Chapter 19
NINETEEN
Tuesday, August 8, 1:15 P.M.
As promised, Noelene didn’t contest Madoc’s petition to remove her parenting hours and the change was granted without fanfare.
“Thanks for making that easy,” Madoc said as he and Noelene headed through Downtown. They’d stopped for coffee at a coffee shop near the courthouse and taken their cups to go. “I know your schedule is packed and coming out to Boston was probably a pain.”
“It’s fine,” Noelene replied. “I’ve been cutting back on the travel overall, so this trip wasn’t a big deal. It’s nice seeing the city again, honestly.”
Her blonde hair was longer than it had been the last time Madoc had seen her, and she had a suntan that gave her a sun-kissed appearance. But the tension in Noelene’s shoulders told Madoc she had a lot on her mind.
“How’s Val?” Noelene asked. “She excited to go back to school?”
“Oh, yes.” Madoc chuckled. “But she’s still digging the summer camp thing. She finished hockey camp last week and started arts and crafts this week, so I expect to have lots of new doodads.”
“Ha. Maybe she’ll make you a much-needed new tie.”
Madoc smiled at the old joke. He didn’t get many opportunities to dress up and had exactly two ties to his name, both almost a decade old. He couldn’t wait to show off the one he was wearing today for Gus though, who would appreciate Madoc’s suit and pale blue dress shirt before peeling them off him piece by piece.
And wow, Madoc could not be thinking such things while he talked to his ex-wife.
Cheeks blazing, he slipped his hand in his pocket and held on to the bee pin Gus’d given him. “How have you been, Noels? Everything going okay?”
“With the not gambling, you mean?” Wariness filtered across Noelene’s face as she exchanged a glance with him. “That’s what you want to know, isn’t it?”
Madoc stomped on an immediate urge to bristle. It felt like forever since he’d had a real conversation with Noelene instead of sniping. But once upon a time, he’d loved the person beside him and she’d loved him back. Noelene had been completely supportive while Madoc’d found his feet in emergency medicine and stepped up for him every time his parents had let him down. She was still doing her part even now to look out for Madoc and Valerie through child support, a responsibility she’d never once complained about.
“I wondered about the gambling at first,” he admitted, “but you said you were clean, and I believed you.”
Some of the brittle attitude Noelene had wrapped herself in fell away. “Why? We both know I’ve made your life hell.”
“Yes.” Madoc frowned. “It’s not easy for me to be around you, and I’ll never understand why you left Val and me the way you did. I still want you to be all right, Noels. Safe and well and all that.”
Remorse flared in Noelene’s eyes. “I want that for you too. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I took off on you like that.”
“It was a shitty time for me,” Madoc acknowledged, “particularly with Tarek gone too. But I got lucky and had help from my partner, Gus.”
“Tarek mentioned Gus has been around.”
“Did he now?”
Noelene smiled slightly. “Yes. So, I know about Gus’s leg. But I also already knew him from Station 1.”
Right.
Madoc fought an urge to squirm. It was … weird talking about Gus like he was only a work buddy and nothing more. Maybe because Madoc had traded lying about his marriage having imploded for hiding that he was screwing around with a guy he considered one of his best buds.
“Gus still helps me with the kid-sitting sometimes when Clea or Tarek can’t,” Madoc said. “He’s picking Val up from camp today, actually.”
“I’ll bet she likes that. When I met him that one time, Gus had a black cat that liked to ride on his shoulder—Val took one look at them and boom, I may as well have not even been there.”
Isn’t that what you wanted?
Madoc swallowed past the instant heat that flooded his face. Noelene was probably just trying to keep things light. But Madoc’s and Valerie’s lives had started to change that early May afternoon and now so much was different. Thanks in part to Gus who’d put in too many hours being there for his Bug and for Madoc to be dismissed with a joke.
“Gus is good with Val. To her and me.” Madoc watched amusement fade from Noelene's face. “I don’t know if I’d have gotten through the last couple of months without him.”
“I’m sorry it came to that.”
“So am I. But I’m not looking for apologies, Noels. I just want to know how you’ve been doing. The note you left when you took off scared me a little.”
“It scared me to write it.” Noelene fixed her gaze on the sidewalk before them as they walked. “I feel less … desperate these days, I suppose. But also like nothing in my life fits anymore. I look around and it’s like everyone is speaking a language I don’t understand, and I’m on the outside of everything.”
Unease prickled up Madoc’s spine. Gus’d said something similar a few days ago about losing his leg and feeling like his life hadn’t fit him. Noelene was describing feelings that sounded a lot like detachment, however, which raised all sorts of red flags.
“So, you’re not okay, huh?” Madoc asked, glad when Noelene immediately looked back up at him.
“No. When I was gambling, I could forget that I’d stopped feeling good about things I’d always loved. But it hit me this summer during one of my trips that I treat work the same way now. I use it to feel normal, whatever that means, and I know the behavior isn’t healthy.
“So, I’m taking some time off. I found a little house in a resort town in Maine to rent, and I have a therapist who’s helping me get a handle on … whatever this is.” Noelene gestured to her own head. “I know it’ll sound weird, but I like talking to someone who doesn’t already know my whole story.”
“I get that.” Again, Madoc’s thoughts turned to his partner. “Gus is the guy I spill my guts to,” he said. “Turns out he’s an excellent listener.”
And my best friend.
Gus made Madoc laugh and think and feel heard. Like he was truly himself in so many ways. But more than anything, Gus gave Madoc support and space to fall apart and when they were together, Madoc felt like he had someone who was focused solely on him and what he wanted for the first time in years. And damn, Madoc was into it. Basking under Gus’s attentions in and out of bed when it was just the two of them with no outside distractions. Watching Gus’s gaze take on an intensity that made Madoc’s heart ache in the sweetest way.
Things were more complicated now that they were back on the truck together, especially with Tarek acting so cold toward everyone but Valerie and pissed off any time Gus was around. Madoc continued finding ways to steal time with Gus away from work when he could anyway, needing to be close to Gus despite the hours they spent together on the truck. He was going to have to figure out what the fuck to do about Tarek’s terrible attitude too, because it wasn’t fair for Gus to get shit on when Tarek’s anger should have been directed at Madoc and Noelene.
Yet here and now, Madoc couldn’t admit to any of that.
“You’re a good listener, too,” Noelene said. “Definitely better at it than my brother.”
“Tarek’s too furious to listen, I think.” Madoc shrugged. “But he’s also hurting, and I don’t know how to make it better. Not sure he’ll ever forgive me for changing your custody.”
“He’ll have to since I agreed to the change,” Noelene replied. “I think T believes he needs to take sides, and by taking mine, he’s being a good brother. But that’s not what I need or want to happen. And it isn’t right for him to be angry at you or anyone else when I’m the one who walked out.”
Brow furrowed, she turned to Madoc. “Do you mind if I head back to his place? I think it’d be good for both of us to talk in person for a change and I can pick up some more of my stuff while I’m there.”
“Sure,” Madoc said. “Gus and Val are making dinner at my place, so I’ll walk you up on my way.”
Nodding, Noelene ran her teeth over her bottom lip. “Should I … talk to her?”
“She doesn’t want to see you.” Madoc kept his voice neutral. “Val knows we had court today and why, and I floated the idea of a visit if it was something she wanted. But Val said she didn’t want to see you and I told her that was okay. She needs space, Noels, the same way you need it from us, and I want to respect that.”
“Of course.” Noelene hummed quietly. “I’m glad she knows what she wants. That she can talk to you and knows you’ll listen.”
A familiar pain settled over Madoc. People often told him that Valerie was his Mini-Me, what with her curly hair and features that were a near match to his own. But Madoc always saw his ex in his daughter’s intelligent brown eyes, so like the ones Noelene turned on him now.
“I’m better with listening some days than others,” he said to her. “But I’ll always try.”
Gus and Valerie were just leaving the Frog Pond wading pool on Boston Common when Gus’s phone chimed with the message he’d been waiting for.
Court was good, home around 5.
Gus tucked his phone away. The news wasn’t unexpected when Madoc had said all along that Noelene agreed with the removal of her parenting hours. The custody change would bring Madoc peace of mind, however, and maybe do the same for Valerie.
“All right, miss.” Gus caught the Bug’s eye under the brim of her purple Sox cap. “What do you think about making the lettuce cups you like for dinner tonight?”
Valerie skipped beside him. She’d put the flowered sundress she’d worn that day back on over her bathing suit and the spots that had gotten damp were already almost dry. “There’s porks in them, right?”
Gus nodded; pigs, porks, close enough. “You fold them up like tacos, remember? And we can make peanut noodles to go with them.”
“Ooh, yum. Can we make popsicles?”
“Great idea! I’m sure we can find stuff in your kitchen to make yummy fruity-toot popsicles.”
“Yes!” Valerie grabbed onto Gus’s hand. “Is Uncle T gonna eat with us?”
Ugh.
With noodles and a salad, Gus could definitely stretch the food they had to feed four. He was feeling kind of ragged today though, thanks to not sleeping well, and wasn’t sure he had patience to deal with Tarek’s shittastic attitude.
“I’m not sure what Tarek’s doing tonight, hon,” he said with a smile, “but there will be plenty for everyone if he decides to drop by.”
Back at the apartment, Valerie changed into shorts and a pajama top, and once Gus’d gotten her hair into order, they worked together to prep their meal and tuck it all away in the refrigerator. They were in the midst of a drawing project when the front door opened and closed, but it was Tarek who strode in rather than Madoc, and Gus quickly schooled his expression.
“Valley Girl, hey!” Tarek called out with a grin that had Valerie setting her pencil down.
“Hi, Uncle T!”
She raced over, throwing herself at Tarek the way she often did her dad, and giggling when he engulfed her in his patented bear hug.
“Do you wanna eat dinner with us?” she asked her uncle. “Me and Gus are making lettuce cups with porks and noodles and there’s fruity-toot popsicles.”
Tarek looked impressed. “That all sounds yummy and yes, I’d love to have dinner with you and your dad. After I show you something upstairs.”
“Like a surprise?”
“Yes, a surprise, and I think you’re going to like it a lot!”
Tarek bussed her cheek loudly and scored some more giggles, but Gus thought something felt off. Madoc hadn’t mentioned a kid-sitting hand-off to Gus for this evening, and nothing about a ‘surprise’ showing up out of the blue.
After Tarek had set Valerie down and she sprinted off to grab her shoes, Gus stood and walked out from around the table. “Hey, Tarek? Madoc didn’t tell me you’d be picking up Val.”
For the first time since he’d walked in the door, Tarek looked at Gus. And ugh, he looked annoyed and annoyingly good at the same time, all stern Viking with the beard and artfully tousled hair that somehow worked with the stupid expensive workout gear he liked to sport.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” Tarek said. “But I don’t need your permission to spend time with my niece.”
That hit Gus oddly. Because he had his marching orders from the guy whose opinion about Valerie mattered most. And then Tarek looked Gus up and down, gaze lingering several seconds too long on his prosthesis, and Gus went from feeling tired, rumpled, and sweaty to pissed the fuck off in two seconds flat.
“Val’s staying here,” he said to Tarek. “At least until Madoc gets home or I hear otherwise.”
Tarek rolled his eyes hard. “Bruh, are you hearing yourself? You have no say here. If I want to take my niece upstairs to see her parents, I will.”
Parents? But that had to mean …
Gus frowned. “Madoc didn’t say anything about Noelene coming back here.”
“Why would he?” Tarek scoffed. “It’s none of your business what my sister does, including a move back to Boston.”
“She’s not coming back,” Valerie said from behind Gus.
She was by the door of her room when Gus looked over, a purple high-top sneaker in each hand. Valerie’s focus was on Gus though, and her expression stonier than he’d ever seen it.
“Daddy talked to the judge today,” she said. “An’ he told her Noelene doesn’t want to live here anymore.”
“I know he did, Bug—” Gus started, only for Tarek to cut him off.
“That isn’t true,” Tarek said, sounding terse. “Your mom does want to live here, and you shouldn’t be calling her by her first name, because that’s very rude.”
“I don’t care.” Eyes narrowing, Valerie’s chin came up in a defiant tilt Gus recognized. “Daddy said I don’t have to see her if I don’t want to, because he is the parent who makes the decisions and keeps me safe.”
Tarek’s frowned deepened. “Valerie?—”
“No!” Valerie’s voice got louder with every word. “I don’t want to see Noelene and you’re not gonna make me! She’s not coming back!”
Whoa.
Brushing past a stunned-looking Tarek, Gus walked up to Valerie, only for her to back up several steps and put herself out of his reach, a move that had Gus’s jaw dropping.
She didn’t think he’d force her to leave the apartment … did she?
Gus took a knee to get himself on Valerie’s level. “Hon, you don’t have to go anywhere,” he assured her. “We’ll just stay here and wait for your daddy to get home.”
“Her dad is home and upstairs with her mom,” Tarek muttered, acid in his tone and damn it, Gus wished the guy would shut the hell up for a minute.
Regardless of where Noelene planned to live going forward, her parenting hours had been removed by the court and she couldn’t come back like nothing had happened, regardless of what her lump of a brother might want.
“C’mon, Val.” Tarek’s voice had turned coaxing. “You know it’s up to us to make sure your mom’s feeling good. You and your dad and me are responsible for her and?—”
“No, I’m not,” Valerie snapped. “Gus said I’m not ruh-sponsible for other people’s feelings!”
“Yeah, well Gus is wrong.”
The edge in Tarek’s voice raised Gus’s hackles. The big fucker had come around to Gus’s right side and his eyes were blazing when Gus looked up at him.
“In this family, we take care of the people we love, and that includes your mom,” Tarek said. “Now put on your shoes so we can go upstairs and see her.”
“No!” Valerie stomped one bare foot. “I’m not going!”
“No one’s going to make you go anywhere,” Gus said, hands up as he tried to make himself heard.
Valerie was beyond reason, however, and kept right on with the yelling. “Yes, you are! You’re gonna make me go because you’re stupid and so is Uncle T and I hate you, hate you, hate you!!”
Without warning, she hurled her shoes, arms swinging wildly. One shoe flew off to Gus’s right, narrowly missing Tarek, while the other skimmed the left side of Gus’s head and caught his ear with enough force to sting like a motherfucker, heat and bite radiating immediately under Gus’s skin.
Fucking ow .
Gobsmacked, Gus lost his balance and went sprawling forward before catching himself with his hands. Fire exploded in his left ear, though he heard Valerie’s gasp perfectly as well as a door behind him slamming shut. And then Madoc was there, crouched beside Gus, his big, shocked eyes asking the same question that was flashing through Gus’s own mind.
What the fuck was that?