Chapter 9
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— Lilac —
The moment I walked through the door, I knew something was wrong.
Graham was sitting at the kitchen table.
That wasn’t unusual. He’d been a fixture in our lives since the boys were born, showing up every few months to check on us, fix things around the house, slip Betty money he claimed was “just extra.” He was like an uncle to Luca and Knox, the closest thing to family we had besides Betty.
But the way he and Betty stopped talking the instant they heard my key in the lock? The careful, almost guilty expressions on their faces?
My bag slipped from my shoulder, hitting the floor with a thud. “What’s wrong?” My voice came out high, panicked. “Are the boys okay?”
“The boys are fine. They’re upstairs watching cartoons.” Betty stood and guided me to a chair, her hand firm on my elbow. “Sit down, sweetheart. Graham has something to tell you.”
My knees gave out before I made the conscious choice to sit. I gripped the edge of the table, knuckles white, and looked between them. Graham’s face was pale, his hands clasped tight in front of him. He looked like a man about to confess something terrible.
“You’re scaring me.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Graham took a breath. “Lilac, I need to tell you something I should have told you years ago. About who you were, and the man you married.”
My hands started trembling, and I shoved them under my thighs to hide the shaking. “What are you talking about?”
“We went to see Colt,” Graham said. “At the MC. I told them everything.”
My stomach dropped so fast I thought I might be sick. “Everything?” The word came out as a whisper.
“Everything they needed to know.” Graham leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “Lilac, I need you to understand something. Colt. He’s not your enemy. He never was.”
I shook my head. “He’s been terrorizing me—”
“Because he believed you’d betrayed him.” Graham held up a hand when I started to protest. “I’m not excusing it. What he did was wrong. But he spent seven years thinking you’d cheated on him, stolen his money, and abandoned him without a word. His own club brothers told him that lie.”
“Why would they lie about something like that?”
Graham’s expression darkened. “To cover up what really happened that night. The night you were hurt.”
I felt the familiar wall go up in my mind—the one that protected me from the black hole where my memories should be. “I don’t want to know.”
“Are you sure?” Graham studied my face. “I can tell you. All of it. What happened, who did it, why they covered it up. You have a right to know.”
I thought about it. Really thought about it, for the first time in years.
Did I want to know what had put me in a coma? Did I want to know what violence had been done to my body, what trauma my mind had mercifully blocked out?
“No.” The word came out steady, certain. “Whatever happened that night… my mind protected me from it for a reason. I don’t need those memories. I don’t want them.”
Graham nodded slowly. “I understand.”
“But I do want to know about… before.” I twisted my hands in my lap. “About Colt. About who we were together. Was I—” I had to force the words out. “Was I like them? Cold and cruel? Part of that gang mentality?”
“God, no.” Graham’s response was immediate, almost fierce. “Lilac, you were the sweetest person I ever met. You’d bring food to the clubhouse for everyone, remember the prospects’ names when half the patched members couldn’t be bothered. You were kind to me when nobody else was.”
I felt tears prick my eyes. “Then why did I marry someone who could be so… so hateful?”
“He wasn’t. Not to you, not ever.” Graham’s voice softened. “I was there, Lilac. I saw you two together. Colt worshiped the ground you walked on. His whole face would light up when you walked into a room. He’d talk about buying a house, starting a family, growing old together.”
I tried to reconcile this with the man I’d seen at the grocery store. The man who’d cornered me outside the school with hatred burning in his eyes.
“He was different with you,” Graham continued. “Gentle. Patient. He’d do anything you asked without question. The other guys used to tease him about it—called him whipped, said you’d made him soft. He didn’t care. He’d just smile and say you were worth it.”
“What changed?” I whispered.
“He was lied to. His own brothers—men he trusted with his life—told him you’d been cheating. That you’d stolen from him and run off. They forged your signature on divorce papers while you were in a coma. He had no reason not to believe them.”
“So for seven years, he thought…”
“That you’d destroyed him. That everything you’d shared was a lie.” Graham met my eyes. “And then he saw you here. The woman he’d first loved and then hated for seven years, standing there with two kids, pretending not to know him. Can you imagine what that must have felt like?”
I could. That was the terrible thing—I could imagine it. If I’d spent seven years believing someone had betrayed me, and then they showed up acting like I was a stranger…
“It doesn’t excuse what he did,” I said.
“No. It doesn’t.” Graham agreed. “But maybe it explains it. And maybe…” He hesitated. “He’s not the monster you think he is. He’s just a man who was broken by a lie, the same way you were broken by what happened that night.”
We sat in silence for a long moment. I could hear the boys upstairs, the thump of footsteps as they moved around their room. My sons. His sons. Our sons.
“He knows about the boys,” Betty said. “That they’re his.”
“What did he say?” My voice cracked.
“He fell apart.” Graham’s voice was rough with emotion. “He’s devastated, Lilac. Years of their lives, gone. And he can never get that back.”
Something broke inside me. I thought about Luca and Knox—about bedtime stories and scraped knees and first days of school. Knox’s first word. Luca’s first step. Every birthday, every Halloween, every Christmas morning. All the moments that made up a childhood.
Colt had missed every single one. Because of a lie.
“What happens now?” I asked.
Betty and Graham exchanged a look.
“That’s up to you,” Betty said. “He wants to see you. To apologize, to meet the boys properly. But only if you’re willing.”
“And if I’m not?”
“We’ll make sure he keeps his distance.” Graham’s voice was firm. “You don’t owe him anything, Lilac. Whatever you decide, I’ll make sure he respects it.”
I pushed back from the table so fast the chair legs scraped against the floor. I couldn’t sit still anymore—couldn’t contain the chaos swirling inside me. I walked to the window and pressed my forehead against the glass.
Outside, the street looked normal. Normal houses, normal lives, normal families. None of them knew that my entire existence had just been turned upside down.
A week ago, I’d been a single mother with no past. Now I had a husband I didn’t remember, sons who were suddenly someone else’s too, and a history I was only beginning to understand.
My hands pressed flat against the window frame, anchoring me. “I need time,” I said finally, my breath fogging the glass. “To think. To process.”
“Take all the time you need.” Betty rose and came to stand beside me. “Whatever you decide, we’ll support you.”
I nodded, but my mind was spinning. Graham’s words kept echoing. His whole face would light up when you walked into a room.
Somewhere underneath the angry, hateful man I’d encountered was the person I’d married. The person I’d loved enough to build a life with.
I just didn’t know if that person still existed. Or if I had the courage to find out.