Chapter 43
MYLES
I know before I turn around who’s just walked through the staffroom door. No idea how, but I can just tell it’s Charlie. Sure enough, when I look over my shoulder from the sink where I’m finishing refilling my water bottle, it’s his beautiful green eyes and irresistible smile that greet me.
Like always when I see him unexpectedly, my heart leaps up to pound away in my throat and there’s no keeping the grin off my face. If anyone were to walk in right now, they’d know in an instant how fucking gone I am for him.
How the hell the whole school hasn’t already guessed that I’m head over heels in love with him, I have no idea.
“How’s your day, baby?” Charlie’s question is so quiet, I barely catch the words as he brushes past me on his way to the copier.
It’s ridiculous how that simple question warms every inch of me.
“So much better now,” I whisper back, leaning in past him and pretending to look for papers in the print tray. Because there’s no one else here, I risk letting my fingers trail over his as I step back. God, just touching him for a second feels so damn good.
It’s Thursday afternoon, and we’ve only got to get through the rest of the day today and tomorrow before the two of us leave for Seattle to spend the weekend with his family.
Since our meteor shower date last week, we’ve spent as much time together as possible, but I’ve had to dig in and make progress on the house (something I’ve had a whole slew of mixed feelings about) and Charlie’s been busy with grades and lesson planning, so it hasn’t been nearly enough for either of us.
“Same,” he flashes me a soft smile that makes my heart skip. “Can you come over after work?” Something dark and needy fills his eyes, and suddenly, my jeans are uncomfortably tight. “I miss you.” He reaches across the probably too small to fool anyone space between us and runs his hand over my hip.
“It’s only been since Tuesday evening,” I remind him, just to be a contrary ass. I miss him like hell and can’t wait to get my hands and mouth on him again, and he knows it.
And it’s not just that we haven’t messed around since Tuesday.
Leave sex completely out of it, and a day and a half is still too damn long to go without kissing him and just lying in each other’s arms. I’ve been denying myself touching and holding Charlie for nearly fifteen years, and now I can’t get enough of him.
He sees right through me. Of course. Doesn’t even bother addressing my comment, just shoots me a knowing, self-satisfied smile. “Five o’clock?”
“Five’s—”
The staffroom door opens and the two of us jump apart, guilty and obvious as it’s humanly possible to be, just in time to see Janice fucking Dawson standing in the doorway, eyes pinging between us, eyebrows raised.
That was awkward as hell. Not to mention probably the final straw to tip that nosy woman’s suspicions right over the edge to full-blown convictions.
The whole damn school’s going to be talking about what Janice saw come next Monday.
My stomach twists painfully as I scrub at the back of my neck, sinking down into my chair.
Pretending like he’s nothing more than my friend and coworker sucks, but the thought of anyone giving Charlie and me—especially Charlie—crap for us being together still sets off a whole shitstorm of defensiveness and bad memories.
That day, standing in the yard, burning up with fury and suffocating under the tide of my dad’s bigotry and hate against the person I loved—love—most in the world…
A knock at my door makes me jump. If that’s fucking Janice…
“Come in.” The words come out harsher than I’d meant them to. Just how harsh hits home the moment my door swings open to reveal Leo Beck.
“Uh, if it’s a bad time—”
There’s a strain I’ve never seen in his face before, and instantly, I feel like shit, because, whether he’d already looked like that over whatever’s brought him here or if it was my dickishness just now that’s made him feel bad for coming to talk, me being in a crappy mood and snapping is the last thing I have any business doing with him or any other student.
“It’s not a bad time.” I smile, trying to make it clear that I mean what I’m saying. “What’s up?”
“Do you have time to talk?”
Leo dropping by to say hi or bring by papers during the period he TAs for the office is nothing out of the ordinary, but this is obviously different.
Something about his tone and the way he’s lingering at the door, shuffling his feet and not making eye contact, pushes everything to do with Janice Dawson and memories of my dad right out of my head as worry settles heavily in my stomach.
Leo’s not the type to have gotten involved with anything he shouldn’t, but from the way he’s acting, I know whatever he’s here about is big.
“Yeah, of course. Everything okay?”
He takes a shaky breath, and I notice his skin looks unnaturally pale.
“I wanted to talk to you because you were always so nice when I was younger and you were dating my sister,” he glances up at me nervously. “You never made me feel like a nuisance or like I was wasting your time if I asked you things.”
This isn’t exactly what I’d expected. If he’s here about something going down with other kids at school, he shouldn’t feel like he has to explain himself like this, considering that that sort of thing is in my job description.
I don’t want to throw him off though and make him feel like he can’t talk to me about whatever’s bugging him.
The way he’s acting has me worrying that whatever it is is something serious.
“Because you weren’t.” I shoot him what I hope is a reassuring smile. “And I’m glad you feel like you can talk to me now.”
My worries are making me want to tell him to just spit it out already, but I force myself to give him time to let it out in his own way.
“You’re friends with Mr. Lancaster, right?”
That question really does catch me off guard.
What does Charlie have to do with this? And suddenly, the idea of agreeing and saying that Charlie’s my friend, like that’s all he is, feels so fundamentally wrong, but I don’t know what else to say except for, “Yes.” Because whatever else he is, Charlie will always be my friend.
Leo nods, eyebrows pulled together seriously as he presses his lips tight. Like he’s working up to whatever he’s going to say next. And then in a rush, “Everyone says he’s gay. Is he?”
Like Charlie always teases me, I’m crap at keeping my emotions off my face. Leo’s got to see the surprise that’s written all over me at his question, but he just stands, staring at me so intently, I don’t think the kid’s even breathing at this point.
I start out slowly. Picking my words carefully, because I’m pretty sure I know where this is going now, and I don’t want to fuck it up. I’m definitely not about to out Charlie, but Leo needs to hear my message loud and clear.
“I can’t speak for Mr. Lancaster, Leo.” His face falls, and I rush on, hating that it feels like I’m already on shaky ground. “But what I can tell you is that whether anyone was gay or not would never stop me from being their friend or change how I feel about them in any way.”
I can hear the breath Leo lets out, all the way across my office. He swallows hard, nodding and pressing his lips tighter than ever until they go white before, “I’m gay, Mr. M.”
He looks like he’s going to throw up or cry, or maybe both, but he also looks like about a thousand pounds just lifted from his shoulders.
My own throat goes tight and painful.
“I’ve known for years and I’ve wanted to tell someone,” his voice breaks as he holds back a sob, “but I didn’t know who to tell, and—” He trails off as he squeezes his eyes shut.
“I’m proud of you, Leo.” I’m not really sure if it’s the right thing to say or not, but it’s true.
I’m proud of him for telling me, but I’m also just proud of him in general.
He’s an amazing kid; on track to be valedictorian, kind and sincere and every bit as big-hearted as his sister.
“And it’s going to be okay. When, and if, you want to come out more, there are lots of people who will be behind you every bit as much as I am. ”
Why do I suddenly feel like I’m telling myself this as much as I’m telling him?
“But not everyone.”
God, it’s like having a conversation with my own fears. I shove that thought down, hard and fast. This is about Leo, not me.
“Fuck ‘em.”
Leo’s eyes go wide and he chokes out a shocked laugh, which I’ve got to admit was what I was going for. Was it strictly professional? No. But I’ve known this kid since he was a gappy toothed seven-year-old, and right now, he needs someone to be real with him.
“If you want to, I think you should talk to your sister,” I tell him. Another thing I can tell he needs right now. If he’d felt like he could go to anyone in his family, I’m betting it wouldn’t have been me he’d told.
“Rachel?” He doesn’t sound too impressed by my suggestion, which only solidifies my suspicions from a moment ago.
“Yes.”
“How do you know she’ll understand? I don’t think my parents…” He trails off. Fuck, this kid is making my heart hurt.
Thing is, I don’t have high hopes about his parents either.
“Just trust me about Rachel, okay?” I wish I had something to say about his parents, but the words just aren’t there. Because what is there to say? “I promise you can tell her.”
He nods slowly, taking in what I’ve just said.
There’s part of me that wants to come clean.
Tell him the truth about Charlie and me, but he’s a student, and even though I’ve pushed the bounds of professionalism by swearing about any douchebags who don’t love and accept him for who he is (which he and I both know may very well include his parents), I know coming out to him and spilling the news of my relationship with Charlie is a boundary I shouldn’t cross.