Chapter 47
MYLES
It’s Friday afternoon, and Charlie and I are halfway to the ferry that will take us to Seattle for our stay at his parents’ house when Charlie glances over at me with an uncharacteristically shy expression written across his beautiful face.
“Can I ask you something?”
Under the hesitation in his voice, there’s a breathy eagerness that instantly captures the attention of my very overeager dick.
“Of course.” Just in case I’m misreading the room though and whatever he’s asking isn’t something sexy, I try to keep my voice neutral and my dirty mind to myself.
“I was wondering,” he glances over at me again. “Totally no pressure, and I get it if not, but I was wondering if you wanted to get tested. So we could, if you wanted, go bare?”
Thank god he’s the one driving. If I were the one at the wheel right now, I’d probably have just sent the car right off the damn road.
“Even though we always used condoms, getting tested was one of the first things I did after the whole Ben fiasco,” he races on, crinkling up his face like he hadn’t liked mixing his sexy as hell question with the mention of his ex.
“It’s honestly not something I’ve ever really even thought about before, but—”
He’s nervous. Obviously worried I’ll hate his idea or be freaked out by it.
I should say something. Put his mind very much to rest about exactly how I feel about the idea, but then he goes and shoots me this look that goes straight through me; nervous and hopeful and so full of emotion and heat that suddenly, I can’t tell if I want to tear up or order him to pull the car over this instant and get in the backseat with me, passing cars be damned.
“It’s you,” he whispers, and oh god, I love those words and the meaning behind them so much more than pretty much anything else I’ve ever heard in my life. “I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to be inside each other with nothing between us.”
Fuuck—
His cheeks go a little pink as he hurries to tack on, “But only if that’s something you—”
Finally, my brain snaps back online. “It is something I want.” The words come out so forcefully, he looks more than a little startled, but then this devastating smile spreads over his lips.
“Yeah?”
“Hell yeah.” I grin at him. “And guess what?”
I’d laugh at how comically wide his eyes go, if it wasn’t for how sexy the quiet little sound of anticipation he’d just made through his parted lips was.
“I got tested a few months ago. When I got back to Riverside, I made an appointment to reestablish care with my doctor in town and she ran a full panel on me. Negative for everything.”
“And you tell me this now?” His head falls back against his seat as his hands tense around the steering wheel. “Ohmigod, Myles,” he practically whines. “How am I going to survive until Sunday?”
Regardless of anything else, I think I’d probably feel a little weird about having sex with Charlie while staying at his parents’ house, but considering how Charlie’s explained to me that the house is small, and the walls are crap at blocking sound?
Oh yeah, and not only does his old room—where we’ll be staying—share a wall with his parents’ room, there’s only one bathroom upstairs…
Shared by all four of us while we’re there.
Hard as it’s going to be, Charlie and I are just going to have to tough it out and keep our hands to ourselves until we’re safely back in Riverside.
Fuck though, this conversation’s just gone and made it worse than ever.
This time I really do laugh at his dramatics, but that doesn’t keep me from palming my rapidly hardening dick through my jeans.
“You could always turn the car around…” I tease, earning one of those smacks on my shoulder I love so much.
“You’re such a jerk,” he tries to scowl at me, but, as always, it just makes him look more adorable than ever. “We are not turning around because you are horny and ridiculous.”
“Says the man that was just whining about how bad he wants it…” I raise my eyebrows at him.
“Mean. I do not whine.”
“Yeah you do,” I drop my voice to a whisper. “But only when you’re so turned on, you can’t help it.”
“Are you trying to make me crash this car?” He gasps, squirming and shifting in his seat. “You have to behave.”
“But you make that so hard.”
“Now who’s whining?” he smirks at me. “But seriously, stop making me think about this, okay? I’m going to be hard all weekend if we don’t talk about something else.”
“Weren’t you the one that brought this up?”
“Ummm,” he flashes me an evil grin. “No comment.”
God, I don’t know how the hell I got so lucky, but what I do know is that I will never, not for a single moment, take Charlie Lancaster for granted. He is, and always has been, without question, my favorite person in the world.
My person.
I’m not sure I can do this.
Until about ten seconds ago, I’d thought I was fine. Yeah, I’d had low-level nerves going all day, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.
No surprise though, Charlie’d seen this coming.
He texted me between classes this morning, checking in, and it had been the first thing he’d asked me this afternoon when the two of us loaded into his car, bags packed, ready to head for the ferry to Seattle. Are you sure you’re okay with this?
If it was anyone else, I’d have thought he was the one having second thoughts. Not Charlie though. He’d known my freaking out was coming.
And here it is now.
Holy shit, I can’t do this—
It’s not the fact that his parents know Charlie and I are together and this is the first time the two of us are coming face to face with people who’ll see us as a couple that’s got my feet glued to the stone path and my heart knocking against my ribs so hard, it feels like I’m going to be sick.
Yeah, I’ve got to admit that, on some level, the idea of being out, even around people I know have supported and affirmed Charlie all his life, scares the hell out of me.
But that’s nothing compared to the other thing I’m about to face.
I broke their son’s heart. Fucking destroyed it, and all because I was an easy to manipulate, gullible idiot.
Holy shit, they’ve got to hate me—
I’d always held back from Charlie’s parents when the two of us were kids. Sure, I’d spent as much of my time over at their house as I could, but it was to be with Charlie.
There was no missing the difference between how they talked to and looked at Charlie from how my dad was with me; like he brightened their day when he was in the room instead of serving as a constant reminder of the disappointments life screws you over with.
Charlie was loved, fully and completely. Just like he deserved to be.
Nora and Frank always reached out to me.
Asked me about my day, included me in conversations over dinner.
It wasn’t like I gave them the cold shoulder, but I always had my guard up.
It was Charlie they loved, and because I was apparently the baggage that came along with their son, they cared about me by extension.
And now, I’m that but worse. Not just the kid who tagged along after their son but the grown-up version of the one who hurt him worse than anything’s ever hurt him in his otherwise happy, safe life.
What the hell am I doing here?
“Hey.”
Charlie’s fingers slip between mine. His skin’s soft and smooth, but his grip is firm. Grounding.
With an insistent tug, he has my duffle bag off my shoulder and on his.
It’s kind of the last thing I want. What’s worse than coming crawling to his parents, hoping they don’t hate me as much as I’m sure they do, and oh yeah, I’m not even enough of a gentleman not to make your son carry all my shit for me?
When I reach for it though, Charlie just shakes his head.
He’s wearing an oversized, bright blue fleece and a pair of yoga pants, and just like every time I look at him, I swear I’ve never seen him look prettier.
Against the blue, his golden-brown hair has a reddish hint and his brilliant eyes are wide and intense as he fixes me with a searching expression.
Best of all though, he’s him.
My Charlie. My person.
The sick thudding of my heart calms. Not all the way, but enough that it doesn’t feel like it’s bruising itself against my ribs anymore.
“Are you alright?” He strokes his thumb over the base of mine.
If this was anyone else, I’d lie. Nod and smile and give them what they want to hear.
It’s Charlie though, so I shake my head.
His worried expression falls into a frown and my stomach pinches miserably. I won’t lie to him, but I fucking hate letting him down.
I won’t leave him wondering what’s got me all up in my head though. He needs to know it’s nothing about him or about us.
“They’ve got to hate me,” I whisper, glancing at the front windows of the small, blue and white craftsman style house. “After what I did to you—”
“Myles,” Charlie’s stepping closer, wrapping his arms around me.
He’s set his suitcase down, but my duffle bag swings, knocking into me as he pulls me against him in a tight hug.
“I told you,” his voice is soft as he drops a kiss to the side of my neck, just below my ear.
“They are so excited to see you. They don’t hate you. ”
“But they’re nice people, Charlie, of course they’d say—”
“Nope.” He shakes his head, stepping back from me, and all I want is to curl back into the soft, safe warmth of his arms. “Come on. You’ll see.”
His hand finds mine again as he grabs his suitcase from the ground, and he’s tugging me with him.
If it were any other moment, I’d be grinning over his bossiness, but right now, I can’t decide whether I’m almost painfully grateful for it, or if I want to plant my feet and refuse to let him drag me up the walkway to his parents’ front door.
He’s Charlie though. And fucking hell, even though right now I’m pretty sure he’s wrong for once, I also can’t help trusting him.
The door opens before we’re even up on the porch, and just inside, stand Nora and Frank.
I’ve only got about two seconds to register that both of them looked surprisingly the same as the last time I’d seen them.
Nora with her now slightly greying hair tugged back into a messy bun, wearing a floaty red floral top that highlights the green in her eyes that’s only slightly darker than Charlie’s.
Frank’s still apparently sticking to his uniform of wrinkled, checkered button-ups and jeans; still wearing those thick glasses that, paired with how, as always, he has actual pens tucked in his breast pocket, make him a walking cliché of the scientist he is.
That’s all I have a chance to take in though before Nora’s stepping forward, smile huge across her face, arms outstretched. Slipping my hand out of Charlie’s is the last thing I want to do, but I do it, stepping aside to make room for his mom to hug him.
She doesn’t though. Instead, she pushes right past him, going straight for me. Next second, she’s up on her toes, throwing her arms around my neck and pulling me down in a fierce hug.
It takes me a good couple seconds to process what the hell’s happening. My arms move before I’ve grasped the situation, wrapping around Nora’s slightly plump frame.
Her eyes are damp and shining when she pulls away, just enough to scan my face before dragging me back in for another hug.
And then it all hits me.
Four years of, “How was school, Myles?”
A place at their dinner table, any night of the week.
Birthday cakes baked specially for me.
The ice packs quietly handed to me when I’d come over limping from the ankle I’d twisted at practice, or when that kid broke my ribs.
Charlie’s dad asking me if I’d seen the ring of mushrooms that had sprouted up in the back yard, or if I’d had a chance to get down to the river yet to check out the year’s salmon run.
I hadn’t just been their son’s friend. As much as I’d let them, they’d made me a part of their family too. I’d just never let myself see it.
“We’ve missed you, sweetheart,” Nora says, giving me one final squeeze before releasing me, and my own eyes prickle with tears.
There’s a lump so thick and tight in my throat that I can’t do anything but nod, hoping she knows what I’m trying to tell her.
Maybe I hadn’t realized it until this moment—between how broken I was over what I’d done to Charlie and the shattered hole his absence left in my life, paired with how I’d always put up so many barriers between his parents and me that I’d never let myself feel the truth of their quiet care, but god, I have missed them.
Frank is next. His hug is briefer than Nora’s, but no less sincere. As he lets me go, his hand lingers on my shoulder for a moment, giving it a squeeze as he looks directly into my eyes. “We’re so glad you’re back, Myles.”
He could mean back from my travels for now. He could mean back in their home, though admittedly, I’ve never been to their Seattle house before. The way his eyes catch and hold mine and the small nod he gives me tell another story though.
Both he and Nora have to know that my plans had been to leave Riverside as soon as I’d sold the house. There’s no way Charlie didn’t tell them this, and I’ve kept my shitty promise to myself. I’m riding out the next couple weeks before telling Charlie what I already know I’ve firmly decided.
I’m not going anywhere.
Even if Charlie goes back to Seattle and doesn’t want me to come with him and the most we can have is a semi-long-distance relationship with weekends together, I’ll take it.
Hell, if Charlie changes his mind and says us being together’s a mistake and he wants to just go back to being friends, I’m still staying.
Riverside isn’t the prison I’d grown up believing it to be.
It never was, and without my dad breathing down my neck with his lifetime’s worth of frustrated ambitions and resentment, I can’t see it for anything but the truth.
It’s a part of me and my favorite place in the world. Always has been, and it always will be.
What matters even more though is that anywhere that’s near enough to Charlie to see him as much as I’m able to is where I belong.
And how the hell Charlie’s dad can know this, I don’t have a clue, but if that look in his eyes is any evidence, he’s every bit as sure of it as I am.