and I still fucking loathe myself for putting it there with my own damn inadequacies.
“I want this so badly, it hurts,” I groan, thrusting against his hand again. “It’s just… Charlie, I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.” I sag against him in defeat. Suddenly, just telling him this feels as bad as the prospect of fucking up the real thing.
“What if I can’t make it good for you?” My throat’s gone tight and the words are hard to get out.
“It’s you, Charlie, and I want it to be perfect for you.
On top of that, you know exactly what you’re doing and how to drive me so out of my head, I can’t think.
And you’ve been with other men who knew what they were doing for you and—”
He has me flat on my back, pinning me against the bed before I even realize we’ve moved. There’s a blazing hardness to the brilliant green of his eyes that I don’t remember ever seeing before.
“Do you know what I’ve thought about when I’ve been with other men?
” He shakes his head with an almost bitter laugh.
“I tried so hard not to, Myles, but anyone I’ve ever been with?
I couldn’t ever stop wishing they were you.
I’d close my eyes, and it would be you in my head.
You touching me. Your mouth and hands on me. You fucking me. Every. Single. Time.”
Those words crack through me, equal parts pain and pleasure, and I don’t know if I want to hate myself for them or beat my chest in primal triumph that he’s always known he was only ever mine.
“Baby,” his hands are on my cheeks, holding me so softly even as his eyes keep burning straight into mine like green fire.
My stomach flips at the name. He’s only called me that a few times, and, like everything about him, I’m hooked.
“If there are things you don’t want because you’re not into them, then that’s one thing.
But anything we do together, no matter what it is, there is literally nothing you could do to let me down, okay? ”
His voice drops to a sensual whisper. “Do you know how many times I’ve dreamed about your mouth on me?” He gives his hips a slow roll against my body.
Fucking god—
“Myles, do you know how many times I’ve gotten off imagining how you’d look with your lips stretched around my cock? Wondering how this gorgeous mouth would feel on me?”
He traces a finger over my lower lip, and my jaw goes slack, falling open with a hard exhale as every inch of my body burns with the images exploding through my mind.
Charlie with his hand wrapped around his shaft, eyes shut as he strokes himself, moaning my name as he comes all over his fist—
I can’t stop myself from diving forward to claim his mouth in a frantic kiss, grinding and rocking against him as he fumbles open the button of my jeans and slips his hand down into my boxers where I know he’ll find my dick sticky and damp with the precum that won’t let up leaking over my swollen crown.
“You do know those are…ohhh fuuck, Charlie…absolutely…terrifying standards to live up to, right?” I’m halfway joking as I pant the words against his mouth, nipping at his lips as he grins and shakes his head beneath me.
He runs his hand up and down my shaft, twisting as he goes until my toes curl and my body’s arching and thrusting into his grip and he’s practically erased every thought from my head. Apparently, Charlie’s hands on me are all I need to get the stupid, toxic worries to shut off.
God, his hands are fucking magic…
“Don’t you get it?” He gives my crown a little squeeze, and I moan shamelessly into his soft, sweet-smelling neck where I’ve buried my face.
“As long as you really want it, nothing with you could be anything less than amazing, just because it’s you.
But,” my heart and my cock kick and leap at the wicked grin I can hear in his voice, “If you’re worried, I could show you? ”
“Show me?” I mumble against his neck. My brain’s too far gone to grasp what he’s saying, except that whatever he means, I know it’s hot as hell.
“I’ll suck you exactly how I like it,” he whispers, and all the breath in my lungs comes out on a stuttered moan because holy fuck. “I’ll show you what feels good for me, and then you can copy me, and I can tell you how incredible it is.”
Yes. Fucking yes.