Chapter 26
TWENTY-SIX
Happiness is indeed in the bath that they take two days later in the Ledwell’s master bathroom, unwilling to wait until their weekend in Devon.
Happiness is also in the park, where Loris draws his father’s spot while Charles translates out loud parts of The Mind of Wonders in Italian.
It’s in the giant platter of nachos they share with Phoebe, Aliah and Andres, and in the banter Charles actively partakes in all evening.
It’s in the Tottenham match Loris agrees to watch, and in every goal Charles misses, way more interested in the action he can get on the sofa.
Happiness is even at the office, the morning Clifford announces that they won’t do business with the Milton-worshipper client in the end.
Charles is spiralling up, in a bubble so thick, he’s confident he would bounce back in case of a sudden tailspin.
Which might never occur, because Loris keeps on finding new ways to dig his dimples.
Charles slides closer on the restaurant bench seat and snatches Loris’ phone to enlarge the digital sketch on the screen. ‘This is incredible!’
‘I applied my usual style to the picture you sent, but I could attempt something new.’
‘No, this is exactly what I had in mind. This guy is Theo!’
‘Theo?’
‘Theodore was his middle name. I’m trying it out.’
Loris rubs his lips together. ‘We should stick with Fred.’
‘Why?’
‘I think you’re gonna regret it in the long run if we don’t.’
‘I was afraid you were about to bring up an ex called Theo… Yes, you’re probably right. But to be clear, when you say “long run”, you mean when we’ll top the UK book charts and talk about our creative process on TV?’
‘Totally.’
Charles spirals three floors higher and hardly resists kissing Loris. It’s unlikely anyone knows him in this Camden pizzeria, but he can’t risk it.
He would, if it were up to him. When Loris is wearing his blue low-neck jumper, Charles would confront shocked acquaintances with a ‘Oh, please. As if you’d turn him down!
’ When Loris wears red as well. Black or white.
His mocking smirk, his childish grin or his heart on his sleeve.
Every moment they spend together lowers Charles’ worried reserve and increases his desire to boast about his luck.
Hopefully, he will get the green light tonight. If Elsy ever shows up.
Loris laces their fingers under the table. ‘I’m gonna ask Patty for old pictures of the pub.’
‘And don’t forget to ask her about the moustached horseman.’
‘You weren’t joking?’
‘This is a story about lonely painted souls escaping their frames. If the pub becomes the haunt where they plan art heists, the man who’s portrayed there should be involved. Oh, and could you also check with Patty that Saturday is still—’
‘I’m sooooo sorry!’
They clench their pint glasses a split second before Elsy lets herself fall in front of them in the booth, swinging her handbag over the table in the process.
‘I had to see Chris to inform him that we won’t hook up anymore, and we hooked up again. Forgive me.’ She fixes her hair and flutters her eyelashes. ‘Hello, Loris. I’m delighted to officially meet you. And to understand why I remember hitting on you the day we unofficially met.’
Loris grabs the hand she’s presenting palm down. ‘Hello, Elsy.’
‘And hello, darling.’
Charles pushes himself up to kiss her cheek. ‘You’re forgiven, but why can’t you hook up with Chris anymore?’
‘We’re in the same class. No way to avoid him when he’ll inevitably fall in love with me.’
‘I see…’
Charles doesn’t bite his teasing smile fast enough to escape a slap on his arm.
When a waitress approaches, Elsy orders a large glass of vodka with a shot of apple juice in it, then points a severe finger at Loris. ‘Are you taking notes? She didn’t ask for my ID. I remember that too!’
‘Elsy holds grudges against people who think she’s young.’
‘But let’s be real, Loris. You didn’t truly believe I was underage. You just wanted to annoy me, because this gorgeous man suddenly had a gorgeous woman by his side.’
‘Sorry, Els, he’s not the kind of guy who tells you what you want to hear to—’
‘I totally wanted to annoy you.’
‘I knew it.’
‘You did?’
Charles looks at Loris who shrugs offhandedly.
‘You were done with your writing, so I was about to subtly chat you up when she joined you and ruined my plans.’
‘You never told me that.’
‘You never asked.’
‘And I’m never wrong! Now, before we get into all the naughty thoughts you instantly had about each other, let’s be serious for a minute.’ Elsy takes her phone out. ‘It’s in my drafts, ready to be sent when we leave the restaurant. But are you sure, Chips?’
She shows them a message: ‘Are you still up?’ followed by three crying cats.
‘Six hundred percent sure.’
Loris frowns. ‘Crying cats?’
‘This emoji is our code for “I really need to sob on your shoulder”. Catriona can power through emotional support sessions in times of crisis—’
‘Her mother.’
‘—but she requests a heads-up. I’ll send three cats, because I got dumped by my future husband, it’s bad. But you realise she’ll text Alice the minute I leave her alone?’
‘It’s alright. Are you sticking with “he didn’t say but I think there’s someone else”?’
‘Yes, no specifics. Unless you’ve changed your mind?’
‘No. I’d rather not be outed to my mother by a late-night message from yours. But tell your trusted friends. About Loris. So they’ll be aware when the news starts rippling, as you requested.’
‘Already?’
‘I don’t think I can take the secrecy much longer. We haven’t made out today, this is torture. Look! My skin is very dry, my hair all flat, and I’m sure species are going extinct all over the planet because of it!’
Elsy presses her palm against her chest. ‘Straight from my over-the-top outburst playbook, I’m so proud.
Thank you.’ She smiles at the waitress who’s just delivered her drink, then raises it between them.
‘Let’s toast! To the end of the greatest fake relationship the world ever saw.
Or didn’t see, rather. And! To the best-looking new couple in town! ’
‘You and Chris?’
‘Oi!’
Elsy slaps Charles’ arm again – an attack he uses as a pretext to nuzzle in the hollow of Loris’ neck.
It must have been past the Ledwells’ bedtime when Catriona texted Alice, because she only contacts Charles in the morning.
He’s crawling back under Loris’ duvet after a sluggish trip to the bathroom when his mother’s message appears on his phone screen.
06:42 ALICE L. What have you done, Charles? Come home tonight, we will talk and fix this.
The vision of Alice, all worked up and trying to hide it from Milton, is equally satisfying and irritating.
06:44 I’ll pass. I heard reviews of your previous attempts at self-interested couple counselling, they weren’t great.
Loris growls and curls up, his back turned to him. ‘What’you doing?’
‘Sorry.’
Charles locks his phone and tosses it onto the bedside table. He lies down against Loris to kiss his shoulder blade, his fingers caressing his torso.
‘What’you think you doing now?’
‘Morning...’
‘It’s not. Back off.’
‘It must be noon in some countries. You tell me, you’re the time zone expert.’
‘Am ready to use extreme violence, Charles.’
‘Alright, alright, but you can’t blame a guy for—’
Loris shakes his head, growling again. Charles laughs into his hair and rests his hand on his abdomen.
He won’t get back to sleep. Instead, he will count down the minutes to his work alarm, set early enough to allow for morning fondling.
His favourite ticking clock.
***
‘What are you thinking about?’
Charles scrunches his eyes. His sight is a bit blurry after ten minutes staring at the splashes of white and grey paint framed on the wall of Patty’s living room.
What was he thinking about? He just travelled all around Charland, without really stopping anywhere. But Liv, sitting next to him on the sofa, mostly wants to know if he’s alright, so he smiles, in case his look gave a different impression.
‘I was wondering… how I would have told Fred about Loris.’
‘You don’t doubt he would have been supportive, do you?’
‘No. It’s me. It’s hard to assess who I’d be if he were still here.’
‘Yes, I get that.’
Charles squeezes her hand. ‘What were you thinking about?’
‘Our first kiss...’
‘When was that?’
‘During a high-society Ledwell party at your place. The Downeses weren’t invited, but Fred told me to come anyway.
He wanted to see how long it’d take for your mother to spot me and have a conniption fit.
When I texted him I was out front, he joined me.
We could hear the chamber music played inside by a quartet, so we started waltzing, very badly, for fun.
But somehow, the vibe changed. Suddenly, we were holding each other very close, nothing else existed, and he kissed me.
My heart kissed him back, but my brain, not so much.
“What are you doing, girl? Since when do you kiss Fred? Are you meant to kiss Fred?” Then I looked back into his eyes and, yes, I was meant to… And, yes, I’m aware I’m being corny.’
‘You’re not.’
Charles didn’t chuckle at her words, but at the mention of a very relatable mind storm due to a kiss.
‘Spencer and I saw you that night, slow dancing in the driveway. He made smooching noises, so I called him an idiot, said you guys were friends and dragged him away. But today, I’m not sure what to make of those instances when Spencer was so ingenuously right.
I might have to take him more seriously. ’
‘How often is he plain wrong, though? George said he ruined his date with a med student because he believed the clever thing to do was to offer to get high on his leg painkillers.’
‘Strong argument in favour of forever shushing him.’
‘What did I say?’ George asks, pushing the kitchen door from ajar to open.
‘Eavesdropping much?’
‘My “me” radar is extra sensitive. Unlike Charles’, clearly, because I’ve just spilled all the tea. Including what happened at the infamous Phil’s birthday party.’