Chapter 6 #2
She removed her bloomers and then lay down, lifting the front of her dress above her waist, exposing herself.
He unbuttoned his pants and released his member, then knelt before her.
“You are so beautiful.”
He entered her and made love to her. Never forgetting her need, he reached between them, and touched her, sending her soaring to the moon and back.
She heard him groan and give one last thrust before collapsing on top of her and burying his face in her neck. Breathing hard they both lay there.
Finally, Ben got up straightened his clothes and held out his hand to her. She grasped it and he pulled her up into his arms. He lowered his head and kissed her.
“I didn’t mean for that to happen. I can’t seem to maintain control around you. When we have a chance, a moment to ourselves, I want to make love to you.”
She stepped away and pulled on her bloomers.
“You don’t find me objecting, do you? Of course not. I like making love to you as much as you do to me.”
She turned her back to him.
“Brush me off would you please?”
He brushed the loose bits of hay from the back of her dress and hair.
“Am I presentable? You know if there is one piece of hay your mother will notice it.”
“I know. Have I thanked you for putting up with her?”
She turned and faced him.
“You don’t have to thank me. She’s your mother. It’s only right that I do my best to deal with her. Though, I admit, she pushes the boundary of what I can accept. One of these days she’ll say something and I’ll slap her.”
She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.
“I’m sorry that’s a terrible thing to say, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to help myself.”
“I understand,” he said in a serious tone. “And I’ll be waiting for the day she tells me you tried to kill her because you slapped her.”
“Now you’ve got it. But I will continue to maintain my temper as best I can.
Sally was right. I do have a lot of patience.
I had to have in order to deal with the children and their parents, when I was a governess.
Even so, I’m not sure I have enough to deal with your mother. She truly does vex me.”
They hooked arms and walked back to the house.
“In your last governess position, you were fired, correct?”
“Yes.”
“I inherited my family ranch. I don’t know what happens when one is fired. What comes next?”
“That depends on the circumstances. In this instance, I was the one who was wronged and I let her know it when she didn’t want to pay me for the last month I was there.
I told her if she did not, she’d never get another governess because I would tell everyone I knew exactly what happened.
She paid me for my silence. From there I went to my friend Sally Wyatt’s to stay until I could find another job.
She convinced me that I should become your mail-order bride.
She said I was the perfect wife for you. Had all the attributes you wanted.”
“She was right. You do and you are.”
“I’m glad you think so. Thank you for today. All of today. Are we really going to Maggie’s for dinner tomorrow?”
He smiled.
“Yes, we really are.”
“I’ll have to make sure my dresses are pressed.”
“Why don’t you just press the one you are planning on wearing?”
“What if I change my mind or the weather changes?”
He rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“Whatever. Let’s get you back to the house.”
“You don’t have to walk me. I know the way.”
“I like walking with you.”
“You do?”
“Yes. I do.”
She leaned into him, happiness flooding her along with a fear.
She was starting to fall in love with her husband, but what if he didn’t feel the same way?
Could she handle living in a loveless marriage.
But was it really loveless? They certainly made love often enough.
Would physical attraction be enough to sustain them?
“Ben?”
“Hmm.”
“When I learn how to ride better will you take me on a picnic into the hills?”
“Sure. There’s a place not too far from here where you can look out and see the whole valley all the way to Denver.”
“Really?” She smiled. “It sounds amazing.”
“The view is beautiful.”
She looked up to find him watching her.
“Ben?”
He stopped, cupped her face and kissed her. An amazing, sweet and sensual kiss that had her wanting to find another bed of hay.
After a minute, he pulled back. “You are so beautiful, I never thought I’d get so lucky.”
She smiled up at him. “That’s nice of you to say, but I’m the one who’s lucky. I got a handsome husband to care for me, teach me and maybe even love me some day.”
Ben stiffened and pulled back.
“I can give you many things. Love isn’t one of them. I loved once and my love was thrown back in my face. I won’t have that happen again.”
He backed away.
“You were right. You know the way to the house. I’ll see you later.”
Turning he walked back toward the barn from whence they came.
Emily wondered what she’d done wrong. How could he say he’d never love her?
She knew they’d only been married for a short time, but wasn’t it too soon to say he wouldn’t ever love her?
And why did the prospect of living her life without her husband’s love make her want to cry? This wasn’t a love match anyway.
Taking a deep breath she went to the house to iron her dresses.
Why had Ben shut her down like that? She wasn’t the one at fault. Melissa is the one who’d hurt him. That was just the point. He’d never be put in a position again where someone could hurt him or treat him the way she had.
Emily isn’t Melissa. She’s kind, gentle, patient and she’s already married me, she can’t leave me like Melissa did.
His conscience told him he was wrong about this one.
Emily was special. He’d hurt her. He hadn’t meant to but she needed to know where things stood so she didn’t get her heart hurt any further.
She wanted to go on a picnic. He smiled at the thought of Emily in breeches.
They looked good on her and showed every curve.
He wasn’t sure he wanted anyone besides him seeing her curves then realized that was ridiculous.
He was proud of his wife and liked to show her off.
He may not love her but he sure as heck liked her a lot.
Sunday morning arrived with a beautiful red, orange and yellow sunrise. Emily stopped on her way back to the house from the chicken coop to watch it for a moment.
Ben watched her, mesmerized by how she looked at the sun, her arm up to shade her eyes from the bright yellow light. Her pale hair forming a halo around her head. She looked like the angel she was. Wearing the same dress as yesterday. He supposed she would change clothes after breakfast.
About ten o’clock Emily came downstairs in a lavender dress. It had a small bustle with a large bow on top. The bow hung down on either side. The front of the dress had buttons up the bodice to a neckline that was a bit lower than he liked. He didn’t want anyone to see her but him.
She looked down at him as she descended the stairs.
Head held high and back straight, she was positively regal.
“You look beautiful.”
She gave him a small curtsy.
“Thank you, kind sir. You clean up pretty good, yourself.”
He looked down at his dress wool pants and clean chambray shirt. Nothing was special about it, but if she liked the way he looked, that was all right with him.
“Are you ready?”
“I am. I should probably take my coat.”
He nodded. “Yes, definitely. Never go anywhere in Colorado Territory without a coat. You never know when the weather will change and catch you unawares.”
“How long will it take to get to the Black’s ranch?”
Her words were clipped and she didn’t seem as excited as she was yesterday.
“About an hour. Their place is only about five miles from here.”
“Did your mother give you a hard time when you told her we were going?”
“No. She would have if you weren’t along, but since you’re coming, she doesn’t want to go. Please don’t take this the wrong way, though I don’t know how else you could take it except as she intended, but she’d rather not go anywhere with you since it’s obvious that I prefer your company to hers.”
“You do? I’m glad. I wasn’t too sure lately.”
They stood in the kitchen and Ben got their coats.
“About that, I may have stated my feelings in a poor manner. I had no reason to hurt you and I know I did. But you took me unawares. I didn’t realize that you were having those feelings for me.
I don’t want you to fall in love with me.
I want us to be friends, but I don’t believe I can give you more than that. ”
She put on her gloves and then he helped her with her coat. “I understand. You are allowed to have your beliefs no matter how misguided they are.”
“Misguided? Why do you say that?”
“If we start discussing that now, we’ll never get to the Black’s house.”
“We have an hour to discuss nothing else on the ride there.”
They walked out and he helped her into the buggy. Then he got in beside her, picked up the reins and released the brake.
“Giddy up, now.”
He slapped the reins on the horse’s butts.
“Giddy up.”
After they got out of the ranch yard and onto the road away from Golden toward Boulder, Ben turned toward Emily.
“Now tell me why I’m misguided.”
“Very well. Just because you were hurt by this Melissa person doesn’t mean that every woman will hurt you. I’ll never hurt you if I can help it, just as I know you won’t hurt me on purpose.”
“That’s true. I never meant to hurt you yesterday. I simply stated a fact.”
“As you know it now. I intend to change your opinion so that what you said to me is no longer fact.”
The breeze moved his hair and she reached up and combed it back with her fingers.
Ben smiled.
“And how do you propose to do that?”
“I’m going to wear you down. You can’t help but fall in love with me.”
He laughed but sobered quickly.
“Trust me. That’s not possible. A person doesn’t go through what I did without changing. I changed.”
She put her hand on Ben’s knee.
“What happened to you is terrible, but I’m glad it happened, or you wouldn’t have married me. I’m happy to be married to you…despite your mother.”
Ben raised an eyebrow.
“But? I hear a ‘but’ coming.”
“No, buts. I’m happy. I hope we’ll have children right away.
I want babies of my own. I was the oldest child in the orphanage and there were always babies and little ones to care for.
I miss that. I enjoyed being a governess because of the children.
Most were good, but ignored by their parents. They just wanted someone to love them.”
“I’m not one of your children. I’m not looking for someone to love me.”
“Don’t be silly. Of course, you are. We all are. That is a fundamental need along with food, clothing and shelter. We all need love to flourish.”
“I have all the love I need. My mother loves me, such as it is, and Jane loves me. I don’t need or want you to love me.”
She looked forward, sat up straight and put her hands in her lap.
“Very well. If it is your desire that I don’t love you, I won’t. Never let it be said that I give you something you don’t want.”
He gave her a sidelong glance.
“I feel like I’m missing something.”
“You’ll know when the time is right. I’m an optimist. I prefer to see the glass as half full. You are the kind of person who sees the glass as half empty.”
“Well, it is half empty. You’re just confusing things.”
They pulled off the road to the long drive that took them to the Black’s ranch.
“Tell me what I need to know. It’s Maggie and Caleb. What are their children’s names?”
“Katy and Larry.”
“How old are they?”
“I don’t know for sure. Katy is probably ten or eleven, Larry is three and they have a baby that is a few months old. A girl I think, name of Anne.”
“Oh, a baby. How wonderful.”
Ben shook his head.
Emily continued to smile.