Chapter 13 #2
Instead he just pulls me in close against the pilley-soft front of his faded black tee, reaching up to run his fingers through my hair as I rest my cheek against his shoulder.
I can feel his breath, warm and slightly trembling, as it skims over my forehead, and then he leans in to press a long kiss to my temple.
It’s only because he’s so goddamn nice to hug and his lips are so goddam soft that this feels so…right. It can’t be anything other than that, otherwise I am well and truly fucked, ‘cause I don’t think anything has ever felt as totally perfect as this.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He doesn’t move his lips from my skin, and he doesn’t slow the smoothing of his fingers through my hair as he asks, and I don’t lift my head as I shake it against his shoulder.
Right now, I don’t want a damn thing to change, and if I tell him anything, that’s exactly what’ll happen. What I’ll say if he pushes—
“If you change your mind, I’m here.”
And just like that, at the moment I should be getting a hit of relief that he’s not trying to get an answer out of me, my contrary AF brain is suddenly desperate to unload all the bottled-up shit that would be sure to send him running the instant he heard it.
Instead, I shove it all back down and summon up my sultriest whisper as I turn my head to drag my lips over the pulse point at the base of his throat, all warm and slightly rough with the faintest burn of stubble. “I’ll keep that in mind, sunshine.”
Fuuck but I like the feel of him on my lips. And the way his breath hitches and his hand flexes at the small of my back? Totally takes the edge off those toxic thoughts I’ve spent the whole damn evening wishing I could escape.
Is it healthy that I’m guilty of using sex as a deflection strategy? Probably not. But at least I’m not too proud to admit it to myself. That’s gotta count for something, right?
“But right now…” I close my lips around his skin and suck, just a teensy bit, and he gives me an oh-so-gratifying, full-body shudder.
Only— “Right now it’s late,” he whispers back, his voice low and growly and sexy enough to almost cancel out the highly disappointing fact that now he’s untangling me from where I’d snaked my arms round his neck.
Next moment, he’s free of me, stepping back from the way I was about to shift my hips up to grind against the outline of his cock I could feel going hard against my stomach.
For some reason, the way he’s cutting me off does exactly nothing to tone down the buzz of arousal sparking through me, and it’s all I can do to bite back a whine of protest at the distance he’s put between us.
Fortunately, the unignorable bulge in his pants gives me just enough smug satisfaction to manage it.
“It’s late,” he repeats, and ohhh, but I love the fact that he’s totally telling himself as much as he’s telling me. “And I don’t think it’s a good idea to do anything tonight when neither of us have really thought this through.”
What the fuck is there to think through? But the fact that he thinks there is totally matches that whole brainy-shy vibe he has going on, so, even if it is a serious letdown, it’s also seriously adorable. Which, of course, just has to go and make me want him worse than ever.
There’s no getting around the fact that the uncompromising firmness with which Jesse’s just put me off, even though it’s ridiculously clear that at least some particular parts of him did not want to, has totally thrown me for a loop.
I’m not going to lie and say there isn’t some part of me that doesn’t find him not taking me up on my not-so-subtle offer totally hot—the thrill of the chase and all that, I guess.
The rest of me though? All totally scrambled up by it, ‘cause if he doesn’t want to just get in my pants, what the hell does he want?
And why does knowing that’s not all he wants make me go all weak in the knees? ‘Cause I just can’t seem to trick myself into believing that it’s only that I’m looking forward to the fun of teasing him until he cracks and rails me into next week like I’m pretty damn sure he wants to.
I’m trying, and failing, to wrap my head around what the hell I’m thinking, let alone feeling, when Jesse stifles a yawn. Damn, until just now, the roller-coaster that has been tonight has totally made me forget how late it is. It’s gotta be past two in the morning by now.
And then I remember what he said. That he’d give me his bed while he slept in a chair— “Sleep with me?”
I’d been planning on getting him to anyway. Yeah, whether I want to admit it to myself or not, I really can’t pretend like I don’t want him there with me. Even if sleeping really is all we do.
How I feel about that, I’m definitely not remotely interested in unpacking.
Fortunately, there’s also the way easier to stomach fact that there’s just no way I’m letting him sleep all scrunched up in that lumpy old chair of his. Even if I do have to admit that I hadn’t meant to just blurt the question out like I just did.
Whatever though. The beet-red, what-the-fuck-did-you-just-say face Jesse shoots me is well worth the lack of finesse.
“In your bed,” I smirk, raising an eyebrow that could just as easily mean seriously? as it could be an invitation.
The question is out there now, and he can take it however he wants. I’m sure as hell not planning to be the one to make my meaning any clearer for him. Watching him squirm is just too damn good.
“Just sleep?”
Considering the inhuman color he’s turned, and how his eyes are now jumping back and forth between me and his unmade bed in a way that has me pressing my lips together to keep from laughing out loud, I have to give Jesse props for how level and no-nonsense he keeps his voice.
For all that he asked it like a question, that tone makes it crystal clear that he didn’t mean it to be one.
“Just sleep,” I agree, making up my mind here and now to at least try to be a good boy and stick to my word. Even if I’m not totally convinced he wants me to.
He side-eyes me like he doesn’t quite believe me. And honestly, I can’t really blame him for it. Still, he nods, his throat bobbing in a slow, hard swallow that I fully admit to tracking with gleeful, hungry eyes.
Ooohh, even if I am going to try to be good, tonight is gonna be fun.